(⁠ ⁠˘⁠ ⁠³⁠˘⁠)⁠♥

silly&curious&HORNY&whimsical&unbearable&they&them&tuī&lā

[lambhoof-deactivated20150613]

[do-you-have-a-flag]

🎹🎂20 YEARS OF NEIL🎂🎹

[heavymetalhazard]

oh my god

[secondbeatsongs]

I wish I had stopped to savor it, the last time I saw a kung pow penis. I never knew it was to be my last

[official-penis-posts]

IM CLUTCHING MY FUCKING PEARLS

[shorttrans]

GOOD NEWS KUNG POW PENIS IS RETURNING WE MADE THEM REVERSE THE CHANGE

[official-penis-posts]

LUNG POW PENIS IS BACK ON THE MENU!!

[official-penis-posts]

*K

[official-olm-posts]

U

[murder-of-dipshits]

N

[scolopax-the-foolish]

G

[ominous-signs]

P

[distorted-illegible]

O

[most-certainly-not-lennard]

W

[the-spaced-out-ace]

P

[elcustodio]

E

[macatomatico]

N

[nyansense-the-nyanbinary]

I

[witch-queen-of-lesbos]

S!

[decladams]

when the clock is at :45 it’s like. oh i have a whole quarter of the hour left i have so much time this is great and then it hits :47 and you’re like it’s basically :50 which is basically the top of the hour and all my time is wasted forever and ever

[thinkingofausername]

1:45 -> oh neat there's 15 minutes left

1:47 -> yeah no it's 2pm

[raymondcest]

bro last night was a straight-to-DVD movie

[wooftphr]

[durmishkan]

Kristof Kintera - all my bad thoughts

[cartoonrival]

im completely addicted to Open Link in New Tab

[cartoonrival]

if Open Link in New Tab is wrong then baby i dont want to be right

[alienpupy]

dandelions are magic. literally tiny suns in the grass that turn into the moon and then the stars when you blow on them. fucking insane.

[loveridden1999]

[saintsoup]

i hope i frustrate you and you think about me a lot

[sacred-portal]

[aly-semi-archived-deactivated20]

If you don’t like me the delete your blog. I’m better than you and this site is mine.

[cutecipher]

science has always been political. what gets studied. what doesnt. who gets to do the studying. on and on and on.

[noccolibroccoli]

So I had a hysterectomy today (hooray!) and I brought along my stuffed orca, Shamu, as a comfort object. And everyone i interacted with during my pre-op was like "Oh! Who's this?" so I was telling them all about him, how he's been with me since I was 9 and gone on every single vacation and road trip, and they were telling me about their own stuffed buddies (one lady said she still has hers after 40 years!) and all of this while I was signing consent forms and providing a list of the things I'd brought with me, you know, small talk.

So then a nurse comes over and goes "Okay, I've got some stickers I'll put on your things so we know they're yours" and I'm like "OK cool" so she puts a sticker on my coat and stickers on my bags of clothes and then she turns to Shamu and I'm like "oh I guess he gets a sticker too"

But no. She pulls out a hospital bracelet that's an exact copy of mine and slaps it on his tail, like so:

And i was delighted by this, so I took a picture to send to my friends, who were equally delighted, and were cracking me up with their reactions (like so:)

Anyway, they take me back and put me under, and when I awake groggily a few hours later it takes me a minute to get my bearings, so I don't notice Shamu at first. But then I realize he's tucked up next to me in the gurney, so I grab him, and my hand touches gauze.

And I'm like "huh?" so I look at him and I realize

They gave my fucking orca a hysterectomy

[velvetwar]

Can we just start stabbing Julius Caesar now it's been a hard week.

[post-uwuifier]

Can we just stawt stabbing Juwius Caesaw now it’s been a hawd week UwU

This post has been UwU-ified!

[thegirlwiththemooglehat]

this post aged like a fine wine

[ottermatopoeia]

I honestly feel like the proliferation of LED headlights was the canary in the coalmine for the general attitude we see in the political climate these days and i'm not even remotely kidding

[ottermatopoeia]

Very much in line with the attitude of "this choice will marginally improve the way I move through the world and make everyone else's experience SIGNIFICANTLY worse, but I don't really care, based simply on the fact that I am allowed to do it and there's nothing they can or will do to stop me" ya feel me?

[thetetra]

I used to live in an apartment complex and this guy had those super bright headlights, a custom job that was WAY brighter than the norm. He would use his brights in the apartment complex and when his headlights were on your window you could read fine print with the curtains closed.

We yelled at him and told him to at least turn off his brights and he told us to go fuck ourselves. So one night after he came rolling back in at 2 or 3 in the morning someone smashed his headlights in with a hammer and sprayed black spray paint inside the holes. The reverse lights too as they were also obnoxiously bright.

Police came by the next day after he woke up and screamed blood and vengeance for an hour. I think we were all questioned and not 1 person knew anything.

Property management had to admit that the fake security cameras were actually fake.

Guy got his system fixed exactly the same and went around loudly bragging about it. Guy went back out to set up his camera to watch the car and went to bed. The camera was smashed from behind spray painted and again the headlights and reverse lights, with the added bonus of a side view mirror smashed and spray painted.

This time the only person who said anything to the cops was a guy who could confirm it wasn't at 5 am because he went out with a gas can and a box of matches but the job had already been done. And funnily enough saying "well I was going to do it but someone beat me to it" isn't actually illegal.

He put in much more sensible headlights and didn't turn his brights on in the parking lot anymore.