Writer_Nyx

The Ramblings Of A Future Author.  

[normal-horoscopes]

Normal Horoscope:

Aries: Success follows the sound of bells. It is quite possible you are a dirty bell thief.

Taurus: If you are tired you must rest. Demand a nap from the world. Fall asleep midsentence so you topple over on someone annoying.

Gemini: Tread carefully Gemini, you are in uncharted, and unexpectedly slippery, territory.

Cancer: Give a kid a longsword. Fuck it. Life is short.

Leo: Improvisation is for those who fail to plan. Thats nice, but when in the history of ever has anything gone to plan?

Virgo: Seem one way, be another. Its all an intricate dance. Eventually someone will find out that you are being piloted by a living fungus you got from eating snails.

Libra: What you seek is taking a day off today.

Scorpio: Win the respect of strangers! Travel only by rollerskate and sled-dog.

Ophiuchus: Flowers grow from old wounds. This is not a metaphor. It will consume you.

Sagittarius: Methinks the lady doth ingest too much. They’ll start to notice the missing children.

Capricorn: Love will come trickling from the ceiling like a broken pipe through drywall.

Aquarius: Yes the park is a pubic space, but your tiddies are not.

Pisces: It is time to go supercritical. Reach extremely high temperatures but without the space to expand.

[normal-horoscopes]

Normal Horoscope:

Aries: What spills out when you lose control? That’s who you are.

Taurus: The most powerful engines must sputter die. Flowers are beautiful because their blooms are temporary.

Gemini: Sadism is great for stress relief, provided you have the stomach for it.

Cancer: The stars drew you a lovely picture of a house! A work worthy of the fridge. Accept beauty where it can be accepted.

Leo: The pit in your stomach is your common sense trying to tell you something. Keep away from strangers for a while.

Virgo: Something deep and old calls for you.

Libra: You’ve been saving something for a rainy day. The stars think it’s time you got it out.

Scorpio: Dishonesty comes back to bite the dishonest. This can be frighteningly literal sometimes. Make sure your shots are up to date.

Sagittarius: You dont have to eat a meal, just eat something. A banana, some dry salami, that sort of thing. The tiny big eyed things in the walls are worried about you.

Capricorn: Woo her. She is terrifying isn’t she?

Aquarius: Know that the pieces do fit together. You have all the time in the world.

Pisces: Pain is not guilt. Guilt is not pain. Your heart is so full of love. Let it be so.

[normal-horoscopes]

Normal Horoscope:

Aries: The stars say its time to get off your ass and destroy the malevolent spirit living in the water tower that is curing the whole town. The stars say your future is filled with shaped demolition charges.

Taurus: Last week is coming back in a big way. You are trapped in a chronological loop and will not be released until you learn a lesson about friendship or some shit.

Gemini: Love doesn’t run on gasoline dummy, the people down at the station will fix the security cameras eventually and you are destroying your insides with gasoline. The stars say your gusto is better used elsewhere.

Cancer: All things must end, let nature take its course. Watch and let go as your enemies are hit by a train.

Leo: Charm is a valuable resource that can be redeemed at your nearest abandoned dentist office for a new set of gardening tools and a gun that shoots regret.

Virgo: You know when you are right. Dig your heels in and get ready to stand your ground as the world washes uncaringly over you with titanic force, grinding your petty opinions to sand.

Libra: Looks like youve got some good mojo in the works. Some real positive energy. Be prepared for a stroke of luck and a stroke of lightning (not mutually exclusive).

Scorpio: Theyve been planning against you this whole time, but due to unforeseen circumstances someone will trip and fall on their face. The plan will fail and you wont even notice. Go about your day.

Ophiuchus: People to be, places to steal. Looks like youve got a full book ahead of you today. Remember to take some time for yourself. Commission, if you would.

Sagittarius: You cannot give what you cannot have. This does not mean that its any less fucking annoying when people ask for it though. 

Capricorn: Never underestimate your capacity for bullshit. Nobody know what they can pull off until they are way way way in over their head.

Aquarius: That person youve had your eye on? Theve noticed. They are preparing a hunting rifle as you read this.

Pisces: You and that special someone are ready for the next step. Use the gravity of Jupiter to slingshot yourself towards Saturn.

[normal-horoscopes]

Normal Horoscope:

Aries: The stars and I are all watching! We all want you to never succumb to peer pressure. All the cool kids are here with us and none of us are succumbing to peer pressure together. You should come.

Taurus: You lack motivation but have an overabundance of hacksaws and root vegetables. You know what to do Taurus.

Gemini: The stars and I are sad to inform you that spending money means you will no longer have the money. Such is the injustice of modern life.

Cancer: A lot of warmth and love is coming your way in the form of a highly focused beam of microwave and love radiation.

Leo: Action is required. Pants are optional.

Virgo: Inside you is a born leader in the sense that you have a tapeworm with exceptional leadership skills.

Libra: Invest in your career by delving into the ancient ruins of the secret moon city.

Scorpio: You feverish and obsessive interest in dance will finally come in handy after the heron king captures you and forces you to dance for the amusement of his heron court.

Ophiuchus: A friend or co-worker has been making bad decisions about where and when they set themselves on fire. Try to gently encourage them to use the designated pit.

Sagittarius: Indulge every impulse you have for exploration today. Doesn’t matter what the people at the used car dealership think of you. You see a vent? Open that sucker up. 

Capricorn: Pinpoint the source of your pain and hit it with a strongly worded hammer until it complies.

Aquarius: Evil mermaid squabble.

Pisces: After referring to yourself as “pogged up“ for the 10,000th time, the archangel Gabriel will descend from heaven and flick you really hard on the nose.

[normal-horoscopes]

Normal Horoscope:

Aries: If you enjoy looking at plants you might just enjoy being beaten to death with a shovel! The chance is small but its not zero!

Taurus: There is something terribly wrong with this furry convention. I fear there is great danger hidden among us.

Gemini: How beautiful, to find something worth drowning in.

Cancer: The stars know that you’ve been feeling a bit overwhelmed lately, but have you tried gyrating? It can’t hurt that much.

Leo: You’ve got a one-way ticket to a freaky Friday type situation with your dog.

Virgo: Increase your chances at getting the hire by bathing in the sacred oils during the job interview.

Libra: How long have you lived in the woods? How long has it been since the woods overtook your home? How home stayed the same?

Scorpio: Get in bitch we’re going to contravene article 52 of the North Carolina general statues.

Ophiuchus: Do you even know what bones smell like?

Sagittarius: You’re late for your tea party appointment with the huge faceless things wrapped in red cloth.

Capricorn: Today you’ll finally collect all seven chaos emeralds but you’ll be too busy disrespecting god to notice. Your loss.

Aquarius: The virus you got on your computer back in 2007 misses you. Consider re-downloading it to catch up.

Pisces: Enter the rat house for the next stage of the test.

[normal-horoscopes]

Normal Horoscope:

Aries: The stars say to indulge in a little “me“ time. This is non-negotiable and will be enforced by armed aircraft.

Taurus: The sun is more evil today. You might not have noticed because you were too busy “having fun“ or “sleeping“

Gemini: Today you will receive an email you will never read, it contains an exact hand-drawn diagram of the ancient stone coliseum underneath your home.

Cancer: Modesty is for people who don’t understand how fucking baller they are.

Leo: You wanna get your way today? Be sure to charge up your beam attack before entering any sticky conversations.

Virgo: The universe has a gift for you today! It is a ceramic deer! It is cursed! Your eyes will fall out! The universe is bad at gifts sometimes.

Libra: Feed your mind by pouring gatorade into your ears while reading foucalt and screaming.

Scorpio: Flexibility with friends does not necessarily extend to family. You chose to hang out with one of them.

Ophiuchus: Your social circle will begin to rotate at such incredible speeds that it will begin to lift off and fly away.

Sagittarius: Are you exerting influence? Are you involved in situations? Do you pertain to events? You might be experiencing symptoms of existence. Talk to your doctor about existence today.

Capricorn: Why not do something ludicrously stupid today? Just do something absolutely blockheaded and idiotic. The stars say it will be fun.

Aquarius: Your feelings of pressure can be relieved by placing a large block of concrete covered in runes atop the lid of your coffin.

Pisces: Whoops! You’ve forgotten your destiny! Now you get to take naps and eat chips for the rest of time!

[yourplayersaidwhat]

Context: i’m playuing a druid that is literally a cat and am trying to climb into a third story window to break the other party members out of prison, but have rolled terrible at least 3 times in a row

Player 1: aren’t you supposed to be good at this kind of thing?

Player 2: worst cat ever

Me: ugh, okay… i cast enhance ability and give myself… cat’s grace………

Player 2: HAHAHAHA

Player 1: the genetic lottery really screwed you out of that one

[adriandadich]

[badjokesbyjeff]

Two burglars are robbing a liquor store.

One turns to the other and asks, “Is this whiskey?”

The other replies, “Yeah, but not as wisky as wobbing a bank.”

[caffeinewitchcraft]

Nothing gets me like when a character who is not the narrative’s focus, but still central to the plot, snaps about the current events. Just goes absolutely apeshit about how the bystanders are useless and toxic. Like it’s so validating to see a character in an action plot address how fucked up everything is, especially for them and the main character, and how it’s not fair. It’s not fair but they still have to keep moving forward, facing bad things, and winning by the skin of their teeth while other denizens of the world play victim.

[horrorandhalloween]

[creativepromptsforwriting]

Prompt #570

“Oh they will remember us. We’ll just have to find out for what.”

[writing-prompt-s]

Bob Ross and Gordon Ramsay are interrogating a suspect of a museum heist. They decide to go with a good cop/bad cop approach. Gordon is the good cop, Bob is the bad cop.

[justcatposts]

Cuddling with their tails intertwined! 😍 

(Source)

[gray-warden]

i am indifferent towards your shoelaces

[butchscientist]

thanks. i obtained them through entirely legal means wholly unrelated to any country’s head of state

[writernyx]

When your #cat is being extra #cute !! #catsofinstagram #murdockthemutt #adorable #socute (at Boulder, Colorado) https://www.instagram.com/p/B_6RXo3nnyX/?igshid=dam5dd6lwuli

[writernyx]

Some #days it's just hard to #wakeup . #murdockthemutt #morning #adorable #sleepy #cuddles #dogsofinstagram (at Boulder, Colorado) https://www.instagram.com/p/B_4525XnRBq/?igshid=x86fzgt6xei5