Alex Screen Illustration

UGLY SOLUTIONS.  Email: [email protected] | Website: www.alexscreen.co.uk | Twitter:@AlexScreen

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TRUE BLOKE CHAPTER ONE

True Bloke is a satirical black comedy about gender, facism, the culture wars, and the plight of bull’s testicles. Specifically, it's a story about one man's immense suffering in his quest to become the ultimate alpha male.

Here for you at last, you reading this right now at this very second, is the first chapter, fully completed. A small taster for the meaty banquet to come. So don't be soft prey; give it a butcher's.

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The Milkman. In the year 2121CE (Cranial Era), humanity has reached societal perfection through the use of phreno-genetic surgery. Each human has been born into an assigned role within one of the three social tiers of Guts, Bones and Brains. A milkman is of the guts caste, and has been providing liquid nutrition to his betters across the monocontinent ever since the last cow died out. . . . . #phrenology #alexscreen #milkman #future #zines #anthropology #speculativeanthropology #udders #milk #illustration #phrenologist #pseudoscience #grotesque #surrealism #bodyhorror #darkcomedy

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Incredibly pleased to announce that I finally have a completed script for my upcoming graphic novel, True Bloke. Expect drawing snippets, character designs and project updates in the near future.

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'They could convert cemeteries into factories that at the request of wealthy families would distil concentrated extracts of ancestors, essences of infants, or aromas of fathers.' - linocut from 'In Port' by Joris-Karl Huysmans, as featured in The Anthology of Black Humour by André Breton.

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'The second spill came at the seventh turn on some slippery pavement. Jesus went down for the third time at the eleventh turn, skidding on a rail.' - linocut taken from 'The Passion Considered as an Uphill Bicycle Race' by Alfred Jarry.

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'"I zay," said he, "you mos pe dronk as de pig, vor zit dare and not zee me zit ere; and I zay, doo, you mos pe pigger vool as de goose, vor to dispelief vat iz print in de print."' - linoprint from The Angel of the Odd by Edgar Allan Poe

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'"Nature! Nature!" I cried out, sobbing. "The sparrow-hawk rends the sparrow, the fig eats the donkey, and the tapeworm devours man!"' linocut taken from Maldoror by Isidore Ducasse, as featured in The Anthology of Black Humour by André Breton.

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'Freud gives this common, but adequate example: the condemned man being led to the gallows on a Monday who observes "What a way to start the week!"' - #Linocut based on The Anthology of Black Humour by André Breton

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You tried to avoid it. You tried to run from it. But now it's here - in your eye-balls. It's the Phrenologist: Issue Three, and you can buy it via the link below: https://www.etsy.com/uk/listing/526290844/the-phrenologist-issue-three

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I’m selling CHRISTMAS BUM CARDS on etsy! Link here: https://www.etsy.com/uk/shop/AlexScreen?section_id=19102218 This will be the last time I’ll be printing and selling these, so snap them up before they’re gone!

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*NEW ZINE ALERT* ‘STRANGLING KOJAK AND OTHER EUPHEMISMS’ AVAILABLE ON ETSY.

THE DRAWINGS ARE AWFUL.

LINK HERE: https://www.etsy.com/uk/listing/529688233/strangling-kojak?ref=listings_manager_grid

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THE REVELATION  ‘Just prior to the decade of the nineteen-sixties, when Sputnik was alone and new, and about the time that Ken Kesey took his first acid trip as a medical volunteer; before underground newspapers, Viet Nam, and talk of a second American Revolution; in the comparative quiet of the late nineteen-fifties, just before the idea of RENAISSANCE became relevant….

Two young Californians, known later as Omar Ravenhurst and Malaclypse the Younger, were indulging in their habit of sipping coffee at an allnight bowling alley and generally solving the world’s problems. This particular evening the main subject of discussion was discord and they were complaining to each other of the personal confusion they felt in their respective lives. “Solve the problem of discord,” said one, “and all other problems will vanish.” “Indeed,” said the other, “chaos and strife are the roots of all confusion.”

FIRST I MUST SPRINKLE YOU WITH FAIRY DUST

Suddenly the place became devoid of light. Then an utter silence enveloped them, and a great stillness was felt. Then came a blinding flash of intense light, as though their very psyches had gone nova. Then vision returned. The two were dazed and neither moved nor spoke for several minutes. They looked around and saw that the bowlers were frozen like statues in a variety of comic positions, and that a bowling ball was steadfastly anchored to the floor only inches from the pins that it had been sent to scatter. The two looked at each other, totally unable to account for the phenomenon. The condition was one of suspension, and one noticed that the clock had stopped.

There walked into the room a chimpanzee, shaggy and grey about the muzzle, yet upright to his full five feet, and poised with natural majesty. He carried a scroll and walked to the young men. “Gentlemen,” he said, “why does Pickering’s Moon go about in reverse orbit? Gentlemen, there are nipples on your chests; do you give milk? And what, pray tell, Gentlemen, is to be done about Heisenberg’s Law?” He paused. “SOMEBODY HAD TO PUT ALL OF THIS CONFUSION HERE!”

And with that he revealed his scroll. It was a diagram, like a yin- yang with a pentagon on one side and an apple on the other. And then he exploded and the two lost consciousness.’

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You know you can can buy this as a print now? Streuth! https://www.etsy.com/uk/listing/468646898/the-revelation-parchment-print?ref=shop_home_active_1

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THE REVELATION Parchment Print

THE REVELATION Showing the birth of the Erisian Movement, when a simian herald of Our Lady of Discord appeared to Greg Hill and Kerry Thornley one night in a bowling alley and unveiled the sign of the hodge podge. Digital Print on 29.7 x 42.0cm (A3) 240gsm mottled gold shade parchment card. Each print is signed by the artist, soaked in wasp blessings and kissed by angels. This is some good quality shit, my dudes. UK deliveries (1-3 business days) USA and elsewhere (5-7 business days)

IT’S HERE. The Birth of the Erisian Movement now on sale on my online shoppe. A3 print on bloody nice paper. Get ‘em while they’re hot!

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Love stinks. So why not buy a Valentine-themed bum card for the stinker in your life? BUY BUM CARDS HERE: https://www.etsy.com/uk/shop/AlexScreen?ref=hdr_shop_menu§ion_id=19090574

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crude experiments

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SPECIAL DEAL on me online shop - 4 Christmas Man cards for the price of 3! Buy them now, or Santa will awaken from his deathless slumber and wreak terrible vengeance against the living. BUY HERE: https://www.etsy.com/uk/listing/495696875/christmas-bumper-pack-4-christmas-men?ref=shop_home_active_1

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‘Tis the season to start flogging novelty Christmas tat. And what could be more Christmassy than a illustration of a wheezing, jowly arse posted straight to your nan? BUY CHRISTMAS CARDS HERE: https://www.etsy.com/uk/shop/AlexScreen?ref=hdr_shop_menu§ion_id=19102218