Ileen

A poet, a dreamer, and a cautious risk taker.

[vajrakali]

Moon rise by Phyllis Shafer (born 1958).

[writerkatrina]

everything meets in the middle somewhere

like a man walking along I-80, like a bush that bears fruit

snowdrops in spring and I think about everything that dies, everything beautiful that I touch makes me cry

freedom begger, a coin collector, mouth woven shut

aching at the knees, praying to an offset crow and

something sweet and immaculate etched in stone,

tethered to something like a dream,

unchecked messages, reeling back at the sound of the sea,

like walking and hearing the floorboards creak,

shellshocked deer on an open road,

an emptiness that swallows you,

a sound-scape so familiar everything you ever dreamt of lives there untouched but unscathed,

i’ll waste time predicting all the things I cannot change,

snow geese in march traveling home,

when my mind goes still for a second i hear the twinkle of wind chimes from my back porch

and god comes to quiet me.

[jaw8jaw]

"You've got to invest in the world, you've got to read, you've got to go to art galleries, you've got to find out the names of plants. You've got to start to love the world and know about the whole genius of the human race. We're amazing people." - Vivienne Westwood

[trustonlystars]

To my mom,

Could dreams lie to me? Could my memories and deep wishes turn into a dream that only leaves me trembling to want more. Could my heart be any more weaker that it falls for the same dream everytime I see it. Could there ever be a moment when my dreams would invite you and I could pull you in through the door of light into our reality. Life is just a heartbeat right, so could I lend you mine? Will you then take up your space in my heart for these moments without you are heavy, and my tears are tired of turning away.

- trustonlystars | Jannie F

[writerkatrina]

A secret stillness to December

I sit in myself until I know her,

Softly spoken in solidarity but

Rivers haven’t smoothed the edges

Yet, ears forward and jaws of a dog

my teeth are bared still

Licking at my wounds through my snarls

Another day; another lifetime,

Windows of flame

I reach through to the apple tree

And I eat the fruits within

The confines of myself,

The ram stares back at me

And I see her like I see me.

[writerkatrina]

I sit here on my balcony and watch the cars

drive by my street at night

one after the other

people are going places,

the silence hangs like a heavy cloud in the air

and the city sounds

murmur on in the distance

I’m going somewhere,

maybe it’s into the woods behind my house

or maybe it’s downtown but

I’m going somewhere,

occasional hoots and hollers

and laughter echoing down the street

reminds me that I’m surrounded;

there is so much life just going on and

look at all that time.

[writerkatrina]

cedar and pine and

trying to kiss the divine

it’s a dartboard of pinned flies

the candle has gone out

and I am left here to cradle

the small child in my chest and

swallow the lamb.

[writerkatrina]

it starts off as an ember

on a summers day in a hollowed out log

surrounded by marshes and wetland grasses

lily pads floating and blooming on rippled water

it’s a soft glow in the distance

something too fickle to be real

i placed my hands around this burning bush

and i kept my breath soft while

leaning into the blistering heat of the sun

smoke curls out of the log on the water

the flame grows and grows

and suddenly something is burning

I can hear the sound of the heron’s wings

and we were as still as the turtles

as she flew overhead and for a moment I realized that

burning was me; that passionate burbling belly broil

was you and it was her and him and all of us and

everything that we were doing right here.

[writerkatrina]

the wind whipped and whistled

and it howled and it snowed until

the house felt like she was moving

she’s a living breathing entity

trying to keep herself together just like we are

I went outside and sat on my porch

and smoked a spliff while watching the snow

climb down the sky

how could I possibly be here?

[memoryslandscape-deactivated202]

“Did the loneliness die that night? Or was I born then, of my solitude?”

— Pablo Neruda, from “XVII,” The Poetry of Pablo Neruda, ed. Ilan Stavans (Farrar, Straus, and Giroux, 2003)

[writerkatrina]

ancient and wise willow,

creeping over the water

draping and skimming the surface,

like an elegant gown

you grow with such poise,

determined and somber

swaying to the sounds of the wind;

i long to breathe you,

the stillness of night

seeping through the shadows,

your song is becoming

of another lifetime.

[writerkatrina]

love boils and burns

she gnaws and she caves,

twisting and swooping

like sparrows in summer,

she aches and aims

growing and shaping,

she shoots and she pains

she sizzles and she stains,

love is chaos ensuing,

love is horrible and love is kind,

a brutal battle and game;

a bonfire between hearts

love is eager and she is endless

love is patient and she is nameless,

she squeezes you tightly

even after you’ve let go,

i bled you yesterday.

i breathe you today.

i’ll love you tomorrow.

[writerkatrina]

eyes eyes eyes

you have the most beautiful eyes

sometimes i wish i could tell you that

loving from a distance

is the easiest,

and hardest thing i’ve ever done

i’m a wolf in the night around you

always an arms length away

mama i want you to hold me

loving you feels like moving mountains

sometimes

i am so stuck on you,

past lover

i miss your embrace on summer nights

when cicadas sing me to sleep,

eyes of the dead never open

people can leave and never return

even if they never wanted to go

i miss looking into your eyes,

loving from a distance

is like sleeping at dawn

and rising at dusk

it was never meant to be that way

it just is.

[writerkatrina]

love is ever-present

she flows like the bliss of a stream

open palms; open eyes

i see us through sunlight

love is the most powerful force in existence

mother of all; i want to sing for you

there is magic where i once dreamt

and still dream

i have always gone with the wind

quick to flourish and quick to sink

you were all-consuming in your knowing

who were you if not me

fire-breather

speak without ignition

you were too late to seek

and too late to leap

let me hold you in spirit

let me cradle you with kind words

you are too separate to be whole right now

let sunlight heal what words can’t

love love love; i welcome you everyday

you swim inside my chest like little fish

you remind me i’m young and i’m free

my heart leads

and she also follows me

sometimes love learns a little too late

and sometimes she learns right on time.

[writerkatrina]

brooding Earth mother

arms wide open

let me return right back to her

let me receive her sweet kiss

her incessant love

only a reminder of where to look

for her adoration

she is deep in the eyes of all

buried in the hearts of the living

she tells you stories of man

with a single glance

she’s a silent kin-slayer

singing bad and good into balance

she speaks a language of harmony

that everyone understands

swallow me whole

so i can sleep through this sleepless night

Gaea sings to us through starless skies

reminding us that we are all the same,

there is unity in the eye of the beholder.

[writerkatrina]

oneness of all things

i taste you in the swaying of trees

let wind

pull you into togetherness,

let water

show you the importance of balance,

essence is all the same

life and light; interchangeable odds

we all speak the same language of love,

i fall in love

every single day,

there is so much to bear witness to,

so much aliveness in the air

i can feel patience at my back

as i bask in interconnection,

the ebb and flow; life’s current

a give and a take

reminding me we are all one

we are all riding

the very same wave.

[writerkatrina]

lost in the crevices and folds

nooks and crannies, of this seamless

existence

spilling over the edge

only a little rattled,

there is nothing left to contain

two eyes looking out

seeing beyond the horizon,

two becomes three instead of one

in this presence

i am unfolding into myself

becoming nothing and everything

all at the same time.