i can never face my family again
You ever see something so funny you bypass laughing entirely and go straight for crying?
Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her

Product Placement
YOU ARE THE REASON

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occasionally subtle
Peter Solarz

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Andulka
trying on a metaphor
tumblr dot com
Three Goblin Art
KIROKAZE
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@theartofmadeline
Not today Justin

祝日 / Permanent Vacation
2025 on Tumblr: Trends That Defined the Year

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i don't do bad sauce passes

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@0pera-phant0m
i can never face my family again
You ever see something so funny you bypass laughing entirely and go straight for crying?
Felix Vallotton, 1892
Ryan Reynolds on becoming Detective Pikachu!
BONUS
These two are the best.
Does anyone else get those random rushes of motivation like, “I’m gonna be so fucking successful dammit, watch me”
best 20 minutes of the year
experiment goal: to determine whether smarties are an effective tea sweetener
hypothesis: smarties will sweeten the tea, but also introduce unwelcome flavor profiles due to their flavoring
procedure: procured one cup (≈12 fl oz) of Barry’s Tea Gold Blend black tea, hot. added 2/3 of a single roll of smarties candy (10 candies). wait for candies to dissolve, then stir well. tea will be sampled after stirring concludes.
addendum: control group was used. control sample consisted of one cup of the same type of tea, sweetened with white sugar. results will depend on the relative tastes of the control and smarties tea
results: smarties tea was significantly more bitter and less sweet than sugar tea. additionally, the smarties failed to dissolve in the expected manner, and when stirred, ended up breaking down into particulates that refused to dissolve.
conclusions: because of the chemical/structural makeup of smarties, they do not function well as an ad hoc tea sweetener because of their reluctance to break down. it may be the case that crushed smarties would work better, but this experiment was intended to study how normal, uncrushed smarties would work as a sweetener
this was my piece for the @riordanversezine! It was so much fun to work on this one, thanks again to the mods for organizing it!
Protip for if you’re alone and find yourself getting jumpy because ‘oh shit this feels like the start of a scene from a horror movie’:
Do something that a director of a horror movie would never put in a final cut. Pull sudden and inexplicable stupid faces. Make up a ridiculous shuffle-dance. Sing that song with the weirdest lyrics you know, loudly and as off-key as possible. Be completely unphotogenic and uncinematic, and it counteracts the irrational fear quite nicely.
Pretend you’re in the blooper reel of a horror movie
My life IS in many ways the blooper reel of a horror movie…
I hate that it’s the right note so much
this is honestly so beautiful musically
I made this all by myself pls appreciate it
Happy Ides of March!
today at work a little kid came in to order their birthday cake and their mom was like “(deep sigh) tell them what you want on your cake” and the kid was like “ELSA” and the mom was like “(deeper sigh) and?” and the kid was like “SHARKS” that kid literally ordered a princess elsa and sharks birthday cake and i have literally never in my whole life been more excited to see the end result of an order ive taken.
little kid cake orders are the BEST! one time there was like this 5 yr old girl and all she wanted was a komodo dragon themed cake…
she got it
if you’re not vaccinated you should NOT be allowed to travel. period.
it doesn’t make sense people are reintroducing countries to illnesses they haven’t experienced in years just because some affluent soccer moms think their stupid ass kid is gonna be the next einstein bc he’s never gotten a measles shot
Once my friend Henry was accused of wearing wireless headphones by a substitute so she said for him to hand them over so he took them off and handed them to her. Then later on she asked him a question and he didn’t respond so she said it louder and he still didn’t respond. She asked why he was not responding and he said “I can’t understand you ma'am, you took my hearing aids.”
HOLY SHIT
one time we had a sub that was handing back papers and called my name. I asked if someone could grab it for me and she started mocking me for not even standing up. taunting me asking why I was not walking up to the front to get the paper myself.
my classmates went dead silent and after the sub’s laughter ended someone informed her that the wheelchair parked nearby belonged to me
I had a sub in English once, on presentation day. And everyone goes up and does their thing, and then its my turn. The whole time im stuttering and mixing up my words, having to stop and re-say my sentences. The rest of the class is used to this and claps. However, by the time its over, the teacher is 100% done.
Starts saying horrible thing about how im going to have to get over my ‘fear of public speaking’ and how she’s heard 8 year olds give better presentations (plus worse things but I don’t really member them). By then im in tears and on the brink of a panic attack, and then she starts telling me off for crying The rest of the class is horrified. Then this boy stands up. He never been my friend and we never really got along, but he’d never bullied me. He told her in a pissed off, cold voice that in freshmen year I got a concussion and that I never really recovered from it, so all that was medical related and I couldn’t help it. Then he starts telling her off and the rest of the class joins him. The teacher is mortified and tries to cover her ass, but the whole class walked out and that boy took me by the shoulders and we all walked to the principles office and told him what had happened. Lets just say she isn’t teaching anymore. Also, turns out that boy had a sister like me, who couldn’t really speak. We’ve been best friends for 8 years and i’ll be his best woman at his wedding next year. The moral is that Teachers, even subs, and adults shouldn’t scold kids before knowing the whole story, because shit like that can fuck up kids self-esteem for the rest of their life.
When I was thirteen, I had to have spinal surgery. When my doctor said I was allowed to attend school again, he said I had to use a wheelchair when on school grounds. My first day back at school, my special-ed teacher had put up a banner in her classroom that read, “There is no elevator to success. You must take the stairs.” I asked what that meant regarding my wheelchair, and she gave me detention for “disrespecting her authority”. The next week she gave us a homework assignment to design a poster that could potentially be used as a Public Service Advertisement. On the due-date, I handed this in.
My special-ed teacher was fucking OUTRAGED. She wanted me expelled for ridiculing her authority in front of the other students. The principal proclaimed my work to be “a masterpiece of satirical genius” and vetoed the special-ed teacher’s attempt to expel me.
Reblogging this post yet again, this time for the masterpiece of satirical genius. Hope the teacher got in trouble.
Different
“You’re…different. I’ve never met a girl like you.”
She stares at him, hands stilling over her sword. “What?”
“All the girls in my village are so boring,” he says. “So focused on finding husbands that they don’t bother learning about the world.”
“Girls in your village aren’t allowed to own property or vote,” she says, somewhat incredulous.
He winces at her tone. Need she be so harsh? “Well…it’s not like they’ve ever needed to, we’re a very progressive village and I always vote in favor of their needs. You’re not like that though, you fight for your rights yourself.”
“They are fighting for their rights,” she says. She sets down her sharpening stone, a frown stretching across her face. “No voting, no property, no wages of their own to purchase necessities. Besides finding a kind husband, what else do you think they can do to find a good future?”
“Th-they could leave,” he says. He did not expect the conversation to go this way. He expected her to blush like she had when he complimented her sword skills. He finds himself oddly defensive. “The men in my village aren’t slavers. The girls can leave any time.”
She snorts. “On foot? Your village is a hard, three day ride from the nearest city and that’s by horseback. And, even if they made it, what skills do they have? What references? The risk is too high for any woman to leave, that’s as good as trapping them. The fact that it takes me holding a sword for your opinion of women to change just shows how small-minded you are.”
He bristles, unable to refute her. “Look, I was just trying to pay you a compliment! There’s no need to attack me.”
“Trust me,” she says, standing when he moves to loom over her. They’re of near equal height and, if he was trying to intimidate her, he fails. “You’ll know it when I’m attacking you. This isn’t it.”
He doesn’t seem to hear her, flustered to be seeing her eye-to-eye. “Furthermore, I think I’d know what sort of girls I grew up with! They’re timid and lack a desire to explore the world.”
“The world you created for them doesn’t take long to explore,” she says. Her sword is bare in her hand. “Marry or descend into poverty. Bear an heir or be cast into poverty. Behave or be thrown into poverty. I was there for a week and figured it out. But,” she continues, looking him up and down, “maybe I shouldn’t be so quick to judge. After all, you’ve lived there your whole life and you still haven’t figured it out.”
He splutters. “That’s not–there are other options–”
“When the revolution is done,” she says, coldly, “and your people are forced to give women rights, see how many stay and how many leave. See how many suddenly discover their wander-lust. See how many end up like me.”
She leaves him there and stalks off to the edge of camp. She leaves him there with his mouth opening and closing, and heart pounding in his chest.
She leaves him there with the unsettling realization that he doesn’t want the women in his village to end up being like her, so different and strong. Because, if they did, where would he be? Where would his home be?
It’s an upsetting realization to have, mid-revolution. No chance to back out now.
Recreated Tang-dynasty outfits based on cave paintings
You’ve been hit by 🔪
You’ve been struck by 🔪
A Roman Senator 🔪🔪🔪
CAESER ARE YOU OKAY
ARE YOU OKAY CEASER
melissa mccarthy going from this
to this
to this
in one night is peak fashion icon behaviour and she should be recognised for it
Some guy just mansplained space to an actual fucking astronaut.
tfw correcting misinformation is written off as mansplaining
tfw when idiots on tumblr who know jack shit about thermo assume the dude is ‘correcting misinformation’ when actually he’s dead ass wrong. ‘Spontaneous’ is a scientific term - it means a reaction with a negative Gibb’s free energy, i.e. a reaction that will occur without an external energy input, i.e. water boiling because of low atmospheric pressure. Spontaneous is absolutely the correct term for what she’s observing, and that is ‘simple thermo’, and this is ‘correcting misinformation’.
Have a nice day.