no @zol-ft - Tumblr Blog

what-even-is-thiss

I hate when I get two problems in a row. They’re all gonna think I’m making it up.

“my father is a boy and my mother is a girl so i’m mixed” is the funniest possible response to someone asking your gender and it came from 6’5 Viking footballer and notable weird little guy Erling Haaland on a Snapchat

paverics

comedians can only dream of writing something this funny

piglii

hey real quick can anybody help me find this image that I’ve seen before here on tumblr. it looks like this

the button doesn’t necessarily say “Elucidate the Rapture” but it does say something that’s kind of lengthy and has religious connotations. the woman pushing the button has an expression of indescribable smugness. there might be other buttons on the machine (?) she is pressing.

piglii

FOUND IT

andmaybegayer

Oh this is only the first image in the Eschatron 9000 Series

andmaybegayer

and the finale, because of the Tumblr image limit

piglii

thanks this is part of an even grander incomprehensibleness than I could have expected

a-third-attempt

I cannot believe that this is a website where you can ask “hey i think i saw a weird image once” and put a bad stick figure drawing of it and someone will be like “oh yeah that’s the first installment of a 12-part post-ironic apocalypse fever dream photoshop series” and just hand you a dozen of the most unhinged images you’ve ever seen in your life, that still have a better three act structure than most modern cinema

flurgerbla

I dont think thats the whole photoset…. I found one more

But from what i can gather thats Crystal Thierry, also known as page73girl. Who seems to have been a model for the now defunct biggestletdown.com…

But i have no idea when the eschatron 9000 pictures were made or for that matter the original photos that were used to make it

mckitterick

this is far more than “random person in 2005ish creates surreal visual narrative” - let’s go deeper down the rabbit hole, shall we?

to Immanentize the Eschaton means to bring about utopian conditions and create heaven on Earth

the phrase is first cited in the Discordian religious text, Principia Discordia (1963), for whom Discord (aka Eris) is goddess:

the first line of Robert Anton Wilson and Robert Shea’s 1975 The Illuminatus! trilogy: “It was the year when they finally immanentized the Eschaton.”

in Frederik Pohl’s The Eschaton Sequence (1997 - 1999), the human race is caught up in a galactic war between two alien races attempting to immanentize the eschaton

in Ken Macleod's The Stone Canal (1997), one of the chapters is “Another crack at Immanentising the Eschaton”

Crystal Thierry’s (aka the modern Discordia / Eris) narrative lives in esteemed company

dectech

here’s what the warning in the image says btw because i wanted to read it but it was too blurry so i had to spend several minutes hunting for a version with better resolution, so I’m posting it here so nobody else has to make that same journey

“DO NOT OPERATE THE ESCHATRON 9000 UNLESS YOU’RE REALLY, REALLY SERIOUS ABOUT DESTROYING THE WORLD”

mckitterick

also just noticed the labels on the dials on the left side of the device’s control panel:

“MAYHEM” and “DESTRUCTION” are both turned all the way up

dee-the-red-witch

As they should be. Can’t make paradise without scrambling a few universes.

ominous-signs

Official ominous sign(s)

comicgeekscomicgeek

You definitely don’t get content like this on other webbed sites and apps

winged-void

just remembered that my middle school bullies were named Chase and Hunter. what was up with that. what was going on there.

winged-void

were you bullied by the pope?

stjohnstarling

32 chapters of blasphemous priest/vampire romance

tura23

I have never regretted it before - why not give it another try?

gothiccharmschool

Well all right, then!

vivisextion

Can confirm I read it and I’ll do it again

memecucker

concept: instead of “time traveller from the past is unimpressed by the present” it’s “time traveller from the past loves things we don’t like about modern society” like they think pollution is badass or something

kragehund-again

medieval peasant upon hearing the number of species that go extinct every day: fuck yeah, damn those beafts to hell

gammadoppler

ok well ive had my fun with this little game nothing can top making indiana jones sound like he's elvis trying not to cum

dark-magician-girl-meets-world

Me, at the local coffee shop: Hey, can I get an objective experience of reality? Blue-haired feminist barista, pronounedly: Oh, you mean a construction of the intellect according to its a priori principles? Me, rolling my eyes: No. I said an objective experience of reality. Barista, too addled by college to understand: So... a phenomenological reality whose grounding in a world of noumena is bracketed? Me: No, an objective experience of reality. Barista: A representation, made of relations to yourself as a subject? Me: No! I want a frickin' objective experience of reality!

Barista: *stares blankly* Person behind me in line: Hey, could you hurry up and order? Some of us are trying to experience a series of mental events which we interpret as going places!

markadoo

put out some water to boil then accidentally fell asleep and when i woke up there was a terrible smell and no water in the pot. so in a sense i succeeded at boiling water. perhaps more than i ever have