I need to finish this game already
This is the eighth month in a row I’ve been playing Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild.
I approach Hyrule Castle with 26 hearts, three full wheels of stamina, and maxed out clothing and weapons. I have found all of the memories, conquered all four Divine Beasts, found 112 shrines, and finished the Champions’ Ballad.
The game rejoices that I’m finally done fucking around and plays encouraging music to boost my morale as I fend off Guardians and scale the walls of the castle.
I enter the castle, raiding and slaughtering every enemy in my path, and the game cheers me on.
Though it is happy that I’ve enjoyed and relished playing it for so long, it’s kind of impatient for me to wrap things up. The music intensifies and becomes more encouraging.
I collect all of the Royal Guard’s Clothing and read Princess Zelda’s Diary.
The game begins to sweat. I am going nowhere near Ganon’s chamber.
I activate the shrine by the docks.
The music has become so encouraging that it is hard to hear anything else.
I then proceed to teleport out of the castle and spend the next three hours messing around.
The game is absolutely devastated. It has underestimated my ability to draw things out more than I should.
There is no hope.
I will be playing this game until even after Breath of the Wild 2 comes out, persistently avoiding the Ganon fight until I have wrung every single drop of entertainment out of this game that I possibly can.
