Tired but Trying

Like really really trying. Asks and DMs always open

[apolladay]

do you think that you would exist in the best of all possible worlds?

do you think that you would exist in the best of all possible worlds?

yes

no

Remaining time: 2 days 1 hour

[youarealwaysenough]

Had to go clothes shopping today so safe to say I am ✨Dissociated✨

[youarealwaysenough]

I don't think I'm doing this journaling thing right. I did lessen my anxiety, but only by virtue of ending right back up in my depression reservoir

[draconym]

It's nuts how common it is to not allow children to be angry, even (especially) in households where adults are angry all the time. As a child I knew my own anger was unacceptable--not just expressing it outwardly but feeling it at all. So now as an adult my immediate reaction to my own anger is often to feel guilt instead of like. Noticing when someone is being rude or unfair or my boundaries are being violated or whatever. fucked up.

[jackawful]

to this day "who is allowed to be angry" has been an incredible benchmark for teasing out who, in abusive situations with mutual accusations and DARVO happening, is being abusive and who is being abused. one of my favorite resources about this, the Creative Interventions Toolkit, phrases the question "who sets the weather?" in the relationship and I think about it so so often when I think about my own childhood. I was parentified in a way that set me up for future abusive relationships, because I had to soothe my parents' anger while not being allowed to feel angry myself. I am extremely grateful to everyone outside myself - friends, therapists, partners - who's gotten angry on my behalf about how I'm treated or let me know something I'd been excusing or blaming myself for was actually Not Okay. I guess the good news here is that it's possible to learn how to access anger again in a healthy way, it just takes support, like doing physical therapy for a muscle that didn't develop quite right.

[draconym]

I relate so strongly to this.

This is not to say that feeling anger is abusive; it's human to feel anger. But if you've ever felt like your anger was "unjustified" or were afraid to express it outwardly because you expected it to be dismissed ... ask yourself how you would react if the roles were reversed. I find that a lot of folks who were The Grown Up in a relationship with their parents hold themselves to much different standards than they hold other people.

I've seen plenty of situations that involve two or more people hurting each other and not admitting any fault because they want to protect their own egos. But. Notice when you think you're not entitled to be upset about something. When someone tells you you shouldn't be upset. There's a difference between taking your anger out on other people and just. Being allowed to feel angry.

[strictlyquadrilateral]

and this isn't even getting into harm that's genuinely necessary! i read a book recently that was intended to educate people in healthcare about medical trauma, written by a medical professional who found that there weren't existing resources to help her cope with the aftermath of the extremely traumatic c section that saved her life. the whole tone of the book was "i know you've never thought about this before, but walk with me through this case study" and it's aimed at other medical professionals! it's aimed at the people who are doing this harm, and so many of them think that people aren't allowed to find it harmful just because it's necessary!

[strictlyquadrilateral]

so many trauma resources assume that your trauma is from a specific person or people who treated you in a way that society deems unacceptable. if your trauma doesn't fit that profile then you're left sitting there like. idk i dont think most of this stuff applies to me. where are the resources for people like me.

[strictlyquadrilateral]

if you were ever scared or in pain and were told that you had to grin and bear it because it's necessary for you to do the thing that scares and hurts you, you are allowed to say that that was traumatic. you are allowed to say that you were scared and in pain and that even if this was the least bad option, even if it was lifesaving, it still was not okay. something being necessary does not inherently make it okay.

[the-real-seebs]

i think i still have mild trauma from a dentistry-related thing some years back, and it was completely voluntary and i wanted it, just, the experience was actually really upsetting. like, totally worth it in overall outcomes, just. wow, yeah. i do not want to ever do that again.

i have more than one thing that saved my life and traumatized me.

[fatedliketonothingyet]

I'm a juvenile diabetic: relatedly, I used to be crippled by CPTSD. it turns out, infants dislike needles, and having your primary caregivers administer them daily can be bad for those relationships. I had no sense of trauma as the etiology of my issues for a while, because I couldn't find any 'abuse' in my history.

I remember talking to a psychologist: guy was like "are you absolutely sure you weren't abused as a child? I am literally a therapist, so you can tell me". when I demurred, he was like "truly? because you really really come across like you were, and I meet a lot of people with that history".

it was only after a parent mentioned that I'd go quiet and waxy during injections (tonic immobility, in retrospect) that I started to consider whether the lifesaving medical care I received had negative psychological effects.

[fittingoutjane]

This is a common gateway to pseudoscience. People experience trauma from receiving, or from seeing a loved one receive, lifesaving medical care and aren't able to find the space to process that it was necessary, the alternative was worse, AND it was really and truly awful. People who are afraid to go back. People who need accommodations to make necessary medical care less stressful and scary, and can't get them.

[systlin]

In 38 years of life I have learned 1 thing;

If anyone is ever training you to replace them in a position and tells you 'its an easy job I don't do much' what this means is that you are about to spend six months to a year catching up on all the stuff they didn't do and sorting out the stuff they did poorly.

In related news I finally managed to finish un fucking my predecessor's lack of a filing system.

[youarealwaysenough]

My heart yearns to be a morning person but my circadian rhythm says No 😘

[what-even-is-thiss]

It’s fascinating hearing how other people think. My dad says he has to think of a full sentence word for word before he says it whereas I don’t know what I’m gonna say until I’ve already said it.

[subaru-copilot]

looks inside procrastination -> it's anxiety -> looks inside anxiety -> it's fear -> looks inside fear -> it's shame

[teaboot]

Surely these circumstances will improve with additional shame

[youarealwaysenough]

Needed a way to get healthy food in my body but I don't have any dairy so I just chucked a bunch of frozen berries and water into the blender and made something that is not technically a smoothie but is too thick to call juice

[alliezweihander]

"if you forgot then it obviously wasn't important to you" is an ableist thing to say and i'm tired of pretending it's not

[alliezweihander]

I've forgotten *my own birthday* before. There are several years of my life just straight up missing. In the past I've forgotten silly little frivolous things like NAMES OF LOVED ONES or WHERE MY HOUSE IS. But obviously none of that was important. Fucking awful, ableist thing to say.

[youarealwaysenough]

One of my friends is really struggling with her parents selling her childhood home as part of their retirement and I'm trying to be there for her but man I cannot relate to that at all

[fidelcostco]

WAIT HOLD ON I cannot fucking believe when I was like four years old my parents were cajoling me to walk with the family and trying to get me to keep up even though I kept insisting that I was "tired" until they took me to a doctor and found out my LUNGS DIDN'T WORK. how insane that we live in a world where reasonably loving parents think their FOUR YEAR OLD is trying to be LAZY. like they were mortified to be clear. adults are just so trained to ignore children's complaints as untrustworthy, kids just need discipline, they can't possibly speak for themselves. what the fuuuuck.

[fidelcostco]

YOU ARE NOT IMMUNE BTW you should always be trying to take children seriously, especially very little ones but definitely all of them. the most disempowered class basically legally defined as property and most people are like "yeah that's good actually I hate when they Loiter lol they're stupid and loud and i actually think children should stop existing. restrict their personhood more actually"

[thesporkidentity]

What is PCOS, what are the symptoms and treatment, and why is it being renamed PMOS?

Polycystic ovary syndrome is being relabelled polyendocrine metabolic ovarian syndrome to correct the misconception that it is solely a gyna

Why is PCOS being renamed? The main reason is that it is a misnomer. Not only can people have the condition without having polycystic ovaries, but the condition does not involve cysts. There is another problem with the name PCOS: “It implies it’s all about the ovary, which it’s not,” Duncan says. Franks agrees. “It’s a disorder in the ovary, but there are other manifestations which are equally if not more important in terms of metabolic abnormalities.” ... The name change to polyendocrine metabolic ovarian syndrome is the fruit of years of international effort and, it is hoped, will tackle the misleading aspects of the PCOS label. In particular PMOS reflects the long-term, complex nature of the health condition, emphasising that it is a hormonal or “endocrine” disorder that can affect the body’s reproductive and metabolic systems and is associated with multiple health conditions.

[youarealwaysenough]

Another thing about being an undiagnosed autistic child is being in class during quizzes and tests and hearing my classmates go up to ask questions and basically be given an answer. But the few times I gathered myself to ask I'd essentially be told "figure it out"

It took me a long time to realize that there are ways to ask questions to get answers, which I still don't totally understand but many of my classmates just intuitively figured out. What I heard was everyone gets help but you

And we wonder why we have so much trouble asking people for help

[hungry-skeleton]

Fucked up that if you make a minor social blunder you can't ask the person if they hate you forever now because that within itself is another social blunder

[youarealwaysenough]

Growing up undiagnosed is crazy I'm well into my 20s and still learning to recognize my own symptoms of being overstimulated