"if they call a woman a bitch, people comprehend that as misogyny" no, it is not widely accepted that "bitch" is a misogynistic slur towards women, or a derogatory word directed at women. and who do you mean when you say "they" call women bitches? do you mean your gaggle of "transfem" friends who hurl that word along with rape threats towards any woman who disagrees with them?
"but they call trans fems things that are harder to respond to." are you seriously positioning yourself as a worse victim than women, because you CHOOSE to present femininely, and are a man, so people sometimes accuse you of having creepy intentions? the word "bitch", used against women in general or one specific woman is absolutely ubiquitous in popular culture. movies, tv shows, music, and social media, are absolutely littered with the word, along with slut, cunt, bitch, whore, and many more. one study that looked at 1,000 movie scripts found over 1,226 uses of the word in reference to women and found that men were the ones using the word in most instances. how much of pop culture includes calling transfems rapists, pedophiles, and male conditioned? personally, I've heard lots of rap music that uses words like bitch, hoe, thot, slut, whore, to refer to women, but I've never heard a rap song that accuses transfems of being male conditioned rapist pedophiles. but hey, maybe that's in some playboi carti b-side i haven't heard.
"rapist, pedophile, male-conditioning, etc." well yeah. when you are a man who dresses in women's clothing and claims it is oppression and bigotry to not let you into the women's locker room where women and girls get naked and undress, and in the women's bathroom, where women and girls get partially undressed and use the bathroom, yeah, expect some people to accuse you of having suspect intentions. especially since you are of the sex that commits something like 95% of sexual crimes, usually victimizing women and girls, and in the US, something like 1 in 4 women have been victims of rape or attempted rape, yeah, expect people to be a little on guard. i'm not saying that all transfems or trans-identified-males are rapists or pedophiles, certainly not. but your actions and your complete lack of awareness for the social climate that you are yelling about bathrooms and locker rooms into, is what is resulting in people questioning your intentions. male conditioning is different though. because while you might not be a rapist or a pedophile, you certainly were conditioned and socialized as a male. that is not an opinion, nor is it derogatory, nor is it some kind of slur. it is a fact. you are male, so you were raised as a male. it's almost comical that you would draw a comparison between women getting called bitches, and you being correctly and accurately identified as someone who was socialized as male, and in fact positioning that as worse than being called misogynistic slurs. women are not factually bitches, but you were factually socialized as a male.
"they call us things so bad that even denying them is destructive. who wants to stand up in public and say they aren't those things?" is it really that destructive to say, "hey, actually i'm not a rapist pedophile, and i'm really offended that you would even imply that"? and again, you were socialized as a male, so feel free to deny that "destructive" claim as much as you want, but we all know it's true. you sound like every man after the #metoo movement. "these claims can literally ruin a man's life and reputation! these claims are so destructive, we can't even deny them!" boo hoo sweaty. if you really aren't a rapist pedophile, don't worry about it.
"who has the privilege to not get called those things in the first place?" most people. most people have not been accused of being rapist pedophiles. i don't know anyone in my life, male or female, who has been accused of being a rapist pedophile. again, maybe it has something to do with your actions. and I don't think this is the correct usage of the word "privilege". is it really a privilege for your entire sex to almost always be the victim of rape, and therefore not get accused of being rapists very often? you aren't underprivileged because your actions and demands come across as creepy and sexual, and therefore you get called a rapist pedophile. those are called consequences.
"when i look at a cis woman these days, the first thing i think is, i bet no one ever casually called her a rapist" no, but odds are someone casually raped her instead. you can take your pick over whether it's worse to be a member of the sex that is the victim of 80-90% of rapes, and have the wonderful "privilege" of not getting called a rapist, or be a member of the sex that is the victim of about 10-20% of rapes, and get called a rapist when your demands and behaviors come across as creepy and sexual. really, take your pick. she probably didn't get called a rapist pedophile because most women don't do creepy ass weird things that would give any indication of sinister intentions.
to position yourself as some kind of victim, when the entire social climate that led to you getting called a rapist, is based on the sheer number of women who are raped by men every year. if men were not constantly raping women, less people would suspect you of being one of those men. to claim that women have "privilege" to not be called rapist pedophiles, while demanding access to spaces where women and girls get undressed is truly a shockingly low amount of self-awareness. your entire supposed victimization and underprivileged-ness is built on:
the constant victimization of women by men, which everyone is aware of on some level. this is why people suspect you of being a rapist more than they suspect women.
your choices, actions and behaviors. you have chosen to assert that despite being male, you are a woman. you have chosen to beg and plead and demand access to spaces where women and girls get undressed.
positioning criticism and response to your choices, actions, and behaviors as a response to your marginalized identity. criticism and questioning the intentions for your choices, actions, and behaviors that you decided to take is not bigotry or victimization. most women, and in fact, most men, have not been accused of being rapist pedophiles, because like I said, they have not demanded access to private spaces where women get undressed.
Women do not hold any privilege over you sir. But I'm sure you'll go far in life with that incredible victim mindset and can't-do attitude.