don't stop if i fall and don't look back

🐌 saika • 28 • she/they 🍀

[zerotheii]

hi im saika! im from the US and i like to draw and cosplay and craft and shitpost 🐛

this is an 18+ blog but i tag what i can!

im a fan of zero escape, aitsf, persona, smt, death note, iwatex, and umamusume

i highly recommend the ZE series but beware! my spoilers #myspoilers

other things i like are higurashi, splatoon, house md, brba/bcs, disco elysium, pokemon, mlp, neopets, monster high, and visual novels

i will always defend ztd and the second half of death note ⚔️

my favorite ships right now are are akeshu, meronia, kylio, snakepei, opedoto, vodsca, harrykim, and saidate

my comfort characters are goro akechi, nate river, light field, junpei tenmyouji, delta klim, phi klim, grass wonder, agnes tachyon, super creek, sym, kim kitsuragi, and shion sonozaki

i make a lot of personal/blog posts here, and i have cptsd and openly talk about it a lot so pls be patient with me 🙏 i also delete a lot of posts so if you saw them no you didnt

🎨 art blog: @i0n4

🧛 cosplay blog: @dualshadowcos

🐰 doll/furry blog: @selkageldonoteat

you will look at my cat now

date edited: 11/23/25

[zerotheii]

hiii it’s been a while… ive been intensely focusing on my trauma therapy and i hit a roadblock when it came to self-compassion. and i’ve been beating myself up for not being able to bring myself back to social media… but i think ive been reluctant because i realized that oversharing online looking for validation and comparing myself to others in every possible way (artistic ability, involvement in fandom, popularity, cosplaying quality, physical appearance, where they are in life, the list goes on) has not been conducive to healing my self-esteem and building my sense of self! all i do is find new ways to scrutinize myself! i’m tired of fawning and pretending to be a real person when i don’t feel like one.

and this shit has been going on since i was 15! like i had been comparing myself to 20+ year olds and how “good” of a fan they were because they knew everything about it and had big collections and fandom friends. i remember crying at a con once because i saw a largish group of friends cosplaying from something i really loved playing guitar hero or smth on stage while i was also cosplaying that thing in the audience and didn’t know why it was so painful to see. and i still don’t know how to make friends and be sincere with them because trauma has so deeply affected every aspect of my life and i don’t know what it’s like to not be insecure.

so i haven’t been smoking nearly as much weed, i’ve been drinking a lot of tea and taking supplements before bed, ive been trying to read self help books, ive been cooking and baking more, and im working on setting real boundaries with family members. my body has been falling apart (still not diagnosed with anything but the pain is real) and i still hate my job but im happy with what i’ve done so far. im depressed and neurotic but im not suicidal which is a step up.

anyway, revolving my entire sense of self around fandom has not filled that hole in myself. i think once i’m ready i will make a new blog and refollow anyone who wants to keep in contact.

i hope y’all have a good weekend ❤️

[zerotheii]

i’ve come to complain about this fuckass book The Last House on Needless Street by Catriona Ward because i’m about 2 hours from finishing the audiobook and i’m dropping it because the plot twists toward the end aren’t satisfying at all

spoilers it’s just DID and evil mommy and the person who really needs help is just continually punished and suffers for one mistake she made in her childhood (dede being a teenager and taking her eyes off her little sister) for no fuckin reason

and i really enjoyed the writing style and ted’s perspectives pretty thoroughly up to this point so i’m gonna pretend it ended differently

[heraldic-thunderbolt]

I am a huge fan of retiring to my quarters

[sandmandaddy69]

[joldfish]

"I'm not a furry"

[skkortysoup]

[dogpuppy]

[becomeanunconsciousman-deactiva]

if karl marx was born today he would be a baby. and it would be his birthday

[lockandkeyhyena]

learning that ofc means ‘of fucking course’ is such bullshit. she’s ‘ofcourse’ to me

[lustcannibalism]

not to be vague but.

[lustcannibalism]

okay sure it’s your post now

[seukorei]

2/2

[kilncreatures]

here is probably the most whimsical and gormless creature ive made so far. just utterly permeable. under investigation for an allergy to tap water

[utopians]

I hired those crumbs to go in your bed

[kilncreatures]

this one is called goose horse

[zerotheii]

i think advocating for myself would be easier if i had a better grasp on my sense of self and didn’t easily doubt my own memory when questioned or shown even a little skepticism but yeah. i don’t think appts that went perfectly fine should make me want to die afterward

[zerotheii]

mayhaps psych appts at 7 am are a mistake