a faint waft of burning sludge tickled my nose as i stumbled through the manmade field of hardened stone and splintered wood. the familiar scent could not be distinguished from the rich, decadent gasoline coating the floor or the greasy cooking oil that was used to commit a sizzling embrace around the corner of the block. as the odour grew stronger, i took an eager step forward, breaking a delicate figure under my cold boot. glancing down, a broken dollhouse befell my somewhat looming shadow, lying depressingly amongst the beauty of the real world. a closer inspection allowed me to observe the occupants still inside, clutching each other’s hand in a desperate attempt to express a final farewell. their figures required the utmost gentlest touch, paper thin like the veil of indifference to this hellscape i tried to maintain. in the distance i heard a thunderous boom like the world had been cleaved into two.
smog, thick and luxurious in all her glory, came hurtling towards me. her presence felt urgent, wrapping around me tightly and filling the surrounding area with her smoky embrace. she caressed my face as if to persuade me to dance with her, through the beautiful field of rubble and over the charming ruins. the crackle of the burning buildings provided the perfect rhythm that matched the joyous tunes of static flowing from the handheld radio within my grasp. an orchestral symphony of distant gunfire and regretful cries joined the mechanical heartbeat that coursed through the two of us. it was so moving that i was stripped bare as she grabbed for me. a showcase of vulnerability was my forced ode to her glory, surrendering my identity to her power. the surrounding landscape unified as we blissfully spun together, a jarring palette of monochrome and fire ember orange creating a dreary kaleidoscope of lights before my dulling eyes. touching her curves and waves before me was intoxicating, leaving me addicted to the claustrophobia of her grip. she took the lead in our ethereal waltz, past many remains that i could not discern.
but at last, my journey with the beautiful ashen air came to an end, and i suddenly found my reflection staring back at me within a lonesome puddle. my features had withered, viciously distorted into an anguished cry that could all but be carried away by the wind. clothes battered and torn, as if my imprisoned guilt and sorrow had reared their heads in rage and attempted to claw their way outside my husk of flesh and bone. i was fragile and cracking, waiting to be shattered into a million shards. my decrepit skin became transparent, but stained with dirt and grime. a deluge of tears rippled my pale cheeks, as if nature was trying to hide what i had become. i turned back to claw for the comfort of the darkness, only to be met by an emptiness that resonated aggressively within.
feeling lost, i gazed towards the horizon, as if searching for a saviour amongst the gloom. in response, the sun rose and bathed me in a golden glow, washing away all my despair. its presence caused my mind to melt out of my brittle skull and pour out of my ears like the slick oil i had smelled ever sweetly. the sensation was spiritually blinding, as if a god waved his hands over the city to shroud my sinful eyes with his purity. a buzz filled my ears and battered my bloodstream, warming my very soul from the inside. i was desensitized, like the synapses in my brain had been burned by a foreign fire, and my heart became a chasm. for a small moment, she left my mind, only to be replaced with ersatz evergreen and colossal towers that stretched up into the sky to greet the heavens. a strange scent of sickly sweet flowers skipped towards me, their petals laughing in the wind with a tone of mischievousness. it swirled with an air of familiarity, as if to distract me from the grim reality. carried with them, was a slight tinge of a haze, following ominously like the shadow standing behind me…
waiting to dance with me again.
