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Sharing is caring, even when your dad's a billionaire
Dick gives Bruce a Nightwing t-shirt as a gift. He's super proud of himself.
Bruce: what's this.
Dick: a gift :D
Bruce: (unfortunately loves it)
Dick: :D
Bruce: hn.
It's cute, but you know it's civil war when the others see Bruce wearing it.
Jason: what is that abomination?!
Bruce: a shirt.
Tim: why are you wearing it????
Bruce: it's comfy.
Damian: it's hideous.
Bruce: it's not?
Cass: I think it's cute
Bruce: thank you.
Jason: Dickhead gave it to you.
Bruce: yes.
Dick: :D
Jason: favoritism!!!
Bruce: I don't have favorites.
Tim: favoritism!!!!
Bruce: it's not.
Damian: favoritism!!!!
Bruce: you know what, you're giving me grief.
Bruce: Dick and Cass and Duke are my favorites for the day.
Dick, Cass, Duke: :D
The others: (screech and tackle)
Bruce: this is why you're not today's favorites.
What if the batkids call Bruce "Dad" only in their civvies, but then call Batman "Mom"
.
It started with Dick pondering about the whole "secret identity" thing as a young Robin. The news are partially about Brucie Wayne, young dad extraordinaire setting an example for all reformed rakes turned fathers.
Then half of it is about speculations on Batman's true form — because while they all could've sworn that Batman was, well, a man... most investigators are hesitant to consider him human now because suddenly there's a toddling colorful child creature bobbing along after the living legend, with the same moves and capabilities as the Bat
Dick gets the brilliant idea to make Bruce into it
"Think about it!" Dick said on that first patrol, "People won't think too harsh on Batman if they figured that I'm just your little cub who is also made to fight crime, instead of a human kid out on the streets at night."
Bruce narrowed his eyes, but there's no harshness in his gaze. He's looking at this little boy, with messy curls of black and the sweetest shade of blue in his eyes. A reflection of him. How cruel it is of this boy to play with his feelings.
"You want people to think that the Batman is a creature that can give birth?" Bruce repeated carefully.
"More than that! I want them to think you're my mother!"
"...same thing."
"Bleh!"
.
It works as Dick proposed. Lesser ties made to Bruce Wayne, a cisgender man who can definitely not give birth, to Batman, a creature that allegedly birthed Robin. Bruce thinks it's the stupidest solution to a common problem, and he made Brucie.
But it works so they let the story run wild. Bruce doesn't mind so much as the weird, hungry, curious gazes that some villains and thugs give him.
Dick seemed to find it hilarious when ladies stopped Batman in the streets to tell him to rest because "you just gave birth!!"... only until said people also tell him to "respect your mother!"
Overall, it was just another one of those weird things a vigilante resorts to for the sake of operational efficiency...
...
Until one time, Robin had gotten captured in a ship rigged to blow, and villains left and right were hitting him everywhere.
Batman had priorities on the other side of the docks. Robin just had to distract everyone else, and this was a distraction technically. But everything hurt and some of the older men were looking at him funny and he can't move and he wants to go home.
"MAMA!" Robin shrieked into the night.
And descended from the shadows was the Batman, in all his apparently motherly glory — towering above 6 feet, maybe more, because animals grow their appearance when preparing to pounce. A culmination of darkness and rage. Armed to the teeth with weapons and artful precision.
His white eyes turn to a bloodied, shaking young Robin, then to the rest of the fools who dared breathe his boy's air. The sound of rage he made was not human.
Every move is calculated and efficient; not with the aim to kill, but to make an example of the bastards who dared hurt his little bird.
.
This story will be passed along the underworld of Gotham for years to come as more and more of the Bat's brood grew
And this secret will be inherited from Robin to Robin, Batgirl to Batgirl
Bruce is a father — providing, stern, careful
But Batman? They each came from his symbol, his cloth, his rearing. And Batman is a much more violent creature when it comes to protecting those who have his mark.
If that's not a mother, then what other deadly creature can the Bat of Gotham possibly be?
Bruce: And if someone comes up to you at school and says ‘hi, I’m one of B’s friends, I’m here to pick you up’ what do you say?
8 year old Dick Grayson: Liar! Bruce doesn’t have any friends!
As Bruce grows older into his 50's or 60's the paparazzi and people crowding him becomes less and he thinks that people have finally decided that Bruce is too old to be attractive or mainstream and he's actually super fine with it and makes jokes( more like sarcastic remarks) about it. But in reality they've grown more freaky cause instead of looking wrinkly and a sappy old man the level of cunt he serves grows everyday,he doesn't look like a snack he looks like a buffet, 13 year olds are using his pics as the cover pages of their mafia wattpad stories, he looks majestic, absolute dilf, we don't talk about the amount of tags he's birthed just by ageing on ao3, and hes still an absolute UNIT, the reason he's not heard about it yet cause the batkids are blocking the shit OUT with all of their will and strength cause it doesn't matter if all of them are full grown adults they're still all like-THATSMYDADGETAWAYFROMHIMHEDOESN'THAVETIMEFORYOUHESBUSYBEINGOURDAD
Bruce heard a lot of things from other parents about how teenagers are. How they become rude, rebellious, how they don't want to talk to you at all, and how they don't want to be around.
So naturally, Bruce was prepared.
LIES, THEY WERE ALL LIES. THEY WERE LIARS.
Because-
Jason would not let him go for 5 hours, telling him all about the books and theories while holding his hand. This is Bruce's punishment because he forgot to give Jason his morning hug. Even as Red Hood, he still does it if Bruce forgets to text him after patrol.
Cassandra would follow him around like a shadow. She would be so silent that he wouldn't even notice her sometimes. Whenever he wakes up, she would be cuddled on his chest or his back.
Tim would be near him. As near as he physically can. He would talk about the cases and how his day went all while handing Bruce his coffee. He would talk until he fell asleep on Bruce's shoulder.
Dick, being the leader of Teen Titans, would be all professional (Bruce thought the parents were right) but as soon as they were alone, Dick would jump on him like the koala he is. Warping his arms and legs around Bruce and telling Bruce how much he missed him.
Damian, much like Cassandra, would follow him around everywhere. He would cling to Bruce's leg if Bruce is not paying him enough attention, which is unforgivable.
Duke, was no different despite just arriving, would play catch and chess with him. He would bring snacks so they could eat together while Duke talked about his day. He would clutch on to Bruce's sleeve at galas.
They all demanded that he read them bedtime stories. They are adults.
Bruce complains to Oliver about how the parents lied to him, and Oliver agrees with Bruce because Roy and Connor are the same. Barry joins in because Wally is the same too.
Where were the rebellious, arguments and not wanting to talk, they were told to be wary of?
Clark is confused about what is happening.
(The main reason Oliver and Bruce are offended is because they are introvert. They tried their best to be fathers and now the kids won't leave them alone. They love their kids, don't get them wrong but they want to be left alone.
Barry was so scared that Wally will not like him anymore)
Dick's puppy dog eyes are extremely powerful
Commission Info / Kofi (members get comics a week early)
Baby Danny vs Justice League Pt. 2
Martian Manhunter: hello, tiny infant
Danny: *pointing at him* G’een!
Martian Manhunter: *uncle mode unlocked* he’s the smartest creature on planet Earth maybe in all the solar systems—
~~~
Green Arrow: why’s he staring at me?
Danny: *just had Robin Hood book read to him by Jason with pictures* hmmmm
~~~
Constantine: alright I’m here what do you need—
Danny: stinky! Stinky man! Ew! Stinky, stinky!
Constantine: *recognizes his aura as the ghost king* …yes, your majesty.
JL: ?????
~ if you’d like to continue/write a fic, please just credit/@ me so I can read it too!!! ~
