spelling 'be'

gooding it up

[heronscry]

I’ve finished playing Pyre once and I just might play it again, because fuuuuuck, man this game is just so good??? And the more I think about things, Oralech is slowly becoming my favourite character. 

The sketch itself is more or less a study of the official game art, hence the similar pose and all, just so I can get the hang of drawing him for the future maybe?? HOPEFULLY.

Also, feelings and spoilers live below this sentence, avoid, avoid, avoid.

Keep reading

[xavanteros]

Vulpera

[xavanteros]

OK.

Can do better. Have done better.

Am I a conscious callus formed on a sim? Untethered synth? Or riding a current that normalizes all stimuli to a bearable level? F R  I C K    

[xavanteros]

I have to put a lot of effort in to nourishment. I am easily capable of suppressing hunger for an entire day or more. Just as much of a problem, I can eat one meal and be content for the rest of the day.

But food prices might go up, food might be more scarce, and the body needs to be as strong as it can in the event of difficult times. All of those factors contribute to my need to feed myself more. It’s not needed, and all the extra food I eat for the sake of adding a thicker layer of fat and muscle could instead go to someone in poverty, or starving. That can be said for all of the other food people simply buy and waste as well, though, so I can’t have guilt about that.

If our own body is analogous to the relationship humans have with the planet, then perhaps there’s nothing more noble than self-care. Patiently tending to yourself, sufficient meals and nutrition every day, and training in order to further strengthen the foundations of the body, the temple. Will this not yield greater input and enthusiasm towards life? If a human reaches a state of physical fitness that gives them more confidence, satisfaction, and capability than they’ve ever had, then perhaps personal body refinement is the first step in caring for the world at large. Consume with purpose, waste as little as possible, and put in the efforts to grow. Eat while I can. Before the sun goes down.

[xavanteros]

You're a magician, aren't you?

Less of this kind

More of this

[xavanteros]

[xavanteros]

back then happiness was counting up but now it’s counting down

[xavanteros]

Rummaging around potted plants and the gait of a Soldier, Morgan finds an opportunity to climb aboard and assume the “Opossum Hanging Off Mom” position atop my head.

[xavanteros]

Morgan the  Opossum assuring me she’s quite healthy and ready to run around outside again, but preferring the familiarity of my hoodies

[xavanteros]

Stumbling upon a singular blog post when you’re googling something, and they just so happen to have a submission with some relevant terms and anecdotes that strike your fancy enough for you to want a broader context to pull from; you visit their blog proper. Abruptly, you see there was a full-stop in publications after a prolific and regular narrative of varying forms. 

I always wonder, why’d they stop? Did this person get a new job, no longer has the time? Did a new avenue of expression open up, swallowing all the energy applied to the creative endeavor once inscribed forever to the internet? Did they all at once lose interest? 

We have different relationships with every one of our close friends and family members, but now my introspection rummages through my exchanges, how genuine my sharing is, how consistent with my will, personal ethics, and creed my time spent and company are. 

If I have worries about them, about myself, is it known? Those that willingly volunteer to save us from our blindsides and show us what we need to see, tell us what we need to hear, are also needing it from us. We are blessed to be in such company with family, friends, lovers, but they need to know the full breadth of our appreciation. Intrigue for their character once more, sympathizing adoration for their personal passions and convictions, knowing someone intimately and sharing, in your own ways, threads that connect you and can always be fortified further.

[xavanteros]

What happened made me suffer inside. My wish was, you'd dance tonight. What happened made me suffer inside. My wish was, you'd dance so wild.

What happened, what happened?

[xavanteros]

How am I gonna get this in the fridge?

For some reason, soup was never refrigerated growing up. My parents still leave out soups and stews overnight for as long as they'll have any left over--usually several days' worth. In Nicaragua, it's tradition to make soup and stews in large batches. The soup pots will not fit in a standard refrigerator (which most people don't have), much less an icebox/freezer. The rules are: reboil every day so that it doesn't go bad, whether you're going to have some or not, and always use a clean ladle and utensil when serving for each meal.  

[xavanteros]

All the fukn philosophizing or romanticization in the woiirld isn’t going to have a fraction of the effect some good hard work, labor, and time would have though. I’m just a barrel of disappointment! Three more years! 

When I can heave my weight around effortlessly and tear pizza boxes in half, i’ll finally have obtained true practical utility -- purpose -- in this world.

[xavanteros]

I have a friend who tells me I sometimes take things too deep and heavy too quickly in conversations. I have explained that it isn’t an intentional change in depth, but instead just my present observation which I share. It often deals directly with the previous contribution from my speaking partner, so I continue the conversation in context, while incorporating broader scales of the same pattern described in the motivating story.

Awareness, consciously describing the given story and the world in which the story is told. 

I know I volunteer some perspectives simply too much, when not needed. That’s my ugly part. I am more aware of the scathing, or wince inducing experiences with my presence.

To enrich and bestow graciousness. That’s what I want to do unto one, full breadth of symbiosis, embedding fates, finding it from the pull and following the tug. Fanning the flames, blowing upon the fire. We’ll make it glow, and burn it down if we must!

[xavanteros]

2016 edit: I have struck out the parts of this post that suck.

A week before 2016? You can start now, why not! 

After spilling a font of love like a wild hose for several concentrated weeks, a surge of warmth was returned. So much, it’s a new quest to rein it in, to focus the flow, to grow with exchange.

The precocious trickster convinces the priest to dedicate each practiced warrior discipline as a foundation for the king’s court.

Scavenged by a mind distracted easily by glam, tune and magic looms, from errant google searches and video game backstory. Experienced through small triumphs and companion energy symbiosis; perspectives, codes, and prayers alike are corroboration enough to keep the path revealed, to always cast a welcoming light.

Give a little bit, get a little bit. So simple, right? Your thoughts determine your present choice, your choices dictate your actions. Line ‘em all up (like a celestial alignment, baby!) and watch the magic unfold.

Yer saving the world just by thinking about it, and damn well we’d better know that it kills just to like what kills, as mr Lennox so angelically put it. We’re all black and white, a kind of eigengrau, a dichotomy of good and evil acts, hideous beauty chaotically intertwined, working for and against each other, the world over, at all times. Admittedly, modernity reveals to many of us how lopsided the ratios are, within some of us - and it’s not wholly constrained to a simple standard of living bracket or generic country name.

Due to our actions having so much more force behind them in the world, their outcomes are more readily noticed and impactful. It helps pave the way for you to put yourself in situations to do good if you can first get past any mental barriers still impeding you from creating, participating, helping. Do remember that acts of destruction and destabilization are necessary in a closed, recycling system! 

With enough consistency and positive reinforcement returned to us in the feedback loop, you can begin to develop an i’ll-be-damned, conscientious moral compass. Inherent love and preeminent idyllic experiences occur more regularly, for longer, with increased clarity. Rather than follow a particular synapse to its root and clench all the nectar, the drifter floats by the most opportunistic, receptive nodes.

With a removal of habituated, cultivated, visceral fear responses, combined with the above tranquility of mind, (even if the states are temporary), one can find themselves losing reference of time and identity. A fugue state of mind, not altogether uncommon. When this occurs, people may find themselves in the midst of work, meetings, or upon waking. The more monotonous and predictable, the more easily consciousness will be capable of drifting to an ambiguous, nebulous perspective of the physical reality.

It is the easily deceived, malleable mind that we actually play with, knowingly taking on roles that are familiar to us, yet temporary. When you wake, you have a chance, every time, to be complicit in your waking as a different person. Compartmentalizing the brain, repressing and resisting primal and spiritual urges make it possible to develop and experience multiple personalities. Some dude even made a movie about a guy who created an underground urban street fighting ring that laid the groundwork for an anarchist revival group entirely under the haze of his alternate personality that he abruptly woke up to in the form of lucid hallucinations as his projected motivators.

By the end of the story he’s shattered the persona-based relationship, and divisor, between his ideologies and lifestyles, and he’s a squarely thug life motherfucker in the way he establishes that. Now sober and wise to his capabilities when focused as a person, the fruits of project mayhem reveal themselves around him: the financial district’s skyscrapers tumble down, and the viewers are urged to understand he’s probably keeping the renegade life. Doing away with the 3rd shift job he’d been tucking beneath his eyelids for a while.

The more practical comparison is the dark side of ourselves that we still express occasionally, specifics will only muddy the waters: anything at all that makes us feel shame, regret, anything that we’d not want regularly in the world. The choices we make that, were everyone to also make the same choices to lead in that direction or manner of intent, would immediately lead the world to destruction: that’s our “dark side” the black, yin, whatever you’re comfortable identifying it with. Some of our actions are simply dominated by this force, others just have a smattering of it. The compulsions of darkness and lightness, levity and death, weigh on us until equilibrium returns. They are the means to which miraculous feats, heroics, justice, defense and passion are breathed through the body. When the mind stops resisting, muses or warlords might be stepping in place. 

Forces to do good, to create, strengthen, nourish and balance the circuit, we express these through actions and our thoughts and dreams. This overactive hero-prophet-leader complex will want to always fight for what’s right, so if our own actions occasionally cause us moral struggle, conflict (or say, shame), that’s because we do have that light, ‘good’, positive, or yang side on the other pan of the scales of justice. Like two sides of a force similar to gravity, but which pulls on an immaterial substance. Divine inspiration fuels these channeled great moments, imbuing the soul with outward warmth - the actions of a hero or the voice of a prophet may bleed through the human who’s consciousness took on the ascended, escalated role.

This is already a lot longer than I expected it to be when I started, but it might just be the basis for a brief topographic psyche outline of the past few years. The descent, the split, disjointed wisdom, reunification, and dissolution.

[xavanteros]

Good to know this thing’s on. Let’s splash some color on it!

[xavanteros]

Luna’s fullness lights your hearth, guiding sight as you float out to sea.

Tugged dreaming, the ship wakes, from fullness you drifted in to see. 

Dawn warms thy welcome sights, you’re free, with glee!