This is a wizard blog now

I just want to be in a John William Waterhouse painting. I like and follow from @theoldcode

[quicksilvermad]

Danny Kaye vs Basil Rathbone

The Court Jester (1955)

[charlataninred]

Love how tumblr has its own folk stories. Yeah the God of Arepo we’ve all heard the story and we all still cry about it. Yeah that one about the woman locked up for centuries finally getting free. That one about the witch who would marry anyone who could get her house key from her cat and it’s revealed she IS the cat after the narrator befriends the cat.

[meraarts]

Might I add:

The defeat of the wizard who made people choose how they’d be to be executed

The woman who raised the changeling alongside her biological child

The human who died of radiation poisoning after repairing the spaceship

[eater-of-hopes-and-dreams]

The adventures of a space roomba

Cinderella finding Araura (and falling in love)

I don’t know a snappy description but the my nemesis cynthia story certainly lives in my head

[blitzlowin]

hilariously, these are almost all in my fic tag. so, a compiled list from the notes (and some extras):

The God of Arepo (graphic novel 1 / 2 / 3) (ebook)

The Monster of Sentan

The Witch’s Cat

Raise Both Children

Stabby the Roomba (honorable mention)

Cinderella Marries the Prince (comic)

My Arch Nemesis Cynthia

Pirates and Mermaid

Eindred and the Witch

The Demon King

The Cornerwitch

Grandmother Beetroot

Apocalypse Daycare Worker

Grandmother Accidentally Summons a Demon

New Year Saga

A Story About Changelings

Ranger in the King’s Forest

The Difference Between a Hare and a Rabbit

Goblin Men (Canines)

[charlataninred]

I am in love with you /p

[wizard-email]

bound in my eternal service to cunt

[wizard-email]

serving pussy since the stars opened their eyes,,

[wizard-email]

when will my suffering end.. ?

[wizard-email]

ok

[wizard-email]

[wizardpotions]

why dont you quit pondering your orb and start pondering why you dont get any bitches

[astraldemise]

in a fantasy world my ideal position is to be like a gay coded royal advisor to the king and manipulate him into doing whatever it is that my evil mind desires because he is very trusting of me and has little understanding of the consequences of the actions he permits. but i also have some tension with the court mage who is also corrupting the king with his dark magics but he has a very different evil scheme to me so we are constantly attempting to sabotage each other while the king sits upon his throne thinking "wow im so lucky to have to completely benign and trustworthy people by my side who in no way desire regicide or to usurp me or world domination lalala"

[evilwizard]

“hey! you got your political schemes in my zombie-summoning plot!”

“no, you got your zombie-summoning plot in my political schemes!”

[stjohnstarling]

Watch out!! He's casting a spell to make you reblog this post

[ghoul-wizard]

I think wizards having beards is only a symbolic element, those of us who cannot grow lush, thick beards of white can still manifest a "spiritual" wizard beard through our arcane deeds and force of will.

[evilwizard]

my necromantic ass could never work at the morgue

[evilwizard]

my thirsty ass could never work at cauldrons

[evilwizard]

my perfidious ass could never work at the king’s side

[gegmar]

Could’ve sworn you said insidious instead of perfidious. Did you edit the post?

[gegmar]

[evilwizard]

your honor this is entirely specious and i demand it be thrown out of court

[wizaedkid]

Moving this blog to my main blog @theoldcode

If you like my vibe follow me there

[prokopetz]

Bro, your Generic Fantasy Media™ is showing us a 20th Century English speaking hero decked out in 16th Century German armour using 12th Century Italian weapons to stab 9th Century Vikings in what appears to be a pastiche of 14th Century Romania, and the fact that this character is Black is the part that offends your commitment to historical accuracy?

[petermorwood]

Here’s some historical accuracy:

These illustrations are from a Fechtbuch (fight manual) by Paulus Hector Mair, published in Augsburg, Germany ca. 1540s.

The text accompanying each drawing is about the move being performed. None of them make any comment about who’s performing the moves, only about how to perform them correctly and the consequences of error.

This statue of St Maurice in Magdeburg Cathedral Germany dates to about 1250, and was clearly carved by someone who knew what Black Africans looked like or had one modelling for him.

This reconstruction shows what the statue probably looked like when new; the spear was a separate accessory, the sword and even shield (as can be seen from its broken remnant in the photos of the original statue) was part of the carving.

Regarding that shield and the details it would have concealed, there’s a story from the construction of the National Cathedral in Washington DC about an artisan carving similar never-to-be-seen detail; he was asked: “Why bother, who’ll know whether you did it or not?” and replied: “God will, and so will I.”

(@dduane​ mentions it here.)

These are later paintings of St Maurice, the first in the Metropolitan Museum New York USA by Lucas Cranach the Elder (~1520-25):

…and by Matthias Grünewald (~1520-24) in the Alte Pinakothek, Munich, Germany, both wearing Maximilian-style armour:

This armorial panel from 1521 shows Eva von Schönau, first wife of Jacob von Reinach-Steinbrunn (a wealthy landowner who later became Governor of Montbéliard in France), and is in the Historisches Museum, Basel, Switzerland.

They were both armigerous (arms-bearing) families: his is the lion, hers are the rings.

These drawings by Albrecht Durer were done in 1508 and 1521.

It’s probably fair to say that away from trading ports and major centres of commerce, people of colour whether African, Middle Eastern or Asian were an unfamiliar sight in most of Medieval and Renaissance Europe.

However “unfamiliar” isn’t the same as “unknown”, and in addition, the high-status clothing of the Fechtbuch models, and Eva von Schönau’s family coat of arms, shows they weren’t always just servants or slaves.

Worth noting.

[save-the-spiral]

Not a deli wizard by choice but it was thrust upon me. The deli wizard conscription is real and a danger. You may be entitled to financial compensation if you or a loved one is a Deli Wizard. You won't get the compensation though.

Just so much sandwich spell.

[mementomortis]

The masculine urge to wear a full suit of armor and go clank clank clank

[radishnt]

which one of u was going to tell me that tea tastes different if u put it in hot water?

[mothman-misato]

y- you were putting it in cold water?????

[boimgfrog]

Radish. Answer the question radish.

[radishnt]

yeah??? i thought for like. 5 years that ppl just put it in hot water 2 speed up the tea-ification process didn’t realize there was an actual reason

[boimgfrog]

You dont have the patience to microwave water for 3 minutes???

[catsnraincoats]

[ID: Tags reading “u think i have the patience to boil water wtf ?????” /End ID]

why are you. putting it in the microwave to boil it

[boimgfrog]

Do you think I have the patience to boil water on the stove

[catsnraincoats]

Its takes less than a minute

[boimgfrog]

Bestie is ur stovetop powered by the fucking sun

[catsnraincoats]

How long does it take you to boil a cup of water on the stove

[boimgfrog]

Like seven minutes

[catsnraincoats]

Just stick the mug on top of the stove on medium heat n it boils in like two minutes… less than that is u use a saucepan…

[boimgfrog]

Crying you’re putting the whole mug on the stove ???? On medium heat???? Ur stove is enchanted

[pidoop]

Every single person in this post is a fucking lunatic

[silverjirachi]

Yet another post that reads like four shakespeare characters who come out in the middle of the play to talk about something completely unrelated for comic relief

[wizardlyghost]

(Enter RADISHN’T, MOTHMAN MISATO, BOIMG FROG and CATS'N RAINCOATS, stage left. They are having a HEATED DISCUSSION.)

RADISHN’T: Prithee, which one of you had planned to tell

Of diff'rent flavours gained by simple act

Of brewing tea with water hot, not cold?

MOTHMAN: Egad! you poured the water cold? Wherefore?!

FROG: An answer from you, Radish, I must beg.

RADISHN’T: Indeed I did, dear friends - why does this shock?

Without the guide of others I assumed

That heat was merely added for the sake

Of expediting this solution’s brewing!

Half a decade I have spent, or more,

Not questioning this worldview I had made.

In fact, I am myself a bit surprised

That you might think that I, your dearest friend,

Might have a patience of sufficient stock

To wait until a pot of water boils.

FROG: Three minutes overtaxes patience so?

The microwave will beep when it is done!

CATS'N: My friend, this answer vexes me the more!

Can it be true that thou dost boil by nuke?!

FROG: Are you in turn, my friend, so shocked to know

That I have not the patience, like our Root,

To boil upon the stove our favour’d drink?

CATS'N: It takes less than a minute!

FROG: On what plate?

Perhaps your dinner cooks atop the sun?

CATS'N: How long can take your stove to fill the task

Of boiling but a single cup alone?

FROG: In minutes?

CATS'N: Yes!

FROG: I counted seven, once.

CATS'N: Perhaps you ought to have your timepiece checked!

If on a middle heat you place the cup

You soon will have the scalding drink you crave.

Two minutes, in a mug upon the plate

Or even less, if you should have a pot.

FROG: You cause me tears - is this how thou dost live?

You place upon the iron stove a mug?

A mug, ceramic, filled with water cold?

How do these flames, though medium in height,

Not shatter like a glass this fragile thing?

Surely, then, your kitchen is bewitched

With magicks far beyond the mortal ken!

(The FOUR realise they have wandered into the THRONE ROOM. The ROYAL COURT watches with fascination.)

KING: Ev'ry single person in this group must be a fucking lunatic, it seems.

[worldheritagepostorganization]

World Heritage Post

[prokopetz]

Bro, your Generic Fantasy Media™ is showing us a 20th Century English speaking hero decked out in 16th Century German armour using 12th Century Italian weapons to stab 9th Century Vikings in what appears to be a pastiche of 14th Century Romania, and the fact that this character is Black is the part that offends your commitment to historical accuracy?

[petermorwood]

Here’s some historical accuracy:

These illustrations are from a Fechtbuch (fight manual) by Paulus Hector Mair, published in Augsburg, Germany ca. 1540s.

The text accompanying each drawing is about the move being performed. None of them make any comment about who’s performing the moves, only about how to perform them correctly and the consequences of error.

This statue of St Maurice in Magdeburg Cathedral Germany dates to about 1250, and was clearly carved by someone who knew what Black Africans looked like or had one modelling for him.

This reconstruction shows what the statue probably looked like when new; the spear was a separate accessory, the sword and even shield (as can be seen from its broken remnant in the photos of the original statue) was part of the carving.

Regarding that shield and the details it would have concealed, there’s a story from the construction of the National Cathedral in Washington DC about an artisan carving similar never-to-be-seen detail; he was asked: “Why bother, who’ll know whether you did it or not?” and replied: “God will, and so will I.”

(@dduane​ mentions it here.)

These are later paintings of St Maurice, the first in the Metropolitan Museum New York USA by Lucas Cranach the Elder (~1520-25):

…and by Matthias Grünewald (~1520-24) in the Alte Pinakothek, Munich, Germany, both wearing Maximilian-style armour:

This armorial panel from 1521 shows Eva von Schönau, first wife of Jacob von Reinach-Steinbrunn (a wealthy landowner who later became Governor of Montbéliard in France), and is in the Historisches Museum, Basel, Switzerland.

They were both armigerous (arms-bearing) families: his is the lion, hers are the rings.

These drawings by Albrecht Durer were done in 1508 and 1521.

It’s probably fair to say that away from trading ports and major centres of commerce, people of colour whether African, Middle Eastern or Asian were an unfamiliar sight in most of Medieval and Renaissance Europe.

However “unfamiliar” isn’t the same as “unknown”, and in addition, the high-status clothing of the Fechtbuch models, and Eva von Schönau’s family coat of arms, shows they weren’t always just servants or slaves.

Worth noting.

[ancientsstudies]

Women in Paul Antoine de La Boulaye's paintings.

[sollertias]

Les Sabots by François Boucher, 1768 (details)

[marzipanandminutiae]

a big part of Using Slightly Cagey Language To Describe Historical Sexuality/Gender is, for me, extending the likely ancestors of the queer community the same right of self-determination that I’d want granted to me by future historians

I am gay. a lesbian, if you want to be specific. queer if you’re referring to me as part of an Umbrella Term Group. homosexual if you want to get clinical. in 150 years, there may be some other label for whose adherents my lived experiences resonate, in some way

but I will never be part of that group here and now, in my life and my cultural context. whatever it means to self-identify as [label] in that world is not necessarily how I understand myself

(and re: gender, what it means to be a woman and fully identify with womanhood and use she/her pronouns might change, but that will always be how I understood myself within my own world. the future will not change my life in its past)

would I deny those future People We’d Now Call Queer Women™ the resonance they might find in my experiences? of course not. that reaching back to the past for ancestors and community is a beautiful, achingly human thing. I would never want to impede it

but I would want them to allow me my context, complexities, and nuance. I would want them to let me drive the bus, so to speak, in terms of defining my identity. I would want them to come back to my words and my world first and foremost in making a Historical Figure out of a messy once-living person

that is why I introduce queer historical figures with “though they wouldn’t have used this term, we’d probably now call them X” before I go on and just call them X for the rest of the tour. or why I might say something like “some of Louisa May Alcott’s experiences resonate with queer women and transmasc people” rather than “Louisa May Alcott was definitely gay/trans/whatever”

I feel like I owe them the treatment I would want for myself, in their shoes