do not go gentle into that good night

Benjy Fenwick || 18 Auror in training Order of the Phoenix ❝do not go gentle into that good night rage, rage against the dying of the light❞

[gladys-sloane]

We Meet Again || Gladys & Benjy

[xbenjyfenwick]

( Gladys ) :

Gladys really had to learn to listen to her gut more. She swore she’d get into far less trouble if she did so. She knew when she decided to remain in her seat that Benjy was not in a forgiving mood where she’d have some sort of hope in talking to him and helping him see reason. Not to mention this wasn’t the place where they should have this out. No matter. She remained glued to her spot as she took in the words that felt like rocks being hurled at her. Her fingers gripped the edge of the table as she took the words in her lips pursing her face drawing into something between hurt and like she’d swallowed a lemon whole. 

“Don’t look at me like that. You asked me a question and I have you the honest answer.” She said as she leaned forward her voice lowered to a whisper because the last thing she wanted to do was cause a scene in the middle of the coffee shop. “You don’t need to put your Auror pants on I’m telling the truth. You could administer a dose of veritiserum and I’d tell you the same thing. I didn’t know anything about the plan on the Ministry until I was wrapped up in the middle of it.”  Her face fell into a hard line as she studied him. “I get why you doubt me after–well, I get it but I don’t have anything else to hide. I wasn’t running around in a mask or trying ot take down the Ministry I was doing my job nothing more. When did you turn into a hard-headed snob who doesn’t listen to other people or believe in giving a friend a chance.”

The surprise and compassion were on her face the instant that he said that he almost died, but she doubted that it meant anything to Benjy in this state, so instead of asking what happened or how he was like she wanted she contented herself with giving him a once over. Whatever happened he seemed to have recovered. Thank Merlin. “You have no idea what you’re talking about. You’re talking out of your backside and tossing around assumptions like they’re rose petals at a wedding.” Her hand smacked against the table with a growl of frustration. “You don’t get to judge my reactions and how I respond to situations. Do you know what it felt like to be trapped in that ballroom? To know that everyone around me would be happy to see me end up the same way as Dorcas because I’m not as good as you all? Do you have any idea how it felt that night when I got trapped in the alley with a Death Eater and almost didn’t make it? It was like I was back there in that alley again I just wanted to get out in one piece this time.” She hissed as she looked up at the ceiling trying to pull herself back together. She refused to cry in front of him and both of them acting irrationally and snapping wouldn’t get them anywhere either But her choices were cry or lash out and she never wanted to be the girl who used her tears to manipulate people, so instead she didn’t filter the words that came out next. “I came over here because I thought you were my friend? And sure I thought you were pissed at me and I had explaining to do, but….I was wrong obviously you’re just like the rest of the purebloods too good for the rest of us.” 

❝Don’t❞ Benjy shook his head, ❝don’t you talk about me being an Auror, that’s done, I- in case you didn’t notice I don’t work there anymore❞ his dream, the only thing in life he had dreamed about, the one thing he spent his entire time at Hogwarts fighting to be a better student for, gone. ❝Not being a part of that plan doesn’t erase that you were a part of them...❞ Benjy bit the inside of his cheek to stop himself from crying, out of anger, sadness, he didn’t know anymore, all he knew was that Gladys had been one of his best friends, and if she was Aversio, then anyone could be. ❝A snob uh?❞ he nodded, ❝that’s it isn’t it, no matter what I do, or don’t do, you are always deep down, gonna think of me that way...❞ it was a hard wake up call, but maybe Gladys was right, maybe you cannot fight who you really are. ❝So not agreeing with how a terrorist group takes justice into their own hands makes me a snob, good to know...❞ staying had been a mistake, he should’ve run the minute he had the chance, Benjy felt like they were about to cross the point of no return.

❝Oh I have no idea?❞ Benjy’s tone changed, he no longer cared who listened to them, and when her hand hit the table he jumped, scared, he had no idea where that had come from, but it had sounded like that day at the Ministry, the Death Eaters trying to break through to get to Millicent, and suddenly his anger was back. ❝Now who’s the one judging here, so because of what, my blood, my family I don’t get to suffer? Is that it? Because as a matter of fact I do know how it feels to be in an alley with a Death Eater... did yours left you for dead? because mine did... I was bleeding out so badly that they thought I was dead... they walked away because they were so sure I was gone... but I didn’t go and joined a radical group just because I wanted revenge!❞ he said bringing a hand to his middle section, the wound always managed to hurt at the worst possible times, although this time it was perhaps due to overexerting himself, Benjy had never liked confrontation, and while quick to jump in a fight, he would rather not having to fight. ❝Now’s my turn to ask you a question, do you know how it feels to feel like a failure because you are about to die? Because when the Ministry was attacked that’s how I felt. I had one mission, to get Millicent to safety, but I was dying in a hallway alone... the one thing on my mind wasn’t surviving, it was how bad of an Auror I was...❞ Benjy crossed his arms, this conversation was leading nowhere, but he couldn’t bring himself to walk away.

❝We were friends, I trusted you... I-❞ he shook his head, ❝did you and your friends got a good laugh? After I told you for months how hard this fight was because now we were also looking for Aversio... the stories you had to bring back to your mates, I bet you for a good laugh, you know talking about of how big of an idiot I was...❞ how much more was the war going to take from him? ❝I’m just like the rest uh? Well you said you were not wearing a mask and bringing chaos into the Ministry but you were a part of them... for how long? I don’t care, only you know... but if you were with them from the start... how could you, how could stand by as they opened fired at the Quidditch Cup, there were innocent people there, families... and then the kidnapping and murder of the Minister... on Christmas of all days... how could you stand by, be a part of them... and if you were not with them from the start... how could you join them... after everything they’ve done... you saw how-❞ he couldn’t continue, this was taking a toll on him, ❝if you wanted you could’ve stopped them.❞

[hcstia-joncs]

growing pains || benjy and hestia

[hcstia-joncs]

Watching Benjy as he worked through the pain of recovery was difficult. She knew that his pain had to be intense; it had only been what? – a few days? – since he was brought into the hospital and only a few more days since he had been prematurely discharged. Hestia wasn’t sure if that was his decision or if it was the medical’s professionals’. But either way, it was obvious that Benjy was still in pain, still dealing with the aftermath of the attack and still trying to get over whatever attack he had personally suffered during that awful and terrible night. “Don’t be sorry,” Hestia frowned, unconvinced by his smile. “Is there anything that I can get for you? Do you need anything? Seriously, tell me what I can do to stop it from hurting, and I’ll do it.” As he started to process her words, to come to terms with the fact that Hestia was no longer happy living where she did, going through life in the same way that she had been for the past year or so, Hestia found it difficult to look Benjy in the eye. She felt guilty. Incredibly guilty. And she didn’t quite know why. Leaving was her own decision. Nobody pressured her into it. In fact, by choosing to leave the flat that she shared with Benjy – and by extension, with Charity – was something that helped her feel more free. So why, now, was she feeling bad about a choice that she made all on her own? “Don’t say it like that. You can’t define home on where someone else is. That’s like saying you’re only happy with me physically here. I can’t be responsible for anyone else’s happiness right now, Benj. I have to do this for me.” She ran a hand through her hair, wondering if there was a better way to say what she wanted to say to him. “I – It just hit me one day. I need more space. I’ve never lived on my own … not really. I think its something that I want to try, that’s all.” It wasn’t that she was miserable living with her two friends. Rather, she felt like their space was cramped, like she didn’t have enough time to just be by herself. “We can still get together, watch telly together, hang out… we’ll still be friends. I just need … my own life to be my own life. I don’t think that means we won’t have each other, just because I’m moving a few streets away.” At his last comment, Hestia didn’t know if she knew what to say. He sounded so hurt, so sad at the idea that she wanted out. “Don’t be overdramatic, Benjy. Of course you’ll survive. We’ve lasted this long, haven’t we?”

[xbenjyfenwick]

❝No, don’t worry. It’ll pass❞ Benjy said holding his midsection, ❝it’s just that I sometimes forget I was hurt, well more like forget how badly I was hurt❞ he said with a small smile, he had been told by several people that the more he held onto to the memories that harder it would be, and he didn’t have to be told twice to try to forget, but sometimes he overdid it. It was more like he was trying to get back to normal, to continue as he had before, but the attack on the Ministry had certainly took a toll on him, whether he wanted to admit it or not, he was not going to be the same for a long while. ❝I’m well taken care off, Ted is great, very patient with me, he uh he even got me some muggle medicine, it’s awesome I don’t know why we don’t use it more often❞ he let the words trail.

❝I know I know... sorry I- I don’t know... I’m sorry I’m being such a shit friend❞ he said reaching across the table to touch her hand, ❝I should be happy for you, excited, you know this is a big step, I should be celebrating that you are going to be a real adult❞ he laughed, he was being unfair by placing so much on Hestia, it was the last thing she needed right now. Benjy had always known she was wise and older for her years, even back at school, at eleven years old Hestia was lightyears ahead of all of them. ❝And like you said it’s not like I’m not going to see you again, or not bother you anymore... you’ll always be an apparition away...❞ he smiled. Benjy wanted Hestia to know that it hurt yes, because she was important for him, but that he supported her fully. He had not always being good with words, he was good at words, talking being one of his most prominent features, but never knew to to properly put words in order. Actions, those he knew. 

Benjy slowly stood up from his seat and reached out to embrace Hestia. ❝I know I should not say I’ll miss you, because it’s not goodbye, but I’m going to miss you...❞ you don’t go about living eight years with a person without missing them. Hestia was his friend, the first friend from the real world he ever made. Of course he was going to miss her. But everyone grows up eventually, and expecting her to stay with him forever was unfair, she had a life ahead, a promising life, and if he was being honest with himself, he had always felt like Hestia felt somehow responsible for him, he was done holding her back. 

[xbenjyfenwick]

47% Caregiver

Friendly, sincere, and compassionate, the Caregiver finds their reward in helping others. No one could ask for a better best friend.

Archetype Family: Caring

Other Expressions: Nurturer, Mother, Lover, Sister, Teacher, Rescuer, Homemaker, Heroine, Best Friend, Companion

Life Journey: Care for others in ways they are unable to care for themselves.

Unique Challenge: Fear of being thought of as selfish.

Lesson To Learn: Learning to help when it’s really needed.

Defining Grace: Compassion

Challenge To Self: How can I dedicate more time for myself so I have more stamina to care for others? Can I give myself the freedom to explore what truly makes me happy?

37% Advocate

The Advocate is the one everyone wants on their side. In the name of justice, they are not afraid to challenge authority or speak up for others.

Archetype Family: Advocate

Other Expressions: Naturalist, Defender, Champion of a Cause

Life Journey: To act as an agent for positive change.

Unique Challenge: To find causes that engage my strengths, not my personal agenda.

Lesson To Learn: To do what I can, even if it doesn’t feel like enough.

Defining Grace: Hope

Challenge To Self: I will commit fully to a cause, even if it means pledging my time, energy, and money in order to make a difference.

16% Intellectual

The Intellectual is the ultimate dinner-party guest. Engaging questions and thoughtful debate are their trademarks.

Archetype Family: Thinking

Other Expressions: Professional, Student, Scholar, Judge

Life Journey: To pursue knowledge for the sake of discovering truth in all areas of life.

Unique Challenge: To recognize when I’ve locked myself into a line of thinking based on my education or experience; to remain open to new ideas.

Lesson To Learn: To learn to listen to my gut, and to discern the differences between reason and truth.

Defining Grace: Wisdom

Challenge To Self: I will avoid paralysis by analysis.

[dogstarsirivs-blog]

{ better days } | benjy&sirius

[xbenjyfenwick]

( Sirius ):

Sirius slipped past Benjy when the door opened, a smile settling over his lips as he did so. “That the only reason you’re letting me in, Fenwick?” he asked, teasing, a sense of comfort washing over him in the other’s presence. It was odd, he thought, to find comfort in a piece of his past, but that was what he had with Benjy. It was a warmth, a sort of contentment, regardless of the usual affiliations of before. It was familiar - safe. It was a different sort of friendship than Sirius had with most others, and it was precious, in that regard.

“But I guess I’ve missed you, too - even if you’re only in it for these.” Sirius gestured to the brown paper bag of goodies as he turned on his heel, taking in the state of Benjy’s flat, keen on any little thing that could indicate that Benjy wasn’t okay. Because, really, that was why Sirius had dropped by - for the company, yes, but to ensure that his friend was somehow okay, all things considered. He was aware, though, of how nuanced okay was, nowadays. They were all okay, really, in the fact they were alive, but beyond that? Okay hardly meant a thing, and yet it was sometimes everything.

Sirius completed his observation and ended facing Benjy again, an arm casually sweeping out to gesture the rest of the flat. “Charity’s out, I take it?” he asked, maybe a bit too enthused at the idea of the afternoon being theirs and theirs alone. He hadn’t a thing against Burbage, but he wanted to be selfish with the friendship he held so dearly.

❝Well I ain’t gonna start lying now❞ Benjy said as if it was such a logical thing, they had grew up in a world full of lies, but particularly in a world that taught children how to lie, so they had promised long ago they would never lie to each other, a small act of defiance that back then, to a pair of seven year olds seemed like taking on the world. Now life had truly set them on the path of having to fight the world, at least they still were doing it back to back. ❝Kiddin’ of course, besides I don’t even know what the presents are...❞ he laughed.

Benjy had not realized that something had gone wrong when he stood up too quickly from his nap on the couch, the tried to cover any sign, but the small wince still came, hopefully Sirius was too distracted to notice. Benjy tried to appear as casual as possible as he made his way to the couch, he patted the space next to him with a smile, trying to get Sirius to sit down and cover the fact that standing up was putting some strain on him. 

❝Yeah Charity is out, she was going to brunch with Alastor or something...❞ Benjy said laughing before he even got all the words out, the mere idea of Alastor sipping mimosas brought tears of laughter to his eyes, ❝sorry I can’t even say that with a straight face, but yeah she was meeting him, so I’d rather believe it was for brunch than them possible discussing keeping me under house arrest for a little longer❞ Benjy said picking on a loose thread from the couch, if there was someone he felt comfortable voicing how he felt about everyone babying him it was Sirius. Sirius would understand.   

[aphroditzy]

[xbenjyfenwick]

(( @dogstarsirivs ))

[charitysbvrbage-blog]

hold on to hope || benjy + charity

date: july 8th, 20:25 location: the fundraiser availability: open @xbenjyfenwick

The fundraiser had been one of the very few things happening lately that gave Charity some kind of hope that one day maybe they’d be able to return to some kind of normal.The fact that Natalie was one of the people who mainly made it happen was enough reassurance for Charity to feel save going, even though times were so tense that this could very well turn out to be some kind of disaster. However Chari wanted to help, times might be rough but when it came to money she had so much to give. Her family had always had more than enough and how it was only her left anyway, she didn’t need all these things.

Looking at Benjy, standing next to her, she smiled a little. His gaze darted around the room which gave her an opportunity to just look at him without him realizing. She had so much, not only money but also him, much more than so many others. “Alright, so we’re just going to make small talk? Act as if everything is perfectly fine? This feels really weird.”

[xbenjyfenwick]

If a year ago anyone would tell him that he would be attending a pureblood event out of his own free will, Benjy would’ve laughed in their faces. But here he was, dressed as it was expected, determined to make the most of the night. Not just in terms of raising money, or getting people to donate money, but also to enjoy this night at Charity’s side. There was little they could normally do, the war was only getting worse, the world more dangerous, and that was considering they were purebloods from respectable families. But this night was for them, they were going to steal whatever little time from the horrors of the war to be happy. 

❝Come on we were basically raised for making small talk at these events❞ Benjy said with a reassuring smile, ❝we are going to be okay❞ he said taking her hand and giving it a small kiss, ❝let’s just focus on it being for a good cause, besides Nats is organizing it, even if nothing’s fine❞ far from it really, ❝let’s try for her...❞

[regulusb-blog1]

It was early in the evening. The amount of work that had gone into it had been considerable, but Regulus hardly wanted his name attached to the event. He didn’t particularly care for it either way - St. Mungos would wind up being rebuilt with or without the fundraiser, but it was deemed necessary, and for whatever reason, so had he been. He’d been to hundreds of events like this over the course of his life, yet it seemed like there were new expectations of him now that he had officially graduated. Now the questions that plagued him were the ones of whether or not he planned on a career in politics, whether or not there were any women he’d had his eye on… The typical trivial things that should have been his biggest concern.

Instead, he paid more mind to the flute of champagne he carried around, sipping from it so as to make the drivel more bearable. So these were the conversations that would replace the questions of what year he was in now, and which classes he was taking at NEWT level. Nobody asked him what his academic accolades were – nobody cared. Not when his last name was Black. Professor Slughorn was the most tolerable of all of the conversations he’d been having, moving on to his second drink when the professor had asked for one for him, insisting that it was a celebration of his graduation, and a small toast between the two was made. It was the closest thing to an actual friendly conversation that he’d come across, but even still, Slughorn’s attention had waned quickly - another flash of someone he deemed worthy across the room and he was moving on, as he always had.

The reprieve was nice, even if the whiskey wasn’t. It wasn’t low quality, simply that Regulus wasn’t used to drinking. Before he’d been permitted a glass of wine, if even that given the history of his house with alcohol, and now he was free to do as he pleased. This kind of freedom wasn’t something he was used to, or even something that he knew he wanted just yet. It was awkward at the moment, shaking yet another hand and respectfully accepting compliments on a party he felt he had no hand in. They too moved on quickly, while Regulus sought out a place where he could sit and make an attempt to enjoy his drink with his preferred company - himself.

@xbenjyfenwick

[xbenjyfenwick]

It had been a no brainer deciding to come to the fundraiser. While there were still some duties he had towards his family, mainly his grandfather, Benjy had for the first time in a long time, his entire life probably, decided to attend a pureblood event out of his own free will. No family obligations, no Order agenda, no official Auror duty. It was strange to even think about it, wanting to attend an event he would in the past put up so much resistance to attend. But it was a fundraiser, they were working towards a noble cause. And Natalie, one of his oldest friends, was in charge. Regulus as well, and even if they weren’t as close as when they were little, Benjy still considered Reg a friend. 

But most important, this was the first time that he and Charity were attending a pureblood event as a couple. Not that they had been hiding, and in truth many people assumed they were together for years, and while they were not planning on making a big deal out of it, Benjy knew they could not ignore the society they had grew up in, pureblood society was traditional, and ruthless and unforgiving when it came to such things. This was also an important event for Charity, her family always big on helping others, even her name was a reflection of that, perhaps doing some good -not that they didn’t help others, but this time it would be out in the open, not in the shadows- would, even for a second, help them forget about the war outside. 

The night was going well, at least for him, the fundraiser was just another typical pureblood event, except now as people tried to one up each other, St. Mungo’s kept on winning. Charity had gone with some of her housemates, and Benjy decided to sit down for a while, he had not realized how tired he was, he had decided that as long as he kept moving and his mind was occupied, he would avoid falling into despair, but the weight of the war slowly crept up on him. Glass of champagne in one hand and a chocolate eclair in the other, Benjy set out to find a quiet table, and that’s when he spotted Regulus. Ignoring every inch of him telling him to leave Regulus alone, Benjy approached the younger boy. ❝Hey Reg❞ Benjy said with a small smile, they used to play together and now it felt so awkward to even start a conversation, what had happened to them? ❝being an organizer doesn’t mean you have to stay in the sidelines❞ Benjy said fully knowing parties had never been Regulus thing, ❝have you even danced yet?❞ maybe a small joke would make things better? 

[gingerlilyevans-deactivated2019]

The Polyjuice Potion | Benjy and Lily

The days for the party ran faster than Lily could keep up with. Since she had been given the task of working directly with Benjy and others in the polyjuice potion for preparation, administration and even being in disguise seemed a lot. Evans would never complain about it, but she knew the work of the others who were with her well and knew that if she recognized them before they went, it would be much easier than being alone among the sharks. Now it was just a matter of putting things into practice before he threw a glass into someone’s head for an offense to muggleborns.

“Benjy!” Lily smiled at the young man as she approached him carrying a briefcase. It contained all the important details about the person she was going to be that evening and who had gotten an invitation. From what had been intercepted, the woman would have to return to another part of England and not attend the special dinner until Lily had received her information. For days, she has practiced the accent and even the posture that was completely different from the one she carried herself. In the end, she had come to the conclusion that the girl needed to learn to live and go with her someday to a Muggle Pub for a few beers and dance to the sound of a local band. Obviously, after the war is over. But until then, it could be at least in Lily’s house where they could watch television and be normal people.

“Are you ready? Or is there something that’s still missing?” Her red hair gleamed in the few rays of sunlight struggling to slip through the clouds, staring at him with a brief amusement on her face. She raised her eyebrows playfully, trying to break the sense of danger the mission brought. Lily knew full well that she had no way to go back and that this could cause her death. But she had to try. Whatever they knew and had a chance to get, she would be able to sacrifice herself for the Order to win.

@xbenjyfenwick

[xbenjyfenwick]

Benjy was nervous, it wasn’t the normal constant state of anxiety he was so used to, being a Ravenclaw with barely passing grades and whose worst ability is reading tended to do that to you. This was different. He was supposed to become a different person. Not just that but then he was expected to walk into Lestrange manor as that person. Benjy had been memorizing stories, and practicing gestures and the accent, that bloody American accent, since the minute he received the packet of information. There were so many variables, so many things that could go wrong. Benjy was counting on the fact that the people in the party had not seen Michael Everett III in years. 

The one thing that gave him comfort was knowing he was not going to be involved with the brewing. He had absolute faith in those in charge of prepping it. Lily Evans one of them. Lily had been one of the first real friends Benjy had. She had accepted him for who he was, liked him despite his shortcomings, she was a friend because she wanted to be a friend. Nothing to gain or lose, no family obligations, no childhood story behind it. Benjy owed her a great deal, it was thanks to her help that he had gotten the grades required to enlist in the Auror’s program. And now as another task that required deep concentration, Benjy was glad Lily was by his side. ❝Feels like heading into our OWLS all over again ain’t it?❞ he said with a cheerful smile approaching Lily, ❝except now we risk being arrested, or worse, if we fail...❞ he joked.

❝How’s the brew?❞ he asked knowing it wouldn’t be a better person to oversee it than Lily. ❝Here let me❞ Benjy said asking for the briefcase, his own materials already waiting for him. This mission was like no other, it would be a miracle if everything went as planned. ❝Shall we go over everything one more time? This is kinda reminding me of tutoring sessions more and more❞ he smiled, ❝Merlin’s sake Lily, I’m really nervous, think we can pull it off?❞ Benjy let out the question he had been holding in all day, would they succeed?

[jenn-ifer-ja-reau]

[xbenjyfenwick]

(( @marliism ))

[charitysbvrbage-blog]

rewrite the stars || benjy & charity

[xbenjyfenwick]

( Charity ):

In so many ways Charity’s family had been open-minded enough to depart from the Pureblood way to do things, mostly for their daughter who so early on in life developed an interest in muggles and their culture. They had probably known that they might lose her if they’d tried to contain her curiosity, to take away her right to see the world through her own eyes not those of people who had lived centuries ago. However one thing had still been pretty present in their household: Don’t show weakness in front of others. What was happening with her right now was definitely a show of weakness but she couldn’t control it, couldn’t stop it.

However if there was anybody she would share all her weaknesses with it was Benjy, who had already held her so many times when she woke up screaming, who had held her hand tightly during the funeral when all she wanted had been to die alongside her family. During all those times she had found strength in him, had gladly taken all the support he had offered her without thinking twice. There were so little people as giving and strong and kind as Benjy was and she loved all these things about him. How ironic was it now that exactly these attributes that made him the boy she loved also regularly got him into more and more dangerous situations. So now what was she supposed to think? What was she supposed to want? Everything inside her yelled at her that she had to keep him safe, keep him away from this war but it would be so contrary to who he really was.

His words made her smile the tiniest little bit, they were so earnest, so full of heart and in his eyes while he said it she could see that he really truly meant it. Of course she had known he loved her before, they’ve been telling each other that for years and years, however this felt different somehow, bigger. And it was scary but she couldn’t take her eyes off of his face, couldn’t stop listening. Forever, it was such a big word but it wasn’t at the same time. It had always been theirs, forever. When two people had known each other their whole damn life they didn’t just stop, it was the kind of bond not even time could break. Benjy could do just about anything and she would always forgive him, unless… well unless he would get himself killed. She would never be able to forgive him that.

His promise wasn’t one he could give, she knew that very well so hearing him say those words didn’t really calm her nerves. “You… you can’t promise that. It’s not like you could leave this war behind.” Smiling a little she layed her hand right over where his heart was. “You fight so much because you love so much, so I can’t even really be mad at you for it, because it’s what makes you you.” The most wonderful and incredibly person on earth. “The only thing you can promise me is not to fight when it’s stupid and to take care of yourself.” Her head had cleared up again and she knew exactly what she wanted to say. “The thing is I know you think that your life isn’t that much to give if you can help people in return but you’re wrong.” Laying her arms around his neck she looked at him earnestly, hoping he’d really listen. “Your life, you, are my entire world, so truly it is everything. Don’t forget that.”

Looking at him like that, being so close to him Chari knew exactly what she wanted, even though it had been a mess in her mind for a while now. They had gotten so close, she never knew they could get even closer than they were before but they had and all of that had to mean something. If not anything else it surely meant that she wanted to kiss him really bad, which was weird on the one hand but on the other the most natural thing in the world. Now if the past month had shown them anything it was that either of them could die tomorrow and she would truly regret not having kissed him if that should be the case, so therefore the decision had been made. Closing the last bit of distance between them Chari simply pressed her lips against his and kissed him. It was a weird kiss, an awkward one since obviously he was too surprised to do anything, or maybe he didn’t even want this? Quickly she moved a bit away, looking at him, trying to see his reaction while her heart was racing like crazy. “So… yeah.” She said sheepishly into the quiet, only to break it and to make herself less nervous. Now it was his turn to say something.

❝Yes I can, and I am... I am promising you that❞ Benjy tightened his hold of her, ❝you don’t get it do you? It’s not that I’m leaving the war behind❞ although for a split second he wondered about how if she asked, if Charity said the words, he would leave. It wasn’t clear before, but it was now, he would be willing to leave everything behind for her, if she asked he would walk away. But he knew her, and Charity was as invested in this war as he was. And now he wondered if he were to ask her to leave, would she? But wasn’t going to do that, not even if all he could think about was their future, a future were they were together, growing old, a future only achievable if they won the war. ❝I- I don’t think either of us could walk away, not now, not after everything...❞ he closed his eye briefly before continuing, ❝but you still can’t see it? That I am alive because of you?❞ he asked looking into her eyes. 

Benjy was about to bring back memories he wished nothing but to keep buried, the things he had put Charity through, ❝that time a few months back❞ she would know what he was talking about, ❝when I was laying on the sidewalk... I-❞ he had never told anyone this before, ❝I was ready to go... I was ready to die❞ it wasn’t that he had wanted to die, but he had been at peace, ❝I-❞ Benjy felt a tremor go through him, ❝I simply let go... and then I was next to you. Because my last thought were you, because I was ready to go home.❞ That was the moment everything had changed, from then on it would be his mission to make it back to her, to survive for her. ❝And today... I- I was scared, and I was way over my head, but I- I couldn’t stop thinking about you, about how I was just supposed to be at work to drop something off, and about how we were going to watch Doctor Who when I came back, about how I wasn’t going to die without seeing you face again.❞ Benjy brought a hand up to touch her face, ❝so I am not promising not to fight, but I am promising that I will always survive for you, to see you again...❞ 

The kiss took him by surprise to say the least. He had no been expecting a kiss, there was so much between them, love more than anything. But he had never realized there was something more. At times maybe he wondered, specially when people assumed they were together, he had always laughed, played it off as them being just friends, but maybe a part of him always wanted it to be true. He never even dared to entertain the idea, the last thing he wanted was to lose Charity, but now, now that it was her closing the distance between them, now he could allow himself to open that door. The kiss was over before he could react, and if they had been standing up Benjy was sure he would’ve fallen down -not just because of the exhaustion- but because he immediately missed her lips on his. Her words brought a smile to his face, it was such a Charity thing, he laughed before pulling her close, ❝I love you❞ he said grabbing her face with both hands and kissing her. So it was true that you can love a person in more than one way, he was now realizing that he loved Charity in every possible way.

[heis-waldenmacnair]

the magic of money | pj!walden&open

Date: July 8, 1979

Location: St. Mungo’s Fundraiser

OPEN TO ALL !

Walden Macnair looked around at the great turn out of the St. Mungo’s Fundraiser and saw only disaster in the making. Though he couldn’t recognize any Order or Aversio members that may have been nearby, he was certain that the building was crawling with them. While everyone else was busy being friendly and trying to swindle as much money for the cause as they could, he was ready to locate and terminate any intruders. He took a haste walk from one side of the party to the next, recollecting all he knew about his current identity, Edwaldo Oliveira, before he deemed himself ready to approach another guest.

“I think you’re the only person in this whole place that looks like they’re having any bit of fun,” He commented, trying to remember to smile more. “I don’t come to these things often ― I think governments get too money from their people as it is, personally ― but I must admit that whoever organized this event sure did arrange for there to be good alcohol here.” He raised his glass slightly. “I suppose that’s part of the trick though, isn’t it? Well, it’s working on me. How about you?”

[xbenjyfenwick]

Benjy had been dancing and laughing the entire time he had been at the fundraiser. But in the moments he allowed himself to take a break all what that was wrong with the world came rushing back, that’s why he didn’t stop to think. It wasn’t that he was ignoring the war raging outside these walls, but this was important, not only raising money for St. Mungo’s, but Natalie and Regulus were his friends (or had been at some point in their childhoods, and now Benjy was trying to keep the friendship alive) and he was there to support them. Plus it was nice to get out of the house, and Charity was smiling, and that was all that mattered to him. When Charity went to greet some of her classmates, Benjy headed for the bar, for some water and a strong drink to keep his spirits up. 

❝Well that’s the whole point of things like this❞ Benjy said cheerfully, ❝you drink, you dance, you give money for a good cause... everyone wins❞ he took a sip of his drink, ❝although I didn’t use to think that, I usually have to be dragged to these things by my parents❞ who should be somewhere in the crowd ❝but not this time, Nats is one of my best friends, I’m just so happy to see how successful this even is...❞ he said with a smile before finishing his drink and ordering another. ❝You from around? I don’t think I’ve seen you before, but then again I don’t have the best memory...❞  

[whois-gilderoylockhart]

the wonder of words | pj!gilderoy&open

Date: July 30, 1979

Location: Daily Prophet Headquarters

OPEN TO ALL !

Gilderoy Lockhart had been primarily docile in the war since its beginning, and it was for that reason that when an opportunity to make an impact presented itself to him, it felt too dangerous to pursue it in his own skin. Earlier that month, Frank made certain that he knew that even those who he thought were his friends would turn against him if his loyalty wavered, meanwhile others like Narcissa Malfoy and Emma Vanity and even the Minister himself showed how welcoming their side truly was to those who wished to help end the war. Thus, when the man met with Rita Skeeter to discuss an exchange of information for exposure, he knew which people he intended to expose ― those who never appreciated him, but instead threatened to throw him into Azkaban. 

In his polyjuice disguise of Russian Quidditch player Nikita Vasiliev, Gilderoy exited the building and bumped into someone almost immediately. “Oh, pardon me. I didn’t even see you there, completely my fault.” He still had one hand on the door, and pulled it open again uncertainly. “Are you heading into the Daily Prophet, or just passing by? Be warned that Rita Skeeter is absolutely ruthless, if you’re looking to talk to one of the writers in there.”

[xbenjyfenwick]

The talk he had just had with Alastor had left him anxious –mainly because talking to his boss always made him anxious. And while he had been expecting it to be a debriefing, after all Benjy had barely stepped foot in the castle after infiltrating the engagement party, but what had been waiting for him had been something he was not prepared for. The interrogation, not that it was an actual interrogation, this time there had been no veritaserum involved, but it was clear that the conversation was not going to be pleasant. Benjy was troubled about what Alastor had asked, because the people he had been asked about were people Benjy considered good friends. Benjy knew the dilemma he was facing, and also knew he was unable to make a choice on his own, well not unable, but he was currently refusing. He needed someone who would short of smack him in the head and tell him to get it together.

That was why he had found himself on his way to the Prophet, bag of takeout in one hand, hoping he would be able to snatch Hestia away even for a few minutes. It had been a strange change, having to adapt to a life where he no longer lived with Hestia. It wasn’t that he didn’t see her anymore, they still saw one another at the Order’s castle, but it wasn’t the same. And now he had found himself in dire need of advice, and naturally his first instinct was to run towards her, Hestia always knew what to do. It was lost in thought that he missed the person coming out of the building, who almost knocked him to the ground when bumping into them. ❝Ohh don’t worry❞ Benjy quickly said, ❝no harm done❞ the young auror smiled at the stranger, a stranger whose face seemed strangely familiar. ❝Yeah, uh a friend of mine is a writer, I’m just dropping of some grub❞ he said holding up the takeout, ❝don’t worry, she’s definitely not Skeeter❞ there was something about the person that he couldn’t quite place, ❝why does your face looks so familiar to me?❞ Benjy asked in a very Benjy way.

[xbenjyfenwick]

hungry hungry hippogriffs || molly & benjy

(( @weasleyprewettmolls ))

July 1979 Order of the Phoenix Headquarters

While Benjy still kept his flat, mainly because he wanted a place that was just for him and Charity, and also for tactical advantages or whatever Alastor had called the reasons he suggested they still stayed at the flat -being located in a magical building in a magical community had both advantages and disadvantages, but mainly gave them a place where to head in times of need- he spent an awful lot of time at the castle. It was getting harder and harder to try and live a normal life, although ever since finishing Hogwarts nothing about his life had being normal, from a particularly different Auror training, to pretty much the responsibilities of any other eighteen year old, nothing was the way it was supposed to be. But still he tried. They all tried. At least while around the castle. Sure there were rooms like Minerva’s and Alastor’s offices, and the war room, where the topic of war was sure to come up, but for the most part whenever people were in the castle they tried to keep their minds off of the war.

One thing that always helped was spending time around Molly and Arthur’s kids. Benjy adored being around them, they were a reminder of why they were fighting for, and also had enough energy to finally rival his own. This time he had brought some presents that his mum had sent them, toys mainly, so he was excited to see his faces and play with them for a while. He headed for the wing of the castle where he knew the Weasleys were staying. ❝Molls?❞ he said reaching their living quarters, ❝Bill, Charlie...❞ he called for the oldest boys, ❝you guys around? I brought some presents!❞

[xbenjyfenwick]

( Aurora ):

“What?” Aurora’s head snapped to the American next to her. Odd, an American at an event like this. She eyed him suspiciously for a moment, trying to see through the disguise, knowing what she knew - but Aurora had no idea who this could possibly be. Looking back at the glass in her hand, Aurora shrugged her shoulders casually, trying to recover from her slip-up. “It’s just an expression. And, no thank you. I’ve been nursing this one for a while, so I’ll stick to it. What brings you here this evening?”

❝An expression?❞ Benjy asked raising an eyebrow, ❝never heard it before, you guys❞ he remembered to use guys, ❝certainly have some weird expressions❞ he shrugged in the same disinterested manner the blonde bloke he was currently impersonating used all the time. While Benjy was sure the probability of Aurora knowing Michael, he was sure there were a few eyes on him around the room. ❝Well suit yourself❞ he said expertly grabbing a flute of champagne from a passing waiter, ❝personally I enjoy these events better with some help❞ he said rising his glass. ❝Family❞ he said taking a sip, ❝well family obligations, you know how it is. My parents are friends with their parents❞ he said gesturing towards the room, ❝I’m sure Narcissa still regrets not marrying me❞ he added just for good measure. ❝What about you? I don’t believe I’ve had the pleasure❞

[xbenjyfenwick]

❝hope is like the sun.                        if you only believe in it when you can see it,                                                            you’ll never make it through the night.❞

moodboard - & feelings towards the order of the phoenix

[xbenjyfenwick]

those that love us | marlene&benjy

(( @marliism ))

Mid-July 1979 Order of The Phoenix Headquarters

It was getting really hard to figure out what their next move was going to be. The fundraisers had turned out to be more successful that anticipated. Not that the Order minded, the money was after all going to be put to good use, the rebuilding efforts were underway, and St. Mungo’s would soon find itself running again. But now people were slowly forgetting what had truly happened, or more like had decided that turning a blind eye suited them better. A complacent society was not a good society, and while the attacks that had previously sparked fear in the community had short of stopped, there were still crimes being committed. They were crimes against muggleborns and muggles, and thus why the majority of the community chose to ignore they were being committed. The Order kept a close eye on those crimes, and with the limited resources of the government loyal to Millicent Bagnold, they fought to protect those being attacked under orders of the new administration. 

Work was keeping Benjy busy, and after learning that several of his friends and loved ones were part of Aversio, he welcomed the workload with joy. But it wasn’t healthy to keep all his feelings bottled up, and he hadn’t. When he had learned about Marlene he had stormed off, and cried himself to sleep. But he had not talked to Marlene ever since. He was being childish, he knew that, but what would he even say? With Frank it had been a bit easier, mainly because after being betrayed once, it doesn’t sting as much, your heart kinda gets used to it. So he had just stayed silent, quiet tears, not like the cries of frustration he had let out at his flat after learning about Marlene. Benjy knew how fragile the relationship with Aversio members was, specially those that had belonged to both groups. The last thing he wanted was to add more pressure to it. So he had kept quiet. But with everything that was happening, with attacks that most people were turning a blind eye towards just because it didn’t affect them, well he was starting to see their point. He would never approve of their methods, but frustration at their situation had made him start to wonder.

Benjy had spent most of the day in the war room, the walls filled with pictures and maps and threads connecting all of it, he decided it was time to take a little break, and maybe finally stop behaving like a child and look for Marlene. He still had trouble finding his way around the castle, and after getting lost a few times he found the hallway that lead to Marlene’s room. Not knowing what to say he still walked to her room and knocked softly on the door. ❝Marlene?❞

[auroras-sinistra]

Aurora was surprised to find herself so salty at the engagement party. Maybe it was the alcohol? Maybe it was because her engagement was fake and not real? Maybe it was because this party was being received much better than her own? She wasn’t sure, but she was jealous and had started drinking now that the limelight had been taking off of her and throw onto another couple. “Ridiculous. She probably won’t even get stabbed in the hand at her engagement party…” Aurora complained under her breath, obviously drunk, having no idea anyone was close enough to hear her.

[xbenjyfenwick]

❝Is that a tradition you britons have?❞ Benjy said in his best impression of the American wizard he was currently impersonating. Thankfully the bloke had several projects, or that’s what their MACUSA contact had called them, so there was a lot of footage where he could get the mannerisms and accent. When Benjy had decided to approach Aurora Sinistra he had not expected to hear her mutter under her breath, specially not that, but he had recovered quickly and played it lightly. Aurora was on Alastor’s keep-an-eye-on list ever since her engagement with Walden Macnair. ❝Need a refill?❞ he offered.