Intrusive Thots and Melodramatic Hoes

She/They 👾

[annabelle--cane]

gothic horror is when there's a location. cosmic horror is when there's an unauthorized fucking Thing. folk horror is when you're outside.

[stalker-among-the-stars]

Okay, what is it when there's an unauthorized fucking Thing lurking outside of a location?

[of-starships-and-wombats]

Then you’re in John Carpenter’s 1982 masterpiece The Thing

[scionshtola]

you really have no responsibilities as a melee dps. whole team could be falling apart around you and nothing you can even do about it but keep hitting the boss

[valtsv]

time to make a post on tumblr. surely no one will interpret it to be as offensive and bad intentioned as possible.

[valtsv]

by talos this cant be happening

[king-the-pathetic]

does king the pathetic know any cool tricks ?

Uhhh he knows whatever this is

[the-frightening-ghoul]

ㅤ

[teathattast]

[naamahdarling]

Fuck you I was expecting comedy and now I'm crying?!

This is beautiful.

[gaytanic-panic]

[soundoftheirwings]

Gotta tell you guys something wild in the Chinese fan sphere

So some fanartist drew a “sexy” (read: booby) version of a (cartoon) character who is traditionally very non-sexualised. Fans of the character got mad about it because it’s kind of groundbreaking how that character is written and portrayed and this art totally ignores the entire point of the character. They demanded the art be deleted. In response to that other people said, well what the fanartist did may be distateful but they have every right to draw what they’re into. The two sides fight for days and each starts a harassment campaign and even report their “opponents’” accounts.

So far so typical. But things eventually come to a head and they decide that this will be settled by votes - not through a poll. Through donations to a children’s education charity via each side’s portal. Whoever can get the highest amount of donation wins.

And that is how this charity received over 1 million in donations in three days lol. Oh btw the “freedom of expression” side won by a landslide (960k to 40k)

[tlbodine]

From now on this is how all petty fandom disputes should be settled.

[teaboot]

Why yes, angry woman in the foyer, I WAS deliberately and purposefully blocking your path between myself and that gentleman there when I stepped in front of you. And you are correct, that would have been a fairly discourteous move, for which I would otherwise applaud your gumption in standing up for yourself and dressing me down as an inconsiderate individual.

If I could, however, direct your attention to the aggravated drunk man with the knife,,

[teaboot]

I truly and genuinely believe with my full chest that every public school needs to provide a mandatory unit called “Risk Assessment” where you have to step by step go through theoretical scenarios like

You are carrying your bag through a busy shop.

Suddenly, a stranger steps in front of you, blocking your path. Using the skills we learned in class, what do you think has happened?

This is an inconsiderate customer wants all the discounted seasonal Oreos to themselves. You should elbow your way through.

The loud bearded man up ahead is offering free samples from his open bottle of Heineken. This is a colleague who wants you to wait your turn. You don't want any, though- continue forwards.

The loud bearded man up ahead is aggravated, showing signs of intoxication, and appears to have a weapon. There is broken glass and a spill on the ground as well, making the path unsafe. This is a security guard temporarily blocking the area so you don't get hurt. Go around or take another route.

This is your great-aunt Dorothea, who never loved you and wishes ill upon your family. She is offering a hug, but you know this to be a trick. Whip out your karambit and give her a Colombian Necktie

[wildehacked]

things in fic I'm used to people kind of faking their way through writing about:

the city of los angeles

the city of new york

sex

how drinking alcohol works

how getting high works

how a child of any age speaks

how nuclear physics work

how [my job] works

how debilitating being shot in the shoulder is

how hypothermia works

things I have never before seen someone fake their way through writing about, until today:

what french toast is

[headspace-hotel]

read through the notes on this one trust me

[kiragecko]

Here's some of the notes, starting with the things multiple people brought up:

SHRIMP COCKTAIL:

banahbanah: #flashback to that one fic where Peter Parker frets about drinking shrimp cocktail because of the alcohol

generaldeliciousness: adding: what a prawn/shrimp cocktail is

#why is your character turning it down because they're under 21 #do you think prawn cocktail is a cocktail #this lives in my brain rent-free constantly #the rest of the fic was so normal #and good enough that i'll still re-read it #but bro

And then many, MANY, people wondering if this was actually authour mistake, since Peter really would do this!

POMEGRANATES:

zhajhassa: #haha where's that post that was like someone describing someone eating a pomegranate but they ate it like an apple

thornhands: #once someone wrote persephone biting into a whole Pomegranate #had to stop and stare at a wall for a minute

sungsingsanguine: I once saw someone very confidently write about a character eating slices of pomegranate.

FRUIT TREES:

zagreuses-toast: #given a very endearing glimpse into a writers blindspots by seeing them describe someone sitting under a ''pineapple tree''

salatrash: I remember something about picking watermelons... OF A FUCKING TREE

baander: #cranberry trees

DOUGH/BATTER:

maycelium: #I'm a chef so I'm really used to people not accurately describing how to cook food #But I was surprisingly flabbergasted when someone was writing making a cake and was kneading it. Which uh #Not necessary for cake. It was interesting for sure but just bizarre

livebloggingmydescentintomadness: #the one that drove me nuts was when a character set aside a batch of PASTA DOUGH 'to rise' #pasta doesn't have yeast!! #it does need to REST but it will never RISE #you do not want an airy crumb on your noodles

lovesodeepandwideandwell: #THE ONE WHERE THEY MADE COOKIES BY LADLING BATTER INTO A TRAY

Some other topics:

ANIMALS:

catenarwhal: #mandatory 'how cows produce milk' mention#i'll never recover from that one I fear

piromantic: #one time i saw someone fake their way through describing how spiders behave

pluto-lichen: horses

misskittypotter: #stardew valley faking its way through what fresh fish smell like

pa-pa-plasma: #saw someone faking their way through knowing what a seal is once #i still am fucked up over that one to this day. they just straight up did not know #& they were NOT good at guessing it either like it was clear they had never googled that animal ever #& was only just now realizing via answering questions from anons that seals are not!! what they assumed. initially

SEX:

dykevandyke: #what a prostate is #and where it is located #as in. external.

dreamyeyedrose: #I remember back in the ff.net days reading an Ichigo/Renji fic where the writer assumed the penises go inside each other #and I was like “I mean I don't know how it works for sure I don't have one but idk if that's how it works”

SOME OTHER FOOD STUFF:

thetrekkiehasthephonebox: #add another one to the list bloggers#this character is cooking a salad

shosta: #still baffled about the published work that didn't know food could freeze

sun-dari: #once i read a fic where the author didn't understand cinnamon

alto-tenure: #read something recently where the author was just. blatantly wrong about spices

dramatic-dolphin: #i saw someone try to fake their way through what ramen is once. like 14 years ago.#but i remember.#i was very confused about ramen for a few months. they were writing it so authoritatively.

the-celery-stalks-at-midnight: #i will never ever forget someone putting leftover fries in the microwave to reheat them and setting the timer for five minutes

typeghost: #this sparked a memory of a hannibal fic where the author had to fake their way through writing about gravy

draculin: #the one fanfic where the author knows about coffee only as a concept wrote a character as a coffee drinker#was very interesting#I don't remember the fandom or the plot but I was mesmerized by the coffee actions and choices

11235811235811: #there's a lot of faking their way thru congee in the svsss fandom i'll also note

fishali3n: #read one where the person clearly didnt know what tofu is

emmy-everafter: #in the aftermath of shadow and bone s2 i saw a lot of people pretending to know what stroopwafels are #babes they are more like cookies than breakfast waffles #like yes there is a waffle pattern but you're not gonna cut into a stack of them with syrup and sugar#🤣🤣🤣

NON-FOOD STUFF:

red-umbrella-811: Shoutout to Dame Agatha Christie for faking her way through what a wrench is in a very popular published work.

bluebeetle: #once saw someone have a character put an entire phone book in their pocket

nonametis: #- sex talk in languages other than english #<- or just the petnames in a different language other than English

sadisticpony: #the fanfiction i saw this week where op DIDNT KNOW HOW AUTOMATIC DOORS WORKED #and that they arent in peoples homes!!! of course. also opening the automatic door for someone is unironically very funny but its not #its not like. grabbing the door handle to let someone in. helpppp

danmeichael: #reminds me of the fic with the figure drawing class where the character started with the feet. #i love you feet first figure drawing author

meowmix1100blr: #me watching this one fic absolutely obliterate what the board of directors does

vexedhexes: #one time i read an architect character making a doorway bigger by building a bigger door #what a beautiful world. #OH. also gravity falls fic where they go 'oh piedmont is in california so its warm all year round'

leveragehunters: #characters going to a beer garden #And it's literally a garden outside the pub#It was a very cute mistake

fitofpique: #yes! #grown men do not get blind drunk off two beers #but i am possibly guilty of the hypothermia one #assuming it does not make you very horny?

dadvans-likes: #always thinking abt the soup kitchen fic #the entire setting of the fic was 'soup kitchen' #and i very quickly realized #the author did not know what a soup kitchen was #and they thought that soup kitchens only served soup #fic

msmargaretmurry: #i love fanfiction #once read a fic where the characters played 20 questions #but the author seemed to not know how to play 20 questions and was just kind of winging it........ #immaculate

shakespeareaddict: #Look I know not all of us are hockey experts #But it takes about ten seconds of research or any attention paid to the show to realize #That the Stanley cup playoffs are not in fucking September

baejax-the-great: #the funniest one i saw #was someone faking what church is like #like 1. they really didn't have to write an entire church experience for their fic #and 2. they had clearly never even watched a show where people went to church #it was bonkers weird

twosunson: #things ive seen authors faking #knowing how to unclog a drain #knowing. literally any history #knowing what ketamine looks like (apparently- oregano) #(you know who you are)

waterhorseyblues-ao3: #beltane being celebrated in winter #wales being portrayed as a completely separated land from england (i wish) #characters getting up after weeks of bedrest like that dosnt completely fuck you up

violetfairydust: #i once read a fic where the flight time from london to seattle was 3 hours

purekesseltrash: One time, in a fic set specifically in Des Moines, IA, two of the characters casually drove 20 minutes to the ocean. The memory continues to delight me. I want to know where that author thought that Iowa was.

[gandalfsbignaturals]

learning to notice an absence of people of color is crazy. you start seeing it everywhere. ill see a random pic of characters or people or whatever and be like "these are all white people. why"

[gandalfsbignaturals]

all the babies in those baby youtube video memes. humanized character posts. like. its the little innocent shit. and like, the people making those baby memes probably arent seeking out white babies. maybe theyre just easier to find. but why are they easier to find? a complicated question, surely... but you know what it probably comes down to. someone, somewhere, maybe a lot of someones in a lot of places, made a choice. maybe knowingly, maybe not. but they made a choice. it starts to make you feel like a conspiracy theorist!!

[gandalfsbignaturals]

its really funny that after 2 months this post is still making racists come into my askbox treating me like im a horrible person for pointing out that sometimes people of color are excluded from things in visible and offputting ways. cry about it

[churrotowns]

since it’s pride month, throwback to this beautiful cover and this wholesome interaction between two icons

[mevil]

[goth-queen]

[batsandboba]

learning that 5 minute crafts is a russian mafia operation wasn't on my 2026 bingo card but also doesn't really surprise me

[jabibi-posting]

its what

[batsandboba]

russian mafia operation

[isa-ghost]

Hey what

[batsandboba]

oh. i’m sure its fine and normal that a video investigating the massive bot farm/slop channel shell company connections to the russian mafia and youtube’s own implication by allowing it to continue for profit has mysteriously vanished with no word from op.

[batsandboba]

5 Minute Crafts Has A Cybercrime Problem [ CHUPPL] [4K] : CHUPPL : Free Download, Borrow, and Streaming : Internet Archive

Original (now taken down) video of CHUPPL exposing SoulPublishing and 5 Min Crafts networkAn Exposé of the weirdest channel on the internetG

internet archive link

[miseria-fortes-viros]

yoooo guys these wings my dad made look INSANE i can’t wait to try them tomorrow

[miseria-fortes-viros]

i don’t think you understand i totally thought we were gonna die locked up in this castle but this fucking genius was like “im going to invent a way for humans to fly”. shout out to my dad he’s a real one fr

[miseria-fortes-viros]

LMAOOO this dude told me to be careful as he affixed the wings to my back…..dad no offense but you just invented flying and we have to go high enough to avoid the king’s archers. soo

[miseria-fortes-viros]

HOOOOLY SHIT YOU GUYS I AM SO AFRAID. THE GROUND IS SO FAR. HOW DO BIRDS DO THIS. OH MY GODS OH MY GODS OH MY GODS

[miseria-fortes-viros]

it’s so beautiful up here

[miseria-fortes-viros]

i don’t like seeing the ground. i’m going higher

[miseria-fortes-viros]

it’s cold and i can’t see anything. not sure if that’s better or worse

[miseria-fortes-viros]

by zeus….what is that thing…….it’s as bright as the sun and twice as warm

[miseria-fortes-viros]

the gods look truly down on me this day…apollo calls to me from his chariot of fire. a mere mortal. he must think my flight such a wondrous feat

[miseria-fortes-viros]

i don’t understand why but he’s coming closer. he is not supposed to stray from his path, lest the sun fall from the sky. why does he look so anguished to see me?

[miseria-fortes-viros]

oh. i am in his path

[miseria-fortes-viros]

it’s so hot…was it this hard to fly before? maybe i’m tired

[miseria-fortes-viros]

the wax

[miseria-fortes-viros]

he really does look like the sun…the light emanates from his fingers, his hair, his skin. he means to catch me. i reach for him

[miseria-fortes-viros]

his skin burns. i cannot hold on

[miseria-fortes-viros]

i slip through his fingers.

[miseria-fortes-viros]

it takes a really long time to fall from the sky. longer than i thought

[miseria-fortes-viros]

i wonder if he cried for me

[miseria-fortes-viros]

i pray to him just in case. i am grateful he tried. my palms are red and cracked from where they touched divinity. the ground does not look any closer than it was

[miseria-fortes-viros]

i have not seen my father since we took flight…i hope he escaped. i hope he will not witness this. i wish i could tell him how joyful these wings made me before the wax melted

[miseria-fortes-viros]

i do not regret it. i have seen with my own eyes what others will only dream of

[miseria-fortes-viros]

i am not afraid

[miseria-fortes-viros]

i am not afraid i am not afraid i am not afraid i am not afraid i am afraid i am afraid i am afraid

[miseria-fortes-viros]

please please please please please pleaseplease

[miseria-fortes-viros]

the gods will not save me. i suppose this is a lesson in hubris. i am forever a flightless thing

[miseria-fortes-viros]

please please please i have no coin for the ferryman if i am to die now i will never reach the realm of hades please turn me into a bird any bird or a bug or something anything please please pleasepleaseplease

[miseria-fortes-viros]

I AM NOT AFRAID I AM NOT AFRAID I AM NOT AFRAID I AM NOT AFRAID I AM N

[national-rail]

me: do you think this train touches the overhead wires normally or do you think she gets freaky with it

train conductor who i've been distracting from my lack of ticket for 35 minutes now: y'know i think she gets freaky with it

[starkwoes]

There's this video of nuns talking about their favourite things to do outside of nun activities and one of them says "ultimate frisbee" and the other one goes "and sister you are so good at that." I literally cannot get "and sister you are so good at that" out of my head. Out of all my stims this one is my fav lolol