My Name's Allison

Nice to meet you.

[more-of-an-ass-man-deactivated2]

Working in customer service

[lipstickstainedlove-deactivated]

NOTHING HAS EVER RESONATED WITH ME MORE

[blu-iv]

OMG yes

[buttwyattarchive-deactivated201]

[theendofaspark]

this is never going to not be funny 

[epitomeofnerd-blog]

Rob Lowe says “that is fucking hilarious” with the straightest face ever

[grapes-of-plath-deactivated2017]

Bless you, Chris Pratt

[drowningz]

This is the hardest I’ve laughed in so long

[edwardspoonhands]

♫♫That’s not something that props can fix…that’s gonna be a little harder to fix.♫♫

[merylsbussy]

[katdvs]

I could just watch this over and over and over again.

[biggbbrother21]

this gave me life

[pettyrevenge]

My family didn’t have a lot of money, so right after I graduated from high school, I got a job waiting tables to help pay for Community College. I was lucky enough to get a job as a server at the local Houlihan’s and it was pretty good money for young college kid. In the back there were these two Mexican dishwashers who were also joking around and laughing. They spoke very broken English, but were able to communicate. Every time they would see me they greeted me with a Spanish sounding version of my name. I didn’t really understand it, but they always laughed and seemed genuinely happy to see me so I laughed along too.

After several months working there one of the cooks working the line, who always had a front row seat to this suddenly called me over. I remember this guy was always stoic and we weren’t really friends, but we weren’t on bad terms either. I always did my job, and tried to keep as much shit from angry customers from coming back to the kitchen, which is probably why he took pity on me. He said, “Do you know what they are calling you?” I shook my head no. I had no idea.

“It is a joke on your name. It basically means take out and suck your dick.” I thanked him profusely and after that I tried to go even more out of my way to help that guy. At the same time a smouldering fire began to rage and burn in my heart. I was humiliated and angry, but I didn’t say anything to them. I just smiled and played the game.

I immediately enrolled in Spanish classes the next semester. I found Spanish speaking students to hang out with. Soon my entire group of friends was Spanish speaking. By this time I had moved on from that restaurant and left those two dishwashers behind, but they were not forgotten. After several more semesters I started spending my summer breaks volunteering in South America, and finally as I graduated from University with a degree in Engineering I won an internship to work in Spain only because I had become so good at speaking Spanish. It was an amazing three months, but all good things come to an end and I had return home.

After I came back home I was exhausted, but my friend forced me to go to a birthday party. By coincidence I ended up meeting an amazing Hispanic woman there who was going to be my future wife. Later that night we all went to a club and as we were dancing and having a good time I suddenly felt someone tapping me on the shoulder. I turned around and standing there is Oscar, one of the dish washers.

“Take out your dick and suck it!” He said in Spanish.

Without missing a beat I replied in perfect Spanish, “Your sister already did that for me last night!”

His eyes got really big and then we both burst into laughter and hugged. The petty dream I originally had to get back at him had finally been fulfilled, but now 5 years later my heart was suddenly filled with gratitude. I had long since realized that he had unknowingly launched me into an amazing journey where I travelled the world, met some amazing people, fell in love with a new culture and had just met my future wife. So fuck you Oscar and thanks again.

[pchcrew]

how to be a winner

[bambi---eyes-deactivated2017110]

This is so important

[sweeettsugar-deactivated2016061]

bruh 👏🏾😂.

[shadykingnick-deactivated201601]

Home girl boutta schmooze her way through college

[ashweenis]

ranessence tantrummm

[2opinionatedblackgirls]

That discussion board one actually works. Got an A in that portion of my Senior Sem doing that. This is gold.

[kingrudegyalchina]

@thesickestsinner

[trentmaverick]

This is her calling. You can DEFINITELY use the same hacks at your job with a few tweaks here & there!

[theladyofthedarkcastle]

Literally this is how I’ve survived 3.75 years of college. This is gold. This is truth.

[theflyingfoxy]

Passing college like a Slytherin………I love it

[angelxhunter]

Don’t Tell Girls

“You’re too pretty to be single” Why is one person’s idea of ideal aestheticism A basis for a relationship status And furthermore What is so goddamn shameful or pathetic about being single anyway Is confidence and comfort in being by one’s self intimidating to you

“Swearing is unladylike” Bullshit Swears are only words And these words do not negate my intelligence, or passion, or define anything about me as a person or my character Men are never told not to swear Swear as much as you fucking want

“Your standards are too high! Just give him a chance” No You are invalidating a woman’s right to say no She doesn’t need to explain herself to anyone She doesn’t owe anyone anything Ever Everyone should have standards for themselves, and not feel like they need to lower them to please anyone Or be shamed for leading someone on when they know it would never work Because that happens too

“If you dress like that, boys will get the wrong idea” What idea might that be? That women might actually feel beautiful and confident in their own bodies? Heaven forbid Because obviously women’s bodies belong to everyone else except themselves

“Don’t frown - someone might be falling in love with your smile!” Why Is it my responsibility to always smile no matter how I feel I am a human being who is allowed to experience pain, or confusion, or sorrow, or boredom Men are never criticized for having “resting bitch face”

“Short hair makes you look like a boy!” This is assuming That there is one certain way for “boys” and “girls” to look Not so Some boys have long hair, some girls have short hair, some people who are both or neither also have hair Hair has no gender Humans are allowed to look different from each other and express themselves how they like Gender identity and gender expression are not the same

They aren’t “real” girls because they were born with a penis Anyone is a girl who says they are a girl Stop trying to undermine someone’s identity They know themselves better than you do Anatomy and identity are different, and sometimes separate Why are you so obsessed with other people’s genitals anyway

“You’re going to break a lot of hearts one day” Why would you ever Ever Say this to a girl A young, impressionable girl Breaking hearts is not a compliment, or a goal Coming from someone who has broken at least one From simply being honest and being myself It is a burden - a guilt that has been (mis)placed on my shoulders since childhood I never wanted to be labelled a heartbreaker simply for existing

“You don’t want kids? You’ll change your mind one day” No I won’t Even if I do, one day, that doesn’t make my opinion right now any less valid or deserving of respect Stop disbelieving people about their own life choices Also, having children is not a necessary milestone for a successful or fulfilling life

“Don’t have sex before marriage - boys really want a virginal girl” Sure they do And are boys ever held to that same expectation To stay virgins until marriage? Because as women are shamed for “impurity,” boys are applauded for “experience” I love the smell of double standards in the morning

“You shouldn’t wear so much makeup” The natural look is great The makeup look is great The anything you feel like doing or not doing to your own face look is great Let people do whatever they want to their own bodies Whatever makes them feel good Why do you care

“Selfies are just for attention” Maybe Maybe not What’s so wrong about liking attention What’s so wrong about feeling beautiful and confident in your own skin And wanting to share that feeling with others We were taught for so long to hate our bodies What is so threatening about finally loving them

“Cat-calling is flattering! Learn how to accept a compliment!” “I like your hair” is a compliment “You’re a really talented writer” is a compliment The gross, vulgar things that men shout at women they don’t know on the street Are not compliments They are harassment - meant to imply ownership and dominance and even violence Compliments should not make people fear for their lives walking home Compliments should not actually get people killed

- angelxhunter (x)

[onebuttscratcher]

please boost the fuck out of this.

[fightingmisogynoir]

^!!!!!!!!!!!

[mickeygifsmain]

literally…..a masterpiece 

[poonany]

My shit

[ishipitlikeups]

They turned what is arguably the worst song of all time into something amazing

[land-of-departure]

did this person just say hollaback girl is “arguably the worst song of all time”??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

[yikyakapp-blog]

[sscreamss]

just because you don’t look like somebody who you think is attractive doesn’t mean you aren’t attractive. flowers are pretty but so are christmas lights and they look nothing alike

[hershey]

I don’t think anyone could’ve said it in a better way

[palewansickly]

I reblog these things in the hope that someday I will grow to believe them. 

[itsannxiety]

OH MY GOD

[sailormurkury]

This is why you buy the unscented Dr. Bronner’s soap, or any other scent BUT peppermint

[just-call-me-vendetta]

😂😂

[chris-says-no]

This was a ride

[pruningthisbranch-deactivated20]

do you ever pretend like you didn’t see something so the other person doesn’t feel embarrassed 

[highlandvalley]

[rob-walks-deactivated20210614]

no fucking way

[thinned-skin]

Isthis fucking reallife

[magicalgirlmindcrank]

Man this sports Anime has a really good budget

[ommanyte]

“HE ASCENDED THROUGH THE AIR LIKE A DEFENSIVE ANGELLL!!!!!1!1!1!1”

[madeupmonkeyshit]

i died when they put him back on the floor and started cheering 

[oops-i-accidently]

if lucifer needs someones consent to enter their body then so do you

[thepurpleskies]

please just read the whole thing

[mollystanard]

Here’s a silly flowchart that basically informs every day of my life because I am a filthy plant hoarder

[rottenwasp]

             “I can’t be his father and his best friend. He needs you.”