joyful bullshit encourager

Ana, she/he/they (finally remembered to update my pronouns woo). Robots took over my life awhile back and they served as a gateway drug to bad shipping decisions, punk rock fairies and, lately, gay space rocks. The wizard thing was already part of my genetic makeup. Posts may be NSFW.

[viejospellejos]

What the duck?

[humanbeanisnotamused]

[Description: the video is captioned "Find the duck game", and we see several blindfolded women in hijabs groping around an enclosed ring while spectators look on, cheering and laughing . After a few seconds the camera pans so that you can see the duck, who is waddling around, casually yet resolutely resisting capture. Periodically the women collide with each other. They do not find the duck. End ID]

[elvashayam]

#it is a beautiful day in indonesia and you are a terrible duck

tags via @humanbeanisnotamused

[hasufin]

That duck is having the most fun of anyone present.

[crossedblade]

Knights with body modifications, please.

Knight with a house crest carved into their backs. An order where all members have their tongues pierced with a jewel that burns should they lie. Body modifications that are not even possible outside of fantasy.

[i-was-today-years-old-when]

i learned that actor Danny Trejo has the most on-screen deaths of anyone in Hollywood history, with 65. Followed by Christopher Lee (60), Lance Henriksen (51), Vincent Price (41), Dennis Hopper (41), Boris Karloff (41), and John Hurt (39). (x)

[splend-42]

Yet poor Sean Bean is stuck with the reputation for dying in every movie. Unfair.

[deliriumcrow]

Give him time, he still has many years of dying yet to come.

[cipheramnesia]

Also there’s the question of density vs quantity. If you make a hundred movies and die in 50, and someone else makes 30 movies and dies in 30, the first one has died more, but the second one has died more often per movie.

[patrickat]

It’s the DPM ratio that really counts, IMO.

[avron]

65/402 16% Danny Trejo 60/282 21% Christopher Lee 51/259 20% Lance Henriksen 41/211 19% Vincent Price 41/205 20% Dennis Hopper 41/204 20% Boris Karloff 39/209 19% John Hurt 33/117 28% Sean Bean

[digitaldiscipline]

I’m so proud of the statistical side of tumblr for coming through on this.

[memewhore]

[2urban2fantasy-deactivated20241]

Woman murders man in broad daylight

[theknightinslippers]

[halorvic]

[no-one-offical]

‎

[crypticgoose3]

beautiful like to reblog ratio on this

[drtanner]

That's because people are reblogging it every time they see it. Like I'm doing right now lmao

[chaumas-deactivated20240115]

this video was always funny but I found this guy’s Instagram and he is Always Doing This, like it’s hundreds of slow motion videos of him walking muscled and shirtless through crowded streets around the world as people react to him—many of them appear to be filmed on the same street as in this video. which means this lady probably sees him doing this all the time and was like OH THERE HE IS AGAIN lmfaoooo

[basuralindo]

So I just simultaneously did, and possibly didn't lose my job today :)

Very much did in the sense that I literally do not know where my job is at the moment. But, for the time being I haven't been let go because nobody else including the store owner knows where it is either.

So, I don't wanna risk doxxing myself by posting pictures but goddamn am I tempted because this is not a believable event. This is a cartoon problem. For looneytoons.

But yeah, so, I work(ed?) at a kiosk selling boba tea, right? Freestanding kiosk in the mall with full water and electrical hookups and multiple fridges and sinks and a mini kitchen and the works. Fully functional tea shop. Very important to note that it was there last night, The work chat was discussing another issue last night at closing time. I'll get back to this.

It's been showing signs of being on the way out with how business is being handled lately and I've been considering other options, which is probably why I'm not as torn up about this as I should be, but maybe it just hasn't set in yet, but that's not the point. The point is there's been a lot of shit breaking and not being replaced and nobody mentioning anything about it until I walk into work in the morning and have to figure out why shit like the fucking cash register isn't there today. So I'm kinda used to having to ask questions about big things that nobody bothered to update me on. I was out for two weeks recovering from a surgery, so I came to work this morning assuming there'd be some kind of bullshit, yeah?

So, the question I had to ask the chat this morning was:

Not a text I ever thought I'd have to send in sincerity, but there it is. Because what I found instead was a fenced off patch of discolored tiles and a few holes in the floor where my entire place of employment used to be.

And the answer? Nobody knows! It was there last night when the mall closed, and every single trace of the structure and all its contents including drink making supplies and our safe and cashbox was gone when it opened again. And when I say nobody knows, I mean everyone from last night's closers to the actual (former?) owner of the store jad no fucking clue about this until getting that text from me this morning. For once I am actually the first to know. 🎉.

So. I guess I didn't so much lose my job as had it stolen. Not by AI, but good old fashioned hands-on human beings picking it up and carrying it away somehow. All mall security would tell me was that they were instructed not to tell me anything and have us contact our management. Who also don't know anything. And later on I came across some construction workers around the gravesite of the kiosk discussing filling in the holes, asked them about it, and was told that they "weren't at liberty to say".

So, not only is my job gone in the most literal physical sense of the word, but it was taken in some kind of super secret kiosk extraction in the dead of night without any warning or witnesses and nobody is allowed to speak of it. The store owner said she was gonna figure it out 10 hours ago and still no word back.

I don't know what else to say aside from I've been laughing all day and I'm gonna have a hell of a time explaining Schrodinger's Unemployment to the benefits office.

[basuralindo]

Update that is not an update because I'm basically certain this isn't what actually happened:

My mother in law thinks the FBI took it.

Not any of the other stores around the state. Just the one little kiosk.

Why? Because she loves a conspiracy and is just a little bit extra.

Also because she was around for the massive crackdown on Yakuza-owned businesses in Waikiki (in her homestate) that did actually involve the FBI seizing stores (no confirmation of making kiosks cleanly disappear in the middle of the night though).

Still no word from my job on what's actually going on, but the most likely theory so far is that maybe the kiosk was on lease and got repossessed? The mystery continues

(also shout out to the person who proposed Carmen Sandiego)

[basuralindo]

ACTUAL (partial) UPDATE:

According to the owner, based on what she's been able to find out, the kiosk was not removed legally and they're starting a potentially long process of legal action. I hope she gets to sue the shit out of whoever did it but for now at least I know for sure I'm unemployed.

Really hoping for more details in terms of who/why/how, so I'll keep updating if I learn anything.

For now the summary is: An unnamed entity that is most likely mall management (on account of mall security cooperating with them) stole an entire kiosk and all the contents including money and machinery with barely a trace in the middle of the night grinch-style, with zero warning or explanation, and ensured the silence of both security and the construction crew, in an action that was definitely preplanned and illegal, and as far as I know nobody knows its whereabouts.

So now I'm officially out of a job. Because my workplace was literally stolen in the night.

[basuralindo]

Actually fuck it let's share some photos cause I wouldn't be inclined to believe this myself. It's not like anyone can stalk me at my job now and I'm not gonna have to see any coworkers that might find my tumblr.

Enjoy the unintentionally funniest text I've ever sent in my life

Aaand a close-up:

The last remains of a once Very Much Solid And Immobile Workplace

[basuralindo]

HEY HI HELLO THIS ONE'S MY FAVORITE

via @kagaminilen

[mysteryteacup]

[cut to a kiosk on legs, sipping a boba, while wandering into the nearest forest on chicken legs]

[ardanelvilyafeanturi]

Here you go @a-bit-too-dyscrasic

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

Foreigners tend to assume that the big cultural confusions between Australians and most other countries are gonna be based on our food, or social services, or weather, or weird animals. But it’s never that. In my experience, the real cultural confusions re: Australians are about The Respect Thing almost one hundred per cent of the time.

[deathsmallcaps]

? I realize im proving your point but what

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

The broader Australian culture doesn’t, as a whole, have status-based respect. Some individual groups might, because they’ve brought it from other cultures they’re involved in, but the general culture doesn’t. There’s no sense that your boss or scout leader or the guy in charge of your country deserves more respect than you, or that you should behave differently to them than you would to any random person you know similarly well. (The very rare exceptions include ritualised settings, such as courtrooms, and for some reason the fact that children use “Miss/Ms/Mr” honourifics for teachers at school.) 

I don’t mean Australians are a “stick it to the man, fight back against those in power” kind of people – we’re generally not. And I don’t mean we have a “we’re going to do the status thing but pretend we don’t and pretend to all be equal in mixed company” thing that middle-class Americans do. I mean the status-respect system does not exist, and if you try to use it, it weirds people the fuck out at best, and insults them at worst. Treating someone most countries would say is ‘above’ you differently in Australia is basically telling that person that you hate them; it’s saying “I’m forced to interact with you due to our current circumstances but I don’t see you as a person and won’t grant you the basic respect of treating you like an equal”. (When I was in America, I was constantly suppressing the instinct that random service people were sassing me because they overuse honourifics and were so keen to help me.)

This makes interacting with foreigners really baffling in a lot of circumstances. In university, my international friends would often describe Australians as “friendly, but very rude”. They thought we were all arseholes because of the way we spoke to our PhD supervisors and soforth, and wouldn’t believe us when we explained that our behaviour was respectful and that being deferential would be weird and awkward and insulting to them. Learning Japanese had a similar problem; everyone in the class could get the concept of different levels of formality and deference in language, ans was happy to memorise the usage of various words for Japanese people, but using them on each other was super weird, and we’d only ever use the most casual form of anything unless specifically instructed otherwise by the teacher.

The reason I’ve been thinking of this lately is because I’ve recently become aware that a lot of countries have like… a special respect for their country’s leaders? I don’t just mean “yeah, that guy makes the rules”, but that having that office makes them better than everyone else, somehow. Which I expect from countries with royal families, because Tradition, but I’ve recently found that Americans feel this way about their President, too. (Except the current one, who seems to be enough of a dick to break the system.) Like, if six Americans were in an aeroplane that was going down and there was only one parachute and one of the Americans was A Generic Non-Trump President, it’s just assumed that that guy gets the parachute? Like he’s automatically the life worth saving over the others, and they’d just give up their chance in favour of him? And that’s so weird to me. An Australian prime minister would have a 1 in 6 chance at the parachute; however the people decided, “this guy happens to be the leader of the country” wouldn’t be a factor. 

When Americans don’t like a President, they usually feel the need to work in how he’s “not my president”, either through sheer denial, or by finding some way he’s theoretically illegitimate (different ways votes are counted, wild conspiracy theories about birth country, etc.), and while making sure those rules are obeyed IS extremely important, I’ve recently noticed that part of the motivation seems to be that they’re invested in whether he’s Really The President because being the President somehow makes someone Special rather than just a normal dick who’s been put in charge of the group project. (You see the same thing in “THIS IS TRUMP’S AMERICA!”, like him becoming President gives him superpowers or something).

This is getting off-topic. Point is, in Australia you can run into the Prime Minister and ask him to help you fix your phone and if he’s not busy but refused to help you out he’d be kind of a dick; of course he should help you out. And if I walk into your restaurant and you act like I’m a movie star and you’re going to be super attentive to my every need because I’m The Customer, I’m gonna get creeped out. We’re suspicious and insulted by what most people in the world consider to be basic manners, and vice versa. And it makes interacting with foreigners super weird because I always feel like they’ve got some invisible heirarchical flowchart in the back of their minds that I don’t.

[becausegoodheroesdeservekidneys]

I have long noticed that Americans have absolutely the same cultural attitude to the President as they would to a serving monarchy. They just think they don’t on a technicality.

[drferox]

Can confirm that if I call someone ‘Sir/Madam’ I generally mean ‘asshole’ (unless talking to an animal or tiny child) and that if I get called Ma’am I feel like I’m being called the asshole, which made time in Atlanta, Georgia suoer weird.

[materassassino]

Australians have a very good attitude to respect

[onionhighonionandrenown]

…so this explains why I have spent the last fourteen years low-grade pissed off at nearly every Australian I meet, because every time I try to be American Polite at them it pisses them off. And, for that matter, why my second boss here, the one I was so careful to be Formally Respectful of and always called “sir,” took such an intense dislike to me.

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

Yeah, even if that boss understood that you were American and what that meant, their instincts would’ve been screaming at them the whole time that you were being a dick. It’s a difficult thing for us to get used to even when we know the culture is different’.

[earhartsease]

As a Brit visiting Australia, the most vivid experience I had of this is: in the UK it’s really uncool to get into the passenger seat of a cab - you’re expected to get in the back. In Australia the reverse was apparently true.

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

… I am only just now realising that inAmerican and British movies and stuff, people don’t get in the passenger seat of a taxi.

[whitmerule]

covid update: you’re now meant to get in the back seat for social distancing and IT FEELS SO RUDE. sorry taxi person I AM NOT TRYING TO SHUN YOu just I know there are rules and we’re protecting each other. let’s be intensely awkward for a while.

[makaeru]

Reblogging this because I just remembered the time Molly Meldrum absolutely horrified Prince Charles by describing meeting the Queen as “I saw your mum last week”.

[laqueus]

everybody!! I just found the greatest illustration of catkins I've ever seen in my life

(Artist is Margaret Ely Webb)

[decepti-geek]

Beloved fic trope: when Eric is part of the ensemble cast of a story and the description of him from the pov character's perspective amounts to 'this man is a human capybara'

[bigbigtruck]

quotes taken from the source

(the 4th one is Bumpus wanting dinner, friends can back me up on this)

[saxifraga-x-urbium]

come back to me most perfect of comics

[vrabia]

today i learned that the finnish word for ‘hazardous waste’ is ongelmajäte, which can also translate as ‘problematic garbage’ and my roommate and i immediately agreed this is a word that belongs on tumblr.

[callmebliss]

Your fave is ongelmajäte

[you-had-me-at-e-flat-major]

in german it’s Sondermüll which means special trash and that too belongs on tumblr

[pyrebomb]

One man’s ongelmajäte is another man’s sondermüll.

[buttastic]

feeling like I am perhaps downwind from an argument my brother in law is having with his fiancée about wedding planning

[buttastic]

told him I made fun of him on tumblr but the notes are overwhelmingly in favor of snarf's

[infectiouspiss]

disabled ppl we need to start lying to nosy people okay? you tell me i'm too young to need a cane and i will tell you point blank that maybe you should tell that to the guy who ran me over. you don't get an explanation of my health issues you get lies and depending on how much of an asshole i want to be that lie will be anything from a humble car crash to a 1 billion lions attack. mind yr business.

[infectiouspiss]

"i could never live like that" well maybe you'll have to because this happened overnight. yeah you heard me i was the most able bodied man in the world but then one morning bam i woke up disabled. yeah you could have that too. there's no cure either you'll just wake up one morning and now you have to live like me

[infectiouspiss]

"what happened" well have you ever seen looney tunes? yeah an anvil landed on me and squished me flat.

[niyarest]

can someone explain what he's talking about i got distracted by his giant jiggling honkers badonkers

[x]

[niyarest]

[official-boob-posts]

the slut is back !?

[corporationkills]

now who kicked all those springs under the fridge

[circumgutter]

[paperandpencilsandskips]

The Magnanimous Airplane

[kawuli]

well, the ears dropped

[goodieprocter]

I spent almost an entire work shift drawing this tooth-rotting fluff

featuring the Eridian Welcoming Committee courtesy of @justcakethanks

[justcakethanks]

Okay this is just on another level. I'm not crying IT'S JUST RAINING. ON MY FACE.

[marmelade-sky]

How was Kyric's interaction and relationship with Ollie once Ollie grew a little older? The mpreg/family planning post mentioned that Ollie is the one kid Kyric likes, but they were also pretty wary and exhausted when trying to babysit baby Ollie, so I'm really curious to see if and how they grow closer to this "nephew" of theirs once Ollie can actually tell people what he wants!

thank you for waiting so patiently :)

my prompts are currently closed as I am working through my backlog, but my asks remain open for headcanon requests and yapping <3

-

Eric's house was very much not childproof, but now that Ollie was a bit older, this fact wasn't all that scary anymore.

They were sitting at the dinner table, an opened bottle of rosé in the middle of it, while Ollie was reading an art book he had found on Eric's shelves, on his tummy on the carpet.

Kyle wasn't particularly fond of children in general; they were fine, but he did not have any desire whatsoever to have any himself or to even spend a lot of time with children.

Oliver was the exception, though.

He was sweet, he was polite, he was funny, he was smart, he was sensitive, and Kyle privately thought, maybe Scott and Kip had found the only bearable way to have a child. To have ONE child.

"Eric?" Ollie appeared at the table, the book under his arm, half-climbing into Eric's lap already. Eric smiled down at him, lifting him onto his knees.

"Yes, Oliver?"

Ollie gave Eric a sweet smile. "Can we look at your art again?"

Kyle grinned at how satisfied both Kip and Scott looked whenever Ollie asked for this. Yes, you two made the perfect child.

"Of course." Eric stood up, setting Ollie down on the floor. Ollie took his hand, and pulled Eric to one of the paintings hung on the living room wall. He loved looking at them, and having Eric explain to him what they depicted.

"Maybe he won't be a hockey player after all," Kip sighed, watching Ollie tilt his head listening to Eric.

"Art critic maybe," Kyle grinned.

"Then he'll keep all of his teeth at least," Scott joked.

Ollie pulled Eric to the next art piece, the photography in the hallway which was his favorite because there was a little cat in the background.

Kyle listened to Eric talk to him.

Eric always talked to Ollie like a grown-up, which Ollie, like all kids, seemed to really appreciate.

They did their brief tour of Ollie's favorites, then returned. This time, Ollie climbed into Kyle's lap. Kyle wrapped his arms around him, shaking him a little bit until Ollie started giggling.

"Do you want to see my newest photography?" Eric asked Ollie, and Ollie nodded. Eric got the iPad.

It was the photo series titled "Love Letters" which would be exhibited at a gallery in a few weeks; a series of photos of Kyle in different day-to-day situations, taken in black and white.

Kip leaned in as well. "Oh, these are beautiful!"

Ollie grabbed the iPad, giving it a look. He turned to give Kyle a big smile. "That's you!"

"It is!" Kyle confirmed, smiling back.

"Wow," Ollie whispered, making them all laugh.

"When's the exhibit?" Scott asked.

"Three weeks," Eric replied with a sheepish smile.

"Do you have an invite for the opening night?" Kip leaned in closer to have a look.

"If you want to come," Eric murmured, clearly shy about it.

"Of course!" Scott exclaimed, gesturing. "This is huge!"

Eric blushed, ducking his head.

Kip swiped to the next picture, a shot of Kyle standing in an ancient ruin in Greece, head tilted up.

Ollie let out a little gasp. "You look so nice!"

"Oh, thank you!" Kyle laughed, hugging Ollie.

"You do!" Kip confirmed. "Love Letters is the perfect name for this series."

"Is that what it's called?" Ollie asked curiously.

"Yeah," Eric confirmed. "Because every time I took one of those photos I was thinking about how much I love Kyle."

Kyle blew him a kiss across the table while Scott and Kip both "awwww"ed.

In Kyle's lap, Ollie sniffled, his eyes filling with tears. Eric's eyes immediately widened, scared he had said something wrong.

Scott reached over to pet Ollie's cheek. "That's really cute, hm?"

Ollie nodded, his tears spilling over.

"Oh, buddy." Kyle laughed, hugging him.

Ollie hugged him back, crying a little, clearly overwhelmed by emotions he didn't understand yet.

"Oh, my sensitive little birdie," Kip cooed, stroking Ollie's hair.

"Sorry," Eric winced.

Scott chuckled. "No, it's fine. This is a daily occurrence at the moment. We are learning empathy. Very hard."

Kyle kept holding Ollie, rocking him a little until his crying subsided. There was something very nice about holding the little boy like this, about having this small child cling to him, to want him to console him like that.

But Kyle also knew that giving him back to his parents at the end of the night was just as nice.