Abused, Not Raised

My parents have emotionally abused/manipulated me and my sister for years. This blog documents my healing process. Hopefully it will help others out there that have experienced or are currently going through something similar. As this blog grows, I hope to organize it specifically so that it can be used as a resource.

[abusednotraised]

Free Resources - Updated List

Hope everyone's having a good weekend 💜 I got a chance to look for more books today, so I went ahead and updated the google drive. There are now free books, workbooks, and other miscellaneous resources. I even found a cute little coloring book! Its target audience seems to be sexual abuse survivors, but I think it could also be helpful to survivors of other types of abuse (such as psychological).

Books:

Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents by Lindsay C. Gibson, PsyD

Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving by Pete Walker

The Tao of Fully Feeling by Pete Walker

Waking the Tiger: Healing Trauma by Peter A. Levine with Ann Frederick

The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel Van der Kolk

Toxic Parents by Susan Forward, Ph.D. with Craig Buck

Workbooks:

The Complex PTSD Workbook by Arielle Schwartz, PhD

The Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) Skills Workbook by Matthew McKay, Ph.D.; Jeffrey C. Wood, Psy.D.; and Jeffrey Brantley, MD

Life After Trauma by Dena Rosenbloom, PhD and Mary Beth Williams, PhD with Barbara E. Watkins

The Mindful Self-Compassion Workbook by Kristin Neff, PhD and Christopher Germer, PhD

The PTSD Workbook by Mary Beth Williams, PhD, LCSW, CTS and Soili Poijula, PhD

Miscellaneous:

Flashback Management in the Treatment of Complex PTSD by Pete Walker (3-page resource)

Shrinking the Inner Critic in Complex PTSD by Pete Walker (5-page resource)

We Believe You: a colouring book for survivors and supporters (compliments of Ryerson University's Office of Sexual Violence Support and Education; 27 pages)

Again, let me know if any of the links don't work!

[abusednotraised]

I gotta vent.

Today is going to be difficult for me.

My nana passed away a couple months ago and she was the only family member that made me feel consistently loved. This is the first Christmas where I won't even be able to hear her voice.

My father also texted me a couple days ago saying they are considering giving away my things that are still in their house. Like I'm dead or something.

The holidays have always been difficult in their own way. Your parents struggling to raise three children, the youngest with a debilitating illness, and then said youngest dying at a young age will sadly do that.

I'm trying really hard to focus on the positives, but even though there are many surrounding me they feel....tainted. By this feeling of loss, dread, and shame.

[lightheartedsuggestion]

Stop convincing yourself you’re wasting your life away. The time you’ve spent resting and healing was and is necessary. You’re not a waste of a person if you find yourself struggling right now. Healing, recovering, sitting with your pain is foundational. It’s not a waste. You are still whole.

[abusednotraised]

This is the first Christmas where I don't feel obligated to celebrate and I'm actually comfortable with it. Usually I feel like I have something to prove, but. Not this year.

This year's been too difficult in too many ways. I deserve to do whatever the fuck I wanna do for the holidays! And you do, too 💜

[abusednotraised]

Hey yall 💜 it's been a while! My follower count went up dramatically while I was taking this hiatus 😮 thank you for following even though I haven't put up anything new for a minute!

I'm gonna try writing here again. A lot has happened since I last wrote an entry, so I'm not sure where to begin. But I have also learned a lot about myself while I've been gone! And I'm gonna talk about it here, maybe this week 🤞🏿

Hope everyone's having a good day.

-B

[21]

MOOD:// An Interactive Journal

::sigh::

Turn those feelings outside in:

Print journal.

Place thought-feeling-emotion inside boxes.

Color.

Reboot brain from blah place.

And remember you are loved 🥰.

“Refresh,” x @claricetudor. “Dot-exe.”

🌟

Explore:

—the Sad Girls Club, a nonprofit supporting the mental health of young women of color.

@21.v1 — plants | noods | squats | feels

[posiviibes]

[kindnotestoself]

[bad days and relapses] [don’t erase your progress]

[lifeafterpsychiatry]

Just because it "could be worse" that doesn't mean it isn't still bad! You don't have to have it worst for your pain to be valid. Other people's suffering doesn't negate or invalidate yours. You're valid even if others have it worse!

[factumnihil]

"the trauma made you kind" fuck that. no. i am kind because i cannot allow anyone to go through what i did. i am soft because i chose to be.

[peculiar-persephone]

Trauma made me scared, angry, and vulnerable.

I made myself kind.

[tlitookilakin]

“Ten spears go to battle," he whispered, "and nine shatter. Did the war forge the one that remained? No, Amaram. All the war did was identify the spear that would not break.” 

- Brandon Sanderson’s Oathbringer

[selves-acceptance]

it’s okay to fall apart.

it’s okay to break down.

trust me, no one who matters in your life will think any less of you.

[abusednotraised]

.

[abusednotraised]

Okay, I'm feeling a little better today at least & I've got a few days off this week, so I'm gonna try to start writing here again! 🥳 Probably just gonna pick right back up where I started. I'll see if I can queue up a couple of things for tomorrow too.

As for Shout-Out Saturday, I still haven't gotten very many submissions so I think I'm gonna start reaching out to a couple other blogs to see if they wanna join in. I really want this to become a thing lol I feel like it'd still be helpful and validating to most! So until I've got some other blogs committed to trying this out I'm gonna table it. Thanks to everyone who sent me things, don't worry I didn't forget!

That's all I've got for now. Hope yall have been doing okay. Ttfn 💜💜

[thelatestkate]

Thanks for existing at the same time as me. ♥ I’m sorry if you’re having a rough time, but I am grateful you’re here.

And no, I will not apologize for the pun.

Shop, Patreon, Books, Mailing List

[thelatestkate]

Shop, Patreon, Books, Mailing List 

[selves-acceptance]

symptoms of trauma are a healthy response to an unhealthy situation.

you are not broken for having trauma symptoms.

you are not damaged for having trauma symptoms.

you are trying your best, and i’m so proud of you.

[abusednotraised]

So, it's been a while since I've made an original post. And I want to address something.

Way back when I first started this blog, I posted an excerpt from a library book concerning people with bpd and npd. I was then called out for essentially generalizing people with these disorders as abusers. At the time, I was confused because I thought this person was taking my post out of context. But now that I have seen a few other posts circulating about how the term "narcissistic abuse" in particular is ableist, I thought I'd take another minute to think about that exchange.

After looking over posts I have reblogged and created, I'm now realizing how extremely generalized all these resources I've found are. It never occurred to me that people who use the term "narcissistic abuse" are in reality using the term to lump all cluster b personality disorders into one and demonize all people with npd/bpd. Probably because I've been conditioned to believe that narcissists are inherently abusive when that isn't the case at all. I would see a book title geared towards people with npd and automatically assume the author meant abusers that have narcissistic tendencies, not literally ALL narcissists 🤦🏿‍♀️🤦🏿‍♀️ But of course all I had to do was go back and reread that book title to realize how mistaken I was. Even the quote I took from the book writes about people with npd with an evil flair. I'm honestly embarrassed.

So whether you noticed this or not, I am so sorry and I'm going to work harder to recognize when that's happening. I do not agree with that at all.

I'm hoping to get back to posting again soon. In the future, I will do my best to not be ableist when I talk about my abuse, offer advice to others, and provide resources. Not that it's yalls job, but if you do notice that I've reblogged content from an ableist blog or something like that please feel free to let me know. I want to help, not alienate.

-B

[borderlinereminders]

You don’t have to be positive all the time to prove you’re trying or healing. It’s okay to just say “this fucking sucks right now”. No one is positive all the time, please don’t expect that of yourself.