Support For Abuse Survivors

Account dedicated to abuse survivors. Topics: PTSD and Complex PTSD, abuse experiences, narcissistic abuse, and trauma recovery. Disclaimer: I am not a licensed therapist. I am sharing things I’ve learned through my own therapy journey and years of research.

[thatdiabolicalfeminist]

Hello,I hope you and your family are well.Can you help me Share Or Replog the post my Family on account? 🙏

I Relly Need Your Help To Evacuate Them To A Safe Plece As Soon As Possible Outside Gaza 💔💔.

Verified by @palestinegenocide @queerstudiesnatural @90-ghost @el-shab-hussein @northgazaupdates @apollos-olives @riding-with-the-wild-hunt

🍉Link GoFundMe in My Blog🍉 https://gofund.me/b477b817

Hi, I hope your family is able to be safe soon!

This fundraiser is verified! #218 of the spreadsheet of links vetted by nabulsi and el-shab-hussein.

Donate to Help Ahmed, Abedelrahman, and family Escape war, organised by Ziad Okasha

Hello everyone, My name is Ziad Okasha, and I'm from Gaza,… Ziad Okasha needs your support for Help Ahmed, Abedelrahman, and

Can you help this family get even $5 closer to safety?

[talkiermango502x]

If you ever want to know what it’s like being a woman at a doctor’s office…two years ago, my roommate’s boyfriend pulled a muscle in his back. The doctor got him right in, and immediately prescribed him a muscle relaxer and prescription pain killers. A few days later, I fell off my horse and broke 2 ribs, a bone in my eye socket, and my collar bone, as well as the worst concussion of my life (two years later and I still have vertigo). Doctor said go home and take some Tylenol. I had to go multiple doctors just to get a doctor’s note for work and a prescription painkiller (and still, they only gave me 5 days’ worth so I had to ration them at half doses to get through the worst of the pain). I’m just…really tired….

[abusethings]

It’s No-Contact November, folks!

For anyone looking for that final straw or excuse to go no-contact with their abusive, toxic, and/or manipulative family, just know that you’ve already given them nearly unlimited chances to fix the problem. They’ve already proven time and again they won’t change.

This was one of the hardest things for me when I cut my family off years ago. I kept giving them another chance to change. I kept telling my therapist I was just “waiting for an excuse” to cut them off, waiting for that final blowout, something so ridiculous that I felt truly justified in going no-contact. My therapist said, “they’ve already given you an excuse…over and over and over again.” It seems obvious, but I realized she was right. You don’t have to keep waiting for that final blowout to end all blowouts. You have more than enough evidence that they won’t change and you’re justified in protecting yourself.

I ended up quietly cutting them off. I didn’t wait for a holiday fight, I didn’t wait for the latest ridiculous blowout. I realized I’d been so unhappy for years because of what they continuously put me through, I didn’t need any more evidence. It’s been some 4+ years, I think. I honestly forget when I cut them off because it just…doesn’t hang over me anymore.

This holiday season, give yourself the gift of peace. You deserve to not be torn down, to not leave holiday dinners in tears.

[talkiermango502x]

Just a few years ago, Christmas always ended in a huge fight between me and my family. It always ended with me driving home, sobbing and barely able to drive. I even had to pull over to throw up a few times. Then I would come home and be so heartbroken and emotionally torn down, I would self-harm, get black-out drunk, or even attempt suicide. I cut my family off a few years ago and went completely contactless in 2019. While yes, the holidays were different because of covid....they were also different because I was free. I had a nice day that didn’t end with me harming myself. I didn’t have anyone beat me down (emotionally or physically). And that means everything to me—to be able to just have a pleasant holiday that I don’t have to spend months recovering from. It literally is the difference of life and death for me.

I hope everyone with toxic or abusive people in their lives get to escape and feel that same level of happiness and freedom this year. If you have been questioning leaving/cutting off your abuser, this is your sign from the universe to do it.

[talkiermango502x]

Mother’s Day can be a weird time for many of us. So I’m thinking of you all today. You’ve done an amazing job raising yourself, bettering yourself, learning to cook and clean and take care of the house, financially supporting yourself and maybe your parents too. Happy Mother’s Day to you beautiful survivors!

If you’ve cut contact with your abusive mother, stay strong today. Don’t break your no contact streak! You’ve worked too hard to come this far to only come this far.

Card by Emily McDowell (and available at emilymcdowell.com).

[lavenderhealing-deactivated2024]

Narcissists can become dead set on enacting revenge against someone when things don’t go their way.

Narcissists can become dead set on enacting revenge against someone when things don’t go their way. It’s a broad way to say that they become frustrated and enraged when they become insulted or that their perceived sense of superiority takes a hit.

A Narcissist’s revenge can come in a variety of ways. 

They can just erupt in their infamous Narcissistic Rage

They can lash out by running a harder smear campaign. 

They can even continue their abuse by devaluing you in more humiliating ways.

 A Narcissist’s love affair with revenge knows no bounds!

The Insult

Narcissistic Injury is when the Narcissist becomes unable to handle any kind of criticism and lashes out at whoever made the remark. They take it as a sign of disrespect. 

Whenever they are rejected or told “No,” they see that as a defiant action against their superiority. 

When their knowledge is challenged, for example, 

They will launch into a diatribe of how the person is wrong and the Narcissist is right.

They would cite case studies. 

They would say things like, “Well, everybody agrees with me.” 

They will even go so far as to loudly proclaim on every avenue possible that you are wrong and proceed to explain why. 

They want to ruin your reputation as much as possible, and discrediting you in a very public way (like social media) is one way to do that.

Narcissists feel a sense of superiority and therefore cannot handle the slightest notion that they are wrong or have faults. We tell them they have wrong information? They will likely cause a scene of epic proportions that discounts what we say and how they are right.

The Revenge

When Narcissists feel wronged or disrespected, they will retaliate any way they feel is necessary. 

They will feel that you deserve what “punishment” they dish out. Narcissists enact this revenge because of their need for control. They have insatiable appetites for power and control. 

They will aim their revenge at those who challenge their power and attempt to dethrone them. In their twisted minds, they want to destroy that which is attempting to undermine their sense of superiority. 

Keep reading

[traumasurvivors]

Here’s a reminder that if your parents/guardians were ones that threatened to “send you away” anytime you acted out or didn’t live up to their expectations, this was wrong and you deserved so much better. 

If you have trauma because of it, your trauma is valid. This sort of emotionally abusive tactic from parents/guardians can make a child feel that their love is conditional and can also make a child feel they can and deserve to be discarded if they do something wrong. I want you to know that you should never have been made to feel that way and that it’s okay to make mistakes. You deserved so much better than this. 

[bitchesgetriches]

dear bitches: i read your article on legal documents and i DEFINITELY don’t want my parents making decisions for me but i don’t really know if have anyone else i can ask. any advice?

YES. Lots of people have toxic parents, or parents who would be simply unfit to make decisions for them in a medical emergency. So there are a couple of solutions:

- Choose a friend you trust. As long as they are 18 or older, they consent to being your medical or financial power of attorney in such a situation, and they fill out the paperwork, you can use them instead of your parents.

- Choose a lawyer or other professional advocate. Do some googling for "legal advocate" or "medical and financial power of attorney" plus the name of your state. A lot of lawyers perform this service on behalf of their clients. You'll need to pay for the consultation and paperwork, but a lawyer who works for YOU and not your parents is a really safe choice.

- Someone else's parents. I don't know how old you are, but even if your own parents suck, a friend's parents or other older adult in a position of authority might be a good choice here.

I am the medical and financial power of attorney for not only my parents, but my aunt and uncle (who have no kids of their own). I consider it a very important responsibility, but also a gift to them. I love them, so I take their wishes very seriously, even if I don't agree with them. So just keep in mind what you're asking of someone in this situation.

Three Legal Documents You Need NOW (and Can Get Cheaply Online)

[themoonluvr-deactivated20241223]

one thing i have been trying to teach myself lately is that i am enough whenever. i am always, all the time enough. i am enough when i don’t like myself, i am enough when i don’t look presentable, i am enough when i’m not ready to face my demons. you don’t have to do certain things such as working out 5x a week, journal and meditate every night or be good at school to be enough and worthy of love. whatever state you are in right now is enough. you are deserving of a relationship, a good life and everything else at any given time.

[talkiermango502x]

Just a few years ago, Christmas always ended in a huge fight between me and my family. It always ended with me driving home, sobbing and barely able to drive. I even had to pull over to throw up a few times. Then I would come home and be so heartbroken and emotionally torn down, I would self-harm, get black-out drunk, or even attempt suicide. I cut my family off a few years ago and went completely contactless in 2019. While yes, the holidays were different because of covid....they were also different because I was free. I had a nice day that didn’t end with me harming myself. I didn’t have anyone beat me down (emotionally or physically). And that means everything to me—to be able to just have a pleasant holiday that I don’t have to spend months recovering from. It literally is the difference of life and death for me.

I hope everyone with toxic or abusive people in their lives get to escape and feel that same level of happiness and freedom this year. If you have been questioning leaving/cutting off your abuser, this is your sign from the universe to do it.

[furiousgoldfish]

you are not supposed to fear for your own survival while your parents are still alive

[positivelyqueer]

Considering seeking help is a sign that you need to, that it is important and that it is ‘bad enough.’

Mentally well people don’t consider contacting crisis lines or booking doctor’s appointments for the fun of it.

You won’t be wasting resources or taking up time - these resources exist for you to access them when you need.

Stay safe out there and look after yourselves.

[burrito-child]

As a child, being shouted at or punished for "answering back" when trying to defend myself against the verbal assault of my parent was one of the most damaging things I've ever experienced.

Your child is a human being that is still incredibly malleable. Forcing them to be quiet and complacent despite the verbal assault you're subjecting them to is going to stop them being able to understand that their voice matters, that people care about their feelings, and standing up for themselves in any type of way is wrong.

You're not telling them to "stop answering back", you're telling them "shut up and don't fight back"

[furiousgoldfish]

There’s a specific experience of growing up around narcissists because they will punish you for growing up. Narcissistic parent will go:

“You used to be so good when you were little.”

“After you turned 8 you started to act despicable.”

“You used to be such a sweet child, why are you like this now?”

“Hanging out with ___ ruined you! You were good before they came!”

“Why can’t you be like you were when you were little?”

“You used to eat from my hand, what happened to you?”

“You used to hug me and tell me you love me, why aren’t you like this anymore?”

“Keep going this way and you’ll end up just like ___ (someone horrible).”

And it gets worse from there, they can punish you for failing to act clueless and gullible, they can punish you for not falling on same tricks you would fall for as a child, they will ostracize you for not being completely pliant and for having opinions and for not liking the same things you liked.

This can affect you so deeply you can feel like only way to be happy again is to return to being a small child. You can even start insisting that you’re not going to grow up and try to stay the same, try to not grow your senses and keep yourself infantalized. It can make growing up seem like a forbidden process that will only bring you further from being loved, further from any kind of happiness. They will go as far as to make you feel like since you’re not longer small and cute, you no longer deserve any attention or love. And it’s your fault, for getting bigger, for growing. It can make you feel absolutely hopeless because you were only ever lovable as a child, and you will never be lovable ever again.

I didn’t understand this for a long time, but the narcissist needs you to stay small because small children are easy to manipulate into being their fantasy. It’s your independent thought that scares them, your ability to judge the world for yourself, meaning you wont take their word for it anymore. They’re in love with a fantasy of them with a small child they can control and use as an extension of themselves, a child they can show off and get compliments for, a child who is cute to lure adoration from others towards themselves. The moment you stop being a part of their fantasy, you’re suddenly worthless to them. The moment you can think for yourself, they no longer want you. The moment you start developing boundaries, they are supposed to acknowledge that you’re a whole new person, not a part of them, not someone who will cluelessly proclaim love and adoration for them after they hurt you. Instead, they shame you for being a person. They want a pet and if you’re not it, the love is taken away. Because there never was any love in the first place. Narcissists who act this way towards children are incapable of love. They were never a person in the first place.

[maemaybe]

Last night my girlfriend and I were comparing childhood neglect notes. We saw a video on tiktok of a parent being incredibly attentive and nurturing to her child and it sparked a conversation about how neither of us had ever experienced that. 

We were both like “Whoa, what would that even be like? Can you imagine being distressed and having your parent help you manage your distress?” 

She was telling me about her experiences, which were different from mine. Her family tried but didn’t have a lot of emotional maturity or skills for emotional regulation. They also didn’t recognize that she was likely neurodivergent, so they weren’t able to help her cope with that. They just sort of failed at ever offering any comfort or help that would have actually helped her. 

While we were talking about it, I had a realization about my own experiences. I guess trying to remember how my mom reacted to situations similar to the ones my girlfriend was describing unlocked some memories.

I thought of when I would come home and tell my mom about a problem with a friend or a teacher and my mom would get so distressed. She would immediately take my side and agree with me on the situation, which was validating, but then things would get out of control. My mom would get so upset. It was like she was more upset than I was! 

I didn’t realize this at the time, but she was triggered. She wasn’t upset about what happened to me, she was upset about what happened to her. My mom was so triggered that instead of staying with me and my problems, she was suddenly reliving her own childhood social problems and the trauma and humiliation she experienced in school. 

Her distress was terrifying to me as a child, and I felt like I caused it by telling her about the problems I was having with friends or teachers or whatever. So I learned to immediately backtrack as soon as she validated me and began to get upset. If she agreed and said my teacher was being mean to me, I’d immediately backtrack and start defending my teacher in an effort to calm my mom down and diffuse the situation. 

I realized as I was describing all of this to my girlfriend that I still do this! I don’t know if I do this with everyone, but I do it with people who I have important relationships with, like my girlfriend and my therapist. If I tell them about a problem and they validate me or commiserate with me, I get so scared that I start backtracking and defending the person I was just complaining about! I am unconsciously afraid of triggering the kind of out of control distress I witnessed in my mother. 

While I was explaining all of this to my girlfriend she said, “You learned that you aren’t allowed to have problems.” 

The truth of that hit me really hard. 

I said, “I don’t know why I didn’t just learn to stop telling her about my problems altogether.” 

And then my girlfriend pointed out that I am incredibly secretive and I don’t tell her my problems. Obviously I don’t tell my mom my problems anymore either. Somehow this was a surprise to me. 

I think I obfuscate my secretiveness even to myself. I pour everything out in anonymous spaces (like here) and give myself the illusion that I’m a very open person. And then with the people I care about I talk incessantly about unimportant topics like the news and my current special interest to give the illusion that I’m very open with them. It feels like we’re connecting and I’m sharing and everything is out in the open. 

[abusethings]

This hit me hard. I could never figure it out/put it into words

[politijohn]

ICYMI - Huge news!

[marlbororeds100s-deactivated202]

PrEP, the HIV prevention pill, must now be totally free under almost all insurance plans

The federal government announced that almost all health insurers must cover PrEP with no cost sharing — for the drug itself and for clinic v

^link to the article for further info & accessibility

[zevveli]

Just so ya'll know. They're gonna loophole this which is why we have to spread this information. I work at a pharmacy and I can tell you that a lot of these insurance companies only "Cover" them. Here's what has been happening: You go to your doctor to get PrEP, they write a prescription and send it to the Pharmacy. When you get there they tell you that insurance isn't covering it. You say that the law says that they have to. They say that it will, but not through THEM. The insurance company says that they'll only cover it through a "specialty pharmacy" (which on the one hand, fair enough, NIOSH standards for drugs state that if you are handling the pills then there are specific forms of PPE you need that we at retail do not have, but on the other hand that doesn't matter if we aren't opening the freaking bottles) which will then either mail it to you or ship it to the pharmacy to take it out of the box, scan it in, and bag it. Which is what we'd do normally anyways except with the added step of making you wait 2-3 business days to get it. And because technically they "cover it" it's not a law violation. But they're hoping that you'll not want to wait and just pay the $3000 out of pocket.

[me-myself-and-bi]

For any of my US friends out there 👍💡

[weirdcultstuff]

[weissguertena]

[img ID: screenshot of a tweet by twitter user "Candice, right?" @ YeslCandice that reads

"My therapist told me yesterday: some people (esp family) will choose to remember & recognize only the version of you that they held the most power over, no matter how long it's been or how much you've changed.

And I cannot stop thinking about it." /end ID]