ā pairing: sugar daddy!nanami kento Ć female reader
ā word count: 13,970k
ā content warnings: mentions of abuse, ptsd, depression, anxiety, explicit sexual content, mentions of selfharm, age gap by 8 years, loss of virginity, blood and injury, broken bones, domestic abuse, canon typical violence, alcohol, shibuya incident arc, major character death, sprinkles of slice of life, angst, nsfw, slow burn, mutual pining, established situationship
āa/n: canonverse, sugar daddy
āa/n: playlist for this piece
ā synopsis: keeping you at arms length isn't enough anymore, but what can he do when he's built a lie around your entire relationship? how can he shape his life around you as easily as you have for him?
āPRINCESS,ā he sighs, ājust pick one out.ā he leans against the wall while he waits for you to finish trying on whatever youāre trying on. he didnāt even look when you went into the dressing room.
itās his day off, and as much as he loves spending time with you, heās exhausted and just wants to go home and sleep.
āb-but i donāt know which one to pick,ā you huff from behind the thin door before grabbing one of the dresses you like the most and shoving it between the small crack youād made. āhere.āĀ
as soon as the dress makes it into nanamiās hands, you shut the door and lock it behind you.Ā
nanami isnāt sure whatās wrong, but he knows whatever it is, you donāt mean to take it out on him. youāve done this before and, although youāve never talked about it, you always find your way back.Ā
but what could it be?Ā
anxiety? maybe.
depression getting the best of you? possibly.Ā
you stopped going to therapy a few weeks ago, said it wasnāt doing anything to help.Ā
is it because heās getting busier?Ā
the both of you have gone from spending almost every day together to barely seeing each other twice a week. and heās noticed it makes you agitated when you do eventually see each other.Ā
heās always treating you with the utmost respect andā
maybe thatās the problem.Ā
did you want something more? heāll give you anything you ask for so if thatās all you want⦠why donāt you just ask?
kentoās used to showering you with gifts, but heās never tried to move any further than that.
and heād never admit to being jealous, but youād huff and puff openly when someone would flirt with him.Ā
he hears you sniffle behind the door, the sound of you tugging on your clothes. you fling open the burgundy door, eyes wide when they land on the barely there smile and the store bag in his hand.
his head tilts to the side, obvious signs of concern flitting across his features.Ā
āwhatās wrong?ā you shrug, looking down at your hands. āyou were crying.ā you shake your head, following him out of the store.Ā
āthank you for this,ā she whispers, fingers wrapping around the handles of the paper bag, but he wouldnāt let it go. āi can hold it.āĀ
ānot until you tell me whatās wrong.ā you frown, huffing. huffing at him.Ā
he does this all the time.Ā
maybe he still sees you as a measly college student whose life he saved. maybe he⦠only sees you as someone heās responsible for; a child ā a stray he picked up off the streets and provided food and shelter for until sheās ready to find her forever home.Ā
well, i already found it, so keep me.Ā
āit doesnāt matter whatās wrong,ā you mutter finally. āyouāre probably tired,Ā so you can just drop me off at home.ā you try to keep your tone even, but it just comes out cracked and dry.Ā
kento peers down at you. didnāt you want to spend more time with him?
āweāre not going home until you eat.āĀ
sure, heās being a little contradicting, and sure he wanted to leave in the store earlier, but food is the only way to coax any problems out of you and right now, he doesnāt care about how tired he is.
his free hand tangles with yours, just as it always does when you walk in the mall together, and he loves the reaction it causes.Ā
your cheeks darken and your pulse quickens.Ā
your stomach flips as if it were the first time.Ā Ā
nanami kento is older; by about eight years, but due to the exhaustion coating his features, people think heās wellĀ over thirty when heās just barely turned it. standing at over six feet, he towers over you ā broad shoulders, calloused hands and toned muscles. youāre small, standing nearly a foot shorter than him ā delicate features and a slim frame.
people often mistake you for eighteen, or a senior in high school when youāve already graduated college.Ā
you always have to deal with the staring, the whispers behind your back. on good days, youāre able to ignore them but⦠todayās not a good day.Ā
āyou donāt have to hold my hand.ā
āi always hold your hand.ā
āwe-well, yeah, butā people are staring.ā
āthey usually do.ā
meekly, you sigh. nanami tugs you into a small corridor, gently pressing your back to the concrete.
āwhat has gotten into you?ā he asks, not unkindly. his blonde hair falls out of place on his forehead, eyes glances down at you behind his glasses. āsomethingās got you worked up.āĀ
āi-i donāt know what you mean.ā
ājust one of those days?ā his voice is quiet, reserved just for you. he knows āthose daysā very well.Ā
ān-no, itās not.ā you donāt want it to be.Ā
heās tired, you can see if all over his face ā the bags under his eyes, his slumped shoulders.Ā
he doesnāt want to deal with this at the moment, and if youāre not going to answer, he really will just bring you home and go to bed⦠but he made himself a promise a long time ago that he wouldnāt leave you all alone to suffer in silence. not again.
he takes your hand again, quiet this time, and leads you to a restaurant. heāll get you to talk somehow.Ā
ā ā” ā
you
let me know when youāre done.Ā
iāll pick you up.
another text unanswered.Ā
three days; six unanswered texts, four unanswered phone calls, but every time he shows up to your apartment, youāll smile, invite him in for dinner and youād talk as if you hadnāt been ignoring him.
he always assumed he was so easy to talk to, especially with you. you had opened up to him; slowly, but surely. you talked about almost everything with him, so why, why, why arenāt you answering him now?
were you in trouble again?
are you hurting? are you hurting yourself?
āāami? nanamin? oi, sensei-ā yujiās voice cuts through kentoās thoughts, through his memories as his dark eyes focus on the student in front of him.Ā
āiām not your sensei.ā
the concern on the pinketteās face slightly dissipates when he smiles. āis everything okay? is it about,ā yuji looks around to make sure no one is around, āyou know who?ā ah, yes. as much as nanami has tried keeping you a secret from his colleagues, aka gojo specifically, and his student, it was nearly impossible. especially when said white-haired sorcerer had access to nanamiās phone when he wasnāt around.Ā
āsheās beenā¦ā nanami sighs, closing his eyes and leaning back in his chair. itās no use to keep it from the high schooler. gojo would simply figure it out and tell him anyway. āsheās just been a little distant, is all. iām just unsure of the problem.āĀ
the boy hums, sitting backwards in a chair. ādo you think that maybe she wants something more than what you have together?ā
āhuh?ā
ālike maybe she wants⦠an actual relationship.āĀ
nanami hates to admit that maybe yuji is right⦠but wouldnāt you have told him that if thatās what you really want?
before the blonde can say anything else, gojo popped his head into the classroom and smiled. āiām stealing yuji for a moment.āĀ
kento lets his mind wander for a moment, but not too long. his phone lights up brightly the moment a message is received.Ā
princess ā”
iām finished. iāll wait outside
āyouāre awfully quiet,ā you mutter, looking at the man from the corner of your eye. his grip on the steering wheel tightens and so does the feeling in your stomach.Ā
had you upset him?
āi didnāt forget so-something, right?ā kento just shakes his head. āth-then, what is it?ā
āyouāve been distant,ā his voice is quiet, matter of fact. āi want to know why.ā
you canāt deny it. you know youāre being avoidant. youād open every message of his, let every phone call ring until it had gone to voicemail, but when he stands in front of you, the concern in his eyes, all you can do is smile.Ā
god, it makes your head spin.Ā
you shrug, because you donāt know what else to do.Ā
ādo you want to get dinner?ā velvety smooth. you nod, and he turns down the road towards your favorite ramen spot. itās down the street from your apartment, a little hole in the wall.Ā
āi donāt deserve the way you treat me,ā you whisper finally, stirring your soup.
he knew getting food in your system would help and now that youāre eating, heās feeling a little less anxious than he was earlier.Ā
āwhy do you think that?āĀ
patient. he has to be patient.
ābecause,ā you eat slowly, contemplating. āi donāt deem myself as someone whoās deserving of the kindness youāre so willing to give.āĀ
nanami takes a moment to lean on the table; elbow on the wood, chin in his palm. he resembles gojo for a moment.
he takes the time to admire the woman in front of him ā admiring the way you curl in on yourself when youāre in public and the way you take your time to eat. he admires the way your nose scrunches when you slurp in the noodle too fast, causing the soup to launch onto your face; admires when you look at him - timid and patient - waiting for an answer.Ā
āyou deserve much more than youāll ever give yourself credit for.ā his hand finds yours across the table and you willingly accept it into your palm. he squeezes your hand gently. āi want you to start therapy again.āĀ
you want to say no; that it doesnāt help, but his words are laced with worry and youāve only ever heard it a few times in the five years youāve known one another.Ā
āokay.ā
you poke his cheek, giggling quietly. with a tilt of your head, your pointed nail strikes his soft skin again.Ā
kento smiles his signature tired smile.Ā
āi was talking to you.ā you pout, trying to stop yourself from smiling.Ā
āwhat did you say?ā
āi was asking what you wanted for dinner. itās my turn to cook.ā he hums, taking a moment to think about it as he wraps his arm around the back of the couch and fingers brushing your shoulder.Ā
āletās just order delivery. you look cozy right now.āĀ
he loves when you wear his - rarely ever worn - hoodies. you look so cozy in them, but also, you look like youāre swimming in them.Ā
āsounds even better.ā you lean back in the cushions, turning to drape your legs over nanamiās lap, phone out to order the food.
itās rare when he has a moment to look around your apartment, to admire the decoration. the way youāve made this place your own; your home.Ā
thereās three photos on the wall, framed and designed in an upward staired pattern. at the bottom of the frame is the names of whoās inside and dates of when it was taken.Ā
the lowest one is a photo of you and yuji smiling at the camera, gojo hiding in the background with a peace sign in the air. the middle photo is of you and gojo making goofy faces, and the last is of you and nanami. youāre pressed into his side, face smushed against his pec.
the last photo was taken a few months ago, and it was one of kentoās favorite days.Ā
your eyes zero in on what heās looking at and you feel yourself smile.Ā
āyour smile is always so nice to look at,ā you whisper. you shift your position, sitting beside him now and resting your head on his shoulder. āi think that was the first time i met yuji.āĀ
you always thought he was a little odd for having two extra eye creases beneath his own, but you never mentioned it. eventually you got used to it.Ā
āi think so too.āĀ
youāre so beautiful. from the day he met you to this very moment, kento has never stopped admiring how gorgeous you are.
you get up from your spot beside him, going back into the kitchen as you ask, ādo you want to stay the night?ā kento turns towards you, watching you walk away. āi still have your extra clothes from last time, and i know itās not raining or anything, but youāre been working so hard lately andāāĀ
āiād like that.āĀ
heās not going to deny himself this. not this time.Ā
heās allowed one selfish moment once in a while, right?
ā ā”
blood. thereās so much blood. the sound of it in your ears. your lungs are burning. you can swear you hear your name being called, but it could just be from the sudden blow to your head.Ā
fuck, what is that ringing sound?
your unfocused eyes flit across the room, fingers shaking as you lift your hand and hit something solid.Ā
when did the ground move?Ā
was that a wall?Ā
where am i?
āāāere, iām here. i have to move you.ā
who is that?
āhey, look at me. focus on me.āĀ
the sudden movement of your legs elicit a gurgled, choked cry.Ā
itās a sound he never wants to hear again.Ā
a murmured apology fills your ears, but he refuses to put you down.Ā
your eyes barely focus, hazy as your mind makes out the outline of the man in front of you.Ā
kento.Ā
you sputter, the blood that had pooled in your throat and mouth, spilling down the sides as you mutter an apology. vignette frames your vision as you zero in on the crimson stained blue button down.Ā
āyo-your shirt⦠i-iām so-hic-rry,ā you cough and see the way his eyebrows crease. donāt cry.Ā
āsatoru! satoru, get in hereāāĀ
you gasp loudly, choking on your own saliva as liquid trickles down your forehead. you touch your head, pulling your hand back to find only sweat. the sweat thatās sticking your body to the sheets. you try to swallow as many breaths as you can. your hearing is flooded, the blood pounding inside your ears so loudly that you barely hear the sound of your bedroom door hitting the wall. your eyes frantically search the room, blonde tufts coming into view and dark eyes searching yours.Ā
he takes your hand silently, sitting on the edge of the bed. he doesnāt say anything for several minutes; he doesnāt know what to say, so he just holds your trembling hand as you cry.Ā
kento wonāt mention the fact that he woke up prior to you screaming from his own nightmare, his hands shaking and stomach churning. he wonāt mention how he woke up and still saw your blood drenching his hands and chest. he wonāt mention how severely lightheaded he was in the hospital ā to the point gojo had to hold him upright so he could breathe.Ā
āi was just making some tea, let me get you some.ā neither of you move. not until you crawl into his lap and he lifts you into his arms. āi even got you this really cute mug i think youād like.āĀ
his voice is always so nice.Ā
you nestle your face into his shoulder, eyes closing once more as you finally feel safe again.
youāre not sure when it happened, but suddenly, heās sitting you on the counter while he moves to heat the kettle.Ā
neither of you mention the lie he told about making the tea.Ā
he hands you a mug, your fingers warm and you bring it to your face to feel the steam on your skin.
āpandasā¦ā you whisper, the black and white animal painted perfectly on the mug in your hands.Ā
āi had a dream,ā he starts, āthat you owned a bunch of dogs. so many, you didnāt even know what to do with all of them.āĀ
you giggle quietly, leaning your head against his chest. his heartās racing against his ribs, but he feels so calm, so safe.Ā
heāll lose sleep every night if it means getting to hold you.Ā
you frown at the message on your screen, double checking to make sure you didnāt imagine it.
you knock on kentoās door once more.Ā
ākento? iām here.ā a loud thud comes from the other side and you quickly grip the handle to try and pry it open. ākento? let meāā the door flies open, a gaunt and bloodied nanami stands in front of you, towel over his hip and sweat making his blonde strands stick to his forehead.Ā
all you can do is gently push your way into the apartment and lock the door behind you.Ā
āwhat happened?ā your eyes water quickly and youāre cursing yourself for being so in love with this man that even the smallest scrape would make you cry. donāt cry.
his fingers graze over your cheekbones, moving up to your forehead and thumbing over the crease between your eyebrows.Ā
āiām okay. itās okay. i justā i need you to stitch it. itās in too awkward of a place for me to do it on my own.ā
āi- i- we should take you to the hospital.ā you sniffle, and kento slips his free arm around your shoulders. you pout, hands pressing against his chest to try to push him away. you fail though. heās too strong. āiām gonna hurt you.āĀ
āyouāre not. just stitch it for me first, and weāll go later.ā you take a deep, shaky breath before nodding once. kento releases you, showing you the way to his bathroom, using his grip on your shoulder to steady himself.Ā
youāre quick to grab the first aid kit sitting on the toilet.
āhow did you hurt yourself?ā your voice is barely above a whisper and he hates himself for it. heās panicking internally and heās trying to calm his breathing as you pull the towel and gauze back from his skin.
you donāt know the extent of what he does for a living. you just know he used to work in finances and now he teaches in tokyo. he has irregular hours because of yuji needing extra help.Ā
he canāt ā he wonāt ā tell you how a curse with stitches across his body had tried to morph the shape of his very soul.Ā
you wonāt understand, and quite frankly, he doesnāt want you to.Ā
you have been through far too much anguish in your life; you donāt need to know the horrors human emotions can create.Ā
āitās not important.āĀ
āit is!ā you shout, your voice cracking and eyes widening as you stare at the gash on his hips. āitās important to me.ā youāre quieter this time and it causes nanami to frown, sighing deeply as his hand finds your hip.Ā
āiāll tell you another time, okay? when things make more sense.ā
āpromise?āĀ
kento doesnāt make promises ā especially ones he canāt keep ā but this time⦠this time he has to.Ā
he has to if it means easing your mind even a little bit. he has to if it means itāll keep the tears from falling down your cheeks more times than they already have.Ā
āi promise.ā
āwa-wait, it wonāt fit.ā youāre startled, looking up at the snow haired man. he nods, smirking. āitās too much.ā
āsure it will. you just have to shove it.ā gojoās eyes curve into little crescents before taking the bits of meat from your hands and putting them between the pieces of bread.Ā
just as you suspect, the bread doesnāt last very long and splits open right as gojo is about to eat it.
ādonāt eat it, youāll have a heart attack.ā you squeak, smacking the long limb as he quickly shovels the pieces of fallen food into his mouth. you puff your cheeks out, leaning against the back of kentoās chair, amused as gojo insists on not wasting anything.Ā
āso,ā the tall man hums, mouth full of sandwich. his hand presses to the top of nanamiās desk as he swallows and leans over. āhave you guys had sex yet?ā
āgojo!ā your cheeks tingle as you cover your red face from his inspecting gaze. he laughs heartily, plopping down in his own chair. āyou canāt just ask that.ā
ābut i did.ā a teasing lilt in his voice as he smiles.Ā
āno.ā
āwhy not?ā you peak through your fingers, eyes meeting the black blindfold. āshy?ā
ān-no.ā
āthen what?ā
ugh, how do you tell kentoās senior that you donāt know what youād be doing even if the offer was on the table.Ā
youāre still a virgin.Ā
but⦠this man does know kento better than anyone else. they grew up together and fought alongside each other ā they teach yuji together. would it be so wrong to ask?Ā
and maybe if youāre able to learn what kento likes, the offer can be placed gently on the table in front of the blonde.Ā
āidontknowwhatimdoing.ā
ācome again?ā gojo, being the absolute menace he is, is completely amused by the woman in front of him. he exposes one of his eyes from underneath the blindfold.
you sigh, āi donāt know what iām doing.ā you drop your hands into your lap. āi donāt even know if he feels that way towards me, you know? iāā you pout, looking around before back into the cerulean orb. āi just donāt know.ā your voice is quiet now.
satoru gently takes your wrist, thumb brushing over the scars with a soft smile.Ā
āi can tell you that itās possible for something like this to happen.āĀ
āsomething like what is going to happen?ā
the little squeal falling from your lips has gojoās head falling back in a loud laugh as he drops your arm. nanami quirks an eyebrow, watching the scene in front of him.
his heart sinks to his stomach, but he canāt figure out why. he knows gojo doesnāt feel that way towards you, but what if you feel that way towards him?Ā
the taller man walks towards the blonde, hand squeezing nanamiās shoulder before leaning forward and whispering something into his ear; something that had nanamiās eyes widening and his cheeks tinting pink. āi think she's ready to learn from you, sensei.ā
nanami holds out his hand for you once youāre out of sight from the lurking students, and satoru.Ā
taking it happily, your stomach flips and churns with the newly acquired flusterings gojo loves to stir up.Ā
āso, what were you talking about?ā you bite back a little frustrated whine.Ā
ānothing. it was nothingāā you say it quickly, shaking your head.Ā
āhm, didnāt seem like nothing.ā
āit was. nothing. nada. nothing at all.ā you keep your head down and the little hum of acknowledgement lets you know that heās dropping the subject. you both walk down the hall in silence for a few minutes, listening to the loud shouts of teenagers being allowed out for the weekend.Ā
ākento?ā you hum, swinging your hands together as you get closer to the restaurant nanami hasĀ reservations for.Ā
āhm?ā his pace slows down, a small smile presses against his lips as he watches your hands in the air.Ā
āmy coworker texted me earlier and invited me to her party tomorrow nightāāĀ
oh no.Ā
āand i was wondering if youād like to come with me?āĀ
wait, what?
his eyebrows furrow as he looks at you. you must have caught it because you pout and give his hand a squeeze. āwell, because, i donāt know anyone. i donāt- i donāt really have any friends, except for you, gojo, and yuji, and she said i could bring anyone if it would make me more comfortable, because I guess she really wants me to be there, and I guess she also realized I donātāI guess everyoneās noticed, anāā
āweāll come. iāll bring gojo and yuji as well.āĀ
thereās no way in hell youāre going to this party by yourself. not where thereās people who can take advantage of you ā not where he canāt physically take care of you.
āiāll have satoru ask if fushiguro and kugisaki will come as well.ā
āiād like that. i canāt wait to meet them.ā you bounce happily as you stand in front of the restaurant. the white haired man always speaks about his students, he loves them, but because kento worked so closely with yuji, he was the only one you have met so far.Ā
you glance up at kento, confused as to why he isnāt walking inside. he said the reservation is at 7, right?Ā
āhave you ever been to a party?ā he asks suddenly, eyes still on the door of the bustling restaurant.Ā
ān-no. i havenāt really even tried alcohol before.ā nanami peers down at you.
heās known you since you were legally allowed to drink, but heās never seen you consume it. he just assumed youād tried it at least once in celebration.Ā
āwhy?ā
āi just never found it appealing.ā
āthen why do you want to go to this party?ā
you pout again, pulling him to the side so other patrons can enter. the flush of your cheeks and the way you curl into yourself is the only answer he needs. he can feel the same envious emotion creep up his spine; the way it did when he saw his senior holding your hand.
because she likes someone whoās going to be there.
i mean, she has every right to. she doesnāt belong to me. i canāt stop her from having crushes on people, especially when iāve made it clear in the beginning that this was strictly monetary.Ā
ā¦
but why canāt it be me?
foolish, foolish man.Ā
giving your hand a small squeeze, kento walks you further down the sidewalk.Ā
āwhere are we going?ā
āiām taking you to your first bar.ā he smiles down at you, a smile you rarely get to see.Ā
ābut⦠the reservation.ā
āitās okay. i can switch it for another night.ā
ānaā kento.ā you appreciate it, but you want to say no. tell him we can go back.Ā
that is until he turns back with a soft look in his eyes that only makes you melt. a look thatās only been reserved for you.Ā
āokay. if youāre sure.āĀ
hopefully youāre able to stay lucid enough to keep quiet about the crush you have on him.
ā ā”
you feel utterly ridiculous when you walk into the bar with nanami right behind you. you tug your skirt further down your legs to avoid any unwanted glances and wait for the man to step in front of you so you can use his body as a shield like you usually do.Ā
too many people.Ā
too many pairs of eyes on you in such an enclosed space. you sit on a stool beside kento, who in turn, tugs the stool closer to him.Ā
while heās looking over the menu, you take a moment to admire him; the blonde tufts of hair, the beige suit that clings to his body, the way his body leans into your space.Ā
you appreciate everything he does for you ā taking you to the hospital when you ran away from home, sending you money for transportation when heās not able to pick you up, paying the hospital bills, purchasing an apartment for you, the list goes on and on. heās always made sure you were comfortable and safe.Ā
the aura that radiates off of him is immediate and calm, and you have no other choice than to fall in love with the older man.Ā
one of his hands rests on top of yours on the bartop while the other holds your knee. his eyes are focused on you.Ā
a room filled with a plethora of gorgeous women and heās only looking at me.Ā
āplease try it.ā he slides the glass towards you and you canāt help but pout when his hand lets go of yours.Ā
āwhat is it?āĀ
āitās called a yuzushu.ā you tilt your head to the side; a trait that reminds him of a puppy. āitās sake, sugar, and some citrus. i think youāll like it.āĀ
taking a sip, the lemon causes your nose to scrunch up but itās otherwise enjoyable.Ā
ābetter than i thought itād be,ā you admit.Ā
four and a half glasses in, and nanami is regretting ever suggesting this in the first place. he should have known youād be a lightweight. you press your face into his bicep, a smile across your lips.Ā
ānami~ā you hiccup, eyes glossy. āone more please.~ā kento can only shake his head, gulping discreetly at the way your chest is pressed into his side completely. āpl-hic-ease.ā batting your eyelashes, you try your best to convince the man to buy you one more drink, but he just pays the bill and stands up. āwhere-hic- we going?āĀ
āhome.ā
āmy home, or- or your home?ā you giggle, eyebrows wiggling suggestively as he walks you out of the bar, arm around your shoulders.Ā
āmy home, but your suggestive little tone isnāt going to work on me,ā he whispers in your ear before straightening his back and taking in the sight of your flushed cheeks and pursed lips.
āc-can you drive? you drank a lot too.ā
āiām fine,ā love. āiām fine.ā you let him sit you in the car and adjust your seatbelt. he slips into the driverās side, carefully driving you back to his apartment.Ā
getting you up the stairs without carrying you proves to be much harder than expected. if you werenāt wearing a skirt, heād have you on his back in a second, but thereās the risk of someone seeing your panties and heās in too much of a possessive mindset to have that happen right now.Ā
your legs wobble.
if he picks you up bridal style, he has a little more leeway but the same thing could happen.Ā
in a swift movement, he slings his jacket around your waist and lifts you onto his back, trudging up the stairs into the apartment. he doesnāt bother taking off your shoes, nor his, shuffling into the bathroom and sitting you on the counter. he stands between your thighs, using the makeup remover wipes he keeps in the cabinet to take off your makeup and your extra toothbrush to clean the taste of alcohol, and vomit from your mouth.Ā
heāll have to get his car detailed.Ā
he changes you into one of his shirts, and boxers, your bright eyes never leaving his face.Ā
āyo-youāre so hamsome,ā you whisper, your hands pressed against his chest before you plop in a seated position on the cushioned mattress. āgotsucha nice smile. when you do smile. ās pretty.ā
āthank you.ā
āi wuddnā mind if you were ma firstāā your hands travel down his chest, stopping just above his waistband, eyes wide and doe-like, peering up at him through your lashes.Ā
āfirst?ā his eyebrow quirk towards his hairline. āfirst what?ā
āsssssexual partner.ā you giggle, eyes appearing as crescents and back hitting the comforter. nanami feels his body go rigid, eyes widening. āwoah.ā
āyouāre⦠a virgin?ā he can hear his heart beating in his ears.Ā
or was that his blood rushing from his face.
you pout, āis that a bad thing?ā
āno. no, itās not a bad thing.ā
ās not that i never wanted toā jusā never got the chance, ān ās not like i never touched myself before.ā your cheeks turn a crimson red as you look away from him before getting an idea. āmaybe you could teach me! satoruuuuu said dat if you felt dat way twards me, i should ask.ā
if kento thought his heartbeat was erratic before, heās sure as hell positive itās about to burst from his ribcage.Ā
no. it shouldnāt even be an option. thereās no way.
but look at how sheās looking at me. her eyes are so big, and innocent.Ā
NO.
but satoru said.Ā
you wait patiently for an answer, your eyes glossed over as you watch the way his facial expression changes.
āplease,ā you whisper now.Ā
āif you can remember this conversation in the morning.ā the blonde is barely able to choke out. he clears his throat and tugs on his tie, pulling it off.Ā
satisfied with his answer, you situate yourself on the bed, face in the pillow.
āgānight, kānny.āĀ
he smiles, stepping to the door after grabbing his change of clothes. he quietly shuts the door, leaving just a crack open. his heart melts at the sound of your light snores and the sight of you sleeping.Ā
āgoodnight, my dear.ā
ā ā”
FUCK, my head.Ā
whining, you roll over and burrow yourself into the blankets more, the mixed scent of kentoās shampoo and cologne filling your nostrils and bringing back a nearly forgotten conversation.
āyouāre⦠a virgin?ā
you pout, āis that a bad thing?ā
āno. no, itās not a bad thing.ā
ās not that i never wanted toā jusā never got the chance, ān ās not like i never touched myself before. maybe you could teach me!ā
āoh my god!ā
āwhat did he do?ā kentoās standing in the doorway, arms folded across his visibly bare chest, shirt and tie hanging from his broad shoulders, and toothbrush in hand.Ā
your cheeks are burning in the most beautiful way; the way kento loves to make them, and he canāt help the sly smirk from growing on his lips.Ā
you had seen him shirtless dozens of times, but couple that with remembering your drunken behavior and him now realizing what youāre remembering with his stupidly attractive body out in the open. itās a disaster waiting to happen, so you hide under the blankets.Ā
ābutton up your shirt.ā
āyouāve seen me like this beforeāā
āthatās different!ā
āwhatās different about this time?ā you hear him cross the room, feel the bed dip in his weight as his fingers reach to curl around the blanketās edge. āwhereās the confident girl from last night?
āshe doesnāt live here anymore. iām not responsible for her actions. i donāt know her.āĀ
all you hear is a deep chuckle before his fingertips disappear. heās quiet a moment before, āmy shirt is buttoned.ā
āi think iāll still be under here, thank you.ā
ābut what if i want to look at you?ā
āyou have pictures.ā youāre distracted by the conversation and loosen your grip on the blanket. kento takes the opportunity to tug it back quickly, making you squeal and cover your face with your hands.Ā
āis seeing my face such a bad thing?ā
āafter what i said last night, yes it is.ā
āi thought you werenāt responsible for her.āĀ
āh-heyā i mean, y-yeah, youāre right.ā
his touch is soft. fingers wrapping around your wrists, removing your hands from your face.Ā
āthere she is.ā he smiles softly. āwhat you said last night wasnāt that bad.ā
āwasnāt that bad? i propositioned for you to-to-to-ā
ātake your virginity.ā like it was nothing abnormal. as if you were talking about what you had for dinner. he says it so matter of factly.Ā
ādonāt say it out loud.ā you groan, scrunching your nose up.
āare you saying you donāt want that now that youāre sober?āĀ
you pout. no, thatās not what youāre saying, but itās still embarrassing to hear it aloud.Ā
you were so worried about spilling your crush on him that you didnāt even think to keep the secret of being a virgin to yourself.Ā Ā
āiām so embarrassed-āĀ
āitās not embarrassing to ask for something like that.ā
āno?ā he shakes his head.
āi would prefer it be me than someone you barely know.ā and no one else at all, but nowās not the time nor place.Ā
āI would prefer it to be only youā¦ā you whisper, gripping the comforter between your fingers.
his lips tug at the corners, a smile threatening to spread across his cheeks. āwe can talk about that after youāve had breakfast, okay?ā he canāt think about that now. he thought about it all morning while you were asleep and heās already taken three showers.Ā
you agree to breakfast, climbing off the bed and moving to stand in front of him as he stands as well. your headās still tilted downwards, but before he can reach to lift it, your arms slip around his middle and you hug him to your body.Ā
itās been far too long since heās had one of your hugs.Ā
āthank you, nami.ā you whisper and feel his own arms tighten around your back, fingers brushing through the ends of your hair. you give him a big squeeze before letting go.Ā
āiāll make us some pancakes.ā scampering off to the kitchen, you leave a flustered kento to finish brushing his teeth and attend to his⦠needs.Ā
when he finally walks into the kitchen, youāre whistling softly, pancake batter on the griddle and a plate of the finished ones to the side. he leans against the countertop, arms crossed as he watches you finish the last two pancakes.
āall done.ā you hum, smiling brightly at him.Ā
his fingers twitch to grip your hip and pull you closer.
but he doesnāt.Ā
for a second, heās unsure of how to act around you.
does he kiss you?Ā
should he pull you close?
should he act like youāre dating?
do you want him to?
ānami?ā
āhm?ā
youāre standing closer to him now; so close, you can hear the hitch in his breath.Ā
āshould we go on a date tonight?ā
āa date?ā
āyeah.ā youāre fiddling with the hem of the shirt he dressed you in last night. it falls just below mid-thigh. āi meanā shouldnāt we do thatā?ā
āi think youāre jumping ahead, love. weāre supposed to be talking about it over breakfast.ā he leans close, his arm snaking around your waist. you can feel your breath catch in your throat, his hand splaying across the small of your back while the other reaches to grab the finished plate of pancakes. his palm purposefully drags along your waist before slipping away and he turns to leave, walking towards the table while you involuntarily let out a whine. the pitter patter of your feet behind him makes him laugh.
once youāre finally situated at the table, awkward glances and clearing of throats out of the way, kentoās able to relax.Ā
āi thought we had a party to go to tonight?ā
āoh.ā you sound disappointed. āyeah, i forgot.ā youāre picking at the pancakes as you mutter. āi just want it to be us tonight, and not worry about sweaty bodies around us⦠or trying to get on top of you.ā
he lets out an amused hum, having heard you but choosing to let it slide. his hand slides onto your thigh once heās set his fork down.Ā
āhow about we spend the day together?ā
ālike we usually do?ā
āwell⦠yeah, but itās different this time.ā you tilt your head to the side curiously. āyouāre my,ā he canāt say girlfriend yet. youāre not. partner sounds too formal.
āgirl.ā your cheeks are painted pink once more. āiām your girl.ā
āmy girl.ā
ā ā”
nothing changed, really. kento still pays for everything, still holds your hand, and still calls you princess, but thereās something different about everything. the emotions, the tone of voice, the actions hold so much more than before ā and youāre starting to wonder how much he was holding back prior to last night.Ā
kento smiles brighter when he looks down at you, clad in one of the few hoodies he owns. it falls mid-thigh, the sleeves cover your hands ā ātheyāre sweater pawsā you said earlier ā and the hood covers just above your eye level. you look cozy.
āyouāre the only woman i know who would complain about how cold it is before walking into an ice cream shop.āĀ
āice cream is an all year treat and the winter is just impatiently creeping up on us, kento.ā
āiām sure, love.ā
love. your stomach flips every time he says it.Ā
princess has always been his go-to. you donāt know why. he let it slip once and youāve just never brought it to his attention. eventually, he just started saying it more confidently.Ā
youāve come from such a broken home that you never even knew pet names were a thing until you met nanami.Ā
youād grown up in fear of men ā younger, older, it didnāt matter. you spent a large portion of your high school years attempting to get over it, attempting to date, but when your mother found out, sheād hit you so hard in the ribs that you ended up just throwing yourself into your studies and you nearly stopped interacting with anyone and everyone who didnāt live in your household.Ā
when you met kento though, you couldnāt stop your heart from racing as you pushed past him. you barely remembered anything about him, but his eyes. he looked so⦠tired. but he had such kind eyes ā the kindest you had ever seen, despite the dark circles underneath them. the more you came in contact with him after that day, the more youād notice his eyes softening, and when he found you on the road that night, you remember sobbing when he took you to the medical building his friend worked at. you sobbed and blubbered about how he was the nicest man you had ever met, and the woman just let you until you felt better; until you felt okay enough to stand up and walk out of the room.Ā
you had never met such nice people before.
āi was able to switch those reservations, love.āĀ
āoh! for when?ā
ātonight.ā he gives your hand a squeeze. āletās go on a date tonight.ā
āa date,ā you whisper, butterflies swirling around in your stomach.Ā
ā ā”
nanami kento is the definition of a perfect gentleman. between the respect he treats others with, the empathy he holds in his heart for those around him, and the manners his mother raised him with, it would - understandably - make any woman fall for him.Ā
he pulled your chair out when you got to the table, poured you wine, and even fed you some of the food off his own plate. he paid for everything, despite your protests, and even bought you cupcakes from your favorite bakery thatās always open late.Ā
honestly, how can this date get any better?
well, it can, and itās about to.Ā
his fingers slip between yours as you walk through the park, the fairy lights decorating the park and the lake beside it. the moon tangoes with them, adding to the shimmering lights.Ā
āthank you for tonight, kento.ā
nanami smiles, stopping on the bridge and pulling you closer to his chest. itās a beautifully crisp night out, youāre dressed in a tight dress, your natural waves framing your face and his blazer slung over your shoulders.Ā
he reaches up, careful as he always is with you, and tucks a strand of hair behind your ear.
youāve never flinched in his presence and heās grateful for it.Ā
āhave i told you how beautiful you look?ā your cheeks flush, your eyes glance down at your bodies pressed together.Ā
āy-yes, but you can never say it too much.āĀ
kentoās large hand cups your jaw as he dips his head down, brushing your noses together.
āyouāre so beautiful,ā he breathes, thumbing over your cheekbone.
ākentoāā his breath fans over your lips.Ā
āhm?āĀ
his eyes flit down to your lips before jumping back to your eyes, smiling when he realizes theyāre already closed. he watches through his own heavy lids as you lean forward, pursing your lips before he closes the distance. he smiles as you let a squeak slip, your palm pressing to his hardened chest. the kiss is soft, light, both of you just enjoying the other.Ā
kentoās lips are as soft as youād imagined them; and yours are even sweeter than he thought. your head tilts to the side, tongue swiping across his bottom lip. he parts them, letting your tongue pass as his own tangles with it. your small fingers grip the hairs at the nape of his neck as he pulls away, chasing after his lips with a quiet whine.
āwhat was that?ā his words are breathless.Ā
ātake me home,ā you whisper, eyes trained on his own. āplease.ā
ā ā” ā
cw: nsfw
as soon as you hear the click behind you, you have nanamiās back pinned against the heavy wooden door, barely giving him time to lock it. your palms press firmly against his muscular chest, his breath fanning over your lips.Ā
āk-kento,ā you whisper, dainty fingers fumbling to tug off his tie and unbutton his shirt.
thereās an urgency in your movements; a feverish need to get him out of every article of clothing he has on. you donāt care where the clothes land; in his bedroom, in the living room, it doesnāt matter. your nails scrape along his bare chest, a low growl rumbling in his throat as he breathes out your name. his glasses are thrown somewhere in the couch direction.Ā
his dark eyes scan your features, clouded with lust and longing dripping from every word. ākiss me, princess.āĀ
your hand pulls his head down, molding your lips together fervently. his hands are gripping your hips, walking you backwards. kento shrugs the jacket draped over your shoulders off and onto the tiled kitchen floor as he backs you into the wall. his broad body cages you in, strong arms pressed on either side of your head as his tongue glides across your lips before being allowed to explore every crevice with a need to memorize your very taste.
his calloused hands push your hips back against the wall, his lungs burning for oxygen he doesnāt think he needs right now, but he reluctantly pulls away. his large fingers drag the zipper of your dress down your spine, hooking his fingers around the straps and sliding it down your body, letting it pool at your ankles.Ā
youād be shying right about now if your head werenāt spinning. kentoās hungry eyes trail over your small frame, breath catching as he catches sight of the lingerie set he had bought you months ago. the lace hugs your curves perfectly.
you look up at him with those pretty doe eyes he loves so much before you start chewing on your swollen lower lip. youāre starting to feel self conscious the longer he takes to look at you, but as you start to cover yourself up, kento clears his throat and gently pins your hands to the wall.
āit looks beautiful on you,ā he whispers, letting go of your wrist to trace over the blue mesh bralette. he cups your breast, thumbing over your nipple. āyou are so beautiful.ā his lips attach to your shoulder, your head tilting back to make room for him. your fingers tangle into his blonde locks. your free hand dances along his torso, nimble fingers gripping his belt.Ā
kento groans, his slacks becoming all too tight the moment your fingers move to unbuckle his belt. he scoops you up, grip too tight on your thighs as he takes long strides towards the bedroom, sucking large and heavy marks into your neck and shoulders.Ā
heās allowed to be selfish now, right? youāre his now, right?Ā
nanami isnāt a possessive man. he never was. heās never been; not with his partners before, but every time he looks at you, he just wants to mark every inch of you; make it known that you belong to him and only him, and now heās allowed to.
youāre allowing him to touch you, to mark you, to kiss you. youāre allowing him to claim you as his and his alone.Ā
dropping you onto his bed, kento tugs off his belt, unbuttoning his slacks and letting them fall to his ankles.
heās crawling to hover over you, his smile so loving that it takes your breath away.Ā
youāre distracted by his hair falling in every direction from your fingers running through it, the crease in his eyebrows as he drinks in the very sight of you, the loving look he has when your eyes finally meet again.Ā
he cups your jaw, allowing you to lean into his touch.Ā
āi d-donāt know what to do..ā
the blonde kisses your forehead. ādonāt worry. iāll help you every step of the way.ā his fingers dance around your back, unhooking your bra.Ā
god, how much more beautiful can you be?
kentoās lips trail down the slope of your shoulder, laying you down as his hand kneads at your breast.Ā
small mewls spill from your lips already, only egging him to go further. he sucks on a patch of skin underneath your ear, small gasps and the arching of your back allows his forefinger and thumb to pinch at your nipple while his free hand holds your hip in place.Ā
ādoes it feel good, baby?ā
āyes,ā you murmur, breathlessly.Ā
ātell me where you like to touch yourself,ā heās whispering into your ear before wrapping his lips around your neglected bud, teeth grazing it.Ā
you try not to think about how, and why, nanami is so good at this ā at finding all the right spots, all the places you like to be touched; how you like to be touched.
nanamiās thinking about how he could just cum from the sounds spilling from your lips. you sound so pretty, so whiny, so needy. needy for him.
itās so much better than heās imagined.Ā
your fingers hook around his wrist, leading his hand between your legs.Ā
he doesnāt push you to say anything more. he knows youāre nervous, shy.Ā
his fingertip traces the skin of your inner thighs, tracing the lace of your panties before he tears the gusset, assuring you heāll just have to buy you another. his fingers find your clit, rolling it as he pulls his lips back and blows cold air against your chest.Ā
āna-nami-ā you whine, squeezing your breasts together as you peer down at him. ādonāt tease me, please.āĀ
he smirks, watching your facial expression mold into pure bliss when he presses his middle finger between your pussy lips. you push your hips down, trying to gain any kind of friction, the wetness soaking his digits.Ā
āso impatient, princess.āĀ
you pout at him, eyes glossy from the sheer satisfaction youāre gaining from his fingers. you squirm when his finger glides into your tight pussy, plush walls sucking him in as he drags the calloused digit in and out at a torturously slow pace.Ā
Ā āk-ken!ā your nails drag down his chest as he curls his finger. your back arches, his palm moving against your clit.
āsound so pretty for me,ā he whispers against your neck, inserting another finger and working their way in and out of your walls.
āf-faster, please. g-gonna cumāā
āalready? iāve barely started.āĀ
āplease.ā he grants your breathless pleas, watching your chest rise and fall quickly as you come undone beneath him.Ā
your vision goes white as his fingers slow to help you come down. his forehead presses against yours, breathing in the very air leaving your lungs. his fingers sticky with your cum as he brings them between his lips, licking them clean as you whine and writhe impatiently beneath him.Ā
ādo you want to keep going, princess?ā you nod and heās quick to look at you. āsay it.ā
āyes.ā your cheeks are flushed already. āplease.ā
nanami sits up on his knees between your legs, reaching over and tugging open the bedside table drawer, pulling out a condom.Ā
he rids himself of his briefs before ripping open the golden wrapper. youāre trying not to stare but itās hard to look away when itās so big. you watch as his fingers roll the condom onto the mushroom head before finding itās way along the shaft.Ā
heās long, girthy, and youāre suddenly terrified itās going to hurt.Ā
your arms stretch out, spreading your legs wider. he sits himself between your thighs once more, hovering over you. his tip presses against your entrance, lips molded to your forehead as he pushes himself inside your dripping heat.Ā
youāre so much tighter than he anticipates though, and youāre already squeezing around him.Ā
ārelax for me,ā he whispers.Ā
āām trying. sātoo big.ā curses mix with pained whimpers as you squeeze your eyes shut. his fingers grip your jaw firmly, kissing your lips to distract you as he pushes himself in fully. your nails find his back, dragging red lines along the flesh.Ā
ādoing okay?ā his lips are barely broken from yours as he asks.Ā
you sniffle. āwhyāre you so big?ā youāre not used to being stretched this much, nor were you expecting it. even with his fingers, youāre not prepared. his chuckle turns into a throaty groan from you clenching around him, almost trying to push him out.Ā
tears grow in your eyes as you scrunch your nose up. āout, out. take it out. it hurts.ā but despite your pleas, your heels dig into his lower back, holding him in place.Ā
ābaby, i canāt take it out when youāre squeezing me so tightly.ā he tries to suppress his chuckle. he feels bad because he knew it would hurt you, but seeing the tears in your eyes is making his head spin. he wants to make you feel so good, they spill down your cheeks.
āokay, okay,ā you breathe, looking up at him completely now. ādonāt take it out. i think ā i think you can move now.āĀ
ājust keep trying to relax for me,ā he whispers. your head falls back, nodding as you close your eyes and will yourself to calm down.Ā
you have to relax. this is what you wanted. it wonāt hurt once he moves. he wonāt let it.
he feels your legs loosen around his waist, the shaky breath leaving your lips as heās finally able to bottom out.Ā
āyouāre soāfucking tight.ā he grits his teeth, keeping himself steady while you busy your lips on his collarbone. your heels push against his back once more, silently asking him to move now. his thrusts are slow to start off with, the moans leaving your lips are more of pleasure than pain. itās much better now.Ā
your nails drag down his back, surely breaking the skin as he picks up the pace when you start to clamp down around his cock. your walls spasm around him and he reaches between your bodies to press his palm against your lower abdomen.Ā
āwa-waitāā you gasp, arching your back and rolling your eyes. he smirks as you gush around him, the pressure feeling all too good as his tip kisses your cervix.
āfeeāling,ā he groans from the squelching sounds filling the room, ābetter nowā princess?ā heās gritting his teeth. he can feel the knot growing in his stomach.Ā
youāre nodding, begging for him to go faster, but, āif i go any faster- iām going to cum.ā he lets out a breath as your fingers tangle into his blonde locks, tugging at them and smiling at the moan falling from his lips.Ā
his hips move a particular angle as his hand moves from your abdomen to the back of your thigh, stretching you open. tears spill down your cheeks and his hips sputter.Ā
you look so pretty, so perfect in this moment and the knot snaps in his stomach suddenly. his hips thrust shallowly as he fills the condom with his cum, but that doesnāt stop him from moving; deeper, slower. and it doesnāt keep him from admiring the way your cheeks are flushed and your hair is splayed out in every direction on his pillow. sweat is dripping down your forehead, chest heaving with every pant, moan and whine heās pulling from your lips.Ā
his hips move with purpose, eliciting another orgasm from you before he stops. he could go all night if youād allow it, but youāre smiling up at him tiredly, cheeks tear stained and body covered in hickies.Ā
you pull him down for a kiss, kento melting into you as his lips find their place with yours.Ā
heās careful when he pulls out, taking in the quiet whine from your lips with a kiss. he grabs some tissues, helping clean you before lying on his back and tugging you onto his chest. your smaller frame drapes itself across his chest, his fingers smoothing out across your spine. his head flops onto the pillow, arm coming up to lay across his eyes, breathing roughly.Ā
you lay in silence for a few moments, neither of you wanting to break the fragile bubble you put yourselves in, but your mind isnāt too kind with allowing you to stay quiet for long.Ā
āis it weird?ā you ask, head pressed to his bare chest and index finger tracing the crease of his collarbone.Ā
āis what weird?ā
ātaking the virginity of someone youāre not dating?ā
his fingers tangle into your hair. āis it weird for you?ā
āi asked you first.āĀ
he smiles as you look up at him, your chin making contact with his chest before meeting his eyes. you know heās waiting for you to answer first, and you canāt help but huff playfully.Ā
āonly weird because weāre not dating⦠but it feels like weāve been dating for years now, you know?āĀ
āi guess iāve had feelings for you for so long that it doesnāt feel strange to me.āĀ
āfor how long?āĀ
he shouldāve seen this question coming. he looks away from you, frowning slightly.Ā
āsince iāve met you,ā he whispers.Ā
āwhy didnāt you ever tell me?ā
āhow do i tell you i have feelings for you when i made such a big deal about this being solely for your financial benefit?ā
āwith words.ā your eyes trail over his face, a content sigh leaving your lips. āiāve loved you for years.ā
āyears?ā
āwell i knew i liked you the second you took me out for ice cream in the middle of novemberāā
āi just wanted to see you smile.ā
āand the moment i knew i loved you was when you came over to celebrate my raise at the cafe.ā
he chuckles, kissing your forehead softly. āi love seeing you smile. i donāt think you understand. youāre beautiful and your eyes turn into little crescents, the dimples that invade your cheeks. i just,ā he breathes softly, āi just love you, and want you to have the best life you can possibly have.ā
āthatās why i have you, kento,ā you whisper slowly.
āyou truly believe that?āĀ
after being met with silence, kentoās tilts his head to the side. youāve nestled yourself against his chest, breath evening out.Ā
āgoodnight, sweetheart.ā
waking up beside the love of your life is truly the most amazing feeling.
but waking up to the love of your life sucking you off? even better.
kento groans as he stirs awake, feeling nails rake down his thighs. his fingers reach out, tangling into your hair as he moans out your name. you hum happily around his cock, the tip hitting the back of your throat as you swallow.Ā
the string of curses couples with his rough morning voice, making you whine and press your thighs together. he pulls the comforter back, your eyes glancing up at his face. a lazy smile tugs at nanamiās cheeks as his fingers hold your head down. he bucks up into the heat of your mouth, your eyes rolling back.Ā
he could get used to that look on your face.
his eyes are heavy, moaning every time your head dips down and your nose hits his pubic bone. your tongue glides along the base of his cock, eyes watery as you look up at him almost innocently.Ā
ādarling, if you look at me like thatāā his head falls back against his pillow. āshit, iām gonna cum.ā his hips thrust up once more as he tugs your head off his cock before shooting out ropes of white across your mouth and cheeks, some landing on his stomach as well.Ā
licking your lips, you blush darkly, leaning into his touch to avoid his gaze. āso-sorry, i just⦠saw somewhere that some guys like to be woken up like that ānd i wanted to try itāā
he canāt help himself, chuckling quietly at your shy demeanor still covered in his cum. he grabs a tissue off the nightstand, wiping down the rest of your face and his stomach.Ā
āitās okay. it felt good. you felt good.ā you beam up at your love, rubbing your cheek against his palm when he moves to cup your face.
āi did good?ā
āyou did so good for me,ā he speaks quietly, gently pulling you to straddle his hips as he sits up. his arms wrap around your waist, kissing your forehead. āand you took me so well last night.ā you squeal quietly, hiding your face in his neck. playfully, he pats the round of your ass. āare you sore?ā
āa little.āĀ
āiāll run us a bath then.āĀ
you curl into his chest as he stands and makes his way into the bathroom. setting you on the counter, you turn to look in the mirror and are met with dozens, if not more, dark bites and hickeys littering your neck, collarbone and chest. you peer down at your legs, seeing the same marks on them and your stomach.Ā
āi got a little carried away.ā you glance at nanami in the mirror, heās awkwardly scratching his neck, trying not to stare at the marks he left.Ā
āi like them.ā the manās cheeks darken and he leans down and kisses your temple.Ā
āgood. because i wonāt stop leaving them.ā
your fingers brush through the growing undercut, smiling softly.Ā
ādo you still have bath bombs?āĀ
āi do.ā he reaches over into a cabinet beside your head and pulls out the crate you had left behind. you hand him your favorite one and watch as he drops it in, the water changing to galaxy and the scent of lavender filling the air.Ā
when heās finally satisfied with the temperature, he lifts you off the counter before sitting in the tub with your back to his chest, between his legs.Ā
bathing with someone had always been so intimate to kento. and him being the first for you makes this particular bath all the more special for the both of you.Ā
nanami had never felt the urge to do something like this with any other partner ā only ever suggested showers. he never thought heād ever want to get this intimate, but with you, it just came so naturally, so easily; shampooing your hair, washing over your body, kissing every inch of newly cleaned skin with the desire to dirty it once more. to brush through the knots in your hair once itās dried and to dress you in comfortable clothes for the upcoming day or for bed. intimacy like this was never something he thought he needed.Ā
but there are things kento can admit to being wrong about.Ā
this type of love - this gentle, sweet belonging fills a hole he had tried to bury so long ago. it fills the space he had originally poured concrete into and tried to plant grass.
but only weeds grew between the cracks over the years. and nothing was helping them die.Ā
useless weeds that he didnāt know how to get rid of.Ā
it wasnāt until kento held your hand for the first time that he realized you had been replacing the concrete with dirt. flowers bloomed instead of weeds and he realized the water he had been using just eroded him.
you came in, changed his whole life around, added the extra ingredients. you added life to his flowers. you filled his home, his heart, his life with such variety that now he fears how to breathe without it.Ā
because youāre the color in his black and white world.
how can he live without you?
āMR. 7:3 sorcerer! itās nice to see you again,ā mahito grins from behind nanamiās back. he tries to ignore it, tries to avoid any confrontation ā tries to avoid anything that draws attention to what he really did for work.Ā
ākento,ā you whisper, tugging at his sleeve. āwhatās a sorcerer?ā you donāt mean to eavesdrop on the conversation, but it sounds intriguing. āis it those movies you showed me the other day? witches or something?ā
āoh, is this the reason you donāt enjoy overtime?ā the curse jumps in front of the couple. āyou have a girlfriend?ā he squeals. your eyes widen, glancing up at nanami as you tighten your grip on his arm.Ā
āi thought⦠you were a teacher.ā
āoh, she doesnāt know what you do for real?ā mahito gets close; too close. his face is mere centimeters from yours. āhe kills people like me for a living, dear. with that blade of his that he keeps tucked behind his back.ā he raises a stitched arm, pressing his palm to your stomach. āwhat do you think comes first; the body or the soul?ā
āi donātā iām notāā nanami turns to move, but the hand on his stomach stops him.Ā
āitās the soul. the body forms around the soul. wanna see what i can do with your soul?ā a sharp pain shoots through your body, searing and hot. youāre doubling over, clutching your ribs when you hear a familiar voice.Ā
ānanamin!ā yuji waves his hand excitedly until he catches sight of the pale curse covered in stitches.Ā
āitadori yuji!ā he shouts, unaware that nanami had shoved his hand behind his back and up his jacket, tugging the blade out. mahito cackles, throwing a small deformed toy into the air before disappearing. the transfigured human stretches in size, leaning forward to grab at you but yujiās faster, lifting you in the air. the human pleads to be set free, to be killed. it begs nanami over and over again.Ā
and then itās over, and youāre stifling sobs, eyes blown wide as blood splatters across your cheeks. the creature lays in pieces on the ground. yujiās arms tighten around your smaller frame, your palm pressing against your mouth to muffle the sound.Ā
āwh-wh-wh-wh-at was that?ā nanami and gojo spin around, the blood still dripping from his covered blunt instrument. you look up at yuji, sniffling to get his attention. āyu-yuji.ā
āiām sorry you had to see that,ā he whispers, eyes soft and pink hair falling over his eyebrows.Ā
āwhat was it?ā youāre firm this time, pulling away from the high school student. nanami steps closer to you, but he freezes when you take a step back. āth-th-that was a person. a person!āĀ
āit was no longer human.ā
āit cried! it spoke, and it cried, and you-you-āĀ
āi had to. if i didnāt, it could have hurt you.ā kentoās chest tightens when your back hits a wall. youāre trying so hard to get away from the three of them; to get away from him.Ā
he speaks your name quietly. āplease.ā
you shake your head, spinning around to take the last few steps away but yuji gentle grasps your shoulder to stop you. ādonāt leave. please talk to us.ā but you tug your arm from his grip, sniffling.Ā
āi want to go home.ā you stalk off towards your own apartment, stomach churning as you replay all of the night's events.Ā
nanamiās harnessing his blade, the back of his head resting against the brick building.Ā
āitāll be okay, nanamin. she just needs time.ā
āi didnāt want her to find out about this⦠i wasnāt even 100% sure she could see them.ā
gojo clears his throat just then, pushing off the wall. āsheās been near death more than three times, nanami. it was only a matter of time.ā
āthree times?!ā yuji shouts before he looks around and steps closer to his senseis. āsheās been nearly dead three times?ā
āmore than three times!ā gojo corrects enthusiastically with four fingers in the air. kento just sighs, standing up straight.Ā
āher parents were at fault for the first three times, and a car accident was for the last time. itās why she doesnāt like to drive.ā
āher parents? how?ā yuji watches his teacher incredulously, frowning and crossing his arms.Ā
the blonde sighs once more before opening his mouth, āthatās not my story to tell.ā
ā ā”
you sniffle, a bloodied towel tossed onto the floor. nanami stands in the doorway, leaning on the frame as he watches you stitch the cut on your hip.Ā
āwhat did he do to me?āĀ
āitās called transfiguration. he manipulates the bodyās soul, changing itās shape, andāā
āturning me into that thing you killed.ā
āyeah,ā he breathes. he stands straighter as you turn around. your stitching has gotten better from the looks of it.
āwhy didnāt it work on me?āĀ
āthis isnāt the first time iāve seen his technique up close. i used as much of my energy as i could to protect your soul, but it could only do so much. iām not sure why the cut isnāt worse.ā
āheās done this to you before?ā you step forward, clean hand pressing to his abdomen, right where his scar sits. āthis was him?ā
āthat was him.āĀ
you grip the blue fabric that keeps your safety net, your safety blanket; your person covered. the color grounds you, the scent radiating off of it was that of flowers and baked goods. blue, beige, and the scent of bread ā nanami kento was more than just a man who saved your life.
nanami kento is your home.Ā
āIS that the last of the boxes?ā kento asks as he breaths out a sigh. his back is aching, but thereās still a faint smile on his face.
you nod as you start to unpack the box labeled āmug obsessedā (in kentoās handwriting).Ā
because it was just kento living in his apartment, he only had two of everything. you, on the other hand, could not control yourself when it came to cute anything.Ā
your mug collection will drive him crazy.Ā
but he doesnāt mind if he ends up being the one to wash them.Ā
he unboxes the āliving roomā box and smiles at the framed photos he had taken from your wall to add to his.Ā
āoh, donāt forget this one!ā you stride into the living room, holding a frame you had kept in your bedroom. he recognizes the frame almost immediately. itās the one that always sat on your bedside table, encompassing the photo of the two of you smiling, a beautiful bouquet in your arms ā gifted by gojo which nanami was surprisingly happy about. a dinner party you hosted at nanamiās your now shared home.
ālove,ā kento starts, wrapping his arm around your waist to pull you into his lap. āhow about we go to dinner tonight before i have to leave for my next assignment?ā
admittedly, as much as kento hated that you knew exactly what his job was now, heās more than relieved he doesnāt have to lie to you anymore.Ā
it took days for you to forgive him for that night ā a lot of flowers, home cooked meals, and constant reassurance, but you never asked him why he did it, you only smiled one morning, three weeks ago, and told him to be safe coming home.Ā
āa date, you say?ā you melt into his chest, relaxing after the long trek of boxes.
āa date. a proper one.ā
ākenny, weāve been on many proper dates.ā
ājust say yes. i still have so much time to make up for.ā
ā ā”
kento had never been a man who could speak his emotions correctly. heās just never been able to.
heās very blunt, yes, very straightforward, but emotionally? heās a wreck most of the time.Ā
heās just good at hiding it.Ā
thereās so many words swirling inside his head as he looks at you lying in his arms.Ā
tonight is, by far, one of the best nights of his life; making you smile, making you laugh ā he even managed to get a snort or two out from you. he wants to tell you how much he loves you, how much he canāt wait to be finished with this assignment so that he can retire and whisk you away.Ā
before you came into his life, he had a plan that only involved himself. heād move somewhere comfortable, open a bakery and live out the rest of his life happily alone. but ever since you came - literally - crashing into his life, nanami continuously thinks about how heāll fit you into this plan.Ā
ātell me what your big plan is?ā you whisper, startling him. he thought youād fallen asleep. you smile when you look at him, taking in the questioning look in his eyes. āyour plan for retirement. you had mentioned it earlier.āĀ
āiām hoping it happens after this assignment, actually.ā you snuggle back into your spot, humming softly to let him know youāre still listening. āopen a bakery in a quiet place. maybe a suburb. maybe another country.āĀ
āa different country? have you traveled a lot?āĀ
āi have.ā his fingers brush through the naturally colored hair that had grown in throughout the year. he remembers telling you he loved it not too long after the roots started showing. he never realized you had taken the comment to heart until he noticed the bleached ends were gone.Ā
āwhat was your favorite place?ā
āmalaysia,ā he answers without hesitation.Ā
āwe should go there, then,ā you whisper, settling your ear against his bare chest.Ā
we.
āi mean, if you want. i can only hope not to be left behindāā
ānever.ā
āthen allow me to wiggle my way into them.ā
āyouāve already started before you even knew.ā he smiles, his fingers gliding along your spine. āyouāre okay with them?āyou nod, the feeling of his fingers on your bare back leaves goosebumps along your skin. āyou donāt have anywhere you want to explore?ā
āwherever you are is where i want to be.āĀ
itās not just a future he can hope for; itās a future he can look forward to.Ā
ā¼ļøMAJOR CHARACTER DEATH. YOUāVE BEEN WARNED. some dialogue switches between anime and manga depending on which fit more. ā¼ļø
somewhere in malaysia.Ā
you said to take you there, so he must.Ā
he feels the sand beneath his shoes, crunching as youāre taking pictures and videos of him and the water and the sky all while laughing and smiling. heās smiling. it makes his face hurt.Ā
itās hot here.Ā
suddenly, heās walking too slow. his body feels heavy, feet sluggishly stepping down the hall.Ā
he wants to go home.
half of his body hurts from being set on fire. heās lost an eye.Ā
heās not sure where his shirt has gone.Ā
you loved that particular shade of blue. heāll have to buy another to make up for it. surely youāll forgive him for that. youāll run into his arms and heāll tell you he loves you. heāll retire.
thereās a figure in the photobooth he passes. probably a frightened patron so he pays them no mind.Ā
the stairs are so long.Ā
heās staring ahead at the beach before he takes the last step off the stairs, his lone eye scanning the room.Ā
so many disfigured humans.Ā
fwoo. āmalaysia,ā he says, head tilting up to stare at the fluorescent lights. āyeah, malaysia. taking her to kuantan would be nice. iāll build us a home on a secluded beach. i already have a mountain of books iāve bought and never touched. go through them page by page⦠kinda like taking back the time iāve lost.ā
he takes a deep breath.Ā
no, right now heās heading over to save fushiguro and maki. what about naobito? what happened to those two?
the sun touches the water perfectly. youāre standing in front of him, camera to your eye.Ā
the waves crash over his feet, soaking his shoes and socks.Ā
the blade flies through the air, slicing through all the transfigured humans.Ā
heās kneeling in the water, handkerchief in his hand as he wets it with the seawater. he doesnāt care that his pants are wet.Ā
with every groan, every swing of his blade, heās closer to seeing you.Ā
he gets hit by a figure, pushed towards the middle of the room.
the wind is rustling his hair and youāre telling him you want to dance with him.Ā
he stabs it, slicing it before being slapped by another and it sends him flying and down onto one of his knees.Ā
the same knee he proposed to you on.Ā
his burnt arm rests on the tile, holding him up as he tries to breathe.Ā
heās bleeding. out of breath.Ā
he gets hit once more, groaning as he steadies himself.Ā
his eyes closed, water dripping down his face.Ā
itās his nose thatās bleeding. he cries out, angry now because youāre going to worry when you see him bandaged up.Ā
heās dancing with you on the sand, in the water. Ā
he wants to go home with every swing of his blade.
it clatters to the ground and heās rushing to grab it, swiping at a few more before he stops. head falling towards the ground, heās standing with his eyes closed. defeated.Ā
tap. a hand to his back.
āyouāre here?āĀ
āiāve been here. the whole time.ā he hears yujiās footsteps. āwanna chat for a bit? weāve got history, after all.ā
haibara, what the hell was i even hoping to accomplish in the end? i ran. i ran away, and yet i came back over some vague reason like finding the work worthwhile.
haibara is standing in front of him, but kento knows heās not there.Ā
this isnāt him. haibara is dead.Ā
but heās glad to see his old friend.Ā
i canāt. thatās wrong. i canāt, haibara. i canāt say that. itāll just become a curse upon him.Ā
ānanamin-ā yujiās coming closer, ragged and worn from his own battles. his voice is shaky.Ā
haibara points to his student, and nanamiās eyes widen before his resolve breaks.Ā
i shouldnāt.
he smiles. i shāĀ
his face falls and his eyebrows furrow before he finally opens his mouth. āitadori.ā
kento turns his head to look at yuji once more.Ā
he wants to go home.Ā
but he knows he wonāt make it there.Ā
āyouāve got it from here.ā
a smile before his upper half bubbles and yuji is left to watch as his lower half falls to the ground.Ā
āwhaā what the hellāā his fists clench as he screams, āwhat the hell are you, mahito?ā
mahitoās saying something, but all yuji sees is red.Ā
ā ā”
itās a dream. it has to be.
this is a nightmare.Ā
it feels like you were hit by a train and then run over by the same train, repeatedly.
i canāt breathe. let me breathe.Ā
i canāt breathe. heās not here.
kento, please.
your mouth is dry, you need some water. heās always bringing you bottles of water even when you donāt ask for them.
you open your mouth, ready to call out for him.
but you just close your lips.
your eyes are glazed over as you stare, mind running rampant as you wait for him to walk through the heavy front door, and complain about how he needs to change it.Ā
but he never will.Ā
how long has it been? youāve been curled up on the couch for who knows how long.Ā
weeks?Ā
you glance at the calendar.Ā
itās only been two days. it feels like years.Ā
yuji takes a step through the hallway. heās been keeping an eye on you. he has a bottle of water in his hand, sitting down beside you and laying it in your lap carefully.Ā
nanami taught him well.Ā
āi do-donāt wa-want to go.ā you sniffle, rubbing your already red and puffy eyes.Ā
yuji hasnāt even taken a look around the apartment, just keeps his eyes on the carpet. too many memories of kento on the walls, in closets; in the air.Ā
nanami is everywhere.
pure, unadulterated heartache of someone who had their whole entire world turned upside down, youāre sobbing, gripping your stomach.
yujiās fingers card through your hair.Ā
youāre not sure how long it takes for you to calm down this time, but the sun is shining through the opened curtains.Ā
when did they open?Ā
you take a moment, staring at the open curtains. youāre too hopeful that he would have come back in somehow, someway.Ā
you find yourself in the shower, blinking slowly. you donāt recognize the hands washing you, but theyāre yours. maybe because kento always washes you in the showers or baths youāve taken together.
you grab one of his ties, squeezing the fabric in your hands before stepping closer to the pinkette and wrapping it around his neck. it was the only colorful piece of clothing heāll be wearing.Ā
āthank you..ā the crack in his voice is breaking your heart and you canāt bear to look up at him. you just tap his chest before nodding and finding your way to the door.Ā
kento doesnāt have any other family so itās just you and yuji holding a small ceremony for him. all are welcomed to celebrate him.Ā
the blade is placed in front of the urn. itās clean, stain free, and still wrapped in the black and white dotted fabric.
āitās the only thing we could find.ā your fingers tremble as you trace over the fabric.Ā
you hope to see gojo, but you know you wonāt.Ā
youāre standing in front of his urn, taking the quiet opportunity to speak with him one last time. thereās a photo of him next to the metal casing. gifts upon gifts ā some of them useless and insignificant; keychains, trinkets. nanami isnāt wasnāt a materialistic person.Ā
you sniffle as your fingers trace the photos decorated on the table. a photo of him and haibara in high school, gojo and kento standing at the barbecue during their school baseball game, kento and yuji smiling like father and son after he mastered the black flash. in almost every photo was nanamiās signature closed mouth smile, except for one. itās you and him standing in your living room. youāre laughing at something he said and heās grinning like an idiot in love.Ā
your fingers trace the intricate designs of the urn.Ā
ānanami kento, i am so mad at you,ā you whisper. āhow could you just go and leave me? you promised to stay⦠to protect meā¦ā your hand clamps over your trembling lips. āyou didnāt even give me a chance to tell you how much i love you when you asked me to marry you.ā you squat down in front of the metal casing.Ā
ābut i love you too much to hate you for the rest of my life,ā you whisper.
waves crash along the shore line. the smell of the saltwater, the sun beating down on the lonesome beach.Ā
kuantan.Ā
you feel the sand beneath your shoes, crunching as youāre walking along the horizon.
itās hot here.
youāre staring at the beach, the sun touches the water perfectly. you wish you were standing in front of him, camera to your eye.Ā
the waves crash over your feet, soaking your shoes and socks.Ā
youāre kneeling in the water, handkerchief in hand as you wet it with seawater. you donāt care that your dress is wet.Ā
the wind is rustling through your hair and you wish you could tell him you want to dance with him.
the water splashes against your face, dripping down onto your shoulders.Ā
you can picture him dancing with you on the sand, in the water.Ā
in front of the little hut.Ā
turning around, your fingers reach for the urn in yujiās hands. you step into the water, inch by inch until youāre knee deep in the salty sea.Ā
your fingers grasp a handful of his ashes. the forceful breeze rips them from your palm and youāre finally able to watch him dance.Ā Ā
HIS fingers tug at his locks before his arm swings, his fist colliding with the wall. his hands fling the papers off the desk, cowboy boot colliding with the wood.Ā
his head is pounding, exhaustion weighing on his shoulders.Ā
he hasnāt slept in days and youāre beginning to worry itās taken a toll on his mental health.Ā
āarthur?ā your feet take you up the staircase in quick movements.Ā
he doesnāt know how to hide from you, the sun glistening against that diamond on your finger.
the diamond just another reminder of him not being good enough for you.Ā
it was a small simple ring, a heart-shaped diamond with a line of diamonds on each side.Ā
he couldnāt get you anything bigger.Ā
āwhat?ā heās been increasingly aggressive in his responses to you. his deep drawl turns to a growl.Ā
āis everything okay?āĀ
āyeah.āĀ
āyour knucklesā are all red. what happened?ā he canāt hide the hole in the wall. heās too tired to hide it. āwhat happened?ā you say more firmly.Ā
ānothinā.āĀ
ānothing? you punched a hole in the wall.āĀ
āahh, whatevār. iāll fix it tāmorrow.ā
āarthur.ā
āi said iāll fix it tāmorrow!āĀ
you flinch. you flinch.Ā
his fingers are shaking. he doesnāt say anything and he walks off. the door slams shut behind him.Ā
āstupid, stupid, stupid.āĀ
ā ā”
ARTHURāS bed was empty again last night and he hadnāt even slept. he doesnāt even know why he laid down.Ā
itās been a week. his back hurts. his head hurts. his chest hurts. his nightmares are making it harder every night. he needs you by his side, but he canāt forgive himself for scaring you.Ā
he probably never will.Ā
ā
arthur hears the front door shut from his place in the kitchen.Ā
heās mid recipe, eyebrows furrowing. heās not expecting anyone and heās pretty positive he locked the door.Ā
fuck. the one time he left his gun in the bedroom.Ā
he grabs the meat cleaver, carefully pressing his back up against the wall as he listens for footsteps. your boots hit the side of the wall, just as they always had. heās asked you to be careful more than once, but right now, he doesnāt care about the wall. he hears you drop your bag in the living room, just as you always had.Ā
he hasnāt slept comfortably in a week and heās half-convinced this is some sleep deprivation hallucination.Ā
what you do next is usually call out to him while walking towards the other entrance to the kitchen, but you donāt say his name.Ā
āwere you planning on using that?ā he spins around, dropping the cleaver behind him. you tilt your head to the side, but he notices the way your shoulders twitch with the loud clang.Ā
he feels like he just destroyed all those months of healing; all those nights you were able to sleep through because the nightmares no longer haunted you.Ā
āarthur?āĀ
he canāt breathe. heās hyperventilating.Ā
your fingers grip his shoulders.Ā
itās not easy forcing a 6ā2, 200 lb man onto a bar stool, but you manage to do it. one of his large hands covers his face while the other rests on top of yours. his fingers are shaking, stomach churning. he didnāt expect to see you, nor be holding onto you right now. he didnāt expect you to come back.Ā
āām sorry,ā he whispers. fuck. he shouldnāt have taken his hat off earlier. he wants to hide.Ā
āyouāve got nothing to apologize for.ā Ā
it takes some minutes before he finally stops shaking, but he doesnāt remove his hand from his face.Ā
āwhy dāya stick āround? whatās it ya think you see in me?ā his words are quiet, almost inaudible. if it werenāt for the silence being nearly deafening, you may not have heard him at all.Ā
āwhat?āĀ
āyou heard me.ā you had. āwhatās it thatās keepinā you here?ā
āyou are.āĀ
youāre confused, he knows you are, but he doesnāt have any other way of explaining it to you.Ā
part of him is begging you not to leave him, but thereās a louder voice in his head telling him he doesnāt deserve you. he doesnāt think you should ever stay with him.Ā
āarthur?āĀ
you donāt comfort him the way you usually would. even the way you speak doesnāt sound normal.
it all sounds and feels foreign to him. it sounds like thereās water in his ears, like the words are muffled when leaving your lips.Ā
the grip on your hand tightens and you donāt flinch away.Ā
you just let him squeeze and squeeze, even if it feels like your hand is being crushed under the calluses.Ā
he needs this.Ā
arthurās mind is racing with thoughts of letting you leave, letting you run. heāll be okay with just going back to being neighbors ā at least thatās what heāll tell himself.
heāll will himself to move on; to not call you in the middle of the night, to stop looking towards your house.Ā
heās prepared for it.Ā
the thoughts are rapidly growing, his breathing erratic and he thinks for a second he might be having a heart attack, or that his throat will close up, but then⦠they stop. everything stops.Ā
your hands are cupping his cheeks, forcing his eyes on you. the feeling of your skin on his own grounding his mind for a moment.Ā
āwhy would i ever leave you, dummy?ā your words still sound so muffled to his ears. āyou are the moon, the stars, and everything in between.ā
youāve seen it only a handful of times ā arthurās eyes clouding from blue to gray ā when he explained his assault, when his horse broke her leg, when you handed him the deed to a plot of land he wanted to buy, and right. this. minute.Ā
and itās always before the liquid floods his cheeks. he tries to run each time. he tries to turn away from you, but this time he canāt. youāve got your hands on him and heās too afraid to make sudden movements that may startle you.Ā
āi feel like iāve ruined you,ā he admits, his hands dropping to his lap. āi feel like iāll continue to ruin you the longer we stay together.ā youāre quiet, and he understands, but he canāt stop himself from speaking now that heās got you here. āi feel like iāve ruined all this progress youāve made just by not thinking about my actions.ā he wouldnāt blame you if you left him. heās expressed for months what he wants before you even decided to date him and now heās suddenly telling you to leave? this is a lot.Ā
āāi want to marry youā.ā you mock, the fake southern drawl heavy on your tongue. āthatās what you said six months ago, right?ā arthur nods. āand what did i say?ā
arthurās eyebrows furrow before he opens his mouth, drawl equally heavy. āāthen marry me, dummy.āā he sighs. he feels stupid. āi-i donāt know what this feeling is.āĀ
ātrauma.ā he scoffs. heās got enough physical scars. now heās gotta worry about emotional ones? āwhat did you do⦠after your assault? how did you take care of yourself?āĀ
āwhat?ā
you jump up onto the island counter to sit in front of him and force his head up. you wonāt let him hide from you.Ā
āhow did you deal with the trauma of the assault?ā
āi went to work andāā
āand you buried it deep inside until you no longer thought about it, until you could sleep throughout the night without nightmares, until your hands stopped shaking and you stopped reaching behind you every time you felt a little wetness drip down.āĀ
his eyes are cloudy. you give him a small smile. itās the same smile arthurās seen you give abigail or mary-beth. itās sympathy.
āarthur, healing isnāt linear. trauma comes in waves. and everyone rides them in their own ways. some surf and others get knocked underneath the water, nearly drowning. i moved up north and you worked yourself into retirement at the age of thirtyā
he doesnāt understand. youāre making his head hurt.Ā
āi saw the letter, arthur. the man who did this⦠heās being executed tomorrow, right?āĀ
arthurās fingers tighten once more around your wrists. he doesnāt mean to. he doesnāt even notice, but you donāt twitch; you donāt pull away.Ā
ānot fer what he did, but yeah.ā you slip your free hand through his hair, allowing him to relax.Ā
āthis is just a wave, arthur. let me ride it with you.ā
āā”
JUST how much distance has he put between the two of you?Ā
arthur isnāt sure, but right now, heās got his head pressed against your chest as you laugh and tell stories about your childhood. heās reveling in your warmth and comfortability.Ā
he missed you. he missed listening to your voice, missed having you in his arms.Ā
a week is a long time, but really, heās not even sure how long itās been since heās allowed you to hold him.Ā
he missed having your fingers in his hair.Ā
āsweetheart?ā
āhm?ā
āletās go raid the fridge.ā you wiggle your eyebrows as he laughs, rolling off of you and scooping you into his arms.Ā
itās a short ride to the kitchen and he sets you down on the island but you wonāt let him move, hooking your legs around his waist.Ā
āarthur?ā his head tilts down to look at you, your arms slipping around his waist. āi love you more than you know. and i forgive you.āĀ
foreheads pressed together, his breathing shaky, but heās calm. his chest isnāt tightening as it did earlier.Ā
āi love you, dummy.ā
āyeah, you better.āĀ
tomorrowās going to be a long day, but with you by his side, heās not scared anymore. heās free.
people will look at your blog and think āyeah i want to see more of this personā and follow and i think thatās pretty cool. never make yourself small in your own space, this is your home. thousands of stars in the sky and thereās room for all of them to shine you know !!
there was a post someone made of arthur morgan from another member's pov; he's sitting at the table, arms folded on top, and his hat is covering his face. it was the perfect pov for a piece I had in mind about how people view arthur as big and menacing, but now I can't find it. can someone link it to me if they see it?
Cas is not Dean's Colette, Sam is. But, you seem pretty sure it's Cas. Please, tell me how is this so?? What are these parallels? When Cas is the one that suggest that they kill Dean. When Cas hardly been around Dean during his struggles with the Mark. When did Cas pull Dean from the edge of Darkness??
Alright my dear sassy anon, I apologize for the late response but I wanted to do this right and school had been getting in the way. So buckle up. Iām going to take you for a ride. *cracks knuckles*Ā
Moving on to my overall argument. Letās look again at Cainās speech and dissect that, shall we?
This is a perfect parallel to me. In this scenario Crowley is Abbadon. So do you remember when Abbadon was possessing Colette in 9x11?Ā
And then she has a very interesting conversation with Cain, that hints very strongly at a previous romantic relationship between them.
And Abbadon then goes on to literally tell Cain āWell, if I canāt have you, than neither can she!ā before manipulating Coletteās body to the point that Cain attempts to stab her with the blade as she smokes out. This parallel between Abbadon and Crowley later becomes incredibly important because of what happens after the fight. Moving ahead to 10x14 and what do we see?
Ā What is this!? The obvious Colette parallel being chosen over the Abbadon parallel? The physical embodiement of Cain/Deanās addiction being put in the hands of Colette to take care of?Ā
The Abbadon parallel looking visibly aggrieved about being passed over for the Colette parallel? The Abbadon parallel feeling wounded and wronged about Cain/Deanās actions because of the history they share?
It must all be a coincidence right? Ok well letās look at the next part of Cainās speech.
The second person close to himself that Cain killed was Colette, and this effectively places Cas in that position in the lineup of future murders. I suppose you could argue that Dean technically was the one who killed Abbadon, but by giving Dean the Mark for the express purpose of killing Abbadon Cain essentially signed her death warrant. She was the last person of close relationship with Cain to die, putting her parallel, Crowley, as the first to die. So my first point of Cas being Colette is simply the order in which he appears in the Cain speech. Beyond that you had asked when Cas had pulled Dean back from the edge of darkness. Wellā¦
Cas has been intimately involved in the removal of the Mark. I have my own complaints about the show has been writing Cas as going out hunting for cures for Dean and not staying with him, but the fact remains that that is what heās been doing. Heās literally put everything else on hold to try to fix Dean.You mentioned that Cas hasnāt been around Dean for a lot of his struggles with the Mark and I would argue that there is a pretty obvious reason for that. It makes more sense for Cas to be the one out doing this because heās an angel. Thinking about this logically, one person should stay with Dean and one person should be out doing the legwork the search for the cure requires. Once it was clear that the search for the cure was going to take them to Cain, why the hell would you ever send Sam to do that? An angel didnāt even stand a chance against him, whatās Sam going to do? Itās totally valid that Cas be the one out searching and it doesnāt diminish his feelings for Dean or Deanās for him. You donāt have to be around someone all the time to love them.Ā
But mostly I just think that Cas is Deanās Colette because he fits the way Cain described her.Ā
āIāve tried. Iāve tried, Colette. To see myself as you did."Ā
"I know you watch over me still.ā
āShe forgave me.ā
Basically I just feel like Cas loves Dean the way Colette loved Cain. Unselfishly and unconditionally. Complete devotion right to the end. Always putting Cainās needs before her own and doing whatās best for him, literally to her dying breath. So now we have the final part of Cainās speech and Iāll be wrapping up my rant soon here.
Your message that Sam is Deanās Colette Ā was honestly just really surprising for me to read because I thought it was totally obvious that Dean and Sam were Cain and Abel respectively in this scenario. They are literally their descendants. Lucifer wanted to possess Abel and Lucifer wanted to possess Sam. And then Ā Cain said the whole āYouāre living my life in reverseā line.Ā Sam is Abel in this scenario because thatās where Cain placed him in the lineup of people Dean would kill. Abelās spot. Not to mention that Abel is Cainās younger brother and Cain gave up his very soul to save him, just like Dean did for Sam. I mean, in terms of parallels I think the Dean/Cain and Sam/Abel links are possibly the single most obvious parallel in the entire series. Unless your argument is that Sam is somehow simultaneously Colette and Abel, which, if it is Iād be interested to read.
So in conclusion, thatās why I think that Cas is Deanās Colette, although I will admit that sometimes when I really try to remove the Destiel-colored glasses entirely I have considered that Dean doesnāt have a Colette (thanks ephemeral-castiel). What Iām saying is that I think that Cas fills the roles that Colette filled for Cain, but I do think that in the end Dean will learn how to overcome his issues on his own. I donāt think that any one person, not Sam or Cas, would be able to stop Dean just by begging, because that didnāt work while he was a demon and because this is the season of self-discovery and I really think Dean will be able to find this strength in himself. He really needs to find his own will to live at this point in time, rather than just hanging around because Sam and Cas need him. So yeah, thatās why I think that IF Dean has a Colette, itās Cas.
All of this! I think many of those who say Sam is Deanās Colette tend to think that āColetteā will be the one to save Dean, waltz in and save the day, but I think that will hardly be the case. Cain lost Abel, lost Colette, didnāt believe in himself and his own strength and value. Colette temporarily helped him resist the Mark, but his thirst for blood never disappeared. The Mark was always on him and always affecting him. And look how well it worked out for Cain: Abel dead, Colette dead, and he turned into a bloodthirsty murderer yet again, and had to be killed by Dean, or he wouldāve gone on killing.
But it doesnāt have to be like this for Dean, and not - I repeat, NOT - just because of/thanks to his Colette (Cas). But because he still has his Abel. He hasnāt gone that far off the edge yet, so he still has his Abel. Who of course will play a part in helping Dean with the Mark. But most importantly, Dean has been put on a journey of self-acceptance, and I think, like the OP, that itāll be vital for Dean to find the strength inside himself, to believe in and accept himself. When we say Cas is Deanās Colette, it doesnāt mean that the Mark storyline will necessarily be solved all thanks to him, and itāll be all about Dean and Cas. It wonāt. Cainās Abel was dead, but Deanās isnāt. Cain never found the strength in himself, but Dean will. And THAT, along with Cas, will make all the difference.
The fact that Deanās Colette is Cas doesnāt in any way invalidate Samās role or the importance of Deanās own journey.
This has been an absolutely brilliant addition to my post and I thank you kindly. You expanded fantastically on my overall point. I would never pretend that Sam isnāt going to be incredibly important in curing Dean, because he is. Iām just saying, he isnāt Colette. Cas is.
Cas is not Dean's Colette, Sam is. But, you seem pretty sure it's Cas. Please, tell me how is this so?? What are these parallels? When Cas is the one that suggest that they kill Dean. When Cas hardly been around Dean during his struggles with the Mark. When did Cas pull Dean from the edge of Darkness??
Alright my dear sassy anon, I apologize for the late response but I wanted to do this right and school had been getting in the way. So buckle up. Iām going to take you for a ride. *cracks knuckles*Ā
Moving on to my overall argument. Letās look again at Cainās speech and dissect that, shall we?
This is a perfect parallel to me. In this scenario Crowley is Abbadon. So do you remember when Abbadon was possessing Colette in 9x11?Ā
And then she has a very interesting conversation with Cain, that hints very strongly at a previous romantic relationship between them.
And Abbadon then goes on to literally tell Cain āWell, if I canāt have you, than neither can she!ā before manipulating Coletteās body to the point that Cain attempts to stab her with the blade as she smokes out. This parallel between Abbadon and Crowley later becomes incredibly important because of what happens after the fight. Moving ahead to 10x14 and what do we see?
Ā What is this!? The obvious Colette parallel being chosen over the Abbadon parallel? The physical embodiement of Cain/Deanās addiction being put in the hands of Colette to take care of?Ā
The Abbadon parallel looking visibly aggrieved about being passed over for the Colette parallel? The Abbadon parallel feeling wounded and wronged about Cain/Deanās actions because of the history they share?
It must all be a coincidence right? Ok well letās look at the next part of Cainās speech.
The second person close to himself that Cain killed was Colette, and this effectively places Cas in that position in the lineup of future murders. I suppose you could argue that Dean technically was the one who killed Abbadon, but by giving Dean the Mark for the express purpose of killing Abbadon Cain essentially signed her death warrant. She was the last person of close relationship with Cain to die, putting her parallel, Crowley, as the first to die. So my first point of Cas being Colette is simply the order in which he appears in the Cain speech. Beyond that you had asked when Cas had pulled Dean back from the edge of darkness. Wellā¦
Cas has been intimately involved in the removal of the Mark. I have my own complaints about the show has been writing Cas as going out hunting for cures for Dean and not staying with him, but the fact remains that that is what heās been doing. Heās literally put everything else on hold to try to fix Dean.You mentioned that Cas hasnāt been around Dean for a lot of his struggles with the Mark and I would argue that there is a pretty obvious reason for that. It makes more sense for Cas to be the one out doing this because heās an angel. Thinking about this logically, one person should stay with Dean and one person should be out doing the legwork the search for the cure requires. Once it was clear that the search for the cure was going to take them to Cain, why the hell would you ever send Sam to do that? An angel didnāt even stand a chance against him, whatās Sam going to do? Itās totally valid that Cas be the one out searching and it doesnāt diminish his feelings for Dean or Deanās for him. You donāt have to be around someone all the time to love them.Ā
But mostly I just think that Cas is Deanās Colette because he fits the way Cain described her.Ā
āIāve tried. Iāve tried, Colette. To see myself as you did."Ā
"I know you watch over me still.ā
āShe forgave me.ā
Basically I just feel like Cas loves Dean the way Colette loved Cain. Unselfishly and unconditionally. Complete devotion right to the end. Always putting Cainās needs before her own and doing whatās best for him, literally to her dying breath. So now we have the final part of Cainās speech and Iāll be wrapping up my rant soon here.
Your message that Sam is Deanās Colette Ā was honestly just really surprising for me to read because I thought it was totally obvious that Dean and Sam were Cain and Abel respectively in this scenario. They are literally their descendants. Lucifer wanted to possess Abel and Lucifer wanted to possess Sam. And then Ā Cain said the whole āYouāre living my life in reverseā line.Ā Sam is Abel in this scenario because thatās where Cain placed him in the lineup of people Dean would kill. Abelās spot. Not to mention that Abel is Cainās younger brother and Cain gave up his very soul to save him, just like Dean did for Sam. I mean, in terms of parallels I think the Dean/Cain and Sam/Abel links are possibly the single most obvious parallel in the entire series. Unless your argument is that Sam is somehow simultaneously Colette and Abel, which, if it is Iād be interested to read.
So in conclusion, thatās why I think that Cas is Deanās Colette, although I will admit that sometimes when I really try to remove the Destiel-colored glasses entirely I have considered that Dean doesnāt have a Colette (thanks ephemeral-castiel). What Iām saying is that I think that Cas fills the roles that Colette filled for Cain, but I do think that in the end Dean will learn how to overcome his issues on his own. I donāt think that any one person, not Sam or Cas, would be able to stop Dean just by begging, because that didnāt work while he was a demon and because this is the season of self-discovery and I really think Dean will be able to find this strength in himself. He really needs to find his own will to live at this point in time, rather than just hanging around because Sam and Cas need him. So yeah, thatās why I think that IF Dean has a Colette, itās Cas.
it's really sad that, even after 9 seasons, the trauma john winchester inflicted on his sons, specifically dean, still comes to haunt him. like he still defends him
hey. i'm outside. hey look if u could just. hey. Let me in. it's really cold out here and i see you've got a bowl of baby spinach there. I love baby spinach. Please let me in