fluffiest grunge @yhip - Tumblr Blog

stop fucking calling all lesbians dykes (ex. "an older dyke", "many of the awesome dykes"), especially if you're not a lesbian. "lesbian" is a label that exists and it's rude and disrespectful to use a slur to refer to a broad group of people who you don't personally know. that should honestly be obvious.

When I say ‘dykes’, I mean ‘dykes’. As in: people who identify as dykes.

In the post you’re refering to I made it quite clear that I was writing about dykes I know and when I speak of these dykes I won’t erase or sanitize their identities by using a mainstream, tame, deradicalized word that denies the words they specifically chose for themselves to emphasize their identities and their struggles as queer marganilized working class proudly-perverted revolutionary DYKES.

Keep your fucking respectability politics to yourself.

oncelerfucker69-deactivated2019

Hmmm. Interesting post!

Anyway, I’ve seen some of my followers reblog from this freak, and I think it’s worth stating that you should probably unfollow me if you agree with them.

dowereallyneedthis

did he really just say “proudly-perverted”

queeranarchism

Yeah, that makes no sense at all.

(to any people unfollowing me: please block me at the same time so I never have to deal with you again. bye and good riddance)

iron-sunrise

When did @comcastkills decide to become hot garbage to THIS degree like, damn.

I forget the age range on this site runs only a little past the teens most of the time because nothing said here is in any way outside of LGBTQ history.

But, you know, thats reactionary bullshit for you. Are discoursers all younger than 21 or something? Would that explain this nonsense?

The first person who welcomes me into the community as a sort of mentor proudly ID’d as a Dyke would insist that be used over lesbian or homosexual.

sarahsyna

Comcastkills showing the same regard for people as the average school bully, I see.

solitarelee

It’s wild and depressing and wildly depressing for me to see this kind of stuff, because when I was a kid, any of us babygays would have literally killed to have an older queer mentor of any kind. Shockingly, there were few around, because, you know, AIDS. But now, the next generation, finally having what we lost, an older generation to teach them about their cultural history n shit… Just. Actively hates and in some cases even tries to kill them (I’ve seen kids on this hellsite try to cost grown-ass adults, sometimes parents, their jobs, kids, and lives).

Like, I feel so old to be like “back in my day” or “when I was your age” but seriously. I always thought the younger generations would be better off for having what we lost. Instead: this.

queeranarchism

And we gotta call it by its name:

It’s not a generation gap. It’s not just ignorance (though that plays a part). It’s not just TERF manipulation against the word queer (though that plays a part).

We’re seeing a young generation of LGBT conservatism: kids who want their civil rights but who don’t want all the mess and scandalousness of actual liberation. Kids who want to hold on to what has been won for white middle class binary identified LG kids and don’t want to thing about what’s happening on the margins on the LGBT movement. Kids who want glamorous LGBT celebrities on tv, not homeless LGBT youth in their spaces. We have kids into gay nationalism. We have lesbians longing for the time when we didn’t include bisexuals and trans women in our communities. We have LGBT youth voting for Tories.

These kids aren’t shitting on their queer elders out of just ignorance, they actively reject our struggle against all oppression.

lines-and-edges

I’ve been thinking about this lately too.

The thing I created this blog to oppose is, ultimately, a right-wing reactionary movement, and if you scratch even a little bit at the veneer of leftism, you find bootstrap logic, xenophobia, militarism, anti-intellectualism, the veneration of retributive justice, disrespect for bodily autonomy, and other characteristics of right-wing politics underneath.

Let’s start calling it what it is.

haedonists

I thought for the longest while that I was off-the-mark in mentally categorizing Tumblr Anti-X (anti ace/aro, anti kink, anti gender-fluidity/gender-spectrum, anti-labels-actual-queer-people-use, anti certain-kinds-of-fiction, etc) Discoursers as the social conservatives of the future, but the above lines up incredibly well with my own observations.

Years ago, someone asked me to do a portrait of the social conservatism of decades to a century in the future and at the time I predicted highly limited and conditional acceptance of white, able-bodied, very gender-conforming, white-picket-fence, cis gay men and lesbians, who vote conservative. Maaaaaaybe also a limited acceptance of transgender people who medicalize and pathologize themselves out the wazoo, performing a constant show of ‘I’m just a good person who seeks the appropriate treatment for my medically-acknowledged condition, won’t you accept me, I promise not to rock the boat?’ and whose gender-presentation after transition is also very high in conformity to what the conservative mind thinks of as acceptable + again, support for conservative politics.

Imagine how depressed I was when a large assortment of discoursers, transmedicalists and others along these lines basically confirmed a good deal of the above, here on Tumblr, decades before I thought it would ever become a thing! I started getting alarm bells in my head when I saw the vicious responses toward the concept of gender as a spectrum (and thus toward the existence of genderqueer / nonbinary, agender, genderfluid/genderfuck people), because after years of monitoring and seeking to understand social conservative communities, I knew that they consistently felt a deep, existential sense of threat from anything that challenged their rigid, binary views of gender. And here, on Tumblr, I was seeing young, so-called ‘progressives’ reacting in the same manner, as if threatened, by the concept that gender as a binary is a small and very reductive lens through which one can see the human experience. Whoever coined the phrase ‘conservatism with a gay hat’ couldn’t have been more apt.

And the thing is, this isn’t exactly something new for the community, the only thing that’s truly different is that an entire generation is now in the thrall of reactionary politics. Seeing sneers at queer people daring to (gasp!) describe ourselves as ‘proudly perverted’, as highly sexual beings, as kinky and unapologetic, reminds me what a massive impact radfems have had in shaping the Tumblr social environment and what a net contributor they’ve been to the aforementioned reactionary politics. Whenever I look at the notes of popular radfem posts, it’s always the same exceedingly telling image: usernames along the lines of ‘empress-vulvalini’ or ‘uter-person’ routinely interspersed with ‘tradcatholicnationalist’ or ‘jesus-is-my-savior’ (looking at the latter kind of blogs reveals that they’re Fundamentalist Christians to a one and I say this as a progressive Christian, lest someone accuse me of bigotry. It’s not the Christianity that’s my issue here, it’s the fundamentalism and the deep conservatism that comes with it). In the most darkly hilarious situations, I’ve found posts made by actual religious fundies (’sexual promiscuity and behavior characterized as ‘kink’ damages the inherent dignity of the person’, for one example) with the notes filled with radfems liking, reblogging and lauding the content.

It’s been noted ad-nauseam that radfems and conservative politicians have been good allies on several fronts, starting with the 1970s, but even something as simple as a Tumblr post can show how radfems share idea-space with fundamentalists. Radfems, in this case, have been the social-vector through which LGBT teens on Tumblr have been introduced to and influenced by fundamentalist thought, giving us the incredibly baffling sight of queer youngsters reacting with knee-jerky viciousness to non-normative sexual practices that hardly warranted the batting of an eye-lash in queer-dominated spaces, ten years ago.

knitmeapony

Can we please also remember that there is literally a generation gap because of how many people were killed (literally by HIV/AIDS, poverty, drug use, hate crimes, as well as metaphorically closeted because of same, as well as actively silenced in the media) in the late 70s/80s? There’s a good 15 years where the loudest, proudest people who were queer are now just… gone.

It was right before citizen journalism and internet publications and the like became a big deal again. One of the biggest reasons that a lot of these kids don’t have queer mentors or a sense of history is that the biggest surviving group of activists from that era are well-meaning straight allies who could fit into a heteronormative culture.

elfwreck

We really are missing a lot of voices that should’ve shaped modern discussion of LGBT identities.

elljayvee

OK, so I’m never going to deny the horrendous effects of the AIDS crisis, but there are a lot of awesome queer women who a) nursed a lot of those men through their deaths when no one else would go near them and b) have been living their lives as awesome queer mentors ever since.

Please stop erasing those women from your queer history.

queeranarchism

Something to add to this:

1. I totally agree with you. We are erasing women by not listening to the voices of older queer women. Look at the leaders of LGBT communities and there is an overwhelming amount of (middle class white) older gay men and (middle class white) ‘inspiration youths’. Older queer women in leadership positions and as the visible faces of movements? Very rare. Older queer women as voices of aids activism? Even rarer.

2. We are erasing women by defaulting to the well known ‘nursing’ stories when we speak of women in aids activism. Women had so many more roles than that. Women organized protests, women blocked roads, women fought cops, women did the research to call medical officials on their bullshit, women were a big part of every aspect of aids activism.

3. We are erasing women by not speaking enough of women who died of aids. A lot of women died during the AIDS crisis. Women still live with AIDS. Very hard hit were trans women and queer women who did sex work. Women also faced unique challenges. Women often had no access to health insurance and the health care it paid for. HIV positive women often went undiagnosed for far longer because doctors and the general public considered AIDS a ‘gay men’s’ disease. HIV positive women often died from untreated symptoms and were not diagnosed with AIDS because the symptoms that were recognized were based on how men got sick. Women were often denied benefits and told they were ‘not sick yet’ until the last days of their lives because their symptoms were not recognized.

United in Anger. A History of Act Up, (GREAT documentary) features a lot of women and goes into detail on the campaign for women from 58:00 onwards, I really recommend watching it.

mxnrique

THE WRITING IN THIS SHOW!!!!!

kevindrakewriter

jd8ch

Pizza is my favorite. 🍕

collector73-deactivated20230303

fairytale-villain

A good thread on whether “queer” is a slur and if it should be used or not.

quarterinthequeerjar

“If I am unashamed of being queer, you do not get to give that word BACK to the fuckwits who made it a slur.”

mwagneto

reaction pics everyone will still understand even with the text removed

mwagneto

If I might add…

may i add

palenoface

hurleyquinnzel

modern hieroglyphics

otatma

ampervadasz

Unmute !

drinkyourjuiceshelby

distinguishedkingdomwolf

Enemies to lovers speed run

alpha--maia

This is gold

I need more of this

malenipshadows

Make luv, not war?

amaranthnymph

weirdest-al

Change one line of dialogue and ruin and entire scene: check.

boomerang-always-comes-back

This post hit me like I was a cabbage stand.

clovencraft

ratatoskryggdrasil

booasaur

The Bachelor: Vietnam - Contestant confesses to another contestant

afronerdism

They ended up getting married so safe to say she doesn’t regret it

slinkanora

Can we discuss how fucking cute they are tho?

What Minh Thu and Truc Nhu have, I want for myself with whatever woman I find to put up with my annoying ass.

rogue-gryfon

OH MY GOSH THIS IS BEAUTIFUL AND AMAZING!!!

ay-parcamm

solarpunk-aesthetic

I don’t even care that this video is an advertisement. The kind of spirit the man in this story portrays is the kind of spirit which we should all strive for. 💚

beloved-child-of-the-house

okay like. supposedly being interested in m/m relationships, or even a specific m/m relationship because you like the specific dynamic depicted is fetishizing. because it’s only acceptable to take an interest in any m/m relationship if you’re a man who likes men, apparently. BUT then also m/f relationships are supposedly relatable and accessible to everybody???

or maybe.

just maybe.

that’s a bullshit argument used to shut down enthusiasm for anything that isn’t heteronormative as well as to shame a group of what is perceived to be young women and girls. because any time young women like anything at all, however harmless or even positive and uplifting, that thing is relentlessly mocked and derided as shallow and ridiculous.

anakinsbugs-archive-blog

this post has so much going on that i guess i gotta write a whole essay so here we go

as a gay man, i can say with full and total confidence that more often than not, women’s consumption of our relationships, and our sex lives, and our trauma is fetishistic. it’s not about fighting heteronormativity. it’s really not that deep.

finding another man loving man in fandom is incredibly difficult, especially in shipping circles. i’ve been in the tumblr business for almost seven years, and i’ve met maybe 1 or 2 guys total who write slash besides me. slash fiction is dominated almost entirely by women and woman-aligned people, and it’s been this way for a very long time. even a good amount of smutty slash fanzines in the 70s-90s were written by women who liked to write about boys fucking. when i met another guy who wrote slash fanfic, i was completely shocked. it had taken 6 or so years to meet him, and i was completely bowled over. and i just thought “boys don’t write about boys loving boys, that’s not our thing”. but what i wanna know is why isn’t it our thing???

why aren’t most slash fanfics written by boys who love boys? why isn’t a genre, a subculture ABOUT US, something that we’re seemingly not allowed to participate in? why do we feel like outsiders when writing our own stories? why are some of them most praised “gay shows” and “gay books” (for example, the song of achilles and yuri on ice) all written by women, and read by women, and aren’t really catered towards gay men at all even though we’re the SUBJECTS of the story.

when you go through websites like goodreads and look under the “gay romance” section, you see names like madeline, jane, abigail, marie, amy. i mean, abigail roux’s writing alone probably takes up half the list! you might see a sean or a david thrown in, but for the most part, stories about men loving each other are written by women. ones that are written by men often don’t get the attention reigned in by the foxhole court and cut and run. that’s where the issue lies. in a community supposedly dedicated to us, our love, our sex, our relationships, we take the back seat. we don’t get recognition. we don’t get control. we don’t get to tell OUR stories OUR WAY.

not to mention, much of slash has always been smut. and that smut, for a lot of questioning boys who love boys, that’s our first exposure to sex between two men. i know it was for me. but when it’s written by someone who’s never been a man having sex with a man (and no, if you’re a cis girl having sex with a cis man is not the same way trans men have sex with cis men, but y'alls abysmal treatment of trans men will have to wait for another post), it’s often written inaccurately and unsafely. not using a condom? unsafe. spit as lube? definitely not safe. SHOVING IT IN???????? REALLY NOT SAFE. rimming someone without having them clean or use an enema first????

not only unsafe, but also really gross. the general consensus (and yes i asked) about this is that safe sex has been deemed by slash shippers to be “boring”. they want to get right to the fucking, no time for prep (which is literally the most important part), no time for cleaning, no time for lube, no time for protection. this is incredibly dangerous for young men who love men who are trying to figure out all the different ways that we can make love to each other. if this is their only exposure, they’re going to think that doing this is okay. they’re going to think “yeah, i can just shove my tongue into someone’s dirty asshole” or “i don’t have to prepare my partner before shoving very large into something very tiny” which is not the case and will get people hurt. i know fic isn’t supposed to be a sex ed class, but the lack of sex safety is really concerning.

and when men who love men like myself bring up the fact that maybe you guys should stay in your lane a little and let us take the wheel in a genre entirely dedicated to us having sex with each other, you somehow claim that we are “kinkshaming” you and being misogynist by taking away “the one place where women can explore their kinks without judgement”. which is complete and total bullshit because FIRST OF ALL gay people are not your kink. we are not your fetish, we don’t exist for your entertainment or your gratification. if you really think that two men who make love to each other is your “fetish”, then maybe that’s telling you something. human beings aren’t kinks. so fuck outta here with that.

and the obsession with boys enduring homophobic and sometimes transphobic abuse and rape for the sake of ~angst~ and hurt/comfort is uh pretty fucked up. the obsession people have with gay trauma is by far the most disturbing of all. like so many woman slash writers go out of their way to subject gbt male characters to all sorts of injury and abuse just so they can be ~comforted~ and possibly get comfort sex. the idea that you want to see us hurt just because you think it’s cute when we comfort each other isn’t okay. like, didn’t someone want to write a check please fanfic about the pulse shooting??? yeah how can any of you look at that and think it’s okay. it’s not okay. in no world is that okay.

so this brings me to your claim that if gay/bi/pan men (including trans men and male-aligned people) tell you to maybe chill out and maybe let us write stories about us for a change, that’s a misogynistic/homophobic/shallow statement. this just blows my mind. i need a little more clarification about why it’s such an evil no-no for us to want to represent ourselves or speak for ourselves or tell our own stories. because it kinda seems homophobic that you’re so angry about gbt men wanting to represent themselves. it almost sounds like you only think our love and our sex and our lives exist only for you to write and read about. you’re making it sound like we are objects made for your consumption, and by establishing ourselves as real people is ruining your fantasy.

nobody’s saying you can’t be supportive of gbt boys and want to write about them in your stories. but for the love of god, don’t get angry when we want to tell our own stories, and don’t pitch a fit when we express that we’re uncomfortable with being objectified for your own sexual gratification.

tldlr; men who love men have never existed for your consumption. we are not your “escape from heteronormativity”, we are not your “safe space for kink exploration”, we are not your favorite ships, we are not your kudos on ao3. we are real men with real stories who want a chance to express ourselves in a genre that’s about us but that we seemingly aren’t allowed into. we are people, and we deserve to and be seen as people and treated like people. stop speaking over us and invalidating our concerns about how we’re being treated. and that’s the tea. 🏳️‍🌈💁‍♂️☕️

bussylabor

@ all you straight fujoshis

thebibliosphere

Oh my gods this. This is everything I try and fail to say when people ask me how to explain fetishization vs storytelling.

Do you know how many books by gay men I edited in my time at the erotica publishing house? One.

Out of literal thousands of manuscripts, there was One gay man writing m/m, the rest were all by women, and I feel safe in saying, the majority of them, not from within the LGBTQA+ community.

And boy howdy did they pitch fits when we turned to them and said “your manuscript does not meet our health and safety requirements please revise” because our house had a strict safe sane consensual rule, along with body positivity, which everyone LOVED when they were writing m/f stories. But when it came to m/m we had so many authors say “ew, but that’s not ~sexy~ :/” to which my reply was often a very politely phrased “literally don’t give a fuck Susan, you know what else isn’t sexy? Bleeding assholes, which coincidentally is what you’re being.”

But y'know, nicer. Because I’m a fucking proffesional.

Anyway. Do you want to know what happened to said singular man writing m/m fiction? He got dropped after a year. Because, and I quote, this is a direct line from our then marketing team, about a gay man writing gay erotica: “that’s not what women want to read”

And if that’s not one of the most precise and fucking infuriating demonstrations of what the fuck is wrong with the “but I write gay slash fic! I can’t be homophobic!” “~allies~” (spoiler: you’re not) in fandom and yes, even in “real” publishing, I dunno what is.

There is a Difference between storytelling and fetishization, and all y'all crying “kinkshaming!” when someone asks you to treat them with respect, need to stop.

goblinsama

Okay, I’m sorry, but this is sort of something I’ve been sitting on and not sure how to express. So glad this post finally graced my dashboard

wildeismsremade-deactivated2019

“that’s not what women want to read”

Honestly that single phrase is so accurate, because that is what so much of the culture around m/m content is really about. It isn’t about men who love men, it’s about the women who want to read about men who love men.

I don’t object to creators creating the type of content they want to consume, and I don’t even object to the fact there are a lot of women in these spaces. I only object when it comes at our expense, and in a culture that is supposedly about us. Ive heard creators openly claim that content about mlm doesn’t need to be made with mlm in mind and is more about exploring female sexuality than it is about the gbtpq men it supposedly represents, and that it doesn’t matter if it contains inaccuracies, stereotypes or outright homophobia, because it’s not for us to access or enjoy anyway.

I like fanfiction and I’d like people of all genders to keep creating it. But I’d like it to be done in a way that treats mlm as people and potential consumers rather than an abstract object for women’s enjoyment who shouldn’t be hurt by any harmful content because we shouldn’t be here in the first place.