chelsea peretti’s opening monologue at the tenth annual tech crunchies
Chelsea Peretti is braver than any us marine

PR's Tumblrdome

Kiana Khansmith
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me

⁂
Cosmic Funnies
"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"
noise dept.

No title available
Today's Document
let's talk about Bridgerton tea, my ask is open
almost home

if i look back, i am lost
YOU ARE THE REASON
Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her

Love Begins
PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH
we're not kids anymore.
One Nice Bug Per Day
I'd rather be in outer space 🛸
KIROKAZE
seen from United States

seen from United States

seen from Brazil

seen from United States

seen from United States
seen from Finland

seen from United States
seen from Türkiye
seen from United States
seen from Argentina

seen from Norway

seen from Egypt

seen from United States

seen from Singapore

seen from Netherlands
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from Finland

seen from United States
@withyoutilltheendoftheline
chelsea peretti’s opening monologue at the tenth annual tech crunchies
Chelsea Peretti is braver than any us marine
This is the FUNNIEST SHIT I HAVE EVER SEEN
Reblogging for cultural enrichment
bout time I brought back the Laurel and Hardy flex tape-
From The Killers, 1946. A Film Noir Classic
I’m an archivist, behold my growing collection was of old photos mirroring timeless memes I’ve come across at various places I’ve worked.
The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo
reblog if your name isn't Amanda.
2,121,566 people are not Amanda and counting!
We’ll find you Amanda.
world heritage post
Romanticizing your own loneliness and turning it into a cool girl thing only works for like a few months and then it just becomes a throbbing black hole i think. Not that ive ever experienced anything like that
love is attained through embarrassing yourself by asking for it instead
can’t get over when famous gangster lucky luciano was like “hey lansky seems like quite a hassle getting all those nazis offa your terf you want us to help ya out” and meyer “Left Russia Because of Pogroms and Became A Gangster In The US” lansky was like “no. no getting to beat the shit out of nazis is reward enough for us. sorry lucky this one’s personal don’t worry about it”
here’s a quote from a New York Times article abt it
also bonus quote from that article
“quick question about the punching, judge perlman: how about murder instead”
In the late 1930s, America’s fascism problem was eventually solved — with some Jewish toughs and their fists, a new book reveals.
everybody says that “the government” enlisted these mobsters to beat up nazis, but like. no. no that didn’t happen? judge nathan perlman illegally called up a man who could have him shot dead at a minute to say “hey. i’ve scoured the fucking law books tryna find a way to get these fucking nazis out of here, but my legal means have unfortunately run out. so-” and meyer fucking lansky was like “ah say no more boss lemme call a buncha friends and we’ll get this sorted out real quick don’t even bother paying me.“
can you imagine that phone call. like genuinely. how am i supposed to continue living my normal life knowing this happened. people who loooove talking about punching nazis, taKE FUCKING NOTES
this is my favorite Meyer Lansky story.
my second favorite Meyer Lansky story is about the time, many years later, that he was at a meeting of mafia heads and one of them started bragging about how his son was following him into the family business.
Meyer Lansky said “That’s nice. My son works for NASA.”
That is so fucking Jewish lmao
Their mob names were also very cool. Like I see those names and go, yes those are very much a group of Jews. I’m sure they’re perfectly lovely at Shabbat dinner
Hymie “The Weasel” Kugel Harry “The Dropper” Levine Nat “the Fighting Hebrew” Arno Abner “Longie” Zwillman Jake “Greasy Thumb” Guzik Harry “Pep” Strauss Emanuel “Mendy” Weiss Jacob “Ice Pick Man” Drucker Benjamin “Bugsy” Siegel
DAY 15
GIVE IT UP FOR DAY 15
You can only reblog this 12 times a year
Make the most of that
Every month I reblog this and every month I’m baffled that it’s already the 15th.
I’m scheduling this for every month
IT ONLY APPEARS ON THE FIFTEENTH OF EVRY MONTH
THIS ONLY APPEARS ON 15THS WTF
*slams reblog button*
Welp it’s that day again
Do people just have this queued or something`??
this iconic tumblr post remains to be very true 10 years later
I can behave normally around books
I can be trusted in bookstores and libraries and you should take me to those locations
Foolish one, stop checking your mailbox for confessions of love that ain't never gonna come. You will learn the hard way instead of just walking out.
TIL a 30-year-old elephant named Ben sought help at a safari lodge after being shot by poachers. The elephant waited patiently near the lodge for the 6 hours it took for a vet to fly in and dress his 3 bullet wounds.
via ift.tt
The fact he’s named kinda brushes over the fact this is a wild elephant. Born in the wild, raised in the wild, the only human interaction is watching the safaris. And after mean humans shot him, he decided the best course of action was to go visit the nice humans who just take pictures in hopes they’d help him. And then, even though they didn’t help him right away, he trusted that because they continued to be nice, he was safe, and they would help him.
also the people saw an elephant and were like “that’s a ben”
i hope he tells the other elephants where they can get help
@brunhiddensmusings
Actually, they do!
https://www.thedodo.com/elephants-travel-humans-help-1353631970.html
Orphans who were rescued, raised, and released by the David Sheldrick Wildlife Trust in Kenya have communicated that it is a place of safety to other elephants who’ve never even been there.
Injured animals will show up there when they have been harmed by poachers because they know it is a place where they can get help!
i am very glad elephants have a functioning yelp system
“Took a little while to get served the quality of service made up for it. 4/5 stars. Would reccomend”
-Ben the Elephant
“Just visit your local apex predator and they’ll help you for no reason”
It’s been two years and still I mourn the lack of dagger squad in dress whites
I find Taylor's choice to end So Long, London with a repeated, "you'll find someone," so devastating. At first glance, it's the least painful of the three options of the line: 1) "you'll find someone," 2) "I'll find someone," and 3) "I'm not the one." Instead of trying to reassure herself ("I'll find someone") or hitting us with the gut punch and imo most painful option ("I'm not the one"), she circles back to peacefully wishing the best to her former lover. And after all the hurt and heartbreak she expresses throughout the song, it's extra painful that she still wishes the best for him. Even as she's leaving him and her whole life there, it's with tenderness and love that she says goodbye.
some loser: humans are innately selfish creatures
my psych book:
Terminal Hanaki? Boring. Chronic Hanahaki? Exciting.
Not enough chronic illness in fanfic. Shout-out to my folks who spend 6-8 weeks of the year in the hospital.
Prof you fucking genius is it seasonal? Like it happens in spring cause the flowers bloom? Imagine it hitting hanahaki season and looking around a room and seeing whose missing, who’s out on sick leave, thr curiosity the DRAMA
It’s like how everyone with autoimmune disorders disappears during flu season! Except with even more drama.
[http://www.asofterworld.com/index.php?id=539]
#this is honestly how I initially thought hanahaki in fic worked #coughing up flowers for years because you won’t cop to your feelings? #that’s the stuff #the dying thing puts on really uncomfortable pressure for me #like ‘love me back or I’ll die’ is uncomfortable as hell for me #whereas ‘ADMIT YOU’RE IN LOVE YOU JUST COUGHED UP A BOUQUET!’ #hanahaki-suffering person: ‘no’ THIS IMMEDIATELY IMPROVES THE ENTIRE TROPE! I had really disliked Hanahaki because it’s almost like the other person - if they’re a good person - is sorta blackmailed into either having feelings or being responsible for your death which is Not Romantic, but I can totally get down for FEELIGS made into an aggravating physical metaphor that you could potential deal with if you’d either confront them or get therapy or something.
This puts the song “I Won’t Say (I’m in Love)” in a completely new light.
I am in awe at how much this tweak changes the trope of hanahaki from something I quietly detest from a distance into something I would gleefully read and giggle about to others.
Honestly I don’t even think it’s even the removal of the death thing (like that’s certainly helpful, but you can probably keep it, if you need it for the Drama) that saves it, so much as it is the idea that the problem is caused purely by you not admitting your feelings, rather than the other person not sharing them.
Like, in the standard version of Hanahaki, the point is that the disease is caused by unrequited love, and the afflicted end up coughing up increasingly large amounts of flowers, until either they suffocate or the other person returns their feelings.
A lot of versions do require a confession on top of that, but fundamentally the most important thing is the object of your affections developing specifically romantic feelings for you. Or you die.
As an aro person, I’m sure I don’t need to explain why this trope is uncomfortable for me, considering that it basically paints me as a potential death trap.
Plus some stories also feature ‘The Surgery’, which removes the roots of the flowers from the victim’s lungs, thus saving their life, but in the process makes them incapable of romantic love, which is treated as the highest tragedy.
Chronic Hanahaki on its own would still kind of have this problem, it’s just toning it down a bit— rather than being responsible for your death, your crush is instead just responsible for your continued pain/discomfort and frequent hospital visits. Better, but still kind of icky.
Chronic Hanahaki (that could still be potentially terminal in the long term, if you need extra drama) caused by not saying your feelings aloud, regardless of how the other person feels, on the other hand?
Beautiful. Great metaphor for the real effects that repressing your emotions can have on your body. Lots of dramatic potential.
Like, obviously there’s your bog-standard “I love you but don’t believe that you love me, so I will choose to suffer tragically alone rather than risk making you feel bad for not loving me back” thing that the Hanahaki genre was made for, but there’s room for more here as well.
Especially if you expand it to be about supressed emotions in general, rather than just romantic love.
For example:
The character who is in a relationship, but still has trouble verbalising their feelings sometimes, due to past trauma/mental illness, and thus still experiences recurring bouts of Hanahaki. Their partner who reassures them that it’s okay, that they know they love them, and that if they want to say it then that’s fine, but if they don’t feel they can right now then your flowers are beautiful babe, and that’s fine too.
The character who notices flower petals lying around their kid’s room, and doesn’t understand why their child won’t just tell them who they are in love with, so they can support them in confessing their feelings. Only to find out that their kid has actually been dating their same gender best friend for months now, and the Hanahaki was about coming out to their parent.
The autistic character with alexithymia, who by this point just treats coughing up the occasional flower petal as another, rather annoying autistic trait. “Fuck,” they say, coughing up a blood-stained rose and holding it up for their friends to see. “Anyone got any ideas what this one could be about?”
The polar opposite of the traditional Hanahaki thing. The ever happy, toxic positivity character who will die from the flowers choking their lungs unless they finally admit that they kind of hate you sometimes.
The character at the funeral of a family member they had an extremely dysfunctional relationship with, defiantly coughing their flower petals right onto the grave, and refusing to admit that they felt anything other than dislike or indifference for them deep down, because even now, when they’re dead and gone and it doesn’t matter, “you first, bitch.”
The character who witnessed or was told something that they aren’t supposed to know, and not only has to deal with the secret eating away at them, but also has to come up with more and more reasons for why their Hanahaki isn’t going away, even after they confess all their other secrets.
The character who, upon clearing out the house of a beloved elderly relative who recently died, finds a whole room full of rotting flowers, and is faced with the question of what their relative’s big secret was.
Bob Floyd