Zaru's Journal

[zarutheraven]

May I introduce the Demifaun gender identity…

It’s a non binary identity closely related to or synonymous with demiboy/guy.

It covers the field between masculinity and neutrality and also encompasses demiboy/guy.

I chose this identity because demiboy did not entirely reflect my feelings regarding my masculinity.

[zarutheraven]

I am planning on reintroducing a character 20 years after his supposed death. He was executed for killing his father after a long life of crime but also hardship. After his execution his soul gets trapped by his allies and over the course of 20 years his sister attempts to recreate a compatible body in order to bring him back to life. She succeeds but dies shortly after his reanimation so he's all alone in her secret research facility. Memories of his deeds slowly creep back into his mind and he thinks about ending his life because he cannot bear the guilt.

One of his comrades, turned AI, is able to change his mind tho and so he's seeking new purpose in this new world where almost everyone he's known is dead or vanished.

The question is... can I redeem him properly without downplaying his heinous acts or sweeping them under the rug?

[zarutheraven]

About one year ago I discovered that I'm very likely aromantic. I took a look on all my "crushes" in retrospect and concluded that they weren't crushes at all but merely strong infatuations.

But ever since there is that lingerin thought in the back of my head if that is really the whole story. I've always denied being asexual because of my very strong libido and love for all things sexual.

Recently tho I started thinking about that a bit more and I noticed that this great interest in sex seems to be confined to art and fantasy. I don't remember being actually sexually attracted to another person... or even if I was I wouldn't really have noticed. That might be because I am quoiromantic and not really able to tell types of attraction apart.

I hope you can help me make sense of my experience folks.

Thanks for reading!

[zarutheraven]

Hello there. It’s been a while since I’ve posted. I hope you all are fine and going strong through the czurrent situation.

I’ve had a few more thoughts about my gender recently. Well more like.... I noticed that there’s been a lack of thought about my gender. Further strengthening my believe to be gender apathetic.

I’d still consider myself demifaun since it blends with being gender apathetic quite easily. 

[zarutheraven]

Today I found the label “Autochorisexual” and I believe it’s quite accurate in describing the way I experience sexuality.

I am interested in sex mostly from an artistic standpoint. Watching erotica and porn and phantasizing about sex. While I enjoy sex irl I am not particularly wild about it or feel sexual attraction to people.

I am still observing myself in that regard and I might change my mind on this label. But for now... I quite like it.

Anyone feeling the same?

[zarutheraven]

Come Back

A beautifully somber and yet serene song.

[zarutheraven]

Listened to my first Arch Enemy album in a very long time. I chose “Rise Of The Tyrant” and must say that it’s really a forgotten gem on my part.

Every single song is awesome and memorable and it has one of my all time favorite guitar solos in their discography and maybe ever.

I’m glad I returned to the band that made me fall in love with metal in the first place.

Thank you Arch Enemy!

[zarutheraven]

To me as a quoiromantic, romantic attraction and relationships seem really really mundane. Something so uninteresting it’s not worth pursuing.

I’d rather pursue things like self actualisation, self improvement and discovery. Seeking knowledge and beauty. Seeking true love and trust.

I feel that the term romanticism and romantic partner is a very loaded term and just filled with expectations and demands that feel like chains to me. I would not be able to breathe in such a relationship.

Anyone feeling the same?

[isappho-deactivated20240418]

demigirls are brilliant

[zarutheraven]

And demiboys too

[zarutheraven]

Sometimes I really have the feeling I am not xperiencing anything. Not until I told people about things. My experiences seem to materialize only when I share them.

Else I just might have dreamed them, they might just be an illusion.

When I came out as pansexual to a couple of people 2 years ago... I finally had the feeling that it’s real now. That now I cannot reverse it or take it back.

I know not everyone feels that way and I do not mean to invalidate people’s experiences at all.

I just want to say that... as long as my thoughts and and expienced havn’t left my head in any way shape or form.... they might as well not be real.... they might as well just be a dream or floating formless in the aether..

Does anyone feel the same?

[zarutheraven]

I must say that I have really come to love my body.

It wasn’t easy and it was a long ride to acceptance and love. But it was worth it.

I have flaws... many of them but those are part of me too. They don’t define me but I wouldn’t be who I am without them.

I sincerely believe that self love is one of the most important steps to happiness... it can be one of the hardest too tho.

I trust you all to be strong, to accept the things you cannot change or those, people tell you are “bad”.

I love you all no matter what and I want you to be strong and love yourself.

Happy pride.

[spectralroseart-deactivated2020]

me is double demi

i am a she/her they/them demigirl!!!

im so happy now that i know uwu

so yeah im demisexual and a demigirl- hell yeah

[zarutheraven]

There was a point in time, not too long ago I thought I’d be triple demi...

Turns out I’m just singular demi...

But I’m still very very happy.

[zarutheraven]

Their time just had come

It has an odd beauty to it.

[zarutheraven]

Thank you metalheads!

I might not identify as a metalhead anymore… but I still love the music, still love the community.

You might call me a traitor, or a poser…

But I can’t convincingly call myself a metalhead anymore. I’m a music lover, even a metal lover. The word metalhead carries so much meaning tho… meaning I can’t align my identity with anymore.

Now that pride month has come, I want not only express my pride in my identity found… but also my identities abandoned. I wanna honour all of the people on my journey.

I love you metal community! Thank you for years of comraderie!

[aroloverboy]

Let’s talk about the fabulous aromantics out there

[zarutheraven]

Thank you for celebrating the pretty world of the aro spectrum

[zarutheraven]

I don't feel pressured to settle on an identity because the very path of life is what my identity will be

me, today

[zarutheraven]

Check out the trio.

Demifae... demiflor... demifaun.

A set of beautiful identities... and flags.