Letters To The Lost - Schiller (1)
Hey there, it’s been a long long time.
I don’t even know why I’m thinking about you right now. Maybe because I’m listening to melancholic music? But still, there is no real reason why I’m thinking about you, I could also think about somebody else, but it’s you. Maybe because it’s almost New Year again, because it’s december because it’s the time I fell in love with you 2 years ago. I really freaking was totally in love with you and you ... just used me to be honest, there is nothing else you did. I’ve thought a lot about you after we broke up and stuff but now is the time I can look back at it normally and I see what you did. I should hate you for what you’ve done, I could have been such a happy girl, I might even have had completely different expiriences, I might have not even met Morgenstern, and even if I did, I still would have fallen in love with him but... it would have been so much more different. If you hadn’t done what you did, I wouldn’t have fucked with Sekundenkind and Goethe, I would have never felt so terrible like i did back then. I wouldn’t have been suicidal in the summer of 2014.
But still, why do I get so sad when I look at your name? Why do I feel so strange? I dont want you back, I’m pretty sure of it. I only miss the contact we had. The extreme long messages that we shared with each other. I never wrote so much to one person in one message than to you. and you... I don’t think that I was ever special to you. Yeah, I was your trigger, you realized that you must change thanks to me but... to which price? You threw me into a hole where there seemed to be no light, nothing for me. And now you’re in Shanghai and I’m so proud of you and I’m still considering writing to you but I don’t know what and you can’t force a conversation. I’m still watching Gootecks and Mike Ross sometimes and everytime I think of you because I know them because of you. Everytime I see street fighter, I think of you, it was your thing. Even freaking Owen Wilson always reminds me of you, it was our thing. I miss the old times when we snuggled in your bed, warm and comfy, watching movies. You showed me so many great movies. I don’t know why but I miss you. I would love to see Yellowcard again with you. I dont know why but I want to spend time with you again sometime. At Japanfest you almost ignored me, I’m pretty sure you thought that Morgenstern and I were still together but that wasn’t the case. Or did just don’t want any contact with me? Don’t you miss me sometimes? The talks and fun?
Your new hairstyle looks like shit but you’re not hiding yourself anymore and that makes me happy, maybe you’ve grown up a bit? I know that you are far away again, you were always far away, you were never near me. Who did you think of when we kissed or when we had our first time? I hate you for taking it. I will never forgive you, everything in my life could have been so different if only that part didn’t happen.
But still, I love talking about that one ex, who lived far away and had a hedgehog as a pet. I love talking about how we played with sonic, I love talking about when we got your xbox one and how much fun it was using it. I love talking about the awesome first date I had. I love talking about the Yellowcard concert and I will never forget the beautiful kiss we had there. It was very special to me and it will always be. Because of you I found interest in martial arts, in games specially in fighting games in movies and much more. I never met a guy who shared so many interesets with me and you never met a girl who was just as “perfect” as me.
I will always look back at it and wonder why it all happened, and realize that we were just two confused kids, overwhelmed with life.
I really want to write to you, talk about what happened so far, I want to know how you’re doing. just being casual like always.
