I'm After Your Chips

watch out

[theres-pansies]

This is how it went, right?

References because I thought they were funny (but the first one is classic)

[oshacompliantmagicalgirl]

[iamthemaestro]

found this at an antique shop the other day and was immediately like oh this belongs on tumblr. sniles sneetly. fwowns fwangry.

[p3arl-luk1]

Discovery of skittles leads to discovery of tummy ache

[ladywarlock03]

When the trip to Erid is so long you try to ragebait your alien roommate but they don't know what the ragebait is about so you fail

[whencartoonsruletheworld]

hearing anything about the nolan odyssey is so funny. it's like "they cut the extremely important and infamous nobody scene" "the cyclops is a giant puppet that they put in an actual historical cave + gave circe animatronics for her pig transformation instead of cgi" "they dumped plastic skeletons in an environmentally protected location they were not supposed to be in" "they recreated ancient greek instruments in order to have an accurate score" "all of odysseus's agency is basically gone" "anne hathaway actually learned how to weave ancient looms" "the women in this movie are treated like shit" "they actually buried actors alive to get those underworld shots" "did you see what the fuck zendaya was fucking wearing holy shit you can't DO THAT, MA'AM" "what do you mean there was a legitimate epic the musical reference" "NOT A SINGLE FUCKING GREEK WAS CAST IN THIS MOVIE"

like did nolan have two guys standing at his side at all times whispering ideas in his ear and one told the truth and the other told lies and they didnt tell him which was which until they wrapped production cause

[televisionenjoyer]

Nooo never kill yourself baby. Star Trek enters the public domain in 2062.

[thisusernameisunique]

One year before the Vulcans arrive?

[rudywiser]

Well yeah, otherwise they'd be under copyright

[foralittlewile]

Tbh, I think everyone getting very attached to Tall Adrian™️ kinda makes them miss the potential of the canon reality that Eridians average at 50cm tall.

Grace is living on a planet of toddler sized rocks with twice his strength. If at ANY point he forgets to look where he’s going he is Going Trip Over An Ambassador. Unstoppable force vs. immovable object except Grace is very much stoppable.

Eridians either get used to talking to his shins, craning on their tippy toes to get a good look at his face, or begin forcing him to sit criss-cross applesauce for literally any important meeting. Picture him joining the Erid equivalent of a UN press conference and having to curl up his awkward water body and hug his knees for the whole thing.

He can conceivably be picked up by an alien the size of a hard helmet against his will. He’s surrounded by space roombas with perfect memories and attention spans shorter than his San Francisco classroom who can’t believe he’s incapable of solving complex math in three seconds. He has step stools around his house for them to climb so he can feel like he’s “looking them in the eye” even though Eridians think that’s stupid since they lack both eyes and directional perception.

His students are probably all palm sized. Once he starts teaching he’s fighting cuteness aggression all day every day. They could all break his fingers with hands the size of a button. That knowledge does not stop his cuteness aggression. THIS IS GRACE’S REALITY.

[annabelle--cane]

the irony of the betrayal scene is that grace has actually managed to have about half of his character arc by that point and the very fact that he's saying "no" demonstrates that he's getting closer to being the brave person stratt needs on her side, just not quite close enough. he's being firm to say he's not just gonna do whatever people ask of him and he's exhibiting vulnerability and trust in a personal relationship by believing that stratt will hear and respect his answer. let us not forget that this is the man who did Try to resist getting put in the argon death cube but ultimately rolled his eyes and went "ugh kinda bossy but whatever this is okay I guess" about it. his experiences on the petrova taskforce have made him an iota stronger, and I think that's part of what makes stratt so frustrated in that scene. the book "I don't want to die" and movie "you just can’t talk me into it" lines, representing taking ownership of his desires and an unwillingness to be passive to others' wants, are both breakthroughs for him and things he would have been too cowardly to say earlier in the timeline, and she definitely knows him well enough to be able to see that. I think there's a part of her that's thinking "if you'd only done this faster and been the person who learned how to say no two years ago then maybe by now you'd be the person who's learned how to say yes."

[shrubfriend]

I love you Martha Wells. I love you and your beef with privatized transit and whatever happened to you at Rainforest Cafe.

[pineappical]

best friends

[ryan-sometimes]

Working an office job will truly make you have the wildest enemies, bc why is my nemesis rn a woman I’ve never met and who exclusively haunts me by sending diabolical emails, and also a specific guy who left my company before I even worked here and made the system so fuckass that it ruined procedures for like a year

[ryan-sometimes]

Yesterday my nemesis (woman I’ve never met and whose face I’ve never seen) sent my office an email so rude, basically saying we had fucked up every project she ever ordered from us, one of the worst emails I’ve ever read in my life.

And it pissed me off so badly that I spent the ENTIRE WORK DAY today compiling evidence from every project my team has ever done for her, pulling past emails she’d sent us, putting together an entire case proving that she had been the problem all along. That she got projects mixed up, that she’d made requests that were nonsensical, literally everything you could possibly imagine. Screenshots of emails, reports we’d submitted, EVERYTHING.

This woman in particular has been terrorizing my team for years, her name is almost a slur in my office, I had simply had ENOUGH of her.

I put all of this evidence together and sent it to all of my bosses at 4:30pm. Then I took a long break to eat a sweet treat and drink some tea.

After my break, my bosses all called in an emergency meeting with me and they said they read my report and fucking loved it. And I sat on a teams call with my boss’ boss as she wrote my nemesis the scathing email I had always fantasized about sending, using the evidence I’d compiled, and hit send.

It was the most satisfying workday I’ve had since I got hired.

[winnie-wine]

[realest-slenderman]

i do accomodate people with disabilities when they collect my pages btw

[realest-slenderman]

i cant provide adderall for you but i can give you an extended time limit + cryptic hints for collecting my pages

[soupkiddo]

thank you Slenderman! can I wear earplugs? the static is a bit overstimulating

[realest-slenderman]

yes you can 👍

[soupkiddo]

I love you Slenderman. can you kill my boss.

[realest-slenderman]

i love you too and i cant leave my forest but if you send your boss over to me i can probably arrange something

[fancycake]

Rocky and Grace are yelling at each other. Rocky stops mid argument to demand that Grace put on his angry eyebrows. Grace immediately stomps to the whiteboard, stomps back over with the dry erase marker, draws angry eyebrows on the xenonite ball. the argument continues

[hateusandseeifwemind]

[pinene]

Can anyone explain wtf is going on here especially a Korean speaker

[tadeadshihamurder]

someone on reddit explained 😭

[no-one-offical]

‎

[desmolbean404]

That is one of the most astronomical fuck up translations I have ever seen.

[tilthat]

TIL Ray Bradbury first titled Fahrenheit 451 “The Fireman”, then called a local fire station to ask what temperature it would take to actually ignite books. The responding firemen placed him on hold and burnt a book, then reported that the heat required was “Fahrenheit 451″.

via reddit.com

[fourlughero]

That’s such a fire fighter thing to do.

“You know what? That’s a good question. I’m gonna put you on hold while I find out”

[verdigrisvagabond]

My dad used to design kitchens at Lowe’s and one day he got a dude from one of the national labs looking to buy a countertop. Dad sent him home with a sample of a quartz-composite countertop to make sure the color will look good with his existing cabinets. The dude asks my dad what the composition of the countertop is and whether it’ll melt if he puts a pot on it (since it’s a composite and not pure stone) and Dad gives him some rough numbers and reassures him that it won’t melt if he puts a hot pan on the counter. The dude comes back with week later without the sample. The dude gives dad a detailed list of the countertops composition, to the nearest hundredth of a percentile, and the exact temperature it melts at, because he took it to his lab and melted it down. tldr, it’s not just firefighters.

[kaijuunibyou]

Imagine giving someone a sample of the granite you use to make countertops and they come back a few days later just to tell you they fucking dematerialized it

[ferrous-princess]

Ok, but this is just, like, what people do if they have access to equipment. We just… put shit in it. Just to see. At this point, I’ll try and hit just about anything with an arc, just to see. I’ll sand and polish anything you’ll let me, if I’m bored enough. If I had a machine that could melt something down and tell me exactly what was in it? I’d be just waiting for parts of my world to become “trash” so I could de-materialize it and turn it into knowledge of what it was.

[sandersstudies]

SOOOO hard to talk about body issues with teens because it’s like “how your body looks doesn’t matter well I mean it may matter to society/others but it SHOULDN’T matter to them so it shouldn’t matter to you but I realize that right now it does matter to you because it affects how others/society treats you and it’s hard to just convince yourself that doesn’t matter”

[sandersstudies]

Trying to explain almost anything to teens is hard because they’re in a period where what people think of you forms basically your entire life experience.

“Who cares if nobody likes what you wear! The worst that can happen is that you’re laughed at and talked about and excluded from social activities and never have a date to the dance and don’t have friends to support you during one of the most turbulent times of your life and don’t have the social practice necessary to transition into adulthood and are perceived by others to be worthless :) stay true to yourself! <3”

[myfootyrthroat]

"If they're judging you for that, you need better friends! I mean, I realize they're not really 'friends', they're just people you're forced to spend 8 hours a day with..."