Margaret Atwood, Bodily Harm

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@wordsofayellowiris
Margaret Atwood, Bodily Harm
What we call reality is in fact nothing more than a culturally sanctioned and linguistically reinforced hallucination.
–Terence McKenna
I just wanna be a fairy and live in a tulip
It's my 4 year anniversary on Tumblr
The me of that time, wouldn't believe who I've become. She wouldn't even believe that she's still alive. Never give up on your life, one day things will get better. Although it's not easy to survive, and it's even harder to live; I hope you have the courage to do it.
*
joy sullivan
sometimes I do something I know 18 year old me would be terrified of and it's so strange but it warms my heart. life may not be the paradise I once thought it would be but I still grow and get better, even if little by little
At least I'm trying
how’s that house that raised you?
Stephanie Foo, What My Bones Know: A Memoir of Healing from Complex Trauma
It's my 3 year anniversary on Tumblr
And my dreams are still too far
How do they not feel the blood in the air?
The ironic taste of the crimson?
Is it only in my head, is it me that makes up this prison?
“suicide note #776” (2023)
دیگران بوی خون در هوا را نمیشنوند؟
طعم طعنه ای سرخ را؟
این زندان، ساخته خود من است؟ پرداخته وهم من است؟
یاداشت خودکشی شماره۷۷۶ (سال ۲۰۲۳)
How many more painkillers before I get liver cancer?
A few hours ago, I asked my family to agree to my suicide
They didn't
«نامه های عاشقانه به ابراهیم گلستان»، فروغ فرخزاد
When I turn to nothing, my dust dispersed
I will keep on loving you
Forugh Farrokhzad, "Love letters to Ebrahim"
When I was a kid, we moved into a house that had a huge lilac tree out front. It was mostly rotten, and it needed to be taken down before it fell. It took a while, but eventually, it was gone.
Mostly. A couple years later, little lilac babies popped out of the ground in its place. My mom was determined to get rid of them, because she'd planted a beautiful flower garden there, and the lilac trees would overshadow and kill the whole garden. I insisted on saving at least a few saplings. She said fine, but I had to dig them out and put them in pots myself.
So, I did. I spent days digging little lilac bushes out of the ground and putting them into pots. Some couldn't be saved, but some could. When all was said and done, I had five brand-new lilac saplings. Seven or eight years old, and it was my absolute pride and joy.
Three died due to sun scorching, severe drought that no amount of watering could save, and perhaps just being moved from their place in the ground. But two survived, and I was awfully proud of them! I'd go out and talk to them every single day. I watered them by hand and made sure they were fertilized properly. I learned all about their favored environments, and I was determined to make sure they lived.
One of my mom's friends saw what I was doing with the lilacs. She asked if she could have one to put in her backyard, and I agreed on the condition that she take very, very good care of it.
It's now fucking enormous. I'm talking ten feet tall and bursting with beautiful purple flowers every spring. My mom still gets updates each year as they start to bloom, which she forwards to me. And all I can think is, "That's my friend! Thriving some twenty years on, there it is."
The other tree nearly died, too. It lived in a pot for far, far too long. I wanted to plant it somewhere in my parents' yard, but my mom was reluctant. Eventually, we agreed to put it in the far back garden. It grew okay for many years, despite the shade, but in all these years, it's never bloomed.
Last year, the massive tree casting massive shadows over the lilac and the garden cracked in half and fell. It tumbled into the garden, crushing part of the nearby shed and destroying a few plants beneath it.
It missed my lilac by inches.
The clean-up is long done. The rest of the tree has been cut down, and my lilac has full sunlight for the first time in fifteen years. It won't bloom this year, I know. But it's got new shoots up. It's taller than ever. I spent half an hour a few weeks ago praising it for surviving all this time, dreaming about its future and telling it how I believe it'll become the tall beauty it's always been meant to be.
I think next year, I'll see flowers.
Ada Limón, from "Crush", Sharks in the Rivers
محبوب من،
میبینی که من
کوشا در عشق
کمتر به تو ام
آدا لمون، «کراش»، «کوسههای رودخانه»
“Do you ever miss yourself? The person you were before you had your first heartbreak or before you got betrayed by a person you trusted?”
— Unknown
هیچوقت دلتنگ خودت نمیشی؟ همون تویی که هنوز دلشکستگی رو تجربه نکرده بود؛ یا اون تویی که طعم خیانتِ معتمدش رو نچشیده بود؟
Truly, the grief you left me with is more loyal than you.