NASA
ojovivo
h
Game of Thrones Daily
wallacepolsom
we're not kids anymore.
Sweet Seals For You, Always
2025 on Tumblr: Trends That Defined the Year
Show & Tell
i don't do bad sauce passes
@theartofmadeline
art blog(derogatory)
Kaledo Art
One Nice Bug Per Day
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
Not today Justin
Jules of Nature
🪼
Discoholic 🪩
sheepfilms
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@youbringthemonster
“im getting old” starter pack
“this is way too sweet”
“they’re remaking that movie already????”
“my back hurts”
“wait, people get mad about that now?”
“I can’t eat that, its gone fuck my stomach up”
“hold on let me check my calendar first”
**turns on the radio** [groans]
How dare you EXPOSE me at 5:18 am on this good Monday
This is the most genius thing i’ve seen in years. Thank you happytoast.co.uk 💯
im a triple threat
codependent, clingy, and constantly upset
Merbaby is ready to explore the world.
Omg beautiful.
You’re in charge of assigning every child on Earth the monster under their bed. One child in particular has caused every monster assigned to him/her to quit. You decide to assign yourself.
Case: #273402 Status: Disastrous.
I stare at the file and realize I have no options, over the last 2 years every monster assigned to Charlotte Dower has quit, every last one. Her first monster; a giant goldfish-faced humanoid named Bubba, had been with her for four years, and then she wasn’t scared of him anymore. After that it was a string of different common, uncommon, and rare monsters… I even assigned a sentient sock monster to her. He came back crying! I look on my tablet, only one assignable monster left; myself. Field work has never been my cup of tea, but desperate times call for desperate measures. So at 8:03 pm, after Mrs. Gideon tucks in Charlotte and her little brother Daniel; I slither into the space beneath Charlotte’s bed. Across the room underneath Daniel’s crib is a rookie, Chico, a standard Creep kind of monster. I turn my attention to the bed above me, Charlotte is still awake but barely, I reach up over the bed and run an ice cold finger over her cheek, silence, so I do it again. “I’m not afraid of you monster!” She whispers, but her voice is shaking. I can see a small clock on the wall 8:14, a door somewhere in the house slams and there is an audible hitch of breath from above me. A few minutes go by I can hear Francis Gideon yelling at his wife. There are heavy footsteps on the stairs, and loud panting breaths, Charlotte scrambles off the bed and… She. CRAWLS. Under. The. Bed. With. Me. “Move. Over!” Charlotte hisses at me. I do. The door to the bedroom slams open and I smell the stench of human intoxicants before the man even steps inside. I know why Charlotte isn’t afraid of any of my monsters; she’s afraid of her own. Francis reaches a hand under the bed and I thrust my wrist into it, he starts to pull, I slither out. “What the…” I cut Francis’s next words off by unfolding to my full 12 foot height. Looming over the drunken man I caress my cold fingers down his face. “If you ever touch, scare, or harm my child again, I will find you, and I will do the same to you, for all eternity.” I promise to him. As Francis runs from the room he soils himself. I pull Charlotte from under the bed, tuck her back under her covers and kiss her forehead goodnight. “I’ll be back tomorrow night, sleep well darling.” Charlotte Dower is my child, I am the monster under her bed.
WELL GODAMN, WE HAVE OURSELVES A WINNER
Holy shit I’m gonna cry that’s beautiful.
What I say: The baby is asleep
What I mean: SHUT THE FUCK UP
How long does someone have to be dead before it’s considered archeology instead of grave robbing?
as an archaeologist, i find this a veRY AWKWARD QUESTION
answer the question grave robber
Imagine a dragon at Antiques Roadshow, appraising its hoard
Imagine the dragon hoards monetarily worthless things like newspapers or old bones and the person appraising it getting more and more nervous about telling the dragon their stuff isnt worth anything
Imagine that the dragon knows this and just likes watching the person squirm.
The dragon actually hoards uncomfortable situations
I just love it when people come up with random weird animal or dragon things and iguanamouth illustrates them just because.
no, it’s wasps
“Let me love you!”
Toothbrush doing a real big frighten. (via ipostdogs)
BOY IF YOU DON’T
Srs frog rage
He was so content until your rude ass started poking him.
The frog is a Gemini and the hand is everyone else
about a year ago i read that capybaras can briefly run as fast as horses and no revelation since has shaken me as much. i can’t get rid of the thought of the world’s largest rodent barreling at you at the speed of a horse. it’s so sinister
