Cartoon Mayor

i write ofmd AUs / 30s usa

[zombee]

Our Flag Means Death AUs

I’m CartoonMayor on AO3, and here are my OFMD fics!

This Could Be Love

Rated E, 16k words

Ed is an ex-Olympic skier and the special guest at Stede's corporate retreat. Stede's a divorcee who's been lying about a boyfriend. But they didn't book Ed a room... and there's only one bed.

(fake dating; only one bed)

Blood Under the Skin

Rated E, 33k words

When Prince Stede Bonnet saw his betrothed for the first time, he very nearly blushed.

(arranged marriage; medieval)

Rise and Grind

Rated E, 29k words

Ed propositions the man with the curls one night at his bar for some casual fun. When Curls turns out to be the owner of the new queer cafe down the block (and also Ed’s dream man), things get a little complicated.

(coffeshop; pining while fucking)

Take Back Your Mink

Rated E, 39k words

Ed is a high-powered executive who hires Stede as an escort to pretend to be his partner to boost his image within his company.

(pining while fucking; angst with a happy ending)

You Make Me Live

Rated E, 33k

Ed and Stede have been best friends for ten years when Stede has to leave him behind to go to college. Ed will join him when he's graduated next year, but in the meantime, Stede's life is going to change a whole, whole lot.

(childhood friends to lovers; gender non-conforming Stede)

Smutty Gentlebeard one shots

36 one-shots of smutty fun, ranging from 1.5k - 16k

Smutty Gentlebeard not-quite-one shots

Little too long to be one shots, little too simple to have their own recs. Featuring monsterfucking, medieval AUs, and fake dating in Vegas (so far)

to be the darkness behind your shining star

Rated E, 42k words

Edward, god of the dead, kidnaps Stede, god of spring. Greek Mythology ensues.

(greek gods; lore olympus adjacent)

Our Flag Means Undeath

Rated E, 32k words

A What We Do in the Shadows AU. In which Stede is kind of Nandor, Ed is kind of Guillermo, and Buttons is definitely Colin Robinson.

(vampires; pining)

The Prince and the Pirate

Rated E, 67k words

Prince Stede of Bonnet is en route to be married to the King of Low when his ship is overtaken by pirates. Stede offers himself up to the Dread Pirate Blackbeard in exchange for freeing the rest of his people. He does not expect Blackbeard to propose marriage as a part of their agreement, but if it is a choice between the kind of monster Ned is and the kind of monster Blackbeard is, that is an exceedingly easy choice to make.

(marriage of convenience, pining while fucking)

[smoothedsmoothie]

edward babygirl teach my beloved

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

nosferatu? no. tuferatu. no es mi problema.

[wrenanigans]

ni mi castillo, ni mi vampiro.

[important-cat-pics]

[crazy-brazilian]

same bro

[minuiko]

In the Hand of the Goddess-era SOTL crew

[edwarbteach]

JUNE THE THIRD, AN EXCELLENT DAY!

[argentavis]

hey do you mind grabbing joseph's coat for him? yeah its the red and yellow and green and brown and scarlet and black and ochre and peach and ruby and olive and violet and fawn and lilac and gold and chocolate and mauve and cream and crimson and silver and rose and azure and lemon and russet and gray and purple and white and pink and orange and blue one

[johnfkennedaddy]

Call Me Maybe is so deep actually. If ‘before you came into my life I missed you so bad’ was sufjan Stevens, tumblrinas would have gotten it tattooed on their ribs in typewriter font.

[zombee]

everything reminds me of him (Edward Teach)

[fidelcostco]

the human brain is so cool, if you're tired and stressed enough, your brain will go, "don't worry, I got you" and shadows will start moving

[fidelcostco]

and what's the genital situation on the shadows

[fidelcostco]

oh this is my post

[castieldelamancha]

love how you can tell edward can't even fathom the fact people don't find stede fascinating as fuck

[justsomeguycore]

lesbian scifi is so easy. here’s a woman in cargo pants and a tank top on a spaceship. are you with me

[justsomeguycore]

maybe it’s not even cargo pants. maybe it’s coveralls rolled to + tied around the waist. maybe she even has fuckoff boots

[bedupolker]

She should be at the club

Baby mouse had earplugs in the sketch and I straight up forgot to ink them pretend they're deep in there

Meanwhile not at the club:

[bowelfly]

I was so enamored by the party shrew this morning I had to doodle her in my lab notebook at work

[eggdrawsthings]

bro u can't just give me an enby competent assassin and expect me to be normal about it

[ylissebian]

no more curses you can’t undo

left by fathers you never knew

[tgirl-gaming-thoughts]

I'm not the first person to say this, but I wish there was a "Block Post" button. I like this mutual, or this person I follow, but god I hate this post. This one was really bad, I don't ever want to see this on my dash when I look at Blog I Like Following. Also useful for popular posts that you just hate seeing on your dash.