Smuttyyyyyy

horny jail side blog - grown ass adult writing and reblogging smut - queer, inclusive, & open to learn

[mioxenoblade]

What's so wrong with being a perv?

[47wildesummers]

The only time I was required to give a website my government ID was to confirm I was a legal and consenting adult to work as a camgirl. And I guarantee the viewers didn’t need to pass any of that. Is tumblr launching a payable porn function? Bc that’s the only way they’re getting my license, baby

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

as a younger person I'd sometimes get overwhelmed with the violence of the world, not just human violence but the violence done to animals and by animals, the innate violence of being an animal. because an animal is, by definition, an organism that must consume other organisms to live. and this would lodge in my spiraling young adult mind, the tragedy that to live, to be a creature, is to cause harm. that life is sustained by consuming life.

eventually I got older (and medicated), but in the meantime spending time in woodland really helped. it comforted me to be around plantlife, which feeds not on life but on sunlight, and therefore causes no harm.

anyway now I'm reading The Hidden Life Of Trees by Peter Wohlleben (incredible book) and it turns out that was a big fat LIE. forests are violent as FUCK

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

life as a tree is fucking BRUTAL. ok no they don't actually eat each other (well, not until they've been broken down and digested by microorganisms first) but competition is FIERCE. sunlight and water are finite resources. survival rates are dismal. a tree can release a million seeds in a lifetime and have only one offspring live to maturity. some species evolved ways of stealing sunlight from trees who got there first, bidding their time as a sapling then shooting out from under older canopies to hog as as much light as possible. next-door neighbors? fuck em, let em starve.

then you get shit like epiphytes that decided to just grow on top of other plants. strangler fig vines, for instance, which decided well fuck, im just gonna cling to this tree trunk and let it do the support work. maybe entangle our roots and envelope my host completely over time. oopsie my host died? that's ok I'll just cling to its corpse for eternity

equally horrifying is the honeysuckle, which preys on young trees boa-constrictor style, squeezing the life out of saplings, which grow with permanent deformities before dying prematurely (makes for a neat walking stick though)

then you get out and proud parasites like mistletoe who are happy to attach themselves to tree canopies and suck their blood extract water and nutrients. so yeah some plants do eat each other actually. gives ya some perspective on the old christmas tradition of hunting mistletoe with guns (yes that's a thing, shooting them down out of trees like squirrels. yes, unlike squirrels they deserve it). as for the romance angle, who doesn't want to kiss a lover beneath the dying corpse of a parasitic trophy kill? sexy as heck.

in conclusion, PLANTS ARE VIOLENT AS FUCK, and that's not even getting into the eternal chemical warfare they are forced to wage against insects, fungi, microbes and other enemies.

one day soon the forests will turn on us, and when that day comes I'm cheerfully betraying humanity and skipping away to cross enemy lines 🫡

kofi

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

to those who thought this post was heading in a heartwarming direction, i do NOT apologize and i DO hope the forest and its creeping mycelium tendrils crawl their way into your nightmares

[fidelcostco]

the human brain is so cool, if you're tired and stressed enough, your brain will go, "don't worry, I got you" and shadows will start moving

[fidelcostco]

and what's the genital situation on the shadows

[fidelcostco]

oh this is my post

[47wildesummers]

Back when I was dating mainly men and just having sex with women, I had a lot of imposter syndrome about my sexuality/romantic leanings. Like I’d really only had fulfilling romantic relationships with men, and the relationships with women were either just more affectionate close friendships +sex, or outright just friends with benefits. My sample size of NBs is/was so small that I hadn’t even begun to assess where I landed

Anyway now that I’ve been dating my girlfriend for almost a year I don’t even think twice about my sexuality or romantic leanings. I know for SURE I’m pan/bi, and it seems like the gayer the partner the better

[47wildesummers]

At the kink convention I went to, a girl dressed up as a velociraptor and her partner dressed up as one of the Jurassic park dudes and they had a whole scene where he was taming her and putting her back in a cage. I missed getting to watch the scene and I’m devastated about it. Pause on the pet play, I want whatever they fuck they’ve got going on are you kidding me

[47wildesummers]

How are you all being so nonchalant about this I am losing my MIND she had the raptor mask that moved with her jaw and a tail and a matching manicure I’m OBSESSED I wish I had pictures but we only helped them take photos with their phone

[47wildesummers]

New rule - you’re not allowed to bully me unless you’ve got me pinned to a wall and a hand around my throat

[47wildesummers]

At the kink convention I went to, a girl dressed up as a velociraptor and her partner dressed up as one of the Jurassic park dudes and they had a whole scene where he was taming her and putting her back in a cage. I missed getting to watch the scene and I’m devastated about it. Pause on the pet play, I want whatever they fuck they’ve got going on are you kidding me

[andwhatexcellentboiledpotatoes]

Sorry I got a boner when you spat your blood in my face after I punched you in the mouth, it will happen again, do you still want to be my lifelong nemesis?

[sin-ophelia]

The Victory of Faith  (1891) Saint George Hare 

[doublism]

they used to make smackable technology. you used to be able to hit your tv when it didn't work good.

[servicebunny]

It just shifted to spanking your puppy’s ass, to make them take that thick knot. Like the good little play thing they are.

[doublism]

i don't really think it's like that at all

[pmamtraveller]

"The Kiss of the Sphinx" created by German sculptor Christian Behrens around 1880.

[cicadianrhythm]

@xekstrin

[47wildesummers]

I want to be wrapped around her and whispering how beautiful she is into the softness just below her ear. I want to be grinding against her while I beg her to let me cum. I want to do each in turn, until she’s soaked in both our pleasure

[orpheuslament]

(no beers in) does anyone wanna keep me as their house pet forever

[pugman1230]

(no beers in) I'd let you hunt me for sport.

[monsterfuckerconfessions]

I'm a big fan of monsters with knots & knotting overall but I cannot STAND breeding kink. Like-- the moment a story starts dipping into breeding kink or potential pregnancy I back the fuck out SOOO quick. I hate how prevalent it is in monsterfucker media, ESPECIALLY with werewolves (#1 knot-havers).

Lemme enjoy my smut without some creep rambling on and on about how much they want to subject someone to the agony and permament physical damages of giving birth bro. -3-

.

[plastic-pipes]

may i offer u some polytrix in these ao3 down times

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[curioscurio]

ads these days are so sensitive to being tapped like darling my fingers barely brushed you and youre already opening yourself for me... well close those damn legs. dont make me get the taser