Seven months have passed in a haze for Yoongi now that he no longer has you there and his friends are tired of seeing him waste away.
Photo by @dlazaru (will remove if asked)
He didn't know how long it had been, yet he knew exactly. The better part of a year passing in a haze, but he could tell anyone who asked that it had been seven months, three days, and eleven hours since you had left him.
He'd never believed it could end like this. After all, you had always told each other forever.
It was one particular memory that his mind kept circling back to.
"Min Yoongi," you had yelled, standing at the edge of the cliff, hands cupped around your mouth, listening to the echo bounce through the canyon. "I love you and I am never going to stop!"
He'd thought you'd looked amazing, even after the three mile hike to the top. Your skin basked in the sunlight, the natural tan looking all the more like his own personal Heaven as he watched you. It had only taken one look, that brief moment of believing that he wouldn't join you in shouting out your love for him to step up to your side and yell out his own vow.
You loved with your whole heart, no reservations or exceptions, and you did so without shame. Yoongi missed that most about you. Once the words were out, you could never hide them from anyone. All your friends knew that you wore your heart on your sleeve, but only Yoongi knew that you would never be the first to say them.
The fear came from past relationships. You said three words and they would leave. Every time. Still, you would never apologize for your love. No, you would simply pick up the broken pieces of your heart and move on to the next one.
Yoongi hadn't meant to say it that night, but he couldn't bring himself to regret it. Two weeks was a considerably short time to have been together for an admittance of love, but the words were true.
Park Jimin had been your friend first, bringing you along to a halloween party at the beach where the two of you met. Unlike himself, Yoongi had wasted no time in coming over to talk to you. He blamed it on the alcohol in his system, but inside he knew that you had been so radiant and warm against the chilly air of the sea.
Yoongi had never been good at flirting, but after a whispered encouragement from Jimin, he had leaned in for a kiss. Surprising him and thus causing him to fall further was how you refused, politely turning your head so he only landed a peck on your cheek. "I don't kiss people for the first time unless they're sober."
"Tomorrow night then. Are you free? For a date, n-not just a kiss." You agreed with a blinding smile on your face.
Over those two weeks, Yoongi became entirely infatuated with you, asking Jimin to help him with outfits for dates and date ideas until he could get to know you well enough. In those first fifteen days, the two of you managed twenty dates. After the first dinner date, he met you for coffee the next morning before your eight a.m. class - nearly giving Kim Seokjin a heart attack when Yoongi walked into the cafe he worked at so early in the morning. It was dates for whatever meal the two of you decided or dates to just hang out. Even when you met the next weekend for another of Jimin's parties, he'd labeled it as a date and you agreed. In all that time, he never once leaned in for a kiss.
On the sixteenth day, you laid on his bed, listening to one of his tracks he'd been working on while he rushed to get ready. "I love that you never get upset when I get distracted and run late."
"Is that all?" He didn't miss the disappointment in your tone.
"I just love you." The words were out before he could stop them, and he froze.
You had simply climbed to your feet and crossed the room to press your lips to his, one hand caressing his cheek. "I love you too."
Yoongi knew he loved you from that first night. He knew you were different when you didn't kiss him and it only felt reinforced now that he knew you felt the same. He said the words again and again, emphasizing them small kisses to your nose, forehead, cheeks, and lips until you dissolved into a git of giggles.
With a groan, he dropped his head against the wall. Yoongi knew it wasn't healthy for him to still be thinking of you this much, but he couldn't help himself. It was nearing a year since the two of you had met and he felt like he was spending the days leading up to it just living in his memories.
At the protest of his muscles - stiff from not being used - he peeled himself out from under his covers and mad his way to the bathroom to shower. Jimin would be there soon with Kim Namjoon and they had said that he had to come out with them no matter what.
The steam rising from his skin told him that the water should burn, but he didn't feel it, instead letting his mind wonder.
You laughed, twirling with your arms wide as the rain pelted into your skin. Yoongi watched you from under his umbrella, refusing to join you in the onslaught of water, but you didn't mind, smiling at him and looking for all the world brighter than the sun. "It's not cold. I promise." He didn't believe you, for it was November. In no way did he attempt to stop you when you threw your arms around his neck with such vigor that he dropped the umbrella anyway to hug you back.
"It's freezing." He accused, face buried in your hair to breathe in the scent of you.
You laughed again, brushing his wet locks from his forehead. "Not once you get used to it."
"Yoongi, are you drowning in there?" Namjoon pounded on the bathroom door, jarring him out of the memory.
He only grunted in response, turning off the now ice cold water. After dressing, he joined his friends in the living room, hating the normality of it.
"You'll thank us for this," Jimin started, placing a hand on his shoulder. "It isn't good for you to stay cooped up in here all the time. When's the last time you cleaned your apartment anyway? It stinks in here."
"I'll call Jin and maybe he'll come clean up for you while we're out," Namjoon added, holding open the door for Jimin to usher Yoongi out.
Yoongi didn't know what the two had planned when they all but shoved him into the back of Namjoon's car, but he figured it would be okay as long as he went through the motions. He opted for staring out the window while they drove, thankful that his friends chose to leave him out of the conversation.
It brought back yet another nostalgic memory.
Yoongi's hand clutched yours tightly on the center console while you sang along to the radio, watching the scenery pass by. It was the fifth month together - your final month together. He was taking you on a vacation trip to a lake he had frequented during high school. It was spring break and neither of you knew it would be your final trip together.
He didn't want to remember and, luckily for him, the car was stopping.
"Why are we here?" This was the last place Yoongi wanted to be and he could already feel his chest constricting.
"Get out of the car, Yoongi. Don't make us drag you. Everyone is waiting," Jimin had a look of no-nonsense snd not even he could argue with it.
Reluctantly, Yoongi climbed out of the car, letting Jimin lead him over the the group. Not everyone, he thought, eyes raking over their huddled forms. Jung Hoseok, Kim Taehyung, Jeon Jungkook, and Jin stood huddled in front of the headstone, turning to face the three as they joined them.
"You actually got him to come," Taehyung voiced before Jungkook's elbow caught his rib.
Hoseok put his hands on Yoongi's shoulders. "Do you know what day it is?"
"And what is important about today?"
He didn't want to think about it. Refused to. Knowing that today you would have turned twenty-four caused tears to well in his eyes. What caused them to actually spill down his cheeks was the knowledge that he was the reason you were no longer here to celebrate.
It happened faster than he could react. Watching you singing with the music without a care in the world had tempted him, distracted him. He never wanted to take his eyes off you until he saw yours widen at the road ahead. He barely managed to swerve out of the other lane in time, over correcting and sending the car off the cliff where it bounced and rolled until it hit a tree, crushing in the passenger side.
He could still hear your screams long after you had stopped. Yoongi wanted you to wake up, calling your name, shaking you. He fought against the rescue workers when they pulled him from the wreckage until they final had to sedate him for his own safety and theirs. You survived longer than they expected, waking during the helicopter ride to the hospital, but it was downhill from there.
Yoongi survived with hardly any injuries and getting to sit by your side and apologize repeatedly until your heart stopped beating.
He knelt now beside your grave, the numbness that had encased him for the past seven months wearing off and and the pain setting in. His friends didn't say a word as he cried it out, Jimin rubbing circles into his back to soothe him.
Yoongi survived with hardly any injuries and getting to sit by your side and apologize repeatedly until your heart stopped beating.
Yoongi had been nothing but angry when you had passed. After the first couple of weeks, everyone except him returned to their every day lives. It didn't feel right to him, the way they acted like you had never existed.
"You have to let her go. She loved you and you know she wouldn't blame you. She would want you to let her go," Jimin coaxed quietly. "You've been suffering for too long, Yoongi. It's time to move on."
"It was my fault. She's gone because of me."
"You made a mistake, but you of all people should know that she wouldn't hold that against you. She always believed that everything happened for a reason. You need to trust that this did too."
His tears had stopped and Jimin reached out to brush away their trails when Yoongi nodded.
"I loved her like I've never loved anyone before. Everywhere I look, she's all I see."
"Yoongi, we know you loved her. Anyone could see that, but she would hate to see you like this. You lived, but you aren't living."
"It doesn't feel fair, Jimin!"
"Sometimes, life isn't fair. Let her go."
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