"Hey, kid. How's the trainin' coming along?" -worstthereisatalltherest
@worstthereisatalltherest
Jason eyed Logan warily when the other man approached him, and he shrugged, glancing away. ‘’It’s going, I s’pose.’’
It wasn’t. And Jason knew Logan most likely knew that already. Jason wanted nothing to do with his newfound powers. Not after Ethiopia. Not after he killed -
Jason flinched, reigning in his own thoughts, and he tensed. ‘’They send you to check up on me?’’
Jason shook his head quietly. ‘’No, they’re - ‘s fine…’’ But God, how he hated the reminder that he was somewhere, away from home, surrounded by people who were different. Tucked away somewhere, just because they were different from everybody else. ‘’Logan, did you - did you ever wish you didn’t have any powers? That you weren’t a mutant, I mean?’’
Logan stopped carving and looked at his hands for a bit. The sight of his claws, pristine as ever, hiding the much more gnarly and visceral bone beneath took so long to get used to, even when it was all he had known for a time. “Yeah…. Every day, Jason. And it’s not just me, really. Everyone has those days. But that’s kind of what this place is for. We’re trying to make it so being mutant isn’t so bad anymore. You could go to school, and… Fuck, it sounds grim, but I could finally die. Have a rest that didn’t make me wake up in a sweat, afraid to sleep next to somebody in case I stabbed them in my nightmares. I wouldn’t be able to smell every time somebody lies to me, or hear that goddamn bell tower in town even when I’m 50 miles away…. But that’s after a long time longer'n anynody else has had to deal with their powers.”
Jason was quiet, taking in Logan’s words. “I should have died,” he muttered, after the other man stopped speaking.
“Back in Ethiopia, when - he was beating me to death before something… I felt so numb. Like I wasn’t there. So he kept hitting me more and more and more until it -”
Jason’s words choked off. “I barely remember what happened after. Just the pain and the heat and she - Sheila. My mother. I killed her.” Jason turned his head, meeting Logan’s gaze with teary eyes. “How am I supposed to accept what I am when I’ve killed my own mother by being… This. And Bruce sent me away, like -” Jason angrily wiped his eyes, the book resting in his lap, ignoring the way his hands shook.
Logan watched the boy slowly shut down and let him finish before pulling him down and holding him in his arms. "Kid, it wasn't your fault. I'm tellin' ya this as somebody who had all intent to kill almost ev'ry time I did... When I was your age, my brother'n I ran from home. My pap and momma got killed by our landscaper, and.... I decided to stab 'im through the chest. Turns out, Dog was my real daddy, an' his son Victor was my brother. So me an' Vic ran like Hell and took our friend Rose with us."
Jason could see tears in Logan's eyes at the mention of the girl he ran away from home with. "I'm only tellin' ya this, because first time I killed somebody, I did it cause I wanted to. An' it wasn't something I couldn't see, or hear. But I survived it, and had some good years. Little while, I did, I mean, nothin's ever perfect. But you're lots stronger'n I was, you can make it through this. You still got your dad who loves ya, and friends. I'm tellin' ya, it don't feel like much, but it's worth bein' better for. If ya can't forgive yourself, then just make yourself better. Do what ya can t'make her proud if she means so much. Don't do nobody good to die, Jay."
Heavy tears hit the ground beneath them by the end of what Logan said. He hadn't let himself be this open in a few months, and goddamnit, he was already close to having another kid. He needed to stop trying to help people who didn't want it.
