All My Favorite Holidays

[fallingforleavesandpumpkins]

[christmas4u]

[christmas4u]

[christmas4u]

[allmyfavoriteholidays]

Come to mama! Goes live on my website in just a few minutes and will sell out quickly! This is a peppermint lip exfoliator and a liquid lipstick in the color scintillating (one day only!) but you can choose any shade of our liquid lipsticks. This one is metallic red. Don’t wait because every day the deals have been selling out in minutes! LippyLashLove.com #makeupslinger #lippylashlove #lippylashlovedotcom (at West Jordan, Utah) https://www.instagram.com/p/Bqr5ZYxnSLo/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=rthl3w7xcw0i

[allmyfavoriteholidays]

Rough day. Changing my insulin pump site. Blood sugar above 300 for the first time in weeks. I hate diabetes. I have type 1.5 which I didn’t even know was possible until a couple of weeks ago. #diabetes #ihatediabetes #diabetestype1.5 #chronicbadass (at West Jordan, Utah) https://www.instagram.com/p/BpsAFZKHq3n/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=16i2pvnxvkueb

[allmyfavoriteholidays]

Me and my kiddo yesterday late morning. I decided to say screw the pain and exhaustion and anxiety and go see a movie with my sister and my nephew who was in town for the day. The walk from her car to the theater was short but still very brutal. Standing in line for popcorn was a nightmare for my back. I felt like I couldn’t breathe but finally made it in to the theater to sit down. Had to increase my oxygen for a few minutes while my body screamed and panted for air. Watched the movie without much problem. Had to stop and rest on the way back to the car at least 5 times. My body is just done with life. Afternoon was ok other than feeling terrible. Then had at least 2 seizures that I know of last night. This morning I am exhausted but so far I am breathing better than yesterday. Today will require a lot of resting. I am thankful for coffee this morning. The gentle breeze of the fan. Hallmark Christmas movies on all day. Snuggles from my puppies. #dyingisntfun #pulmonaryhypertension #spoonies #spoonielife #spoonieadventures #chronicbadass (at West Jordan, Utah) https://www.instagram.com/p/BphPUblgM-W/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1p7p1yhussw35

[allmyfavoriteholidays]

This is my night every night. My recent 25 lb weight gain from whatever new heart/lung issue I have going on (most likely #pulmonaryhypertension) has left me unable to sleep in my bed because I can’t lay down flat or I feel like I’m suffocating. Even with my #CPAP machine running. I’ve been sleeping sitting up on the couch for at least 6-8 weeks. This wonderful man refuses to leave me alone at night so he’s also been sleeping out here with me. I know he has to be uncomfortable but he’s amazing. Every night there’s the hum of my oxygen machine that runs constantly. Hasn’t been turned off in days since I haven’t left my house. The white noise of the fan blowing on me for all the #hotflashes I have right now. Medicine and medical stuff crowd the table and (not pictured) are 2 big baskets of medicine. And yes, that is a #Christmas tree. It’s an itty baby one we normally have by the front door. Christmas reminds me of hope and magic and that anything is possible. That’s why I love Christmas so much. I have been having #painsomnia for months now and I just took a #winknaturals #sleepmelt so I can try and get some sleep. Only thing that’s ever worked for me and my kiddo. Anyways... just feeling so much pain. Started the duragesic patch a couple of days ago and so far I’m not impressed. Who else wears these? Do you like them? The night Time is hard. Super lonely being the only one awake. Super lonely thinking about news the doctor gave me, worried about the future, worried not so much about my death but about how my guys will go on without me. These are the thoughts that run through my brain in the middle of the night. Thanks for listening. Sending everyone love. #pyelonephritis #infectiongoaway #spoonielife #chronicbadass #spoonie #spoonielife #dysautonomia #POTS #pulmonaryhypertension #superbuginfection #terminal #dyingainteasy #lonely #spooniefamily #invisibleillness #fibro #RA (at West Jordan, Utah) https://www.instagram.com/p/BpL2ZwngSkG/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=m5iskup6jp4a

[allmyfavoriteholidays]

My beautiful aunt Geri made me a cute blanket and dropped it off last night to my mom for me. How cute is this? I adore her. The last few days have been the absolute worse and I’ve done nothing but cry for almost 2 days straight. My health has declined so rapidly in just a few days. I’m breathing worse, I feel worse, and my pain has gotten worse. I am really struggling so any prayers and good vibes you can send my way would be appreciated. This morning I have a procedure being done at the hospital. An endoscopy. They’re going to stretch out my esophagus again so I will hopefully stop choking on everything I drink or eat and explore a little to see if they can figure out the source of my stomach pain. It may just be that my #gastroparesis is getting much worse or it could be something new. I am never surprised anymore. #endoscopy #infectiongoaway #spoonielife #chronicbadass #spoonie #lowoxygenlevels #dyingainteasy #fibro #RA #pyelonephritis #terminalillness (at West Jordan, Utah) https://www.instagram.com/p/Bo_vy98g1Fh/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1wgpqlywsdicr

[allmyfavoriteholidays]

I have been trying to be more positive in my social media (which is why there’s been less posts here) but I have actually received messages from various people that it feels like I’m just trying to exclude details from the people who love me. They’ve actually said it sometimes feels forced because, well, honestly I’m dying and it can’t all be rainbows and butterflies right? I get it. I do. I always thought that the more positive I try to be, the more positive I will feel. I still think that’s true. There will be positive posts but also posts where I’m having a bad day. Balance, right? This morning I woke with a 102 fever. Took medicine, jumped to 103. Then 103.5. My body has a very low core temp normally. I’m usually at 97.0 on a normal day whereas other people are usually 98.6 so when it spikes that high, it actually means it’s even higher based on my low core temp. It was a scary morning wondering if I’m turning septic, yet again, or if I needed to head to the emergency room. I feel terrible right now but over the last 2-3 hours I’ve gotten my temp down to 100.9. Hopefully it keeps dropping. My next course of IV antibiotics is being delivered tonight. My infectious disease doc is putting me on a 3 week course this time. I don’t think I’ve updated insta in awhile. I’m now also on oxygen 24/7 because my infections and long term antibiotics use is killing the function of my lungs. Please send good vibes, prayers, magical powers of healing my way if you can. I am in extreme pain right now, having fevers and chills, and just feel unwell. So there’s my weekly update. Thanks for everyone who sends me love and light. Xoxo 💋 #pyelonephritis #pyelonephritisaintnojoke #infectiongoaway #infectiousdisease #lowoxygenlevels #chronicbadass #chronicillness #spoonielife #dyingainteasy #sendhealingpowers (at West Jordan, Utah) https://www.instagram.com/p/Bn_lg-EAtEQ/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1yqna7bj28mz

[allmyfavoriteholidays]

So many uncontrolled wild fires that are close enough to affect all the air near me. Woke up gasping for air in the middle of the night and all this morning. Breathing treatments, essential oil purification in the diffuser, and anti anxiety rescue meds on board because I am legit panicking that I can’t breathe. #neednewlungs #airqualityalert #utahair #dead (at West Jordan, Utah) https://www.instagram.com/p/BnwI8HLHz1c/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1bj7lrh4d0227

[allmyfavoriteholidays]

You know the scene in Practical Magic where Gillian is in trouble and Sally can hear her calling for help from miles away? That just happened with my beautiful friend Holly. I was having a really tough day and she showed up on my doorstep to cheer me up. We may not be witches but we are close like sisters. And she brought me goodies to help with anxiety and sleep. I can’t wait to sleep! Love you so much lady! #wink #friends #sisters #love #anxiety #depression #dyingisntfun #pyelonephritis #rescuemeds #butnotmeds (at West Jordan, Utah) https://www.instagram.com/p/Bnlxd2Hg53o/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=100jkrtlvp0qa

[allmyfavoriteholidays]

Basic bitch. Not ashamed. Come at me bro. #psl but not really. It’s a #psf lol #starbucks #someonesendmefreestarbucksmoneybeforeidie (at West Jordan, Utah) https://www.instagram.com/p/BnKda2HA7JG/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1m7npjxjxwdbl

[allmyfavoriteholidays]

Ladies this is what true love really is. It’s not always big, romantic dates and roses and grand gestures. It’s when you’re literally too sick to leave the house for a mani pedi so your favorite person in life puts your feet in his lap and gives you a pedicure. He’s never been more handsome. #love #family #saturdaynight #youniquepresenter #pyelonephritis #chronicbadass #dyingisntfun #lowoxygenlevels #cantbreathe #lippylashlove (at West Jordan, Utah)

[allmyfavoriteholidays]

How is everyone? Happy Saturday! I have been having a rough few days because I feel like I can’t breathe and my oxygen keeps dropping. I thought most of it was due to really awful air quality from all of the wild fires going on. I was in the ER last Monday and I kept pressing the doctor for answers. The doc said maybe some of it was the bad air and kept hesitating when talking to me. They had done X-rays, a CT Scan and a breathing treatment. The breathing treatment helped some. He hemmed and hawed upon discharge when I questioned him and he finally said my scan showed signs of mild pulmonary hypertension and my discharge paperwork would include a referral to a cardiologist. He said that he would let the specialist run more tests and give me an official diagnosis (of which I can’t get in to for 3 more weeks). Anyone have this? I’m not enjoying the information I’m reading online. As if I’m not already dying from other shit, lets pile on a couple of new diagnosis, am I right? I am purely looking for information, it’s not yet an official DX yet but I am scared to see the doc. However, I do enjoy being able to breathe haha. I can’t handle any sort of breathing problems and it took me a good 2 years after I healed from a very serious pneumonia before I could handle being around a Smokey place, or even if someone burned food. I have the fan going this morning, trying to not turn on our swamp cooler as long as I can hold out since the wild fire smoke is still in the air. I have essential oils diffusing all over the place. I’m having panic attacks because I feel claustrophobic not being able to breathe. And then the last maybe 6-7 days my blood sugars have just gotten out of control again. That means my infections are worse. All of this and my infectious disease doc and my urologist are both out of the office for a few more days. Someone save me! Ok, I’m going back to my oils and fan and I hope you all have an amazing Saturday! #chronicbadass #pyelonephritis #makeupslinger #cantbreathe #lippylashlove #youniqueslinger #younglivingessentialoils (at West Jordan, Utah)

[allmyfavoriteholidays]

This is Izzy. Her likes include: Snow, long naps and giving me sad puppy dog eyes until I share my peanut butter I’m eating. Her dislikes include vegetables, when the grass moves in the wind, when her brother steals all of daddy’s attention, and not getting any of the peanut butter I’m eating. #pugsofinstagram #chihuahuasofinstagram #shesachug #family #dogs #bestfriend #furryfriend (at West Jordan, Utah)

[allmyfavoriteholidays]

Day 9 & 10 of #makingeverydaycount (sorry I didn’t post yesterday) I got to watch the live streaming of the Younique convention for the last couple of days. It wasn’t as good as being there in person but it was a close second. Lots of snuggles from the Tiny Terror. Then today Jason drove us all to IKEA so we could find something to organize my closet. No scooters so Jason pushed me all around in a wheelchair. I need my own scooter really bad! Anyone have a good one you’re getting rid of? As you can tell by the before pic I had so many clothes that needed to be hung up or just put away. (And no, that’s not what my room usually looks like. We took the picture after yanking everything out lol. We found some great shelves for the cubby and now all my pants, shorts, leggings are all organized. Jason & Brady built the cubby thing and then Jason took care of the entire project of putting it all away. Every day I remember how lucky I am to have Jason & Brady. I am truly blessed. It’s funny but now that I’ve shared that my body is breaking down and attacking itself from the inside out, I am a little surprised by people. People who I thought would be there for me actually aren’t. Then there’s people I only know through Facebook that are definitely my friends but I’ve never actually met in real life. Or people who have messaged me that I’ve never spoken to before that day that are sending so much love and support and honestly offering to help, to bring meals, to go on adventures with me, even run errands for me and my family. A crisis always shows you who is important in your life and who can’t be bothered. Love to all of you 💕 #chronicbadass #pyelonephritis #chronicpain #sjogrenssyndrome #RA #notreadytomeetmymaker #familyisntalwaysblood #ikea #retailtherapy #blessed (at West Jordan, Utah)