The Right To Be God

A lazy mans desire to reblog things blog

[outcasts-redeemer]

Humans are Space Orcs: Heavenly Passage

Ah, for just one time I would take the Heavenly Passage To find the hand of Armstrong reaching for the Starry Sea Tracing one worn line through a void so wild and savage And make the heavenly passage to be free

Rim-ward from the cluster ‘tis there ‘twas said to lie The starry route to the frontier for which so many died Seeking ore and glory, leaving frozen, broken bones And a long-forgotten memorial made of stone

Ah, for just one time I would take the Heavenly Passage To find the hand of Armstrong reaching for the Starry Sea Tracing one worn line through a void so wild and savage And make the heavenly passage to be free

Three centuries thereafter, I take passage though the lanes In the footsteps of brave Voyager, where his journey first began Watching colonies grow before me, then behind me shrink again This tardiest explorer, flying hard across the void

Ah, for just one time I would take the Heavenly Passage To find the hand of Armstrong reaching for the Starry Sea Tracing one worn line through a void so wild and savage And make the heavenly passage to be free

And through the time, behind the helm, the engines humming unsuppressed I think upon Copernicus, Johannes Kepler and the rest Who cracked the dark expanse and did show a path for me To race the roaring pulsar across the silent sea

Ah, for just one time I would take the Heavenly Passage To find the hand of Armstrong reaching for the Starry Sea Tracing one worn line through a void so wild and savage And make the heavenly passage to be free

How then am I so different from the first ones through this way? Like them, I left a settled life, I threw it all away To seek a Heavenly Passage at the call of many kin To find there but the road back home again

Ah, for just one time I would take the Heavenly Passage To find the hand of Armstrong reaching for the Starry Sea Tracing one worn line through a void so wild and savage And make the heavenly passage to be free.

[kyoshi-lesbians]

my controversial opinion is I don’t think Zuko was confused by “my first girlfriend turned into the moon”

[kyoshi-lesbians]

he was there during siege of the North. he infiltrated the spirit oasis. he has an uncle who studies spirits and the spirit world. he watched the sky go dark then the moon suddenly reappear like everyone else in the entire world did. and most importantly he watched zhao get eaten by a giant godzilla fish spirit.

[kyoshi-lesbians]

his entire life since he saw that beam of blue-white light in the south pole has been ‘this day has already been so goddamn weird’

[edgar-allan-possum]

The only really new information was that that was Sokka’s girlfriend

[library-graffiti]

Important opinion in the tags that I need to have be part of the post:

[clearascountryair]

Also, Iroh was there? He literally watched Sokka make out with the moon spirit. And you want to tell me that a romantic sap like him would not have immediately told Zuko about this romantic tragedy? Please, Zuko has known about this for ages, he just knows that this is not an acceptable situation in which to say “yeah, I know.”

[terriwriting]

Sokka: “My girlfriend turned into the moon.”

Zuko: “I know.” “Yes.” “She sure did.” “Uh huh.” “Tell me something new.” “Are we still talking about that?” “That’s rough, buddy.”

[alexseanchai]

[image: tags by samwisethebold: #it’s not that he doesn’t get what sokka means #it’s that how on earth do you respond to that]

[uberguber89]

When you put it like that, this is actually a legendary display of tact on Zuko’s part

[neonshroudedgraves]

Bluesky asks Texas users to verify their ages, citing new app store law

"Why do you need age verification on a site where everyone is 38?"

[stevishabitat]

idk who on earth could possibly need to hear this, but do NOT, under ANY circumstances, give out your SOCIAL SECURITY NUMBER to ANY SOCIAL MEDIA PLATFORMS

☝️☝️☝️

[silurisanguine]

Bluesky's age assurance sucks, here's how to work around it.

Bluesky's age assurance sucks, here's how to work around it. - bluesky-osa.md

Ublock Origin filter gets around it. VPNS at the moment get around it too.

[directactionforhope]

Oh hey, and if you don't already know, the reason you're not supposed to give anyone your Social Security Number (SSN) is because anyone who your SSN can impersonate you on a Lot of government and financial documents

Your Social Security Number: Controlling the Key to Identity Theft

Your Social Security number is the key. Originally, your Social Security number (SSN) was a way for the government to track your earnings an

Originally, your Social Security number (SSN) was a way for the government to track your earnings and pay you retirement benefits. But over the years, it has become much more than that. It is the key to a lot of your personal information. With your name and SSN, an identity thief could open new credit and bank accounts, rent an apartment, or even get a job.

-via the California Department of Justice (but this applies to everywhere in the United States, not just California), accessed July 2026

Anyway the answer to "who could possibly need to hear this" is "anyone who doesn't know / remember what a social security number is," which is one reason a lot of scams and identity theft specifically target immigrants and old people

[vintagewildlife]

"I can't believe humans would hunt the thylacine to extinction, humans are fundamentally evil" Hey, did you know that extinction was long thought to be impossible, and within 50 years of humans realizing that extinction via overhunting was a possibility it practically stopped happening? Did you know that humans are so desperate to prevent more losses that they're funneling millions of collective hours and billions of euros into helping other species? Hours and euros that could be spent on humans, and species on whom humanity's own survival does not depend? Did you know that due to an accidental introduction of rats, the Lord Howe Island stick insect population was brought down to 24 individuals and now there are tens of thousands of them?

This bug. This bug that, to most humans, is utterly useless, relatively gross, and completely foreign. Humans saved it because humans do not want to cause another extinction ever again if they can avoid it.

[lilybug-02]

Thank you

[shencomix]

[quitealotofsodapop]

"Dispatch: Dead Air"

I love concepts of Robert having powers, but I also I love him growing up with the complexities of growing up unpowered in a superhero world.

So why not have him develop powers later in life? Specifically a non-tangible one? >:3

We know that Shroud wanted the Astral Pulse to power his augments - in his case, a mental augment to increase his ability to predict probable events and their outcomes.

What if constant exposure to the Pulse caused unknown mental/psychological effects, namely Telepathy aka "mind reading"?

Robert awakes from his coma with an ungodly amount of mental static in his brain. More than usual. It's like the Dead Air of a radio untuned to a frequency.

When he focuses on or "tunes into" someone, both mentally and visually, he can "hear" what they're thinking and feeling at that moment.

First person he can "hear" is the nurse that discharged him. She tells him politely not to stress himself, while mentally she says "You're lucky you still have bladder control after all that nerve damage". Robert immediately clocks her confusion when he replies to her with "Eh, pilots wear piddle packs anyway."

He continues testing this new ability as he's recovering in hospital. Doctors, orderly staff, people in the waiting room etc...

The most surprising was Beef.

Beef, wagging and panting happily: ["I missed you!!!"] Robert, surprised: "Okay, it works on dogs too I guess." Beef, unfazed: ["We should eat and take a nap!"] Robert: "No arguments with that, bud."

This causes many issues, and solutions as he navigates his new career at SDN. Especially if the telepathy can extend into the coms line.

Waterboy's mind is running at a mile a minute, like two people talking at once.

Waterboy, mentally: ["I hope Mecha Man likes me. He made a joke - laugh! Oh wait, what was the joke? Don't make a fool of yourself! Oh it's about Phenomaman's acting. Wait, how do I tie this again? I think I'm concussed from getting hit by that car- HE'S IN MY LAP!! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!! 18+ thoughts ensue"]

Robert still thinks the kid is a sweetie pie. Albeit a little more perverted that he expected.

Visi may not know his true identity cus he picks up on her "signal" being in the conference room before he can disrobe. He might still catch the feeling of guilt she has though - he should investigate that later. Her overtly sexual behaviour masks a lot of thoughts. (Robert learns about the sex dream before she even tells him)

The things Chase thinks about Robert makes him choke up. He most likely lets the speedster know about this new power, just to avoid hearing Chase's regretful/proud thoughts about him.

Flambae is either checked out and mentally replaying Whitney Houston, or he's thinking "Fucking Mecha Man/Robert" (furious) or "Fucking Mecha Man/Robert" (horny). As time goes on, his thoughts towards Robert lean towards the romantic. It's actually kinda cute to see the firestarter give Robert his signature glare and smirk, only to mentally hear "I want a summer wedding".

Sonar's brain is either Numbers, Boobies (sometimes Robert's), and bat noises.

Malevola's is full of demonic noises that yell at Robert to "GET OUT". She immediately looks around, seeking whomever was looking at her thoughts without permission.

Phemomaman's is like looking into the brain of an orange male cat. Elevator music and sushi.

Phenomaman, looking towards him: "Robert, it is impolite to read minds without asking for permission beforehand." Robert, embarrassed: "Ah. Sorry. It's uh... new power I'm trying out. Didn't think you had it too." Phenomaman: "It is a natural ability my people have developed as a means of easing linguistic barriers. It is how I was able to learn how to speak English so quickly." Robert: "Wow. That sounds a lot cooler than mine. I still get hit with language barriers sometimes. Well, except with Beef - he's a dog, so he mostly thinks about how much he loves me, and food." Phenomaman: "That is beautiful. To have a being love you so much as to fill their waking thoughts." Robert, recalling all the previous thoughts he's heard, realising how many people actually care about him: "It's... pretty awesome. Not gonna lie." Phenomaman, smiling: [<3]

[glowinggemma28-fangirl]

This is also a great smoke screen for the Mecha man identity. Everyone knows Mecha man is a Normie.

Their dispatcher isn’t one just new to his powers! They forget those things aren’t mutually exclusive. So they want to help the guy out!

[quitealotofsodapop]

Mecha Man is a normie in a big suit. Robert the Dispatcher is some poor bastard with late-blooming telepathy powers.

They think he might be the villain "MindFucker" though.

Z-Team def tease tf out of Robert when they discover this power of his -most likely through Malevola or Phenomaman. They can empathize with powers that are hard to understand/control though, so they offer to help out if he needs any training or tips.

Robert asks them to please stop thinking about him in 18+ scenarios when on the clock.

The Z-Team can't promise him anything. He sighs with defeat. (They do try though - mentally bonking themselves with horny jail memes when they remember that Robert can hear them)

[ipainkiller1999]

I bet Robert would cackle the first time someone pictured thelselves being bonked, sound at all, by a deflated corgi. Or even Beef! Someone would edit a picture of Beef as the bonk dog for the group chat XD

Eventually tho, I imagine that they would get I hang of their horny thoughs... but their platonic/romantic ones? Maybe not so much. And that? Is even more embarassing than any NSWF thought they could have about Robert.

Robert would get a front row seat to the evolution of his team's feelings. Visi would still use her horny mind to troll him, but each time there's a little bit of softness to the scenarios; a little bit of movie-esque romance. Malevola would eventually welcome him into her mind, giving him the surreal yet comforting impression of being hugged when he's having a shitty day. Sonar's is always having a mental list of the office rutine, reminding himself of how Robert likes his coffee and who's turn is to bring him actual food for lunch. Flambae's thought develop a guilty quality after the post-Sardine incident, and ten times more frustrated longing. Golem has a lot of music going through his head most of the time, and you can guess his mood depending on the genre; lately, there's a lot of song questioning the nature of feelings and self-acceptance. Prism strats organizing outings, either individual or in a group, and her protectiveness comes out more times than not (even if there's as much swearing as when she's yelling). Phenomaman doesn't change too much, but sometimes goes "I wanna see Robert Robertson" and there he is! Coop is... a bit stalkery, but is born out of unflinching loyalty and worry; almost every time he catches her and neither of them mind it that much. Herm substitues his horny thoughts with date ideas and scenarios, which make Robert more flustered than all the raunchy stuff. Punch Up was and is a man of action rather that thoughts, his body moving before his brain can catch up, often times ending in a sutuation where he thinks "Lad must be thirsty." and before Robert can process himself there's a bottle gently shoved into his hands.

This man is gonna know how loved he is, even it means a blow to the team's blasé facades >:3

[holycometinsignia]

Something that could be interesting is the astral pulse is trying to reconnect to Robert. Because I remember in-game people were having bad luck with the plus so they kept passing it around. Could be something in the plus looking for Robert. In theory Robert accidentally getting more exposure to it then Bobbie and Robbie did. But z team constantly thinking randomly shit in there heads to see Roberts reaction. Victor would be asking Robert out on dates he couldn't say no to because ge would only know if he was looking which is very naughty Bobert.

[quitealotofsodapop]

The Astral Pulse nearly being sentient in ability is so cool, esp with how mysterious it seems to be in-canon.

The gang teasing Robert when he knows things he would only know through "invading their brain privacy". XD

Adding in some tags some wonderful people left

by @ispeekrandom;

Robert already having Grade A experience in "Feigning Eye Contact" from years of neurodivergence.

I'm snickering a little bit at Malevola and Phen getting a "ping!" notification in their minds when Robert is trying to contact them.

The Z-Team testing Robert's powers by trying to resist it, or seeing how abstract they can make their thoughts before he has to tap out.

The idea of Robert's power being tuned in to the chaotic SDN office when the Red Ring attacks is horrifying to think about. I imagine they're trained for evacuations in these cases much like a fire drill - but some stragglers are seen being backed off by Red Ring goons. Robert may try to send out a signal helping those trapped inside the building when things really hit the fan. Or even help locate anyone missing in the battle's aftermath.

I'm wondering if Robert is reunited with the Astral Pulse; will it do something to him? Upgrade his powers? Project his soul elsewhere? Would Elliot even survive what the Pulse will do to his brain when he plugs it in?

Robert's brain hurt after Shroud show-down.

And some cute tags by @mechabae;

Robert instantly knowing the Synergy pairs based on how well they think of each other. He almost immediately clocks Punch and Coupe being madly in-love with one another.

Also he's being hit with Phen's heartbreak on a super empathy-level. Even he feels sad when he "taps in" to the big guy. Gives him a mental kiss on the forehead.

[holycometinsignia]

The astral pulse is saying I'm going to end your career old man inside Elliots head. I think it likes Robert because he's basically grew up with it unlike Bobby and Robbie. Robert treated it alot better then the previous 2 heros. Elliot not understanding what it is trys to control it. So basically it's going to cause problems until it's returned to Robert.

[mothnem]

You can count Bobby out of that because I'm like 99% certain he NEVER had contact with the Astral Pulse. That being said, Robbie was a shit dad, a shit friend, so makes sense he was shit to the Astral Pulse.

[quitealotofsodapop]

Truth. It's implied in canon that Robbie/Astral is because of the Pulse or vice versa. Grandpa Bobby likely piloted his mech with no such power source (think a walking tank). Royd does point out that Astral was unlikely to have made the Pulse himself (whether with Elliot's help or not).

Odds are, if the Astral Pulse tried communicating with Robbie; he'd keep it to himself.

Elliot plugs it into his head, only to get his mind flooded - not with probabilities, but the thoughts and emotions of thousands of people he's hurt with his Red Ring. This wasn't what he expected. This is too much. Why is Robert trying to reach out towards him?

Why is there a new voice in his head?

[mothnem]

Ooooooo! I like likes that. Elliot has new and unwanted powers. The result of the Astral Pulse trying to protect itself from him. Make him FEEL EVERYTHING he did. All those people suffering. All the people trying to help. The everyday heroes of the first responders and firefighters and even just people trying to survive his evil. The Astral Pulse made him feel it all.

Okay, I do not believe Elliot made the Astral Pulse by himself. Why? Because he didn't make another one. If he was solely responsible for it, even if he wanted the other one, he could have made a second one to help him retrieve the first one and have two. Which is why I think ROBBIE came up with it and ELLIOT helped him.

[quitealotofsodapop]

Elliot thought he'd unlock debug mode once he got the Astral Pulse - only for it to go "Heres the thoughts and emotions of the countless thousands you've just harmed".

He either goes into a seizure from the overwhelming brain activity, or he pulls that gun one last time...

[mothnem]

I think both. But he drops the gun and ends up on the ground seizing. Robert isn't a jerk and does what he remembers for people having a seizure. Carefully removing the gun from his hand, pushing rubble away, seeing if the fire is too close and he has to find a way to move Shroud away from it.... because Robert is a hero at heart.

[quitealotofsodapop]

Even if the bullet makes purchase and hits Robert in the leg or hip, he still recognises that Elliot is in distress.

And Robert is still a hero.

There's a reason Shroud makes it down to the EMTs in one piece.

[mothnem]

And now he can finally, relax.

[quitealotofsodapop]

The Z-Team (and the EMTs) gonna make sure of that. Robert ain't going into field duty with or without the suit for some time!

He wonders if it's some sort of karma.

[quitealotofsodapop]

"Dispatch: Dead Air"

I love concepts of Robert having powers, but I also I love him growing up with the complexities of growing up unpowered in a superhero world.

So why not have him develop powers later in life? Specifically a non-tangible one? >:3

We know that Shroud wanted the Astral Pulse to power his augments - in his case, a mental augment to increase his ability to predict probable events and their outcomes.

What if constant exposure to the Pulse caused unknown mental/psychological effects, namely Telepathy aka "mind reading"?

Robert awakes from his coma with an ungodly amount of mental static in his brain. More than usual. It's like the Dead Air of a radio untuned to a frequency.

When he focuses on or "tunes into" someone, both mentally and visually, he can "hear" what they're thinking and feeling at that moment.

First person he can "hear" is the nurse that discharged him. She tells him politely not to stress himself, while mentally she says "You're lucky you still have bladder control after all that nerve damage". Robert immediately clocks her confusion when he replies to her with "Eh, pilots wear piddle packs anyway."

He continues testing this new ability as he's recovering in hospital. Doctors, orderly staff, people in the waiting room etc...

The most surprising was Beef.

Beef, wagging and panting happily: ["I missed you!!!"] Robert, surprised: "Okay, it works on dogs too I guess." Beef, unfazed: ["We should eat and take a nap!"] Robert: "No arguments with that, bud."

This causes many issues, and solutions as he navigates his new career at SDN. Especially if the telepathy can extend into the coms line.

Waterboy's mind is running at a mile a minute, like two people talking at once.

Waterboy, mentally: ["I hope Mecha Man likes me. He made a joke - laugh! Oh wait, what was the joke? Don't make a fool of yourself! Oh it's about Phenomaman's acting. Wait, how do I tie this again? I think I'm concussed from getting hit by that car- HE'S IN MY LAP!! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!! 18+ thoughts ensue"]

Robert still thinks the kid is a sweetie pie. Albeit a little more perverted that he expected.

Visi may not know his true identity cus he picks up on her "signal" being in the conference room before he can disrobe. He might still catch the feeling of guilt she has though - he should investigate that later. Her overtly sexual behaviour masks a lot of thoughts. (Robert learns about the sex dream before she even tells him)

The things Chase thinks about Robert makes him choke up. He most likely lets the speedster know about this new power, just to avoid hearing Chase's regretful/proud thoughts about him.

Flambae is either checked out and mentally replaying Whitney Houston, or he's thinking "Fucking Mecha Man/Robert" (furious) or "Fucking Mecha Man/Robert" (horny). As time goes on, his thoughts towards Robert lean towards the romantic. It's actually kinda cute to see the firestarter give Robert his signature glare and smirk, only to mentally hear "I want a summer wedding".

Sonar's brain is either Numbers, Boobies (sometimes Robert's), and bat noises.

Malevola's is full of demonic noises that yell at Robert to "GET OUT". She immediately looks around, seeking whomever was looking at her thoughts without permission.

Phemomaman's is like looking into the brain of an orange male cat. Elevator music and sushi.

Phenomaman, looking towards him: "Robert, it is impolite to read minds without asking for permission beforehand." Robert, embarrassed: "Ah. Sorry. It's uh... new power I'm trying out. Didn't think you had it too." Phenomaman: "It is a natural ability my people have developed as a means of easing linguistic barriers. It is how I was able to learn how to speak English so quickly." Robert: "Wow. That sounds a lot cooler than mine. I still get hit with language barriers sometimes. Well, except with Beef - he's a dog, so he mostly thinks about how much he loves me, and food." Phenomaman: "That is beautiful. To have a being love you so much as to fill their waking thoughts." Robert, recalling all the previous thoughts he's heard, realising how many people actually care about him: "It's... pretty awesome. Not gonna lie." Phenomaman, smiling: [<3]

[glowinggemma28-fangirl]

This is also a great smoke screen for the Mecha man identity. Everyone knows Mecha man is a Normie.

Their dispatcher isn’t one just new to his powers! They forget those things aren’t mutually exclusive. So they want to help the guy out!

[quitealotofsodapop]

Mecha Man is a normie in a big suit. Robert the Dispatcher is some poor bastard with late-blooming telepathy powers.

They think he might be the villain "MindFucker" though.

Z-Team def tease tf out of Robert when they discover this power of his -most likely through Malevola or Phenomaman. They can empathize with powers that are hard to understand/control though, so they offer to help out if he needs any training or tips.

Robert asks them to please stop thinking about him in 18+ scenarios when on the clock.

The Z-Team can't promise him anything. He sighs with defeat. (They do try though - mentally bonking themselves with horny jail memes when they remember that Robert can hear them)

[ipainkiller1999]

I bet Robert would cackle the first time someone pictured thelselves being bonked, sound at all, by a deflated corgi. Or even Beef! Someone would edit a picture of Beef as the bonk dog for the group chat XD

Eventually tho, I imagine that they would get I hang of their horny thoughs... but their platonic/romantic ones? Maybe not so much. And that? Is even more embarassing than any NSWF thought they could have about Robert.

Robert would get a front row seat to the evolution of his team's feelings. Visi would still use her horny mind to troll him, but each time there's a little bit of softness to the scenarios; a little bit of movie-esque romance. Malevola would eventually welcome him into her mind, giving him the surreal yet comforting impression of being hugged when he's having a shitty day. Sonar's is always having a mental list of the office rutine, reminding himself of how Robert likes his coffee and who's turn is to bring him actual food for lunch. Flambae's thought develop a guilty quality after the post-Sardine incident, and ten times more frustrated longing. Golem has a lot of music going through his head most of the time, and you can guess his mood depending on the genre; lately, there's a lot of song questioning the nature of feelings and self-acceptance. Prism strats organizing outings, either individual or in a group, and her protectiveness comes out more times than not (even if there's as much swearing as when she's yelling). Phenomaman doesn't change too much, but sometimes goes "I wanna see Robert Robertson" and there he is! Coop is... a bit stalkery, but is born out of unflinching loyalty and worry; almost every time he catches her and neither of them mind it that much. Herm substitues his horny thoughts with date ideas and scenarios, which make Robert more flustered than all the raunchy stuff. Punch Up was and is a man of action rather that thoughts, his body moving before his brain can catch up, often times ending in a sutuation where he thinks "Lad must be thirsty." and before Robert can process himself there's a bottle gently shoved into his hands.

This man is gonna know how loved he is, even it means a blow to the team's blasé facades >:3

[mossy-rossy]

Got a good read on your Dispatch polycule AU and the villaintok post. I just want to say:

Invisigal, whose power is to go invisible and "watch famous people fuck" described Robert as the biggest perv in LA. Let the record show that Invisibitch, one of the most classic villains of this generation who stalks people she finds hot, called someone else a huge pervert, apparently bigger than her if she feels it's worth a mention to get him in.

Visi accidentally giving Robert a "certified degenerate" seal of approval when it comes to being freaky. Sardine's might as well be throwing their underwear next time the Dispatcher shows up if they think they got a shot with him.

(cue Shroud dropping all pretense and texting "WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS ROBERT" with a picture of most of the Red Ring currently printing out pics of Robert with his uniform covered in blood and still bruised from the mouth)

Lmaooo op this is so fucking funny, Invisigal giving Robert street cred and it fucking /working/ bc apparently the bouncer is gonna respect a Master at horny crimes.

As all of TikTok is prone to, Villaintok is just abuzz with their new favorite white boy. Hundreds of Mr. Finger biter edits pop up but they have to recycle the same shitty footage someone got of Robert fighting at the sardine. They find out Robert is in charge of the Z-team ,fucking reformed villains and an edit of him in the office playing to “a single mom who works two job, who loves his kids and never stops—“ goes viral.

Everyone is trying to be Sherlock Holmes so hundreds of theories float around on what kind of sex pest Robert is. by god everyone is willing to volunteer to find out. They want him so bad pleassee

Imagine some villaintok influencers (god i love this au) coming up to Robert to outfreak him with questions but Robert is just handling it like Hudson Williams does with HR fans trying to catch him off guard. you can’t outfreak the freak and Robert just stares at the influencers unimpressed with their tame ass takes and says something even more wild.

Also shroud texting Robert to stop seducing his men is so fucking funny, he’s so tired of the 7th goon with a Robert Robertson pinup pin proudly displayed on their villainous little Ita bags.

[mossy-rossy]

Honestly writing in Beefs POV has been the most fun I’ve ever had with fics.

Have a particularly annoying plot hole you need to fill? Nah— beef wasn’t paying attention anyways, just keep going man.

Need a narrator that can be anywhere to observe without any of the characters changing their behavior? He’s on their damn laps , he’s got a front seat view to Flambae tripping and accidentally dropping 88+ pictures of Robert from his deep v neck trench coat.

Need a Character not in tune with feelings to talk about the regrets and fears? They’d probably tell a cute dog. In fact— they absolutely will. Bark bark bitch gimme your trauma.

[spacedace]

Flambert/Poly Z Team prompt thing:

I've been thinking about Robert having to have his own dispatcher when he's out as Mecha Man on night/weekend shifts due to SDN policy, and it turns out he causes more dispatchers to quite in the first two weeks than the Z Team did in their entire time with the Pheonix Program.

Its not that he's setting their cars on fire or anything like that. He's polite and professional with each dispatcher that get assigned to him. Easy-going and charming in that sarcastic, deadpan Robert way that tricks every new dispatcher into thinking this is going to be easy.

And then the shift actually starts, and they realize that oh.

Mecha Man is a feral lunatic who does not give a single flying fuck if they've ordered him to take a call to pick up coffee for Vanderstenk's latest vapid girlfriend or to return to base because he just got stabbed twelve times and should really get checked out by medical.

He's Mecha Man. He's got people to save, not rich assholes to appease or time to get stitches he could just as easily do himself in the mech while on his way to the next incident.

He is immune to all the begging, pleading, bribes and threats his various dispatchers attempt to use to reel him in. One offers to sleep with him if he'll just please stop overriding their controls over the dispatching system and let them actually assign him to calls. He locks them out of the computer terminal completely, hacks the DMV so that they have to get their driver's license reissued, and forwards a recording of the call to their boyfriend. He's petty and hates cheaters, what can he say.

Blazer is at the end of her rope.

She thought Robert would be easy for whoever she assigned to him. He's familiar with the system, can easily adapt to a wide range of situations and has a lot of experience under his belt. But no, instead he's somehow made the Z team look well behaved.

By week three she's completely out of options.

Royd saw the kind of insanity Robert put all the other dispatchers through and isn't touching that with a ten foot pole. Galen's heard all about Robert's shenanigans and knows better than to put himself through that. Chase just laughs in her face when she asks him if he'd be willing to do it.

Not even a short chuckle or burst of giggles either. She genuinely was worried that he might actually pass out from laughing so hard. Gasping variations of I fucking told you so at her while he did, because he had, in fact, warned her that trying to integrate that feral raccoon bastard into the SDN system on the hero side of things wouldn't end well.

She might have been tempted to just let Robert act as his own dispatcher, if he hadn't shown himself to be completely incapable of following SDN policy or having basic self preservation instincts.

("I'm fine, Mandy. I follow the company policies and do in fact know what my limit is."

"Right. And you haven't just been hacking the system to make it look like your following policy. That's why you were across town in the middle of a fight with a villain while the system showed you on your rest break back here. And i'm not going to even dignify that other blatant lie with a response.")

Which leaves her with only one option left.

When the Z Team was running every dispatcher off with their antics, the only person that could get them to get their shit together was Robert. Now that it was Robert that was the problem child, it only seemed reasonable to turn to the Z Team to get him back on track.

"Hey, Mecha Bitch, get your ass back here and take your fucking break."

"I will in a second, I want to make another pass over the park and see if I can spot that villain that got away from Sonar earlier this week. He's been spotted in the area a few times now and -"

"And you have ten minutes to get back here before I feed the food I made you to your sentient potato. I made sure there's plenty of broccoli in it so the fat little fuck's farts are extra lethal when you get home tonight."

"...You know I never thought I would say this, but I'm actually starting to miss when you used to just threaten to set the office on fire if I didn't listen to you."

"I can start setting those ugly fucking doll things on Karen's desk on fire too, if you want."

*sigh* "As tempting as it would be to finally be free of those haunted little bastards, Mal said destroying the host item can release the evil spirits inside. She might have just been fucking woth me but I do not want to find out the hard way that she wasn't."

"Oh shit, for real? Damn, good thing you're gonna be here in less than ten minutes to keep me from getting haunted by evil doll demon shits, right Bob Bob?"

Robert is back in less than ten minutes.

Flambae even manages to bully him into going to medical for the broken bone he was trying to hide under penalty of not letting Robert have any of the homemade twinkies he baked if he didn't go.

(There are bets going around the dispatching bullpen on how long before they start dating, or if they already are and if its just the two of them or the whole Z team.)

[wee-chlo]

A dispatcher coming into the Z Team morning huddle to formally tell Blazer that

A) they need to give the Z Team their flowers because they're awesome, they're great, they have a good attitude about stupid missions and do their best and are great heroes.

And

B) Robert Robertson III, aka Mecha Man is a goddamn feral raccoon that they will never dispatch for again because he singlehandedly fucked their metrics so bad that their bid for a performance bonus is fucking doomed.

Say what you want about Sonar's obsession with Vanderstank or Golem's baby kaiju or Flambae making U turns to zoom past his niece's middle school during lunch period. At least they didn't HACK THE DISPATCH TERMINAL TO DELETE CERTAIN CALLS THEY DECIDED WERE STUPID WASTES OF TIME AND THEN FUCK OFF TO A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT AREA TO DO WHATEVER THE HELL THEY WANTED WHILE SEWING A FOUR INCH GASH IN THEIR LEG UP AFTER BEING STABBED BY A CROCODILE MONSTER.

Robert, to his credit, looks embarrassed when the issue of metrics is pointed out. The Z Team wishes they had popcorn, and are also touched that the sub dispatcher took the time to praise their work ethic and professionalism to the skies, because that is extremely funny and is clearly making Robert want to jump out the window.

[spacedace]

You, you understand the vision 😂

Robert, genuinely apologetic: Shit, I'm so sorry I wasn't thinking about your metrics. Here, let me fix it for you real quick.

Blazer, so done with his shit: Can you wait for me to leave the room before you hack the system again? Or at least turn my back or something, give me some kind of plausible deniability here.

Robert, already manually adjusting the other dispatcher's metric scores and further sending an email from some C-suite member or other's direct inbox to the dispatcher's supervisor giving a glowing recommendation for a big raise and possibly a promotion: Hmm? Oh don't worry about it, I made a program that automatically scrubs stuff like that from the system so it can't be used against anyone on the team, I made sure to add you and Galen so you're fine.

Z Team: Hey, realy quick, what the fuck do you mean he got stabbed? Bob Bob you promised to let us know if you got fucked up again, what the hell man

Robert: Wait, you meant for stuff like that too? I just thought you meant like, bad injuries. I didn't even pass out from blood loss or anything!

Sub Dispatcher: Someone needs to study you in a lab.

Sub Dispatcher, done with this shit: Thanks for unfucking my metrics. I'm going to go now, please never speak to me again.

[mossy-rossy]

I saw that villain tiktok edit and that one villain being like 'baby come to the dark side we'll pay you and dress you better' just gave me the idea of Robert being courted by villains via gifts. Expensive jewellery and suits tailored to his measurements. They even got things for Beef! He doesn't know why the Z-Team keep bugging the Salary Department when they email him to control his team or they're telling HR about violations. He doesn't get the last bit.

DKHJSMSXDNJC CACKLING. This is gold nonnie. Now youre making me imagine a whole Super Villain team also absolutely into Robert who are like fucking mirror versions of every Z-team member. Just them but better (better according to the villains but also kinda true, one is a full bat man, one is malevolas older hotter sister, one has a deeper V line than Flambae and can sing whitney houston) , since theyre ex villains, teh Z team know who these fuckers are and they absolutely despise them. they ALL are richer than the Z-team (bc our homies probably dont get paid enough by SDN) so theyre just seething in jealousy when expensive gifts arrive at roberts desk. They try to one up them Robert takes all of these gifts happily-- how else is he supposed to fund Mecha man after all? (Also one villain (prob the tiktoker who commented) is just supeeeer suave, always leaning close and flirting. always gifting Robert expensive jewelry and food and trying to offer rides in his fancy limo. He's Water Boys rival.)

[mossy-rossy]

I have come to give an idea offering for the Z-Polycule AU!

During the bar fight, a bystander villain that was there recorded all the scenes of Robert throwing hands (cant believe he actually ripped someone's implant off their head and is even biting fingers off).

Villain went on to upload Robert's bar fight onto social media which then Z-team get to witness Robert in his feral mode in 4k.

Cue Z-team's thirst skyrocketing to know that the dude is not just a cookie but more of a TOUGH cookie that is not afraid to fight dirty

Nonnie ur speaking directly to my dick, that 1000% happens omg. That is their dispatcher and apparentlly he will keep getting away with being sexy. they have that video SAVED. Sonar and malevola probably play it as background ambiance when they fuck.

But consider since a rando villain uploaded this on socmed... that other villains also have seen this video. And now the VillainTok is just buzz of

"Ooof whose pretty boy, havent seen him around" ,

“SDN??? Pfffft baby come backkkk join the dark side",

“Go white boy go!”

“I like a man im a little afraid of sticking my dick in" Robert is now an overnight internet sensation and now the Z-team has to fend other horny villains of their dispatcher Made a thing (x)

[mossy-rossy]

Dispatch VillainTok on its knees from last night

"SDN???? More like Succ Daddy Now-" Inspired by Nonnies huge brain from (Here)

[spacedace]

Something I want to incorporate into one dispatch fic or another (and feel free to steel it if you like the concept) is this idea I've had that Robert actually has a pretty big network of people/entities/groups that owe him favors.

It runs the gamut on how big the favors he's owed, who owes him these favors and how happy they actually are to actually repay these favors.

There are everyday people in his neighborhood that owe him the equivalent of a ride home from work. There are heroes that owe him their lives or their careers. There are major villains that owe him more than they could ever possibly pay if he ever made good on the promises they made to him.

Some owe Mecha Man Blue, some owe Robert Robertson the Third, some the random fake identity he was using at the time he met them and helped them out. All of them, though - no matter how reluctant they might be about it - would answer if he ever called on them to settle up their debts.

He never does, though.

Because Robert is Robert, at the end of the day.

And because Robert thinks - believes with the certainty of a priest giving a sermon - that he's nothing but the empty space between all the things Mecha Man is supposed to be.

The idea of reaching out, of asking for help for something he feels is his duty alone to handle, for anything at all really, is anathema to everything Mecha Man and the legacy that came with it and the dead father that condemned him to such a life had taught him. A betrayal to the very life he'd dedicated himself to and the grave he'd been promised was waiting for him since his earliest memories.

So he never calls in any of the favors, just collects more and more and more of them over the years until the number of debts he's owed rivals the stars in the night sky.

Not until he starts working with the Z-Team.

He can't and won't use any of the favors he has piling up for himself, no matter how much easier it'd make his life, but for them? He'll make good on those old debts for them.

Prism suddenly fighting for her life against dozens of armed and dangerous super villains in what should have been a simple call to get an angry couple to calm down? When it becomes clear that no one else on the team is going to be able to get there in time before something bad happens, Robert reaches for his phone, calls a number he hasn't even thought of since it was given to him over a decade ago, and cashes in a favor.

For a moment, Prism thinks the situation has gone from bad to apocalyptic as one of the biggest, scariest, most dangerous villains in the entire country just casually walks in seconds after Robert told her he was going to get her help. But then said villain just... helps her? Guarding her like his fucking life depends on it while dropping bodies with a terrifying amount of ease, not letting any of the other villains she'd been trying to take on even look in her direction.

He politely offers her a handkerchief to wipe some of the blood off her face after everything is said and done. Tells her to let "that feral hellcat Robertson" know that accepting this as his debt being clear would be an insult and to keep his number on hand in case there's something actually worth his time that Robert wants to cash in that favor for.

Attempts to get answers about how Robert knows the Dispatch universe equivalent of Ra's al Ghul or why the man owed Robert a favor go unanswered.

(There is a non-zero chance that he's Robert's ex.

Flambae is seething about that fact, but only because he hates not knowing things and totally not because he has any strong feelings about Robert possibly having dated a villain, let alone one that Flambae might not actually be able to beat in a fight.

Not that he'd, you know, fight someone over Robert or anything.)

And it all just keeps happening.

Someone on the team will be in trouble, or will need help with something or any number of things, and Robert will make a call or text someone or - in one memorable instance that led to a powerful demon queen of hell showing up - draw a complicated symbol with his blood and boom. Problem solved.

The Z team has no idea how Robert knows these people (they can't all be his exes...right?) or how he's managed to rack up so many favors over the years or what about him makes it that everyone actually shows up and delivers when he calls those favors in.

What they do know is that Robert clearly hasn't been using his wealth of connections and the debts owed to him for himself. Man is sleeping on a plastic lawn chair because he doesn't have a bed even though last week a minor god of wealth and prosperity showed up to save Sonar's ass after a crypto scheme he got involved with (predictably) went south.

Obviously, in order to make sure they aren't stuck having to help random future assholes out when Robert ends up calling in the many favors they now owe him for helping them out so much, they're just going to have to help this poor, sad bastard themselves.

(Robert keeps trying to tell them that if they feel like they owe him any favors they could repay him by not aggressively trying to take care of him.

The Z team, in typical Z team fashion, ignore him completely.)

[mossy-rossy]

Z-team thinks Robert has powers (part 2)

Dropping more random thoughts on this au since people liked part one

- The team assuming Robert's a plant gets even funnier when they notice Blonde Blazer acting sus around him. She's way too familiar with him, which MUST mean they’ve worked together before. Either Robert was one of her employees(Prism: "she definitely sent him out on honey pot missions. Think about it. Sonar: oh I’m thinking about it.) or he was well-known in superhero circles despite being so covert, a fact none of them can verify since they're all ex-villains.

The team decides it's both. It has to be both.

- Cue Scooby Doo hijinks where they follow n try to uncover Robert's superhero identity. They get SO close to the truth multiple times and arrive at wrong conclusions.

Sonar: I've figured it out. Our dispatcher is dating Mecha Man."

Flambae: THAT FUCKER—"

-Flambae gets his own wet dream about mecha “guy who beat him up twice “ man x Bob Bobson. He nearly burns down his house.

- At one point Water Boy, whose trying to be part of the convo, stutters out that Robert climbed on his lap the first time they met so he guesses he is kinda seducey("K-kinda! He was fi-fixing my tie and his—his face was right here and—").

Everyone, including Invisigal, has to grapple with the devastating realization that Waterboy has better game than all of them.

- my AU, my house, Sonar and Coup stay on the team. There's now a race between Punch up/Coup vs Malevola/Sonar to get a threesome with Robert first.

- Invisigal still gets that movie date with Robert. She absolutely lies and tells everyone they hooked up. She likes being the alpha bitch around here.

-She is soon one upped by Phenomaman who does not know about their theories on Robert’s powers (they didn’t invite him to lunch 😔) . Phenomaman mentions that Robert is a good dispatcher who he had kissed and made love to twice. Everyone is to afraid to question it.

-they find out Robert likes brunettes. There are a series of high fives, Prism running out to grab another wig and Golem standing there sullen bc he has no hair.

Part one | Beef pov fic set in same universe

[mossy-rossy]

Dispatch AU where th Z-team 100% thinks Robert has powers.

The entire Z-Team is CONVINCED that Robert Robertson must have some kind of superpower. they all heard that he used to be a hero, but nobody knows which hero. Can’t be any of the well known ones ofc (Malevola swears she’d recognize that ass).

The only logical explanation? Covert missions. Black ops stuff. He's gotta be someone incredibly accomplished (hence his clear competency dispatching them) who just flew under the radar.

Sonar: I've figured it out. Robert's power is Seduction. How else would ALL of us want to fuck him within like three days of meeting him?"

Flambea, slamming his hands on the table:** "IT'S THE ONLY EXPLANATION"

Invisigal and Water Boy (if you picked him) know Robert is actually Mecha Man ofc but I can def see em keeping quiet bc that’s shits hilarious (or dumb enough to go wait maybe-)

Cue Robert in the next few days just doing the most mundane shit imaginable and everyone is wanting that cookie so bad, dying of thirst, agreeing that SDN did this shitlord corporate move to control their most volatile assets and its fucking working. This twink white boy has bewitched them.

(Part two | Beef POV fic set in same universe

[badlydrawnwaterbae]