i would trust weird al with my drink at a party. granted he may put one of those capsules that expands into a sponge animal in it,
sorry i had a vision and i just had to draw it
Dinosaur!! :D
I'd rather be in outer space đž

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i would trust weird al with my drink at a party. granted he may put one of those capsules that expands into a sponge animal in it,
sorry i had a vision and i just had to draw it
Dinosaur!! :D
So one afternoon at the cottage, Ilya has been in and out of the lake all day, excited like a kid, splashing around and clowning and fascinated by the wildlife and showing off for Shane. And after they finally head back inside and shower off the lake smell, Shane settles on the couch with a book and Ilya flops down with him, stretched out with his head in Shane's lap and whining until Shane frees a hand to sink into his hair. And it's been such a nice full day and it's all warm dozy sunshine and the lovely earthy nature smell that's everywhere around the cottage and Ilya has his face tucked into Shane's stomach where he can breathe him in, the familiar scent of his detergent and body wash, and Shane's big warm hand is in his hair and Ilya's pleasantly tired and drowsy and so comfortable that he just... drifts off, the kind of wonderfully indulgent nap that he never really gets during the season and finds hard to justify when he's in Russia for the summer.
But this year he's not in Russia, and he slips into this warm syrupy slumber while Shane pets through his hair (incidentally making a disastrous mess of his curls) and reads his book. When Ilya eventually rouses, with a happy grumble of contentment, nuzzling closer into Shane's stomach, he can feels Shane laughing gently at him almost before he hears it.
"Did you sleep well?" Shane asks, and that sounds warm and syrupy too, and Ilya rolls over so he can smile at Shane and revel in the smile he gets in return.
And then Shane says, "Are you hungry? It's almost dinnertime," and Ilya realises he's been lying here, napping and pinning Shane to the couch and wasting both of their time, for hours, and he jackknifes upright so suddenly that Shane startles back.
"Fuck!" Ilya spits out. "I was--fuck, has been so long. Why didn't you wake me up?" already guilty because Shane had wanted to make some pasta thing that he was weirdly excited about and they'd talked about maybe playing more Chel but now the whole day's been napped away and--Ilya sneaks a look---Shane's book is lying closed on the couch, bookmark set neatly aside, so Shane had finished his book and not even been able to get up to go do something else.
And he's just smiling at Ilya, completely unconcerned that Ilya's been idle and asleep and... and... lazy, all afternoon, just glad Ilya had a good nap.
Shane's frowning in mild confusion at him. "Why?" he says, genuinely not seeing the problem. "You were napping, it was nice. I mean, if I'd needed to pee or something I'd have got up but I was fine." He reaches out and smoothes some of Ilya's hair down. "Oh, the pasta. We can do that tomorrow, we have all that salad from lunch and rolls and there's peaches if we want dessert."
Ilya must have responded somehow because Shane beams at him and says, "Cool, I'll go set the table if you want to go wash your face." He smirks and pokes at Ilya's cheek. "Got a little drool there." And then he smacks a kiss on Ilya's head, gets up, and trots over to the kitchen while Ilya just sits there reeling.
Anyway it's really important to me that Shane dismantles all of Ilya's awful self-talk about laziness.
Me, on the welcome desk in the library: Good morning, how are you today?
Customer: I have welcomed Jesus into my heart and so I am well today and every day.
Me, a little unnerved: Okay then! Is there something I can help you with?
Customer, digging around in his bag and pulling out an iPhone in a box: Unfortunately, Jesus can't help me with this fucking phone, so I came to the library.
The Library!
For When Not Even God Can Help You!
Absolutely bonkers that I'm now one of those weirdos you hear about on Twitter
I committed to the bit so hard that I also committed misdemeanor impersonation of a government official
ilya posts a video on instagram with the caption âmy husband and the dog he didnât wantâ and itâs shane cradling anya like a baby outside the vetâs office whispering âyou were so brave, honey. weâll get you a pup cup on the drive home and you can sit in my lap while papa drives. you did such a good job when the scary lady poked you. such a good girlâ and people everywhere lose their fucking minds
.sixty-five đ
if hollanov is going to have a hockey playing daughter i need her to be a Hockey Player and by that i mean a BIG FUCKING DYKE OKAY. i need her to be a big ass baby like her dad shane hollander and grow up to be a complete tomboy OKAY. she needs to be beating the shit out of the boys in her grade who are mean to other girls. she needs to grow up loving hockey like her dads and visiting her "uncles" at centaurs games OKAY. i need her to watch ONE women's hockey game when she's like 6 and decide (like her dad) that she was going to do that as a job. i need her ass to be fucking 6'2 (or like 190 cm idc) with some BIG ass muscles and stealing her dads clothes and idc what position she plays but she going to be GOOD AT IT. and she's going to flirt with girls like her papa and half the girls on her team are going to have a crush on her. did i make this all up in my head? maybe but i still believe in it
i think yuna and david never talk about shane's first words or pretend that they were like mama or dada or something. but like. that's not the truth. and shane didn't start talking until he was 3 or 4 because of autism reasons. and they don't tell anyone what he actually said because well.
what happened is one morning david is ranting about his coworkers to yuna while they eat breakfast and both shane and yuna respond in unison with "what a bunch of fuckin idiots."
and shane goes back to making patterns with his cheerios but david and yuna are just sitting there like this:
and i can just imagine the scene of shane finding out when he's like 35 in the backyard with ilya and his parents talking about children and his dad (who is a little bit drunk) turns to him and is like "i think you're old enough to know this now."
oh i KNOW scott and kip can't take shane and ilya ANYWHERE. the last time they invited them to one of those lgbtq+ charity galas shane and ilya just stood around listening to people talk with blatant confusion (shane) and disinterest (ilya) written all over their faces. people are asking them about their opinions on trans people in sports and they're shrugging like "sure why not." and people are waiting for them to say something else but that's literally it. they just donât care. someone asks shane if he's ever had to experience racism in hockey and heâs just like ââŠ.. yeah.â and then smiles awkwardly. ilya leaves to go to the bathroom and shane follows him. kip mentions drag race and ilya lights up like âoh yes! i have been to many :)â and then realizes that they might be talking about different things. after 20 minutes they retreat to a corner and loudly argue about hockey for the rest of the night. they donate $500,000. when scott mentions the gala a couple months later, shane doesnât remember.
post skip kiss but ilya is still chirping the fuck out of scott hunter every game and a clip of it goes viral ( "hey hunter! didn't know that the nursing home was doing field trips right now." "yep, they sent me out here to kick your ass." "but where is your walker? i think you need will it tonight" "fuck off" "oh boyfriend has it huh? you are so lucky. he is so young and you are so weak." "rosanov so help me god i will fuckin-").
ilya's next press conference has him answering questions about his "borderline offensive" remarks to scott hunter and he's just like
"yes i said this to him. it is chirping it is meant to be offensive."
at the collective intake of breath that follows from the room he adds,
"what, you want me to treat him different because he is gay? i think that is not good. scott hunter is a slow old man. coming out has not changed this. still old, still slow."
when scott's asked about rosanov's comments on his coming out he's like
"well no we talked at the NHL awards he was actually really supportive. yeah he's an asshole, just not a homophobic one."
#myilya is the biggest gossip youâve ever met. He is nosy, yappy, and an instigator. He is pretending he doesnât know the story so he can get all the sides of it. He is blabbing on voice memos to Svetlana. He is deep in some teammateâs ex gfâs instagram, terrified of accidentally liking something. He is mad at Shane because Shane did not ask follow up questions when Yuna tells him Davidâs sister is getting a divorce. He is calling Yuna directly to ask follow up questions. When there was that tik tok trend of filming your friends reacting to gossip youâre telling them, he is experiencing a profound level of fomo. He is campaigning for a guest spot on Normal Gossip. This is a man who has never minded his business and I love that for him.
the first birthday where shane gets ilya a cake and presents he worries he did something wrong because ilya freezes and then is like âwhat is this? âand shane is like âitâs your birthday?â and ilya is like âyou remembered this?â and shane is like âwell obviously i remembered your birthday?â and ilya is staring and shane is like âsorry do you not like it i can exchange it forââ but then ilya is crying big boo hoo tears. the second birthday ilya spends the entire week being a bossy bratty little bitch. hollander you must come swimming it is my birthday. hollander you have to come dancing it is my birthday. hollander you need to wear that blue mesh shirt it is my birthdayyyyyyy.
For the curious, this chap is processing flax, then spinning it into cordage, then twisting those cords into rope.
when youâre at the end of your rope but must carry on regardless
This is from Eugenio Monesma, a man who has dedicated his life to making documentaries about all the living traditions and craftsmen that still live in Spain, is not the first time Iâve seen his stuff uncredited on Tik Tok, which is a shame because he has over 20 years worth of videos of his work for free on his channel.
Even if you donât understand Spanish do give it a look please, very interesting stuff, youâre sure to find something interesting across his 1000+ videos.
Luckyly this video comes with subtitles so please enjoy seeing the process more in depth
Hey so as the economy continues to get worse in the next few years, gambling companies are going to go extra hardcore predatory as people become more desperate. Yes, even more than they already are. You have to promise me right now you're not going to fall for it. No gambling, okay?
This is going to be especially bad with prediction markets and sports gambling, and it's already really fucking bad. But it also goes for loot boxes, blind box collectables, trading card games, and ESPECIALLY gacha games.
We are seeing this right now with Kalshi's sudden push towards people watching reality dating shows like love island, as they are starting to tap out on their first big market block - young straight men into sports/politics. They are moving on towards young straight women now with the dating shows thing but they will start diversifying into other niches soon!
Do not start gambling. A friend of mine used to work for a bank's anti-money-laundering dept and they'd review flagged accounts for suspicious withdrawals, frequent charges, etc, and sometimes it was fraud but other times it was just severe gambling addicts absolutely hemorrhaging money. It is not worth it!!!
Can't name names but gambling companies also will absolutely arrange sweepstakes-style events where they promise one lucky player a great big prize but it's 100% fixed. It is a way to launder giving bribes to/rewarding the loyalty of the "high rollers" who spend the most money with them.
this is the core of why some women defend beauty standards - if theyâre deconstructed even a little they have to face how much money/time theyâve sunk into them. it also exposes how untrue âi did it for myselfâ really is - if that was true, you wouldnât be upset that other bodies are being uplifted
people who definitely know that Hollander and/or Rozanov have A Thing With A Man (of variably certain identity):
various dentists
hotel housekeeping staff
the kid who works late shifts at the drugstore where Ilya buys condoms (often) and lube (less often)
cleaners and laundry service employees
a kid on vacation with his parents in Vegas bored out of his mind because he's 14 and not allowed in the bars or casinos at their hotel and he's really hitting the grumpy teenager phase so he's pissed at his parents because he wanted to go birdwatching in the desert and instead he's on the hotel roof at night pointing his sick-ass binoculars (which he bought himself with money he earned by mowing their neighbours' lawns for a year) at the surrounding buildings and oh look there's two people making out on that rooftop terraceâwait, isn't that the guy from the Rolex ads?
Janice at the grocery store closest to the Hollander cottages who knows damn well that "David's boy" doesn't eat Nutella
the Voyageurs' nutritionist knows Hollander is fucking someone working for the Bears because he might not log it as sex but even Hollander doesn't actually do extra cardio after a game
employee at an airport phone repair kiosk in Chicago who was checking Ilyaâs battery specs when "Jane" texted him "If I win you suck my dick first"
one of the parents at Game Changers Hockey Camp who is a couple's counsellor and a bit too good at her job
Gerry (78) three doors down from the Hollanders who has lived in his house since he was born and has made it his solemn duty to know everything that goes on in his neighbourhood
the owner of the bespoke jeweller's shop once Shane Hollander purchases the second ring, which is identical to the first, and a plain gold chain
the apprentice of the bespoke jeweller's shop a week before that when he recognises the ring he watched his boss make for Shane Hollander sitting on Ilya Rozanov's bare chest in a post-game interview on TV