[willowtan]

surprise surprise, i have not died </3

o-willow-waly here. A few weeks ago I woke up to find my original blog suddenly deleted. I've tried to contact tumblr support about it since, but...let's just say I don't have much hope, since they haven't reached out to me after an initial email over a month ago. Main blog where i am saner (although by very little) is mentioned in my bio incase something similar happens to this one as well.

This blog discusses CSA and chronic illness. Mainly reblogs and posts where I feel I can add my two cents. I'm here because I have many questions and some answers, and also to dump the stuff I don't want on my main. Be mindful of your triggers and stay safe, everybody.

Just a few things:

If you think you somehow know me irl, no you do not.

If you feel that the themes of this blog make you uncomfortable, please feel free to block, and I say this especially with mutuals from my main in mind.

Asks are welcome. If you previously knew me on o-willow-waly, then you're aware that I do not get to them regularly, but I will try to answer the ones I deem appropriate.

I'm tired of DNI lists. Just don't be an ass.

That's all! Happy surfing, loves.

[spindellilja]

yeah

[spindellilja]

Chronic pain + PTSD is so stupid. "Ohhh oh lookie here your neck is going to crack and ache in ways never seen before because you turned your head! na na na na na" the cause of that was a decade ago. asshole

[willowtan]

I can't even begin to explain this to my friends when it's happening but you put it so well.

It also works the other way around. "Oh you have pain in area X? Remember when you had pain in area X when you were 6? No? Maybe vivid flashbacks will refresh your memory. Now you're in emotional turmoil too! How fun!"

[murder-kill]

the whole alnst cast tends to conflate love and violence as a consequence of trauma, and therefore can be very easily interpreted as CSA victims. this is especially so considering they are groomed to take part in the idol industry, where people are commodified and exploited by the nature of their work.

through this lens, sualuka have the most obvious allusions to CSA. they share a similar amount of bodily autonomy, and cannot untangle pain from pleasure. they are conditioned into being tame for those with more power, and end up replicating this in their own relationships by finding others with less power than them in order to reclaim their own autonomy.

due to this, they also both think control (domination/submission) inherent to intimacy. for example, luka communicates his affection by saying he owns hyuna, and sua, while intimate in a bathtub with mizi, puts her hands around her neck in equivalence. (you could also say this about mizi, but when she's most desperate, she's unable to carry through her cruelty. sua still does.)

tl: inusukuhito

notably, they're both associated with bugs, and also specifically cocoons that trap them: luka stuck in his eternal chrysalis, and sua caught as spider's prey. it symbolises the nuances of their trauma-distorted worldview perfectly. the cocoon, while trapping them still - both physically in place, and as a young child - nonetheless feels like an embrace.

[willowtan]

Having a body is super inconvenient when you can feel it dying around you imo. Why do i need to haul around this always-in-pain sack of flesh. I don't even remember the last time I was properly in it. Propaganda I tell you. Upload my consciousness to my nintendo ds already

[noxidae]

“Fucked up for this CHILDREN’S STORY to include CSA” chat who do we think are the victims of csa. Do we think it stands for Cadult.

[willowtan]

Huge advocate for telling the kids! Tell the kids everything. Tell them about rape and grooming, tell them about csam and pedophiles. And by tell them, I obviously mean in ways that they can understand, so through a children's story is fantastic. Children are smarter than you think. What they lack is information.

No child will like hearing/reading about it the first time, yes, but I can assure you that you are not hurting a child by informing them of the possible atrocities that could be committed against them. Rather you are hurting them by keeping them ignorant, and therefore indirectly allowing said atrocities to go unreported. Your inability to confront what is the reality for millions of children worldwide is only allowing that number to increase.

A child who does not have the words for what is happening will not be able tell. When they find the words for it, which we've decided should be above the age of eighteen, apparently, the damage will already have been done. Tell them young so that they can recognise it, whether it's happening to them or to someone they know. Let them interact with media that helps them understand their experiences better; put a name to what they're going through.

You aren't protecting children by sheltering them from potentially life-saving information.

[candle-scm]

shows are a neverending life, of course

[nevermeyers]

[sailermoon]

having unwashed hair will have you believing shit like i can’t be saved

[vanillangelatte]

euphoria ending was so shit somehow me realising I was a CSA victim and the guy who did it will likely never face justice was only the second worst thing that happened to me yesterday after watching that fuckass episode.

[willowtan]

crying. maybe i should. maybe I should watch euphoria just to be able to say this too

[ceruleanheaven]

[looking at people younger than me] you have your whole life ahead of you [looking at people older than me] you have your whole life ahead of you [looking at myself] its over

[nocturnalmantism]

People should not have to share their immensely personal and deeply rooted trauma to justify their interests in fiction, they should just be able to like what they like

[sharxxybaitxdd]

fucking hate when people are like “i need to ask you if you are a csa victim in order to make sure your opinion in this media that depicts csa is valid” hey so can we not ask random strangers that please.

[meanbuddhist]

just identified a behavioral pattern within myself

[human-pet-they]

when the author describes someone dying and you can just tell they’ve never actually died by the way it’s written

[dmndgs]

I hate having serious triggers but wanting to interact with serious topics in media but also your triggers are incredibly specific and hard to define so I'm totally fine sitting and watching a character explain in detail their abuse but then have to go lay down for a while because a character said she hates salty bitter things and favorite food is pealed chestnuts and least favorite food is unpealed chestnuts

[willowtan]

In Industry hbo, Yasmin says "I even wanted my dad to like me." The guy she's talking to says something about that being normal, everyone wants approval from their parents, and Yasmin counters, "I meant...presentationally."

It is hinted at throughout the show that Yasmin was sexually abused in some way as a child. That line still bothers me so much more than the actual reveal in the finale, it bothers me more than having it plainly depicted later on that her father was a predator.

Sarah Lynn (from Bojack Horseman) saying "It's bear fur. I can tell. My stepdad was a bear." while in that dress. I died a little I think?

I can think of many more examples. Something I'll hear or see that is not nearly as graphic as things I've willingly exposed myself to in order to desensitize, that bother me for reasons unexplainable. It's not even that I specifically relate to everything that bothers me. Man. It's no fun here.

[thedankmemes]

[64mpg]

the wanter: i don’t want anything i never have