one of the biggest struggles i had in my eating disorder was comparing myself to other people and constantly feeling like i wasn’t “sick enough” because i wasn’t dangerously underweight, or because i’d never been inpatient, or because i didn’t think my behaviours were as severe as everybody else’s. i used it as a weapon against myself, as if somebody else’s struggle invalidated my own.
i twisted reality and convinced myself that i didn’t deserve recovery because i hadn’t reached the same lows that other people had, but in the end it was all a carefully constructed lie to keep myself trapped. there are no rules or criteria you need to meet to start recovery because it’s not about where you are, it’s about where you want to be.
the truth is, recovery isn’t about pulling yourself up from “Rock Bottom”, it’s about pulling yourself up, period. it’s about realising that thinking you aren’t “sick enough” isn’t a reason not to recover, but a reason to recover, because just like restriction or purging, it’s a symptom of disorder. you just didn’t recognise it at first because it’s sneaky and manipulative.
the truth is, i didn’t feel sick enough, ever, but i started recovery anyway. and when i saw how high i could fly, i realised it never really mattered where i started from.