Academic Panic

Sometimes I just need to write it out to calm myself down, and I think my Facebook friends are tired of hearing it.

[aca-panic]

Trying to remember what I'm specifically needing to note when doing research is tricky and I have to keep reminding myself of that.

Staying on track

[aca-panic]

Figuring out how to explain my research.

Still just a kid

[aca-panic]

Spring semester is done. And all those things I've been doing bare minimum on are staring me in the face. But I really need to take a break, too.

Time for a break

[aca-panic]

My ADHD brain works in wonderfully weird ways. And I'm learning how to work with it instead of against it.

Frogging my work

[aca-panic]

Taking my time

I can finally go back to working on my dissertation. The paper I had to write to revalidate a course is done and the course is revalidated. Well, once I submit the paperwork and pay the fee. I am back from PCA and had a blast.

The thing is, my second job has posted my schedule for the next two weeks. I'm back to being lucky to have 15 hours a week, which is not enough. But I realized something today. In working only 15 hours a week, I have more time to work on my dissertation revisions and get caught up on grading. It will hopefully give me the time I need to get this done and defended before summer semester starts in a little over a month. Once I can reach that point, if I'm still not getting more hours at work, I can look for a new job.

I'm just trying to remind myself of this so I don't get pissed off at work. I just hope I can remember.

[aca-panic]

Almost there

This is so frustrating. My hubby put it best. I've moved on from writing papers for class. I'm writing journal articles, dissertation chapters, not class papers. This is so frustrating.

I think I've got the base of the paper done. I've gotten words on the page for the last section and conclusion. I just need to find the drive and desire to get it cleaned up tonight so I can go to bed knowing I have a solid draft. That way I can get up tomorrow, read over it, make any final changes, and e-mail it hoping it does what it needs to do.

Then I can move on to getting the presentation done for the conference this week and get packed. Then all I have to worry about is getting my dissertation to a defendable point in less than a month while staying caught up with grading. At least it's an online class, so everything's already there for them. I just have to grade things as they get done.

[aca-panic]

Naps are good

The other closer at my grocery job is on vacation this week. Usually he works Tues-Thurs and I cover Monday, Friday, and Saturday. That means I've worked 2 days already and have 3 left. I still have this stressful revalidation paper to get finished and in by 5p Monday and my presentation to finish for the conference next week.

I was going to get a lot of work done on that paper today. And then the time of the month drained most of the dopamine from my brain. Going to bed late didn't help, but time of the month. I got other things done, but I couldn't bring myself to sit down at my computer.

After I picked up the hubby from his work, I said I'd try taking a nap. He said, "I know I shouldn't say this, but you do look tired." I wasn't mad at him. I'm always worried a nap is going to mess with my sleep later. Unless I let it become serious sleep for a few hours, it doesn't. So I took a nap.

When I got up, I grabbed the jasmine green tea I had in the fridge, a croissant, and an l-theanine. I took some time to eat the croissant and let the l-theanine/green tea combo kick in. Then I sat down at the computer. The paper is "roughly 10-15 pages". I've almost got 6. I've got one more section to go over and get in better shape, then it's on to the main analysis I've been building toward, which I've already started writing.

I feel a lot better about it now. I'm going to go make dinner and eat, and hopefully come back to get some more work done on this. I try to work on it after getting home from work, but usually I'm out of spell slots and physically tired, so the couch traps me.

I really have been working on this since I was assigned it in January. My dissertation defense going off the rails really threw everything off. Honestly, all that research really is paying off. I need to remind myself of that. This isn't like a class paper where we're reading stuff as we go. It takes time to do the research. It takes time to formulate the argument when you're given a specific prompt. It takes time to just get words on the page so you can sculpt them into the paper you need.

Now if I can just remember this.

[tfw-adhd]

[meet-again]

This is weird bevause ive had this exact thought before

[wordsaremylife]

Actually it really does help to paint the picture

[slightlyrebelliouswriter23]

"why don't you set an alarm to remind yourself to put your marbles in your bag?" i will fill your shoes with goo

[aca-panic]

More ADHD fun

I realized something last night as I was going to bed. I've got, hopefully, one last paper to write for grad school. There's only so much time before I have to start "revalidating" courses in order to graduate. This is the first and hopefully last course I have to revalidate.

I've been trying to write it for a few months now and the deadline is coming up. But the pressure isn't helping. I've been trying to make sure everything fits together as I get it written. I keep forgetting that I simply need to get words on the page first. Then I can go through and make everything work together.

It's hard to edit something when it's only partially done. So I'm sitting down today, one of the few days off I have this week, and doing just that. I've got over 400 words in so far. I'm hoping to get the bulk of the words on the page today, that way I can use what few spell slots I have left at the end of the day this week to get it in shape.

You can't put the details on a clay vase if you don't have enough clay to begin with. I've gotta remember that!

[aca-panic]

Destiny! Destiny! No escaping, that's for me!

Since I’m having to read through Destiny of X one issue at a time, it’s not automatically in the reading order. I have a list of all of the issues on Marvel Unlimited, but they’re grouped by title, not in reading order. I created a list of the order so I could follow it, but soon I decided just to read what the last page of the comic said was next. Yeah, that was not a good idea. These were not…

Destiny! Destiny! No escaping, that's for me!

[aca-panic]

Mini meltdowns day

I hope that no one experiences the day I had today, ever.

I was going to be defending my dissertation tomorrow at 4pm, until things went sideways. Evidently my chair is the only person who felt I and my work was ready for that.

So I talked with my chair, who is in communication with another committee member--they are friends in addition to colleagues, and the graduate coordinator for my school and they felt I could still get things done in time to graduate in the summer without any extra paperwork.

This morning I got an e-mail from said coordinator who said he got another e-mail from the graduate college with concerns about my ability to get it done by then. I'd really love to know why the graduate college is getting involved, as well as who keeps talking about this with the graduate college instead of at least my chair if not me as well.

I have feedback from the one committee member. I've addressed 2/3 of it, with the last 1/3 needing more time and attention. Something I'd rather do after getting feedback from my other committee member. But I've heard nothing from him since we agreed on tomorrow for dissertation defense. He's had my work for around 3 weeks now. I just need his feedback at this point. I e-mailed him asking about it earlier, so hopefully he'll get back to me tomorrow. If not, I may have to see what steps I need to take since he's not responding. It's holding things up at this point.

It is so frustrating to be at this point and have so much out of my control. It's also frustrating to have so many people outside of my committee involved in this. This is not typical. And it's very frustrating.

Now I'm going to go back to editing the last three lecture videos I need to have done for the online course I'm teaching starting Monday. Once they're added to the course, I only have to grade their work. I'm trying to focus on the things I can control so I can make more space to work on the dissertation once I have everything I need.

God this is frustrating!

[aca-panic]

Stuck in the Krakoan Age

I’ve been working my way through the Krakoan Age of the X-Men comics. I got through all of Dawn of X and Reign of X. I went to start Destiny of X and found no books on my Kindle. I was at work, so I just switched to Ultimate X-Men since I really should read that series too. Today I searched for the collected books that make up Destiny of X. Somehow there aren’t any. My choices are either buy the…

Stuck in the Krakoan Age

[aca-panic]

Reaction videos

The other day I watched a couple of reaction videos of someone watching scenes from Hamilton for the first time. They knew absolutely nothing about the show or the story. Why haven't I been using these for my dissertation? I don't need to interview them. I get real, citable reactions to their first time seeing and hearing Hamilton. I'm going to keep this in mind going forward.

Once I'm done with my dissertation, I'm done with it. I have a couple of book ideas that come from it, but the dissertation is not getting revised into a book. I have a couple of other projects that can also benefit from reaction videos. YouTube is such a great resource for Popular Culture scholars!

[aca-panic]

Finally! Good audio!

I have a specific bar set for the quality of the audio of my videos. I have been having trouble getting to that bar. I bought a really nice mic and have settings in place to filter things out, yet there’s always that hiss in the background. Today I finally got that hiss to go away! This is the third time I have recorded the audio for my video lecture. The first time I was too loud and blowing…

Finally! Good audio!

[aca-panic]

Onward and backward?

My dissertation chair has the first complete draft of my dissertation. Most of it has been revised according to his feedback, so I’m feeling good about it. I think we’re both hoping that whole thing will be done this semester. That means I can start working on other things. Like going back to my master’s thesis and reworking it into a book manuscript! Yeah, I’m going to take a break from theater…

Onward and backward?

[lizardsfromspace]

"But the X-Men really are dangerous, so it's a bad metaphor for marginalized people" is the kind of ice cold take everyone drops like they're the first ones to ever think about it, but it's also one that only really makes sense in the context of the movies or some other adaptation where the X-Men are the only superpowered people around. Within the context of the original universe, it does make perfect sense as a metaphor, bc people as a whole are fine with individuals who gain their powers by radiation poisoning or by spider bite or whatever, but find mutants so arbitrarily repulsive they literally program giant death robots to murder them and them alone

[aca-panic]

Not doing great

I had an interview for a teaching position on Wednesday that I really, really wanted. I was excited about this opportunity. I feel like the interview went well. Especially since the entire interview was in ASL. I already have anxiety during interviews, and doing an interview in my second language made it a little harder. I still feel like it was a good interview. Yesterday I got the e-mail. “We…

Not doing great