New trend: just say you’re fasting whenever you’re actually starving yourself. Your friends and family will compliment you more than criticize.
I'd rather be in outer space 🛸
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@adultishhh
New trend: just say you’re fasting whenever you’re actually starving yourself. Your friends and family will compliment you more than criticize.
I fucking swear. I hate my life. I thought that once I got out of my previous life stage that things would get better, but I feel even more trapped than before. Fuck everyone around me, like seriously. I cannot do this anymore. I’m one more shitty event away from draining my savings, leaving without telling anyone, and never looking back. No family, no husband, no friends. No more fucking disappointment. Just me, whatever shitty life I can build for myself, and maybe an animal companion that I will ultimately outlive.
Fucking hell man. Was it always meant to be this damn hard?
all articles about tumblr’s “decline” boil down to 2 things: you can’t get famous on here and you can’t make money on here. And they don’t get that that’s why we like it here.
girl bloggers who like all your vent posts do what psychiatry can’t
it’s easy to minimize your chronic pain when you’re still able to do some things. just because you can function some days at a pain level of 3 doesn’t mean your pain isn’t still real and persisting. i started feeling imposter syndrome once i could walk again. i thought my pain wasn’t as real anymore and then realized: “hey. i can’t walk through the grocery store without almost passing out from knee pain”. remember you’re not being overdramatic for expressing your discomfort. that can lead you to hurt yourself further if you don’t recognize your limits.
My therapist told me that I shouldn’t have anything to do with my mother anymore because she refuses to get help. Fuck. That hurts. Her loss.
Serie of things I like, for no apparent reason:
1. Kitchens
Haruki Murakami, from Norwegian Wood
How do you fall back in love with life?
clean your room. clean space, uncluttered space, space that doesn’t have miasma clinging to it can work wonders. clean the dishes. sweep. take out the trash. peel the clothes off the floor and wash them, and then actually fold/hang them. take a long shower. scrub behind your knees. brush your teeth. (this can be utterly exhausting, but try to get it done in a day, if you can. the end result is worth it.)
pull out your notebook. it doesn’t need to be a new notebook, but preferably one that you don’t usually write in, or that you haven’t touched in a while. fuck moleskins. the yellow legal pad will work fine. sit in your room, or in the park, or in the library, and write a list. count clouds. describe all the colors that you see, and note patterns that arise. sketch the cracks in the walls. note the shape light makes when it enters a space. talk about what the air tastes like, smells like. what sounds are there? even the white nose, break that down: air planes, fans, cicadas, anything. remind yourself that you are sitting in the middle of a space brimming with detail. remind yourself that you are not in nothingness and emptiness. your world is fathomless. it has potential.
drink cold water and try to eat something that isn’t processed. it does not need to be fancy. buy yourself an apple with the change between your couch cushions. eat it outside. if you’re someone who walks, walk somewhere afterwards, just to stretch your legs. take your fucking meds. remember that its a good thing that you are inside your body. your body is a fantastic and endlessly intricate machine, and even though society has smacked a bunch of poisonous ideas on it, that doesn’t change its inherent worth and splendor. take care of it.
read a novel. underline your favorite lines, and write phrases that twist your heart inside your chest on the back of your hand with an ink pen. read a novel like it’s poetry. read poetry, something decadent but unpretentious. watch a movie you haven’t seen before. if there are free art galleries near you, walk through one. take your time. let yourself bask. if there are patterns in what makes your soul ache, write those patterns down – marbles arches or soot crumbling bricks or dandelions or descriptions of dresses or whatever it is, write them down.
your chosen family is important. remember, they picked you as much as you picked them. the love has no obligation. it is given freely and it is given from a place of compassion. you are not a burden. if you need to breathe, take a minute by yourself and just exist, but remember to go back to your people. when they need you, listen and be gracious. always be gracious. the universe sometimes remembers things like that.
listen to new music. link jump on youtube or related artist jump on spotify or ask the chap beside you in the cafe what their favorite band is, and listen to that. listen to something that you don’t usually listen to. we tend to tie up a lot of memory with music. we are falling in love again. the soundtrack needs to be specific to that.
allow yourself to indulge in romantics. press flowers in old books. play movies with subtitles and mouth the words. dance in your room. wear something that makes you feel good, even if you wouldn’t wear it in public. write your chosen family letters, even if you hand deliver them. write poetry, even awful poetry. revel in its awfulness. eat dark chocolate and when your chosen family want to go out, try to go out with them sometimes, even if its just to the market.
[image description: two simple, black and white illustrations, each with a caption in all caps text.
the first is of an apple with a slice taken out. it looks completely full of seeds. the caption reads, “i carry what you said with me.”
the second is of a thin branch with leaves and flowers sprouting from it. the caption reads, “it’s less of a choice and more of a sickness.”]
Damn I feel that.
How do I get rid of all this anger inside of me?