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One time we had this guy covering a shift at the coffee shop and it somehow came out over the course of regular small talk with us that he was Armenian. He got this really tired distant look in his eyes and said "yeah, you know what people always think about when they find out." Everyone nods and I figure we're all on the same page so it doesn't need to be said, and I'm about to move on when someone pipes up "the Kardashians!" He sighs and nods, and I, unable to help myself go "oh" and then very quietly "I thought we were talking about the Armenian genocide."

Everyone is stunned for a moment, except for the guy who suddenly lights up and says, in a remarkably delighted tone of voice: "that's the first time anyone has ever mentioned the Armenian genocide!"

I actually had no idea the Kadashians were Armenian.

mollyjames

catchymemes

debellatis

This is.... Absurdly cute. What the fuck.

gallusrostromegalus

It's worth noting that the reason the beaver wants the water to be deeper in the first place is that the Beaver is using the deep water as a pantry:

All summer and fall, beavers gather up branches with the leaves they actually eat, and store it in the deep end of the Pond, where the cold water and limited oxygen keep the leaves fresh all winter, so when it's negative 20 outside, a beaver can take a dip out of it's lodge, grab some refrigerated leaves in the (relatively) warmer water and go back to it's cozy little nap hole while everything else is out there suffering and eating bark or the like.

So it's less "there's a leak in my house" and more "OH SHIT THE FRIDGE!!"

amnesiaguy

dnd paladin character concept: a knight raised alongside a magic user, who loves his friend, considers them family — but the magic user through a twist of fate ascends to godhood, vanishing from normal human life. so the knight swears fealty to the fledgling god so he can have some connection to them even still & the god who loves him dearly in return blesses him with gifts and divine powers as a way to reach back toward him, back toward earth. this paladin’s vows are easy to keep, like second nature… and prayer is both automatic and personal

amnesiaguy

can you imagine being a new god’s firstborn devotee? their most beloved, their milk tooth? he knew his god when they were a lanky teenager and helped lie for them when they used to sneak out of their studies. the two of them would crack each other up late at night until they thought they might hurl. no other paladin knows his god as intimately and well — he saw them pimply and awkward and human and real, and worships them even still. that kind of devotion is impossible to manufacture

amnesiaguy

the paladin chooses a quest to follow, with the caveat “should my god allow it.” he goes to pray by the river — they used to seek the river together every time they made large decisions, and it was by a river he swore his sacred oaths — and murmurs “will you allow it, old friend?” to the water. a flower blooms at his bent knee. (his god trusts his judgement; they will never forbid him any path he requests to follow.)

tonyalmeida

introverted-scribblings

Citrus System Guide

Since we're going back to the Citrus System, here's a guide for those who don't know and to refresh those who do.

Here is a list of Tumblr's banned tags.

smokeandsvvagger

I feel like some ancient wise mage who thrives under the apocalypse.

guerrillatech

cryoverkiltmilk

How dare you leave this Jason Todd discourse in the tags.

pangur-and-grim

pressed against the heating vent with TWO big pillows

pangur-and-grim

Pangur has entirely stolen his spot

comradekatara

ppl love to talk about how zuko radiates warmth like a space heater without ever mentioning the crucial factor which is this: if he controls his body temperature, then he is clearly doing that on purpose, because he knows that it means people will cuddle him. everyone thinks they are taking advantage of his body heat without ever stopping to consider that he is the one on the receiving end of all of this affection. you fools. you stepped right into his diabolical plan to maximize hugs. oh, you dimwits. his scheme worked perfectly and you’re all none the wiser.

figthefruitfaeth

mapsontheweb

Range of the coconut crab

dotraz

Empire

andthenrealitycrashesthrough

homunculus-argument

My favourite harmless prank I've heard of was done by this girl whose dad was a geologist, and they'd go on day hikes with his geologist friends/co-workers and when she got bored on them she'd habitually pick up a random rock and go ask him what it is, and one of them would explain what kind of a rock that is, how it probably got here, and usually some notions of the more unusual features the rock had, if any.

And she had a friend who had once gone on a tourist trip to Iceland and brought back a volcanic rock. So she borrowed the rock and took it with her on the hike, and after two randomly picked up "hey dad what rock is this", she presented the volcanic rock, in the same fashion as all the others.

3 minutes later there are five middle-aged and older men circled around this mysterious rock, all agreeing on what it is, but not why it is. They keep asking her questions, where did she find it? Were there any other rocks around there that looked like it? Was it like this on the ground? People walking past the group try to stretch their necks to see over the geologists' shoulders to see what's the source of such amazement.

And in the end she couldn't take it anymore, burst into laughter and confessed. The geologists agree that it was pretty clever.

feenyxblue

Geologist enrichment

severalowls

I’m absolutely not against robits in the home, I think the possibilities are really cool but like… Alright actually, here’s a side by side comparison:

evilkillerpoptarts

maestropear

Alexa can play Skyrim tho

severalowls

Damn you’re right.

I’m on mobile can somebody add that as a point for Roomba.

mysteryseeker

here you go

bigwordsandsharpedges

Roomba creates maps of the inside of your house

severalowls

You’re like the 400th person to add this so:

This is the outline of my bedroom, with approximate furniture. Information I might not want handed out to the government or corporations or whatever. Not even including dubious terrain like rugs and clutter:

Here’s what a roomba, at floor level, with clutter and obstructions and stuff-under-stuff might be able to ‘map’ as navigable area:

This is completely useless to anybody except people developing robot vaccuums who might want diagnostic data. This isn’t even close to the level of Alexa’s microphone bollocks. Hit Alexa with a hammer, Roomba is… Safe, for now.

hecatespoison

I saw the red and blue and my first response was “Roomba is using this sensitive information for GERRYMANDERING purposes”

ralfmaximus

SWAT team, bursting into your room, having been briefed with detailed Roomba-collected maps: *avoids difficult rug*

mousenemy

Men's 38-in-one night time sickness cold & flu shampoo & conditioner toothpaste and mouthwash combo (plus nourishing skin formula with hydrating aloe)

val-ritz

be right back guys i need to run out to O'Reilly's Auto Parts and get another jug of Boy Juice to soak in, got a big day tomorrow and want to wash up, brush my teeth, take care of these sniffles, and exfoliate