It started as a jab at Tim for losing his touch in getting information on a criminal. Tim not being one to back down said that he could stalk any villain for months and not get notice. Damian who has the need to always prove Tim wrong, said "I bet you can't stalk a villain for six months without them finding out or us figuring out which villain you choose"
"Bet" Tim says already knowing who his victim is. It was the beginning of June, summer break and patrol had them all with too much time, Bruce just learned to ignore his children bets bc he knew he couldn't stop them, not even Alfred. Eventually and naturally everyone but Tim forgot about the bet, afterall it was done in the heat of the moment, they had lives and they just forgot about it after the 3rd alien invasion.
Queue them having a New Year's party with a few friends and family (the Al Ghuls are there for some reason, and Luthor too) and the start doing this awkward thing of telling people what you're grateful for or something, it comes to Tim's turn and he plugs a pen drive to the computer and is projecting a Power point presentation titled: I WON THE BET.
"I'm grateful for winning the bet Damian and I made in June." Tim smiles wide. And Damian curses under his breath bc he just remembered the bet. "For those who don't know, My dear baby brother Damian and I made a bet this June. He bet that I couldn't stalk a villain of my choice, for six months and not get caught by said villain and my family" he looks at Damian who folds his arms "Dear baby brother, do you know who was my victim?"
"....No" Damian said through gritted teeth but it's curious as to who it was, and it showed. Everyone else was curious as well, and could hear Bruce asking Alfred for migraine medicine and scotch.
"Does anyone else want to guess who it was?" Tim scans the room, Steph is laughing at Damian, Cass for once doesn't have a clue, his teammates are shaking their heads fondly at him, the rest of the heroes there are glancing at Bruce who downs two pills with a shot of scotch.
"Just go on, Replacement, we don't have a clue " Jason says, agreeing with Dick on finding Tim a new therapist, and for Duke since he's looking at Tim all mesmerized.
"Before I go and show y'all the villain I choose, here are some parameters I set,
1. It can't disrupt my life (easy)
2. They can't spot me at any point of this bet(a bit more difficult)
3. No undercover personas (difficult)
4. I had to swap 10 items of different sizes with bat and birds of the same size. (Just for fun, I got bored after month 2 so I started putting little bats... Everywhere, ...I got bored again... So I started vlogging my experience)..."
"Wait wait, you stole from a villain?" Lois was impressed by the guts this kid had.
"Yep, it was actually very easy" Tim says nonchalantly.
Bruce was rubbing his temples, already pulling up a few plans to protect the menace he calls son... Whom he loves...
"Without further ado... The villain I chose is...." Tim clicks to a picture of Ra's fucking Al Ghul, who was sitting on the couch in front of the presentation.... Stunned. "Ra's Al Ghul " Tim smiled proudly, everyone is staring at him. While he showed pictures of Ra's doing various things, sleeping, selfies, there's one of Tim pocking Ra's in his sleep.
"So let's start by rating my time stalking Ra's,... 5/10, it was mid"
"Well I got bored a lot, you don't do anything interesting, your life got predictable by the 4th week." Tim shrugs "moving on to the things I swapped and favorite little bat placements."
"OMFG You are my favorite brother" Jason wheezing while Roy holds him so he doesn't fall to the floor.
"Thank you, you are my favorite older brother" Tim smiles
"Hey! What about me?!" Dick shouts indignantly.
"You are going to enforce therapy after this so I demoted you to the respectable second favorite."
"Can we move on to the things you stole from me?" Ra's glares at Tim.
"Oh! Right, so I swapped ten items in total, the first one is a chess piece, 2/10. I swapped it for a bird totem. (Picture of said items)
2. A blade from the armory, 6/10, cool blade, It's Damian's now btw, swapped out for a toy bat sword. (Pics)
3. Some slippers I found, 8/10, very comfortable, swapped out for Batman slippers. (Pics, Ra's eye is twitching, Damian is trying to not laugh)
4. Rug, 7/10, swapped out for bird rug...."
"Wait that's my rug!!" Barbara wheezed " the one you gifted me for my apartment!" Dick is laughing, Duke and Cass are crying on the floor next to Babs, Bruce is trying and failing to look pissed. Everyone else is either chuckling or horrified at Tim, bc Ra's definitely not amused.
"Yes, well, I hate to give it to him, but Ra's has great taste." Tim Grins, "anyway I -"
"Detective, may I ask why you picked me?"
"I thought you would be more interesting than Lex Luther, or Slade.... I still don't know if I was right... Anyways, keep your questions for later!
#5 a kettle, swapped out for this Robin kettle. 5/10 nothing special.
6. This machine gun... 10/10 swapped out for this water gun, yes Bruce, that's how I got it for Jason. (I TOLD YOU TIM GAVE IT TO ME!)
7. This mug (shows the mug he's been drinking from all night) 9/10, I swapped it out for this one (shows a picture of a mug that says "World's oldest motherfucker".
8. This stapler from your office, 6/10, swapped out for a duck one. (Ra's is glaring at Damian who is laughing)
9. Drapes 8/10, again you have good taste of decor, Stephanie loves them, swapped out for the Batman drapes.(Stephanie is laughing so hard that it is drooling)...
10. And my favorite, it is the biggest item, a 10/10 comfortability, taste, and its just hilarious that I have it still...(Shows a picture of Ra's throne) Your throne..." Tim smiles wickedly. Everyone is stunned, mouths and eyes wide open.
"This is outrageous! Timothy, you did not steal my throne! I would have noticed!"
"And yet I've had it in my house for like 4 months" Tim says while showing a picture of said throne in his house boat. Steph, Barbara, Jason, Roy, his YJ friends, Damian are on the floor laughing so hard Alfred is concerned. The JL that's at the party is a little bit concerned about Tim's villain tendencies, and giving Bruce concerned looks, Luther is muttering something about never crossing Tim again, Bruce is just looking at Tim, asking whatever deity that's watching for answers on why his kid is the way he is. Suddenly he ask
"where is Talia?" Frowning, scanning the room, when he spots her in a corner tears streaming down her beautiful face, clutching her stomach. "Are... Are you alright?" Bruce asked amused, remembering how much more chaotic she was in their youth. Ra's is giving her a dirty look, also remembering how much chaos she inflicted.
"Timothy, you are one of a kind" she said chuckling " please continue with your presentation"
"With pleasure" gives her the biggest smile yet. " Places I put little bats... I honestly don't remember how many I hid, I got carried away quickly" Ra's eye is twitching so hard it might become a tick, Tim has the audacity to look a little guilty though. "BUT here are some of my favorites.. (shows pictures of the tiny bats in various places) "
"I love you so much..." Dick says " But you are going to therapy first thing on Thursday."
Tim shrugs "That's fair..... anyway, here are the highlights of my vlog...(Shows a series of videos of him exploring several bases, Nanda Parbat, the throne room, the bedroom, the kitchen, with pink panther theme song as background music)"
"Where are my guards?!" Ra's is pissed
"To be fair, you were having a meeting with all of them, so they were busy listening to you... again." Tim says casually
"I need better security "
"Yes, you do, grandfather"
Then they see a title card that says "Funny moments". (A video starts with Tim sitting on the floor of a bathroom)
(The video shows Tim looking bored af, he whispers to the camera, 'so I'm in Ra's bathroom, it is currently 9:45 pm, and he went to bed ... At 8 pm... What a old person thing to do (Tim wrinkles his nose) he can at Le make it to 9:30 or something... Who goes to bed at 8 pm?!' )
"Not all of us have a night life!" Ra's defended himself.
('I need to pee so badly, I'm hoping he doesn't hear me, so here goes nothing' fast forward ' so it was easy, not even an assassin came to check- wait he's up, fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck' it shows Tim hiding in the bathtub, covering his mouth, looking a little worried, then he hears it, Ra's is peeing, and Tim is trying not to laugh. Cringing and closing his eyes. Finally, after the longest minute in history, Ra's leaves and is shown silently laughing) the end.
"... I don't have what to think anymore" Ra's just looks tired and done with life. "Don't ever come near me or my bases, ever again"
"I won't, it's pretty boring lol" Tim scans the room and asks "any questions?"
The room explodes with questions, laughter and more questions.