(The Poem is named) Emetophobia CW
It’s 2024 and I’m in a 20 year old drag bar, watching the very first trans-masculine performer to compete on their stage, he gets second place even though he deserved first.
I show up to the men’s bathhouse on trans night to get free entry and get turned away at the door, and told it’s for transgirls only, bitch you could have put it on the flyer that transmen need not apply.
I’m doing a line of ketamine off the table, calling it stealing transfem valor.
I get banned from the camsite for listing myself as transgender when I don’t have a dick, I complain online and get told that the trans-masculine body is to grotesque to be fetishized and I should be grateful.
I wear a packer and hitch up a skirt, walk the street, get $20, calling it stealing transfem valor.
Cissie puts a TW #body-mutilation tag under my thirst trap. Tranny puts a TW #dysphoria tag under my thirst trap.
T-girl with a callout post pedojackets me, Enby with TME in bio pedojackets me, T-boy with a self-deprecating joke about men in his bio pedojackets me.
I do another line of ketamine off the table, calling it stealing transfem valor.
I am at the woman’s clinic, I am at the woman’s clinic, I am at the woman’s clinic wearing a mask – not cause I’m compromised (I am), just to hide my beard – avoiding making everyone uncomfortable.
I am getting re-diagnosed with BPD, which just means I have bitch disorder and no one trusts me.
I take my pills and throw them up. I drink my liquor before the beer and throw them up.
I am just 14 when the picture and videos go up. Remind me that I have it easy, they were only pictures and videos.
I am just 17 when the recording of my proof stops before it happens, my phone memory is full, I’m called a liar and now I can’t see buttered crackers, thanksgiving, or sriracha sauce without wanting to kill myself.
No one gets me therapy, but they still want to convert me, she puts her hands down my pants, at least I’m 19, to remind me I’m a woman – tell me how they love trans men again.
I do a third line of ketamine off the table, realize it doesn’t effect me, calling it stealing transfem valor.
I call myself a dog, I start biting my lovers and I have to hold back from ripping out a chunk of flesh, I don’t think I’d throw it up.
I am reading the statistics, 40% of BPD patients try and kill themselves. 1 in 2 transgender men try and kill themselves. I’m one of them. I’m 12 and I swallowed all the pills. I’m 14 and the gun is empty. I’m 17 and I put the box-opener against my throat. Therapist calls me a liar, there is no scar, and my words don’t count for anything.
I’m using he/him pronouns for Stormé DeLarverie, like the stonewall veteran association said to, and telling you he started the riot, calling it stealing transfem valor from a woman who told you she didn’t fucking do it.
I’m shoving my fingers down my throat in a fit of mania, convinced I can vomit up my uterus. She tells me I should be grateful, she’d do anything to be able to get pregnant.
My brother in the struggle gets bottom surgery without top, calling it stealing transfem valor to feel comfortable in his body.
It’s 2024 and I’m at trans pride, the announcers tells everyone to give a round of applause for trans woman, a round of applause for gender-queers, a round of applause for transfems, a round of applause for the enbies, a round of applause for trans-masculine people. You forgot someone. Did you know a trans man started the first ever transgender pride parade?
A book on queer history talks about gay men and lesbians and trans women and the women who dressed as men for better job opportunities. I’m reminded that my invisibility is a privilege, if you aren’t seen you don’t get bashed.
I’m 13 and they throw me in the girls bathroom, pin me down, beat me, and in black sharpie write “dyke”, write “tranny”, write “lesbo”, and pull my hair out the cap I shoved it in.
I’m 19 with D cups that a binder can’t hide and a beard I refuse to shave less I break the mirror and kill myself with the shards of glass I would swallow.
Man at the bus stop calls me tranny and tells me I’ll never be a woman. I’d laugh if he didn’t have his hand on my throat. Calling it stealing transfem valor.
I’m 21 and have to pull a taser on him, cause from the back, even with short hair and top surgery, I look rape-able.
I’m 23 and in the gay district when they chase me down the street, calling me faggot.
Make another forcemasc post, calling it stealing transfem valor.
Read an article about a trans man prostitute that kills himself and ends up another female statistic.
Read an article about a trans man shooter, they blame the HRT he didn’t have access too.
Going to read a callout about me, five pages on Google Docs, does this post make it on the list?
Do a final line of ketamine, write the final line of a poem that makes me want to die, calling it stealing transfem valor.
I puke and miss the toilet.
prguitarman
vaporwave
turnnoffyourmind
stormborns
dededos
andulkaphoto
pixelskylines
gummygunk
