Winter R.

Poetry/Art/Bibble Babble - he/him - Wattpad is: Winterization_03

[winterization-writes]

Shameless self promo

Once again I’d like to remind people that I have my ongoing collection of poetry on my wattpad and the book is called “We Became The Mad Men”

I update it regularly

Winter R. (@Winterization_03)

I'm bad at these, I apologize, so here's the basics. My name is Winter, I use he/him pronouns, and I'm a coffee addict...

[firstfullmoon]

Zeina Hashem Beck, “Ode to My Husband, Who Brings the Music” [ID in ALT]

[winterization-writes]

I Hope

It is beyond selfish to think

It is beyond selfish to feel

To hope you remember me

You can call me if you need me

As if you’d need me

Like I need you

To just smile and love

Like I loved you

I hope you still dream of us - happy and alive

I hope you’re proud of me for walking out of the fire

I hope you believe I’ve changed

I also hope you’ve forgotten me

I hope you took pleasure in watching me tear myself apart

I hope you don’t remember the monster, don’t keep him fresh

Because that’s why I’m doing this

That’s why I'm on my floor at 2 am

Writhing and crying for the poison instead

Of just withering away

I just hope you think of me

Wherever you are

And know that I loved you

Why else would I do this to myself?

If not for love towards those I lost in flames

But it’s beyond selfish to think

So I’ll write it instead

[the-anthologist]

Validation

Others have it worse

My shivering body is inked

In shades of deep purple and pink

Unsteady lines from unsteady hands

That my mind no longer commands

Others have it worse

But I still have canvas left untouched

To my blank slate, I desperately clutch

I'm not dangerous enough yet

I can still try to forgive and forget

Others have it worse

My hands continue to shake

But it eventually gives me a break

Maybe it's the anxiety, maybe it's the pills

At least it's not something that kills

Others have it worse

I space out, fall down stairs

But it's not often enough to justify tears

I can still walk at least

Can't complain 'till the pain has increased

Others have it worse

I can't ask for help until I'm sadder, sicker

'Til I've fully submitted to blades, pills, and liquor

Convincing myself it’s all in my head

I won’t feel valid until I’m dead

[winterization-writes]

This hit so hard

[winterization-writes]

I have this fear about returning home - I’ve been gone so long

What if I return, and the home I left changed without me?

The trees I climbed as a kid could’ve been chopped down

The green hills have become concrete

And my favorite diner is now a chain restaurant

What if all they hear when I speak is someone foreign, someone that doesn’t belong

My voice doesn’t sounds like theirs, or those of my ancestors

The ghosts of my family don’t recognize me anymore

And the place in which I left my heart

No longer has room for me

[winterization-writes]

I don’t think people realize how sweet autistic mimicry is

My speech patterns, my personality

The way I interact with the world

Is an amalgamation of all the people I’ve ever met

And all the things I’ve ever loved

[angelicwine]

I think ‘I adore you’ is such a wonderful phrase, it’s so soft and loving and feels so safe and comforting

[sunnysideanon-deactivated202003]

soft asks to get to know people

what song makes you feel better?

what’s your feel-good movie?

what’s your favorite candle scent?

what flower would you like to be given?

who do you feel most you around?

say three nice things about yourself (three physical and three non-physical).

what color brings you peace?

tag someone (or multiple people) who make you feel good. 

what calms you down?

what’s something you’re excited for?

what’s your ideal date?

how are you?

what’s your comfort food?

favorite feel-good show?

for every emoji you get, tag someone and describe them in one word.

compliment the person who sent you this number.

fairy lights or LED lights?

do you still love stuffed animals?

most important thing in your life?

what do you want most in the world right now?

if you could tell your past self one thing, what would it be?

what would you say to your future self?

favorite piece of clothing?

what’s something you do to de-stress?

what’s the best personal gift someone could give you (playlist, homemade card, etc.)

what movie would you want to live in?

which character would you want to be?

hugs or hand-holding?

morning, afternoon or night?

what reminds you of home (doesn’t have to mean house… just things that remind you of the feeling of home)?

[winterization-writes]

New cover for my poetry archive⚡️

[winterization-writes]

Weeds

Sometimes I wonder if I’m doing anyone any good with my poetry

Or if I'm just doing it selfishly

I tell myself every day that maybe if I tell my stories

And show my scars

That someone, somewhere, with similar scars

Will feel just a little less alone

But maybe I’m the one that wants to feel less alone

What if I'm just spilling my blood on paper in order to silence the noise

And I'm only shoving my nonsense onto innocent eyes

So they have to watch my destruction as well

My poems are weeds

And I’m spreading my pain like dandelion seeds

In an open field

So that I’ll exist long after I fall

But what if all I am

Is a climbing ivy

That winds up your arms - through the cracks that you didn’t think to hide

Rotting the wood and

Destroying the foundation

Closed minds, open eyes, tight fists

Pried open now - for me to climb inside and

Make it my home

In the backs of people’s heads

Where your memories live - the ones that never seem to resurface

The vault you keep locked

I’ll nourish myself with your heartbeats - your secrets

And I’ll grow

And I’ll spread

Until you write your own poems

About the seeds planted inside you

Like the ones inside me

This way, we spread

Invasive and immortal

And I am no longer alone

[winterization-writes]

Happier

Maybe I'll be able to concentrate if I shake out what's in my head

Random people tucked away up there - people that will always be a part of me

Like faces torn from pictures and tucked under your mattress

Because you don’t have the heart to toss them out

Only to take one out and ponder it on late nights

With the still air whispering what ifs

What if I hadn't said this or done that

What if I loved them a little less, a little more

What if I could disconnect my brain from the past

Disconnect my hands from my emotions that seem to spill out in violent ways

Would I be happier now?

Everything seems, to me, a dream within a dream - a simulation with no clear end

There’s fog in my eyes and my brain, a cluttered attic

Full of every person I've ever loved - or lost

Full of every smile I've ever held - or crushed

They live forever inside me

Changing me piece by piece until I am no longer the same

But if I could throw them out - cut away all the parts I don’t recognize

Would I be happier?

[winterization-writes]

I’ve always had depression but lately it’s been less “I’m depressed and dead inside ahahaha :|” and more like “every night I must recite my list of reasons to live”

[dilfgmancoolatta]

hot take uh

dont get mad at trans ppl for using the “wrong”/out of date terminology to describe their own experiences like

if a trans dude says “back when i was a girl” or “i was born in the wrong body” just. let them. if they feel it describes their experiences the best, then it’s good for them

as long as theyre not using it to describe other people who may not be comfortable with, it’s ok

[saint-batrick]

THIS. i have had people correct me when i say things like “back when i was a girl.” say things like “no, you were never a girl, you just didn’t know it at that time.”

you are not the arbiter of my lived experience.

i know who i was then. don’t tell me i wasn’t because it doesn’t fit the narrative you want it to. it’s not your damn narrative.

[winterization-writes]

I try my best to keep up with new terminology and ways of speaking for the sake of others, but not for myself.

I may be young, yes, but I grew up in a very rural/isolated area, my parents were quite old, barely any technology in the house so I was VERY late to social media and I was the only trans person I knew growing up. So my terminology will suck, I’ll try my best for others, but if I make jokes or describe my experience with outdated words, just shush

[chunkecheeks]

type “i am” in the tags and whatever comes up first is your new mandatory kin

[floatygirlii]

I am best girl🌸

[eastern-lights]

…

[goodfish-bowl]

You come into MY HOUSE

[k1ngtok1]

HMM

[tolkienlockian]

……………

[headspace-hotel]

“I am cringe but I am free”

[winterization-writes]

[ashstfu]

i do not ghost purposely i just have no idea what to say ever

[renthony]

It's really fucking weird seeing people reclaim "limp-wristed" and "fruity" while also screaming about how horrible and offensive the word "queer" is.

It's almost like "queer is a slur" was never about protecting people, and has always been about gatekeeping who "really belongs" by making our most all-inclusive term into a controversy.

[winterization-writes]

Porcelain Boy

I’ll never be clean

There are germs and fingerprints on my glass heart

This heart which I have hidden behind walls

Of ice and stone - untouchable

Even by those who I wish I could let in

Fingerlike bruises and cracks

In my porcelain skin climb

Like spiders - faded but always under the surface

Their hands are wrapping around me

Like a blanket - a sea of silk

And if I'm not careful, I’ll surely drown

Some days the scars open up again

And with red tears, I weep

For the porcelain boy that lives inside me

How he’ll never trust soft hands again

Or how the sun never fully reaches his midnight eyes

There is dirt on my bones still

And blood on my hands

But I’ve learned to stop scrubbing my skin

Because the rawness hurts where the water hits

And I know

I’ll never be clean