Incredibly fucking slow at it 🤧
i fixed it

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@yarn-mony
Incredibly fucking slow at it 🤧
i fixed it
this is like... actually really fucked up if you think about it... no one can prove him wrong.... whats wrong with this guy... someone like... put himm in time out for breakign scientific integrity or something...
Dating Simon and Ryland Grace Headcanons
- Neither of them would admit how much they rely on you.
- Ryland is the type to constantly check if you’re comfortable, fed, warm enough, and emotionally okay.
- Simon notices things too, but he expresses it differently. He’ll silently hand you a jacket when you’re cold or stand closer to you in crowded places.
- Together, they end up orbiting around you without realizing it.
- If you’re having a bad day, both of them immediately switch into problem-solving mode, just with very different approaches.
- Ryland asks twenty questions trying to help.
- Simon quietly sits beside you until you’re ready to talk.
- Ryland gets excited about literally everything.
- Simon pretends he isn’t interested but eventually gets dragged into conversations anyway.
- You once asked a simple question about stars and accidentally listened to Ryland lecture for forty-five minutes.
- Simon sat there the entire time pretending to be annoyed while secretly listening.
- Eventually you catch Simon using one of Ryland’s science facts in conversation.
- Ryland is insufferably proud of himself afterward.
- Neither of them particularly cares about expensive dates. Their favorite moments are quiet ones.
- Sharing breakfast.
- Falling asleep on the couch together.
- Late-night conversations when everyone should be asleep.
- Simon likes sitting in comfortable silence.
- Ryland likes filling that silence with random thoughts that somehow jump from biology to aliens to breakfast cereal.
- This is probably the biggest challenge in the relationship.
- Ryland tends to downplay his own importance.
- Simon carries enough guilt and emotional baggage to fill an entire cargo ship.
- Both struggle to understand why you chose them.
- You’ll catch them looking at you sometimes with this expression that says, “How are you real?”
- Reassurance becomes important.
- They remember every compliment you give them, even years later.
- Ryland is secretly very clingy. He loves physical affection once he’s comfortable. If you’re sitting together, eventually he’s leaning against you somehow.
- Simon is harder to read. At first he’s stiff and awkward about touch. Over time he becomes the type who unconsciously seeks you out.
- You’ll wake up and find Simon’s arm wrapped around your waist while Ryland is asleep with his head on your shoulder.
Ryland:
Makes you laugh when you’re upset. Leaves little notes around. Remembers every tiny detail you mention. Gets excited about your interests because you’re excited about them.
Simon:
Protects you without drawing attention to it. Watches your back in situations that make him nervous. Learns your routines and quietly helps. Gives affection through actions rather than words. Together, they balance each other surprisingly well.
- Ryland spirals outward and Simon spirals inward. You quickly learn the difference. Ryland talks through his fears. Simon goes quiet and withdraws.
- During those moments, the three of you develop an unspoken system.
- Ryland helps pull Simon out of his shell.
- Simon helps ground Ryland when his thoughts start racing.
- You help both of them remember they’re not alone.
- Ryland realizes it first in the middle of his day.
- You’re laughing at one of his terrible jokes, and suddenly he’s staring because he can’t imagine a future without you in it.
- Simon takes longer. He fights the feeling for weeks or months. But eventually he notices that every time something happens, whether it’s good or bad, you’re the first person he wants to tell. That’s when it finally clicks.
This fandom is fucking wild dude
Simon, once he gets comfortable enough, will sometimes just seek you or Grace out and just crawl into your arms like a cat. Like I’m laying on the couch rn and this is prime snuggle time. (but alas I am all by my lonesomeness) often times he’ll have his face nuzzled into your neck or lay his head on your chest to listen to your heart.
THIS IS WHAT IVE BEEN SAYING!!!! Simon will be out doing his own thing (gardening, maintenance, etc, what have you) all day, and you can go see him and talk to him but it’s very clear that he’s focused. So you don’t want to mess with that.
But like, you’ll be doing your thing or relaxing later on and he’ll just come up and nest himself with you. No hello, no “Can I join?”, or “how are you”, just fully finds a spot and cuddles up with you. And you’re so right, he’ll just lay his head on your chest and fall asleep to your heart beat. He always says he’s just resting his eyes but that heart beat and petting his head combo knocks him TF out. He starts snoring in five minutes tops.
Headcanons Bayverse!TMNT Shredder with Fem!Reader
Platonically:
You'd need to offer something valuable (skills, information, resources) to even register on his radar.
This universe version is less about tragic backstory and more raw menace — a towering, armored force of intimidation with minimal warmth. He's ruthless, efficient, and largely uninterested in anything that doesn't serve his ambitions for power and destruction.
He respects strength and results above all else. If you proved capable in high-stakes situations, matching his intensity rather than cowering, he might begrudgingly keep you close, if only because competent allies are rare and valuable to him.
Sentimentality is essentially absent. Any "affection" would look more like possessiveness — treating you as an asset he doesn't want falling into anyone else's hands, rather than genuine emotional attachment.
He wouldn't articulate approval verbally; it would show through access — being allowed into his more guarded operations, sacks industries or Foot Clan territory others aren't privy to.
If someone threatened you, retaliation would be swift and severe, but it's worth noting his brutality wouldn't necessarily read as protectiveness so much as reinforcing his own dominance and control over what's "his."
His scarce moments of dry humor or short exchanges might be the closest thing to camaraderie you'd get from him.
His alliance with the Krang/Sacks partnership means his priorities are deeply entwined with power and destructive ambition. Anything personal would be secondary, if it registered at all.
His temper is dangerous and often violent, closeness to him means proximity to real physical risk, especially if you ever crossed him or failed to deliver results.
Emotional vulnerability is essentially nonexistent in this portrayal, so if you were looking for a "soft side," this version offers very little compared to the animated incarnations.
Perhaps the closest thing to vulnerability would be if you proved instrumental to his survival or victory in a critical battle. A flicker of respect that acknowledges your value in a way he doesn't extend to most people around him.
Romantically:
Thanks to his partnership with Eric Sacks, Saki operates with unlimited funds. Your life is a bizarre mix of ancient Japanese tradition and hyper-modern luxury. You might spend the morning in a shadowy, incense-filled traditional dojo hidden in the mountains, and the afternoon flying to New York in a matte-black, heavily armed stealth helicopter.
You have a very strict rule: the armor comes completely off before he gets anywhere near you. You are the only person who is allowed to help him unbuckle the heavy plating after a battle, a quiet, intimate ritual that grounds him after the chaos of combat.
When this Shredder is angry, the temperature in the room drops. He goes completely still and silent. You are the only one who doesn't cower when he gets like this; you know how to read the slight shifts in his posture and the narrowing of his eyes to figure out exactly what he needs.
You often join him during his early morning meditations. Tracing the battle scars on his back or shoulders while he rests is one of the few ways to physically soothe the tension he carries constantly.
Karai doesn't trust easily and views you with suspicion at first. You win her over by being tough and unbothered by the violence of the Foot Clan. Once you earn her respect, she treats you as her equal.
Dealing with Bebop and Rocksteady is an absolute headache. They are massive, loud, and incredibly destructive. Saki has half a mind to execute them for their incompetence, but you actually find their bumbling loyalty a little endearing. You are the one who convinces Saki to keep them around, usually by redirecting their destructive energy toward the Turtles.
In public, he keeps you incredibly close. A heavy hand resting firmly on the small of your back, pulling you flush against his side when strangers approach, or a dark, warning glare directed at anyone who looks at you too long. He makes it very clear to the entire criminal underworld: you belong to the Shredder, and you are untouchable.
Hii lovely!! Hope you're doing well 💗
I love your writing so much, and I finally found the courage to ask you if you can write something with yandere parental Price x teen reader…maybe something in which you see how he kidnapped them and threatens them as his baby
Thank you so much for your time and sending love!! 🥹🫶🏻
Price let's his eyes wander over the room once more. From the huge couch, to the armchair, to the big TV, down to the cigar and glass of whisky in his hands. He's returned from yet another deployment and he finds himself restless.
He often sees soldiers much younger than him, sharing photos of their family with the others. Their friends will pat them on the back and congratulate them. He has to watch from a distance, eyes cold as ice. All he sees is dreams long lost. He sees the empty couch, the quiet house.
Sometimes, on particularly hard days, he'll take his hot water bottle, fill it to the brim with Luke warm water and then wrap the heavy thing in a blanket. He'll take it, sit down on the armchair and close his eyes and after a while, it's not the bottle he's holding anymore, it's his baby and he rocks it back and forth. The weight becomes grounding, reassuring.
But he can't stay like this forever. The bottle gets cold and the illusion breaks just enough to remind him of how pathetic he is, how alone he is. He has to open his eyes again and stare down at himself in disgust. Sometimes he starts to cry
He's bought children's clothes before. He doesn't know why he did it. He was walking home from the grocery store. Usually, he just goes straight home. All he wants to do is sit alone in the dark. The outside world is to painful during the day. On that day however, a bright orange shirt caught his eye, hanging in the window of a store . It was so so tiny. He went in without thinking. The rush that buying that shirt gave him, is almost impossible to describe. It was equal parts thrilling and calming. It reminded him of the first time he wrapped up that stupid bottle and took it to the armchair to rock it back and forth and.
The thrill didn't last however. No matter what, he always has to return to reality and suddenly, he alone again and the little orange shirt is laying unused somewhere deep in the drawers of his dresser. He can't bring himself to throw it away.
There's a knock at the door suddenly. Who could wnat something from him? Price half debates not getting up and waiting for the person to stop bothering him, but he's just so tired of being alone.
You're just a door to door salesperson, here to try to get him to buy some stupid bullshit he doesn't care enough to remember.
He's not even listening to you as you give him your clearly practiced spiel. "hello, sir. Sorry to bother you, but if I could get just a few moments of your time..." he's focused on your hands instead. They're soft and young but bloody. You've clearly tried to wash them, but if someone looks closely, they will find bright red scratches and tears all over them. There's dirt caked deep under your nails as well, to deep for you to properly clean.
He looks at your face next. Your young and cute - not in the way that many people use that word to mean nowadays as synonymis with attractive, but genuinely sweet and innocent. Your hair, much like your hands, betrays a much rougher lifestyle than you let on though. He can't shake the feeling that he's seen you before...
Suddenly it clicks he has seen you before, on a bench in the park behind the pub. It was late at night, you were shivering.
He doesn't really know what came over him, maybe it's the whisky, maybe all those years in the military have made him incapable of normal human interaction, but he just blurts out "I've seen you before. You're homeless." he says it so matter of factly, like it's the most natural statement in the world. It clearly takes you by surprise. He hates watching those sweet, innocent features morph into a look of shock and embarrassment before you catch yourself and put on that awful trained mask of a smile again.
You're about to stutter out some kind of response, when he interrupts you and says "come in. I have food"
You hesitate for a second, before carefully stepping inside. Under the dimm yellow light of his house, the dirt on you dissappears and price find you don't look so out of place in his home.
He quickly guides you to the kitchen and then tells you to sit down on one of his chairs. "what's your name?" he asks, trying his best to make his voice sound as warm and friendly as possible, painfully aware of his recent blunders. "yn" you reply meekly and he tests the name on his tongue. He likes it. It suits you. He likes how it sound when he says it
After a quick rummage through his fridge, he lands on making you a sandwich. "tomatoes, lettuce, mayo and cheese. Is that okay?" he confirms the ingredients with you then he gets to work.
He finds he quite likes the feeling of making food for you. And he likes the feeling of watching you eat it too. It's a familiar high, equal parts thrilling and calming, wrong in the most beautiful of ways.
He makes his decision with shaky hands and fluttering heart. Quicker than you could ever hope to process, with the kind of precision that only a soldier could possess, he picks up a knife from one of the drawers and pulls you up out of the chair, pinning your hands behind your back and holding the knife to your throat. "just do as I say and nothing bad will happen, alright?" you nod frantically.
He has his gun in the drawer of his nightstand. With you still pressed tightly against him, he starts his journey towards his bedroom.
Through the quiet, empty halls past the unoccupied guest room to the little door that leads to his. You start shaking and crying when you see the bed. It breaks his heart. "please no! Sir, please! Please I'm begging you do t do this! Please" it takes him a moment to understand, but when he does his heart breaks. He quickly spins you around into his arms, hugging you tightly in an attempt to reassure you "hey. Hey. It's alright. You're alright. I'm not going to do that. I would never do that. I actually want to help you. I just want to help you. I want you to be my little baby. That's all I want. I just want a baby. "his voice breaks on the last sentence.
Suddenly, you jump out of his arms. When he meets your face again, now covered in snot and tears, you are pointing the knife right at him. "I will never be your baby you fucking psycho!" you scream. It fills him with pure rage to hear those words. With balled fists, he dives right past you towards his nightstand. The good thing about civilians is, they don't actually want to hurt anyone. They haven't been desensitised yet. He knows you wind Lunge after him right away. He knows you'll give him that split second he needs. That's all he need.
When he turns around, Price is in control again. "drop the knife" he says, voice eerily calm
You do as you're told. Of course you do. You've probably never had a gun pointed at you before." Go back downstairs with me" is all he says next.
Back in the living room, you stop to look back at him, unsure of what to do next. So price comes right up to you, puts the gun against your skull and his hand on your shoulder and leads you towards his garage. There, he picks out some rope and tells you to sit.
You start to tremble at the sight of the rope, but do as you're told. Price quickly ties your hands behind your back, making sure that you don't have any opportunity to escape. He then does the same to your feet. Finnaly, he picks you up with one arm and heaves you over his shoulder like a Sack of potatoes. With the other hand, he takes the gun and goes back to the living room.
He puts the gun on the couch table and then he sits down with you on his armchair and with a deep exhale, he lets the stress of the day melt away as he begins to rocn you back and forth. His little baby.
Finnaly.
i do accomodate people with disabilities when they collect my pages btw
i cant provide adderall for you but i can give you an extended time limit + cryptic hints for collecting my pages
thank you Slenderman! can I wear earplugs? the static is a bit overstimulating
yes you can 👍
I love you Slenderman. can you kill my boss.
i love you too and i cant leave my forest but if you send your boss over to me i can probably arrange something
no because i LOOOOVE the idea that grace is 100% on board with being studied and kinda poked and prodded by eridian doctors. he’s a scientist, and his only hard line is obviously being like. vivisected lol. but here’s a piece of muscle tissue i won’t miss (and of course this becomes the meburgers), here’s a nail clipping, some of my hair, bodily fluids, go ahead and scan me listen to me monitor me learn all you can about me! he’s enthusiastic as hell about it, even though rocky might not be, but grace knows how exciting it must be for them to be able to study alien life for the first time and they’re SO respectful about it too. this is the thing that saved our planet and one of our people, we will learn everything we can about him in the most careful of ways so we know how to take care of him forever.
grace who thinks adrian hates him but adrian is just suffering from the worst case of cuteness aggression ever to exist.
grace : rocky…… do you think adrian hates me…?
rocky, who had to listen to adrians squealing before and after everytime they get to visit grace : no definitely not
Thinking about Grace in the bloodymary x reader vampire idea I had the other night but it’s just that audio where it’s like “*plop* Miss Rabbit has fainted. *plot* Miss Rabbit and fainted again.” because Grace is a little freak man of science who pushes himself for the sake of horny science and is constantly offering to let you and Simon feed on him.
You and Simon aren’t forcing him btw. Grace is the one insisting that you do it… straight from the source… like on his neck… or inner wrist… or other places…
My favourite Adrian headcanon is that they're a biologist/zoologist who has seen so much shit, they're completely unphased by any and every alien habit of Grace's.
I mean full-on khaki-shorts-wearing, traversing-wilderness-with-nothin'-but-a-machete Adrian who yoinks snakes outta trees and pets swamp puppies and will unflinchingly dig around in elephant faeces for signs of a rare parasitic tapeworm if needed.
Oh, humans eat socially? No problem, Adrian has observed many many animals eat. Did you know that an obscure species of small underground dirt creature from the north side of Erid also eats socially? Adrian can give you a not-so-short presentation on them.
Oh, the human has no external carapace and so its internal sounds are absurdly loud, wet and off-putting? No problem, Adrian was just conducting an expedition last month researching the incredible eridian animal, the Wet Loud Worm from the south-east region of Wet Loud Wormland. They're desensitised, it's fine.
Oh, Grace leaks often from many orifices and it can be a bit of a learning curve to get used to? No problem for Adrian, see Wet Loud Worm paragraph again!
Meanwhile, Rocky is bewildered as to how he's managed to third-wheel both of his relationships, because both Adrian and Grace are nerds who nerd out about things, and Adrian is shaking in their carapace with enthusiasm to learn more about human culture and biology, not to mention everything about earth animals. And yeah, sure, Grace might be a molecular biologist, but he'll be damned if he'll pass up an opportunity to learn about alien fauna from a fellow scientist, and yes, Adrian, he'd love to hear about the small underground dirt creature from the north side of Erid, and he's so excited to learn more about the Wet Loud Worm, do go on.
Actually, on the note of Eridians being natural multitaskers (capable of both fully engaged conversations and complex tasks simultaneously), while humans are... Not Like That, I think the human habit of going on "autopilot" would also be totally foreign to them.
Rocky is having a conversation with Grace while he's furiously typing at the computer, going "Uh huh. Mm. Yeah." every time Rocky pauses. What a good listener Grace is today, Rocky thinks happily! No arguing, how unusual!
Then he tries to bring the topic back up later and Grace has NO IDEA what he's talking about. "Grace agreed when Rocky said this meeting was at a good time!" "What?! No I didn't, you literally never talked to me about this!" "ROCKY DID. THREE HOURS AGO. EARTH HOURS. GRACE MADE AGREEABLE HUMAN NOISES AND SAID YEAH. ROCKY OKAYED MEETING WITH GRACE PERMISSION. GRACE SETTING ROCKY UP, QUESTION?" Rocky briefly thinks maybe human memories ARE that bad — but no, Grace has never forgotten a conversation they've had in such a short timeframe before.
He is NOT happy to learn that humans are capable of certain pre-programmed responses that we can just... automatically do when our brains are elsewhere.
What do you MEAN you can fake an entire conversation without absorbing any of it? How does that even work? Why?? GRACE DIDN'T EVEN COMPREHEND WHAT ROCKY WAS SAYING. HOW can Grace give such convincing responses???? And JUST TO TRICK ROCKY INTO THINKING HE WAS LISTENING????!??!? FOR WHAT BENEFIT??????????????? WHY WOULD HUMANS EVOLVE THIS??!!??!!!!!
It sends him into a brief rage of demanding to know why human brains can't just function completely consciously on several levels "LIKE NORMAL," before begrudgingly admitting at least it's not as fucking creepy as sleeptalking.
I lovelovelove the "Grace is a predator at heart and is built for speed and instincutal action, which scares the ever loving FUCK outta Rocky" posts, so I'm gonna expand upon it a bit.
- Eridian scientists and doctors doing their best to help him when they first get to Erid. A few weeks in, he's in and out of consciousness but doing better, a doctor (in a xenosuit obviously) comes in to check on him, sees he's asleep, so goes to examine him closely, because, you know, alien. Grace, who was only dozing, jerks away so fast it gives poor Dr Limestone a heart attack.
Anyone else thinking about how Important names are to Eridian culture, considering how Rocky addressed himself and Adrian, and what that would mean once Grace got to Erid. (ignore statements of time i refuse to do the conversions)
Imagine, after decades of your world becoming colder and colder, you are saved. A single Eridian, the only one of twenty three to survive, arrives in an alien ship, accompanied by a creature you can barely conceive.
Everything about the alien is so loud, hinges formed from tissue thumping and stretching in constant movement, even while unconscious. Completely organic, reliant of oxygen and hydrogen. Instead of a protective carapace, it regrows its damaged tissues. It has senses you do not, and technology so unlike your own, both able to utilise a force you have never heard of. The same force that killed almost your entire mission team. Highly adaptable, able to teach itself how to fly its ship in under a week, able to become fluent in the engineer's dialect in less than four years.
And if Erid's best engineer is correct (and there's no reason it wouldn't be), this creature not only managed to breed a predator of the warmth-taker to survive in various atmospheres, including Threeworld's, but also turned around to provide aid when it discovered that the predator could escape xenonite.
And you think: Surely, this creature which protects itself without a carapace, which sleeps so lightly and knows so much and learns so quickly, which saved two planets at the cost of ever returning to its thrum, surely, a creature so extraordinary must have a name to match
And you think: Perhaps it is strength, Mountain-Base or Lonsdaleite-Carapace. Perhaps it is intellect, Diamond-Claw or Lockpick-Mind. Perhaps it is courage, Song-Through-Silence or Path-Carver
And you think: None of these names hold the true weight of what this creature is to them. How do you describe something like that, which aids without expectation of anything in return, which risks its own life for the sake of a species it cannot touch, which performs miracles simply because it was asked.
And then you learn: Your saviour's name is Kindness
Even humans start to act super weird when isolated even for a month or so and Rocky was alone in Blip-A for 50 years and then alone with an alien for a while. His behaviour should be unhinged.
Things Rocky does when he got back from Adrien that weirds out other Eridians:
He (subconsciously) picked a facet of his body as his "face" and turns it sometimes to orient towards people or objects he's paying a lot of attention to or concentrating on.
That thing I've seen Chinese people on social media discuss where they use their own characters to reproduce an English word phonetically, with the actual meaning being a fun sidepoint. Rocky reproducing his closest approximation of words without existing Eridian equivalents (relativity, caffeine, all the colours) that sound like gibberish or odd mashes of existing Eridian terms.
Thumbs up (down)
Making "random" components of structures transparent for no apparent reason (Grace can't be here, Grace will never be in this part of Erid, but if he were, he'd be able to see)
The Eridian word for "See" is probably something to do with detecting light. Rocky would use this odd, scientific phrase the way a human uses "Oh, I see!" to mean "Oh, I understand." Like someone saying "I've used a Geiger counter to verify the radioactivity of this abstract concept" when they mean, "I get it."
You need to be Silent when watching someone sleep because you could wake them up. A completely incomprehensible idea to Eridians.
You discovered it, you get to name it! No, actually you're Not allowed to call the new molecule "Low Friction, high thermal stability two-parts-carbon-to-four-parts-fluorine" try naming it after your pebble!
1, 2, 3, eyes on me! (Eyes being another phonetically assimilated word)
Odd, overly clear accent. To make sure the software translated his words properly, Rocky was probably taking special care to perfectly reproduce words in the exact same inflection every time, no slurring or mumbling his way through.
See the thing about Stratt putting all media ever in the Hail Mary is that it isn’t just for lolz or to keep the crew entertained, it always struck me as something deeply sad. Because even if all the crew survived, there was no way they could consume all possible media ever, language barriers alone would present a problem. And even then, they had a job to do and focus on first (which could have theoretically taken decades of work to figure out) so they wouldn’t have much use for The Great Gatsby or a week’s worth of poorly written amateur Guatemalan experimental opera. Let us remember that Stratt is practical and true utilitarian Instead, I think it was another part of the Hail Mary. If the scientists failed, if the Earth died, then what? Everything would have been completely lost. Art, music, film, history. Destroyed. Without a single living soul to remember it by. It would be as if all of humanity had never existed.
But if it survived? If other alien civilizations discovered traces of humanity? Then the memory of mankind could live on and be remembered. What better way to do that than to send everything (literally everything, the art, the music, the science, the history) out as far as humanly possible so that it might connect with someone else in the universe? It would be a long shot, a Hail Mary, but it was the best chance that humanity had to be remembered