Borderline blog!

[yourlocalbpdbitch]

TBPDFW you're in that weird state of mind where you laugh and laugh at the smallest things while inside you think the best thing would be to end your life as soon as possible. Meanwhile you can't concentrate on anything AND you can't tell what you're feeling because the non-stop laughing is confusing you. So people don't understand the danger you're about to put yourself in, and nobody is there to save you from yourself.

[quetiapine19-deactivated2024011]

The 4 BPD subtypes

There are 4 borderline personality disorder subtypes: impulsive, discouraged, self-destructive, and petulant. IMPULSIVE subtype: These people struggle with impulsivity the most. This can look like binge eating, overspending, unprotected sex, drinking under the influence, alcoholism, gambling, drug use, outbursts, physical fights, yelling fits, breaking things. People with this subtype may appear energetic, flirtatious, charismatic, motivating. DISCOURAGED/QUIET subtype: These people may keep their emotions inside and express harm to themselves rather than other things/people. Instead of yelling at others they may indulge in self harm behaviors. People with this subtype may be clingy, feel empty or lonely most of the time, be perfectionists, engage in self harm or suicide behaviors, codependant, have anger and emotional mood swings if abandonment issues get triggered. SELF-DESTRUCTIVE subtype:

These people have increased euphoria, a decrease need for sleep, increase in energy. (Self-destructive bpd subtype is not the same as mania, so speak to your doctor about this if you relate to this subtype). People with this subtype may abusive substances like alcohol or/and drugs, indulge in adrenaline-seeking behaviors without thinking of consequences, self harm - burning, cutting, hitting themselves, threats of suicide. PETULANT subtype: These people have severe mood swings - can go from sad to euphoric in minutes, feel unworthy and unloved, have an unhealthy desire for control. People with this subtype are irritable, stubborn, passive-aggressive, struggle in relationships, struggle with substance abuse. People who have borderline personality disorder can sometimes relate to just one subtypes, sometimes all of them. You don't have to feel like you have to fit into a category - there are many different ways bpd can manifest and not everyone with bpd is going to be the same way.

[quetiapine19-deactivated2024011]

Suicide attempts are traumatic

I don't hear anyone talking about this. But attempting to take your own life is traumatic.

The moments before the attempt are the most heartbreaking. The planning of it. Writing the suicide notes. You imagine all the pain will stop, but you wake up in the morning in your bed/floor/hospital bed/after a coma. Still alive. The ambulance rides. Your friends/family yelling/crying/asking questions. Trying to find the words to doctors why you did it. All you wanted was for it all to stop, but it was the most heartbreaking, painful both mentally and physically, draining thing you went through. Maybe you woke up with regret, maybe with relief.

But after you get back out in the real world, you have to act like nothing happened. You have to keep living surviving after something so traumatic. You still think about that event over and over. What would it be like if it worked? Why didn't it work? The way you did it, triggers you every time you see that thing/place. You get flashbacks. Ambulances make you re-remember everything all over again.

If you've survived, I'm proud you're still here. You're a survivor. Life might not look like it's worth it sometimes, but your future holds something amazing for you, I promise it does get better. Little by little. Don't give up just yet.

[yourlocalbpdbitch]

Nightmare

I'm halfway between life and death

I live in a limbo I call half-sleep

and I know - I hope - I'm going to wake up any minute now

but since that moment hasn't come yet

let me tell you:

I dream all day long because I sleep all day long

(even when I'm awake)

sometimes I have unbearable nightmares

a voice suggests me a way out:

“to stop this bad dream” it says

“you must make an act of courage

you can choose how to do it

but you've got to do it quickly”

I cry in despair because I don't want to

I don't want to, but I have to, do you get it?

Then my tears stop falling and I think that maybe -

- maybe the dream's over

maybe I woke up in a normal life

then everything's blurry:

there's a car ride and then a long wait

in a bare white room full of anonymous faces

they seem to ask me with their eyes:

“why are you here?”

and I want to tell them that I don't know

I had an important thing to do

I was supposed to end this nightmare once and for all

they take me to another room

where there's a stranger I feel is annoyed

perhaps by my presence

she asks me questions I don't know the answer to

she looks me up and down and tells me:

“you don't belong here”

I am too deep in my sleepiness to understand what she meant

so I tell her she's right

I don't belong, neither here nor anywhere else

but now it's got late

although my mind has slept all day

my body must rest too now.

I could hope for a better future

but as long as I'm stuck in this nightmare

hoping is useless.

But one of these days I'll do it.

I'll take courage and I will finally

wake up.

[yourlocalbpdbitch]

I tell everyone i'm better but as a matter of fact i'm not.

[yourlocalbpdbitch]

The thought of suicide has never felt so bittersweet.

[yourlocalbpdbitch]

Yeah sex is good, but have you ever been dismissed from psych?

[yourlocalbpdbitch]

And have you ever had sex after being dismissed from psych?

[yourlocalbpdbitch]

✨✨Things that will happen when you finally reach your UGW✨✨

you'll pass out everytime you go up the stairs🧚🏼‍♀️

your mother will cry everyday😍

you'll move out and finally live in that cool hospital room you've been thinking about💘

you'll get to wear a super trendy feeding tube😋

you will likely lose months or years of school while in hospital🔝

you will never get to wear that cute little summer dress because you will always feel cold👻

your hair will fall out and you'll have a natural bald-like look💇🏼‍♀️

you'll miss lots of social occasions and great times with your friend while forced to stay in your hospital bed🤗

your immune system will weaken and your chances of dying will go up the moon🤩

your teeth will have a green-yellowish colour from the constant purging (but it's ok cause green's in this year)😎

[yourlocalbpdbitch]

“Masks don't make me breathe!”

Shut the f up Karen you live in NYC you don't even know what clean oxygen is

[yourlocalbpdbitch]

Bulimia culture is losing and gaining the same 20 lbs over and over again

[yourlocalbpdbitch]

When you meet outside someone you met in the psych ward

[yourlocalbpdbitch]

It's all fun and games until you look at your hands and they're green and blue

[yourlocalbpdbitch]

Life hack: if you break up with a writer, don't read what they post, ever again. We can be pretty harsh, and you'll never even know if we are actually talking about you.

[yourlocalbpdbitch]

It goes without saying that if the writer in question also happens to have bpd, you should prepare for war

[yourlocalbpdbitch]

Life hack: if you break up with a writer, don't read what they post, ever again. We can be pretty harsh, and you'll never even know if we are actually talking about you.

[yourlocalbpdbitch]

whAT DO YOU MEAN I'm ""socially withdrawn"", I HAVE FRIENDS, for instance those cute little stars I see when I get up

[yourlocalbpdbitch]

don't you try argue with me. I will give you solid arguments and then I'll cry until my eyeballs fall out.

[yourlocalbpdbitch]

“You look better”

yeah give it time Sharon