in love with this medieval art where this lady has been shot by an arrow and just looks so unimpressed
oh noo...
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2025 on Tumblr: Trends That Defined the Year
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Not today Justin

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#extradirty
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@absolutepie
in love with this medieval art where this lady has been shot by an arrow and just looks so unimpressed
oh noo...
The ones I’ll never write #6
I’m deep cleaning my house to move, packing for vacation and have eleventy million things to do at work…. So naturally my brain is like remember that college AU you read last week… yeah so we need to imagine scenes for our own one you’ll never write!
So Shane is at college, on the hockey team … of course. He’s roommates with Marleau.
Ilya transfers in mid year, settles into the team, friend group etc. It’s one of those dorms with a shared common room and then rooms going off it so it’s Marleau and Shane, Ilya and Hayden… yeah that goes about as well you expect….
Ilya pretty much establishes his fuck boy with a heart of gold reputation straight away, lit’s a different sock on the door every night if you catch my drift. Guys, girls, on their own, in groups, it’s an open door policy basically, but you only get through the door once.
Shane is out and proud in this one, everyone is who they want to be. Still has his kind of shy, reserved persona but he can bite and he will if he wants to.
He’s dating someone and eventually he gets dumped. He’s sad etc…. Cue chilling in the living room.
Shane, sad but dealing with it “he was happy dating me he just didn’t want anyone to know about it.”
Marleau “dude that’s fucked up, you’re better off without him Hollander, we’ll find you a nice guy.”
“You?” Shane laughs, “you don’t know any nice guys.”
Marly and Ilya in mock offence point at each other and laugh.
“Seriously guys, I’m fine. Just let me wallow for a few hours and I’ll be all good in the morning.”
Ilya is looking at Shane intensely, they’ve been getting to know each other etc, are friends.
“It’s his loss Hollander, guy is an idiot. Anyone that would keep you a secret doesn’t deserve you anyway.”
It’s uncharacteristically heartfelt, Shane just swallows hard and doesn’t know what to do. Excuses himself to the bathroom, Marly is looking at Ilya with a furrowed brow.
“Don’t.” He warns.
“What?” Ilya asks, kind of playing dumb but he also kind of knows.
“Roz, you’re a great guy and I love you, but how do I put this nicely…. You’re a fuckboy.”
“Wow Marly I’m glad you were being nice you might hurt my feelings.”
“Seriously…. You fuck around, it’s casual, that’s your thing and no judgement man, you do you. But Shane doesn’t do that ok…. Don’t fuck with him.”
Ilya starts to cut him off with a protest….
“We can all see that you like him dude, but just….., if you do this you have to do it for real …. Can you do that?”
“I….” Ilya can’t answer,
“Exactly, I’m not putting Shane off limits or anything, he’s a grown up and it’s not my place but just…. Don’t fuck around.”
So naturally…. He fucks around and he finds out…..
They end up hooking up, Ilya thinks by saying upfront to Shane that this is casual, I don’t wanna be your boyfriend, it’s just if we’re free and nobody gets a better option that night… you know a backup plan… that that means he’s not fucking around because they’re on the same page…..
And for a long time, they are… but then feelings happen….on both sides. Neither one says anything because Ilya is terrified and Shane knows if he does that it’s over because Ilya only wants casual so he’ll take what he can get.
Then of course it will all hit the fan. They’re cuddled up in bed in Ilya’s room, Hayden spends half his time with Jackie who lives off campus and has her own room. They’re just making out and watching tv, being cute.
Marly knocks Ilyas door and when he opens it, Marly looks like he’s about ready to murder Ilya.
“What?”
Marly just gestures to the sofa where a girl is sitting, waiting clearly having been invited over to hook up. Ilya totally forgot… or maybe not I’ve not decided.
Shane won’t look at Ilya when he realises, just goes to his room. This isn’t new, it’s the agreement they have, but it’s not usually so in his face.
“Hollander…. Hollander.” Ilya is internally freaking out, this is the arrangement right, he knows he’s fucked up though, maybe he even did it on purpose for some Self sabotage because he knows things are getting out of his depth, but he didn’t expect to feel this shitty when he did it. Shane just ignores him, until. “Shane ….”
Shane cuts him off and is like, “no I get it, it’s fine, we agreed, I’m just a back up plan….” Ilya feels sick when he hears Shane say it like that again.
Then Shane sees the girl on the couch from the corner of his eye and he’s pissed again.
“Just do me a favour and atleast let the bed get cold next time.”
He slams his door and doesn’t come back out. Marly just shakes his head and joins Shane in their room.
The girl is like. “I think maybe I should go?”
“Yeah, sorry, I ….”
“I get it, but why did you arrange to meet me if you’re dating someone…”
“I’m not…we’re not… it’s just casual…. It’s not.”
She looks him up and down and how heartbroken he clearly is. “Sure…”
Then avoidance, angst, fighting, make up, happy ending!
Once hollanov gets outed people on the internet are gobsmacked- not necessarily by them being queer- but by party boy club rat Ilya Rozanov being into bed by 8pm Shane Hollander
Lots of jokes and speculation about the relationship like Ilya having to give up his cool life for bland Canadian guy who never heard of anything but missionary or even perhaps Shane having to become a super freak to keep roz around
Shane is kinda annoyed by it but it’s a better reaction than he was expecting.
Ilya tho….ilya is outraged by the people saying Shane being boring is bad and cracking jokes about it and In a drunken outrage posts something like ‘my sexy husband wears the sleepy time tea bear pajamas to bed and it’s so hot it makes my dick explode’ and other horny posts which immediately goes viral until Harris logs in and takes them down but screen shots have already been taken
Shane does an ad campaign and sponsorship with a cozy pajama company a few months later
tomato cultivars cataloged by rutgers new jersey agricultural experiment station
So many of these could all be the names of either truly depraved Sex Acts or Organized Crime Executions
okay but for sure baby shane on his first hockey team got to play on the ice during an intermission at a centaurs game in the 90s. he scored a goal and did a cute little celebration jump (and immediately lost his balance and fell on his butt). harris pulls the clip from somewhere deep in the centaurs archive. he makes an insta post after shane's first game with the cens and includes the video with a caption about tonight being shane hollander's second ever centaurs goal.
ilya just barely manages to keep himself from sobbing in delight at the video.
it's so crazy too bc i'll be like "this phrase/practice is being touted as ancient knowledge with a secret unbroken lineage, but it was quite literally made up in the 20th century. like we can trace it back to its very inception in like 1961." and someone will be like "that can't be true because my grandmother taught it to me." and i'm like yes your grandmother was 20 in 1961.
Everyone: omg Hollander leash your dog, Ilya is barking at opponent hockey players again
Shane Enabler Hollander: ok so Ilyusha this player has had zero assists in the entire season, he got drafted last, and finally - and this is crucial - he once scored a goal in his own team's net
Ilya Heart Eyes Rozanov: thank you my ShaneWiki this is valuable data, off I go
i think it's so funny wehave like letters and whatever from Tolkien talking about how he fucked up with the orcs. it's ao funny
Matt Bailey
Ilya Rozanov is a big, beefy athlete who gets paid millions to violently smash into other men on the ice, and he transforms into a dramatic damsel in distress the moment his husband comes into the room. There is no jar that is opened or trash that is taken to the curb by anyone but Shane.
“Shane, TV remote is all the way over there. Is almost in other time zone. My arms are weak, can you get it please, Shane.”
“Shane!! Shane, I have cut from cardboard! It’s bleeding, Shane, can you do first aid? I think I need mouth to mouth, Shane, I’m fading fast!”
“Shane, I am so thirsty I think my throat is atrophied from being dry.” (Earns a “wow, atrophied, where did you learn that word?” from Shane.)
“Shane, I’m getting sick, can you rub special cream on my chest? I am losing strength, Shane, I don’t think there is much time.”
*walks in door, first thing he says* “Shane, I almost was stranded today. My car was on E and my big, strong husband was not there to pump gas. I was coasting to gas station on fumes and vibe only, Shane.“
“Shane there is A BUG!!!!! A BUUUUUUUG, Shane!!!!”
Wow, amazing job Lily! No one will find that walnut now!
monthly mod recs: july
Every month, we'll put out a short list of recs with our favorites. Grab a drink and get cozy! This month's theme: hollanov + children! Enjoy!
-everythinghollanov mod team
Life changers hockey camp by peiceabread
Teen | 17k words
It was Year Five of the game changers Hockey Camps, and everything was running like a well-oiled machine—until Hayden Pike found bruises on a quiet nine-year-old named Mateo. When the foster system fails a child, Shane and Ilya step up to provide an emergency placement for the weekend. Or Shane and Ilya accidentally acquire a child, eat a lot of dinosaur nuggets, and learn that their house was far too quiet before Mateo arrived.
I'd Share A Life (And You'd Share A Life) by noedovenest
Mature | 38k words
“Olesya.” “Oh-lee-syah,” Shane repeated slowly, making sure he pronounced it right. “What… what are you going to do?” “I don’t know,” Ilya said, resting his head in his hand. “I don’t fucking know.” Shane’s voice was steady. “What can I do?” How long had it been since someone offered to help Ilya? He took care of his family, carried his brother’s financial burdens, tended his own injuries, paid his way through life without aid. The question, softly spoken and rich with genuine intent, was enough to bring tears to his eyes. Could he really trust it? Could he ask someone for help? For once, he wanted to try. OR: Ilya is left with sudden custody of Alexei's daughter and calls Shane to help. (Set just before the cottage.)
We can be brave by happyeverafter72
Teen | 3.8k words
October 2016. Shane gets a text from Ilya, inviting him over while he's in Boston. There's just one problem - he has his two-year-old daughter with him.
to keep it for you in sweetness by jarpadsalecki
Teen | 32k words
They had a home rink at their Ottawa house and the cottage. They ran summer camps, for Christ’s sake. It would honestly have been weird if neither of the Hollander-Rozanov kids got into hockey. So, naturally, neither of the Hollander-Rozanov kids got into hockey. -- 5 firsts for Hollanov's kids + 1 first their kids give to them.
forgive my northern attitude by hungrydeer
Mature | 13k words
“Sveta,” Ilya answers, letting his mouth sink into the forward sound of his mother tongue: “Are you okay?” “It’s Alexei,” she says. Her voice is a stolid calm. Ilya stares absently ahead, finding a spot on the way to steady his gaze on. Across the thousands of miles between Ottawa and Moscow, Svetlana says: “It was an overdose.” His ears ring, a high pitched sound of radio feedback. - Ilya becomes the guardian of his sixteen year old niece after his brother passes away.
ok that's enough summer, we can head into autumn now
On the long range weather forecast this evening the presenter gleefully announced "our 4th heatwave of the year will arrive soon!".
Sir. Our wildlands are on fire. Our fire service is stretched beyond its limit. Just in the last 24 hrs one fire took out 3 entire Fire trucks and put 20 firefighters in Hospital, and seen a hazardous waste facility pump tonnes of toxic smoke into the sky.
We don't need another heatwave thank you.
a centaurs appreciation post bc I love these characters and this team with all my heart 💗