you’ve been a prisoner of war since you were ten years old but the prodigal son is finally returning and this time you have a battle plan. you’ve been to war. you’re the trueborn son of a lord and your only living sibling is your older sister (notably a woman), so there’s no threat to your succession. basically? you have this lord of the seven kingdoms shit in the bag. there’s a red comet in the sky and that comet is YOU, baby! got your nice doublet on and everything. everything’s coming up theon everything’s coming up greyjoy this time for me. Unfortunately your dad is immediately pissed at you he says theon you look gay as fuck. theon i bet that necklace wasn’t even looted. theon did NED STARK turn you GAY during your CAREFREE YEARS LIVING IT UP AS A CHILD PRISONER OF WAR. Like omg i JUST got here. and to make matters worse while you were away everybody became a feminist so you aren’t even heir to pyke anymore you’re just somebody’s flop gay son. you’re just somebody’s flop gay son on a rock in the ocean foreverrr