March 21 cont
My mom is celebrating my little sister so much, no one was invested like this when I applied for university or offered me help. My dad told me to sign up for grant notifications and that was that.
Mom thought my aunt helped me with scholarships, but it was just undergrad rewards for the uni I got into.
I only applied for one university! No one thought to ask me about it or tell me to apply to more. Or even ask if I had.
I told my parents when the tours and open nights were and when I needed a ride. They had lots on their plate but they should have asked.
My mom should have told me to apply for scholarships.
My mom should have been there when I got my acceptance letter instead of calling her over the phone. I should have been happy, not just “I got in,-great” I deserved to be celebrated.
Dad should have helped me clean for after grad instead of getting mad that my vaccuming wasn’t good enough.
I should have gotten to dance with my dad at the father daughter dance at grad.
K should have graduated with me. She should have let me have my moment. She should have been more involved. She should have sat back.
Everything hurts
Mom shouldnt have been mad I wanted my aunt to come dress shopping instead of saying well I guess you don’t want me there, I won’t go.
My parents haven’t said hey Zoee is stressed lets do this for her. I’ve had to ask and then it was a big deal. I always wrote my tests late at night because I felt more prepared and they got mad at me for asking them to be quiet and watch the dog. As if I wasn’t struggling or stressed about writing a test their comfort for two hours was more important.
I am never heard or a priority.
I handle my problems well and by myself. But for once I would like to be the one they focus on. I understand the chronically ill one will get more attention and the younger sister with mental health issues. But what about me?
No one noticed I hated every aspect of my life in grade 12 no one noticed I hated being at home and at school yet school was my escape. No one noticed that I wanted everything to pause to stop so I could feel or stop feeling for once. I wanted to sleep forever and lay in bed doing nothing at all. It was never addressed.
