yam's

joy of living

[iiumz]

[yamspoken]

Fire in Her

All she ever wanted was you;

she swore you were the definition of love.

How do you tame a young wild heart?

She begged for your sinless affection,

She yearned for the soul that held on tight.

You were the devil with good music taste,

a bitter boy who liked innocent reds

— fresh cherries, crisp apples, sweet cranberries that weren't tart.

You loved seeing her innocence play in the places you set traps.

I wish you knew how much you burnt inside.

I wish to tell you the damage you caused.

We were only fourteen,

you took her purity that has yet to come back.

Yami

[yamspoken]

The Same Page

I Keep flipping scripts

Narratives I fold into my own nature

Pretending to be content with the stress.

I guess it’s what I bring to myself

Options that dire to be requirements

And still, I see her in the fogged mirror as less.

Misting the air of clarity with misconceptions my mind cannot say no to.

To be blessed —

Which I am;

Give yourself the purpose that lays in all hands.

The same page will not give into what is planned.

[yamspoken]

My Life — A Child

I wish it was more to clear to define.

What does it mean to be Latine?

A mixture of both melanin and light pigments,

A group of people seeded into poverty, yet divine.

I live a life that does not feel like mine.

I am a young Hispanic women — a little girl in the public eye.

What does it mean to be a child?

In a generation where I can't waste time.

The youth can no longer be youthful if our future is at risk to die.

When I was in middle school, I joined debate team

stuttered a few times in the start,

always won whether for or against in high school,

It was then when I learned how to defeat white lies.

It sounds easy to say,

To write letters to Administrators on how I've experienced racism, unfair treatment due to my religion, to say I've tried to make my second home feel home again.

It's long overdue for school to be undisguised.

A place meant to be the space for youth to be educated, but these books tell stories that aren't acknowledging my ancestors.

I cannot learn where I do not belong.

In buildings with more security than advisors for our mental state of being.

A system that determines my intelligence off scores and statistics.

To be young, in a world where your age determines maturity.

I am fighting for the education I deserved since the start.

A better system for those who stand with me to rebuild what we must — a learning space where every child is asserted that they belong.

I am a young Latina activist, speaking for the children who are experiencing the same or worse than I.

They want us to learn in a system that cover up what they hide.

We must fight for our education system to make our future right.

I'm done with society praising classism.

My city is being gentrified, new buildings after buildings, unaffordable for the colored residents who are forced to leave, it is only then when the resources come to light, but I guess we must be rich or white.

The people have power, but the youth have more.

Our education comes first they say,

So it'll be the first one we also fight to change.

For us now,

for the children in our future,

The future that is also ours.

- A.Y

[yamspoken]

Nerds in my Lunch

I find it hard to explain it to quite anyone

the surprise of emotional damage,

A shipwreck, fragile and lightweight.

pieces floating on the current waves of the ocean.

this is victory to me,

i cannot drown and accept misery.

If I must be weak, I will.

I'll be the one who needs protection,

but it'll be me as well, to fight back.

It's never occurred to me how reluctant I really am.

I don't even know what's wrong;

I just want someone to be willing to find out with me.

[yamspoken]

It should be you, so it is.

If time brought me faster to you, it probably would've been a burden.

A missed shot at loving you the way I've learned to love now.

A misunderstanding between two dwelled souls who haven't learned their way around.

It was all perfect timing, believe it

because you know it.

Don't ever underestimate the time of what is given;

always critique yourself on what is worthy of staying.

you, permanent,

cemented into my spirit,

being the one I prayed to find.

- Ashley Yamileth

[yamspoken]

Seventeen

How should I feel being 17? Let me know.

[yamspoken]

Miscomprehensions in Sorrow

Where she once read herself to sleep, not with Children's books, but with daily diaries reminding her the world is not like this — home is.

Happiness was a reward to her; everyone deserved what she knew she could give.

Her mother always said they would soon leave, but each time we did, we always found our arms running back to the place that made fumes irresistible.

Crying for the protection over my mother's bruised body; I didn't know life was meant to experience.

The savior I aspired to be, the one I have come to be; nobody understands me. My mother will open her eyes one day and see that all I ever wanted to do was save her.

A delusional input through the burnt wires that no longer run, creating electrical sparks: what has kept my family in touch — barely, but the circuit still flickers.

How do I speak my mind in the world I do not belong? Coming to earth in the same place I was tortured; the same moments made in the rainy nights and loud fights. concurring with my sincerest cries, i cannot accept fate to be real for this reason — nothing has ever been permanent on my side.

I continue to weep in the rests I cannot bare to feed; I'm starving, yet again — this is my reality.

- A.Y

[yamspoken]

Sleep; What a good thing to do.

[yamspoken]

I'll send you a list of all things that I like so the world could conspire around both, you and I.

- A.Y

[yamspoken]

Perfect In Between

Why do you linger?

You stay for a while, then leave as if your presence is non-existent.

I cannot write about you,

My thoughts are hard enough to listen.

The shadow I do not need, but provides a desirable advantage.

You are what I need.

The love I must learn how to handle.

Suited into a relationship with different angles.

- A.Y.

[yamspoken]

As long as the effort is present;

What is perfect poetry?

Sonnets filled with sophistication and elegancy

Or fancy haikus defining an emotion indescribable.

I just want to write with no meaning

No reason to pick up a pen, but I do so anyway

I live for these poems that are yet to come alive.

Finding ways to write.

- A.Y

[yamspoken]

Wasting time, but making it useful

Doing things I love while knowing I've prioritized other chores to finish

I'm a happy addict; anything I enjoy,

I must follow.

- A.Y

[yamspoken]

Raspberries Would Taste Good Right Now

Nothing really matters to me anymore

I know who I am;

Sick, beautiful, and sweet

A fluffy sugary taste of me

Can leave you in love with all in both worlds

Or despising my victories that you cannot achieve

Even if you attempted to be me.

I am not who you think.

I live a historic life.

Too many stories that I have yet to tell

Due to enough being out.

I am setting my own self up,

Destroyed what I worked for

Put my faith in the wrong direction.

Friends are not meant to be together forever

Remember, that's for lovers.

I pretend the beach is a block away from where I live

Make believe in all things that make living better.

A raspberry would taste good right now;

I hate raspberries.

- A.Y

[yamspoken]

Love Bites

I'm tired of the low.

Sleepless nights,

Daydreams,

And overthinking.

Cigarettes -- my problem solver.

A buzzed head with the fear of dying.

Take it all away from me if you must;

I just want to this all to be numb.

- A.Y.

[yamspoken]

Warmth, Not Deserved.

Since the day she passed away,

I'd been yearning for a hug.

Awaiting to be sunk into the shoulders of another person,

Relieved by the cries I've held in for too long.

It's been three years and yes,

I've healed.

I've accepted that the system will always fail foster children,

Accepted that immigrant children are treated less than American citizens,

But this ache that still lingers in my stomach needs someones' attention,

no ones ever held me while I weep in my own guilt.

To be held in a state of reminiscing,

Seeking blessings that come forward.

As I ask her to forgive me for what I could've stopped.

She needed me, now I need someone.

A pay back to what I could've prevented if I had my eyes wide open.

I'll always be guilty, but that doesn't mean I must weep for the rest of my life.

As she paints the sky for me, I'll take over the dreams she left behind.

My contribution to you Ari is now to fight for the justice our community needs; the light you deserved, but never found.

- A.Y.

[yamspoken]

Something special about him

There are plenty of boys I have imaged a loving family with, but I don't even want kids.

Pictured a luxurious marriage ceremony with too many, yet I am destined to not settle,

And with him... it's different.

I've pictured nothing, but surprises remark special moments.

He remembers the little things without any emphasis.

Recalls what he knows is bothering my soul;

He is big for the respect on women;

A sucker for the beauty of everything;

I roll my eyes until he tells me he loves me.

The only man I've met

Too childish, but loyal.

Putting our love first before anything,

I just wish he knew himself before becoming another one.

He's unique;

the kind that does not come around again, but eventually does because he takes in nothing.

Too precious and weak, but I continue to want to love you.

I like what cannot be me;

I am too much.

- A.Y.