I'm not lying, I'm playing a role. (Oooooh, so scary.)
If you put any of my stuff in an AI thingy, I will eat your parents and yourself and your children.
Who am I?
My name is Anchoeur, and I'm a writer when I can. I'm from France, and go by she/her. Feel free to chat and ask for theories and opinions while giving yours. I always enjoy a good chat.
Masterlist
One Year in Hell (Naoki Urasawa's Monster) — Exclusively on AO3
You Could Build a World out of What-Ifs (Naoki Urasawa's Monster) — Exclusively on AO3
Also, I kind of hibernate, or have extended writer's block. Don't mind me dying from the Internet for a little while or not replying to your ask right away. I'll come back eventually.
I've been wanting to write wuh luh wuh for so long
And I think I got the opportunity. Not too long ago, I got back into The Legend of Zelda, and especially Twilight Princess, which is the game I grew up with, as it was my first ever Zelda game (the days on the Wii were so good). Midna was my childhood crush, but Zelda also was, but Link also was, and I've been thinking about writing either a Zelda x Fem!Reader or Midna x Fem!Reader. Of course, both characters will have a crush on the reader, but I'm just interested in what the people have to say about it.
I've been wanting to write wuh luh wuh for so long
And I think I got the opportunity. Not too long ago, I got back into The Legend of Zelda, and especially Twilight Princess, which is the game I grew up with, as it was my first ever Zelda game (the days on the Wii were so good). Midna was my childhood crush, but Zelda also was, but Link also was, and I've been thinking about writing either a Zelda x Fem!Reader or Midna x Fem!Reader. Of course, both characters will have a crush on the reader, but I'm just interested in what the people have to say about it.
I've been wanting to write wuh luh wuh for so long
And I think I got the opportunity. Not too long ago, I got back into The Legend of Zelda, and especially Twilight Princess, which is the game I grew up with, as it was my first ever Zelda game (the days on the Wii were so good). Midna was my childhood crush, but Zelda also was, but Link also was, and I've been thinking about writing either a Zelda x Fem!Reader or Midna x Fem!Reader. Of course, both characters will have a crush on the reader, but I'm just interested in what the people have to say about it.
Were you, as a child, often corrected on your posture*?
Was a BOY, was corrected on posture
Was a BOY, was NOT corrected on posture
Was a GIRL, was corrected on posture
Was a GIRL, was NOT corrected on posture
REGARDLESS, was corrected on posture
REGARDLESS, was NOT corrected on posture
Voting ended onMay 8
*Posture, in this case, being spine/shoulders/head, and not sitting neatly or standing pretty, and 'often corrected' meaning 'was something you were expected to generally maintain, with your parents/guardians making a point of it during your upbringing'.
I have this idea of a one-shot of Roberto and Grimmer meeting post-mortem as Pre-Kinderheim children, as these might be the happiest moments of their lives without them even remembering anything, because their souls are trapped in the same place after both passing in Ruhenheim, and Grimmer absolutely crashing out because he could've saved them both if he had went to confront Roberto instead of Lunge, and Roberto genuinely goes 'nah bro I was too far gone for that evil blondie' and then they play tag or something for the rest of eternity because they can't go to heaven (they've done too much harm), but they can't go to hell either (they low-key have already been there with all the Kinderheim thingy)
I never really talked about my OCs, but I have a shit-ton of them. Basically, I have this one OC for my fanfics of Naoki Urasawa's Monster, and her name is Esther Leroy, and objectively, she's not a good person, but I think she's considered even a worse person because she's a woman. :)
Her relationship isn't really the main point of her character so meh, and she is evil something, and she is mean to people, but I feel like all that can be encompassed and worsened in the eyes of the audience just because she's a woman. When a man rages, it's like 'oh, cool, he's going to snap, and he has all the reasons to do so', and when she rages, it's like 'oh my, is she on her period or something?' so... yeah.
On Martin (not that Martin) from Naoki Urasawa's Monster
(I need to get my thoughts on him out there somewhere, please bear with me, I have a lot and I suck at thinking, so it's very messy. I have not reread this.)
TW : child abuse, mentions of grooming, mentions of suicide, mentions of gun violence, mentions of murder
Do you ever look at a character and go “ah, yes, nobody understand them like I do” even though they are of little to no importance to the fandom? That's how I feel about Martin.
And no, I'm not talking about the beloved Martin Reest (who genuinely deserved a happy ending, my poor baby), but about the little boy who introduced Dieter to the ‘game’ of walking along the edge of a rooftop. Rings any bells yet?
THAT Martin. I didn't even remember his name was Martin until I travelled around in the wiki and found his crap-eating grin staring back at me through the screen, and I just… blanked. Looked at him and was really reminded of how little I remembered of this little guy, when he had made such an impression on me when I first read the manga (I watched the anime way later, and I was so confused at Dieter having ginger hair, in my head, he was blonde) and now I have to make a post about him.
The thing about that character is that the focus is never really placed on him as a person. Well, it is, but the watcher/reader is much more focused on the implications of the meeting and of the situation that will affect Dieter, because there's already an emotional connection to his character at that point. Therefore, the character of Martin is overlooked, because the only thing taken of this scene in the memory of the watcher/reader is that Dieter helped a kid realise the importance of life, then saved him from certain death.
BUT why did Martin become like that in the first place? It's a common theory that most children in Monster all are around the same age, that is ranging from 8 to probably 12, as all of them seem to be fairly prepubescent. This is an age that is oftentimes forgotten about children, because they're not considered little kids/toddlers anymore, but they're not teenagers yet.
This range of age is however a very important in determining most of the mindsets of children as they grow up—hence why it's so disarming to see children from this age group interacting with things that should be restricted to the eyes of people with more maturity. At this age, children can be easily impressed and influenced, mostly by parental figures.
Martin doesn't have stable ones. No mention is ever made of his father, who might be either neglectful and uncaring or out of the picture altogether, and his mother is only being talked about in the context of complaining to Reichwein about how stressful the situation with her son is, rather than genuinely showing concern for the fact that he has went through a near-death experience.
The direct translation here is : “If this child were dead... I don't know what...” Martin isn't even being correlated to being hers. He isn't given any value other than his status as a child, which is an ‘endearing’ factor because no one likes children being injured, right?
Which only leads to another question: how much of a problem child has Martin been considered to be, or made out to be? I personally headcanon that his mother suffers from Munchausen Syndrome by proxy, that makes mothers claim their children are sick or injured, if only to look like they're good, worrying parents.
(This is from Wikipedia lol)
It can go as far as purposefully making the child sick or injured. Which is not a safe environment to grow up in. Martin seems relatively used to the medical procedure, but also used to having his mother be coddled while he stays rotting in a hospital bed.
Because of the mistreatment, Martin would then look for any excuse to tell himself that he has some worth, and isn't just a ploy to make his mother look any better. And he found that very purpose within the ‘game’.
Translation : “But in reality, it's not the world that's changed. It's me... Because I've been chosen...”
Translation : “It's funny, you know. Only those chosen by fate can continue to play.”
Through the ‘game’ and his act of survival, Martin has found purpose, because he finally has a worth that excedes his mere value as ‘this child’. He was given a path to being something special and not just an object used for attention, or someone easily neglected because of a lack of a possible status—a son, in this case, his own mother's son—that would equal to being cherished or respected. Therefore, it was so very easy to leech off of the first scrap of adulthood he was given.
Translation : “A friend of ours. Us, the chosen children...”
Through Johan, of course. Martin still refers to himself as a child here, but I would argue the only reason he does so is because there is the obvious gap of age between himself and Johan that forces this reality onto him. In truth, the introduction of such a dangerous game at such a young age must have felt, for him, like the opening of the door to being talked like an equal by an adult, which automatically puts him above everything else. It's of course a very predatory strategy to approach needy children with unstable houses, bordering on grooming, even, but well, it wouldn't be the worst thing Johan had done.
Now, does this mean Martin is inherently devoid of any malice? Absolutely not. But this malice rather comes from a cynical point of view upon the world forced upon him by confrontation to the way people are willing to use him—a child, thus the purest form of innocence in mankind—for their own benefit. The only reason he doesn't process Johan's use of his own life is because it comforts him upon his own value, as previously stated.
And does this mean Martin is forever healed of any of that malice's influence? Nope, not at all. Even after admitting to be afraid of falling, a hint of that willingness to be perceived as more remains in him.
Translation : “He (Johan) has even more terrible games! He said he would get killed soon!”
The wish for death here could be explained by, I think, three main theories (which are mine, alright? Because I didn't understand why he would bring that up in context, other than informing Dieter that Johan was planning on getting killed by Tenma) :
The very obvious limit reached by his mind when it comes to playing the ‘game’. It's basically the knowledge that, even he was the chosen one once, it doesn't mean that he would be forever, but despite that, he fully embraces the idea of death possibly emerging from the outcome of the ‘game’.
The boredom he feels towards his own life is enough to disgust him out of existence. Without any fear, there is no thrill to the very act of living because there's nothing considered a threat. If we take into account the possible abuse he has been enduring, he has even become numb to the thought of physical pain.
The value he wishes to be placed in himself may come in many forms, either love or hatred. Being a person with someone who loathes you so much they would be willing to kill him is an extremely telling event of Johan holding importance, and Martin longs to be considered as such.
ALSO! I wanted to touch upon the point of Martin's relationship with adulthood.
Translation : “What scares us never disappears! That's why we become adults!”
I might be reaching in this one, but I feel there's a clear difference in Martin's expression before and after he hears those words. Before he hears them, he seems more taken aback (Dieter was listing the people he would miss if he died, in this case, Reichwein and his secretary Miss Meles), but after he hears them, he seems to be in deep consideration and processing the words. Mainly because he hasn't quite come to terms with embracing adulthood now that he has been given a glimpse of it. Of course, he enjoys his status as the chosen one who has won the ‘game’, but he's still repulsed by the boredom he feels, which leads, as previously stated, to him not quite wanting to live for so long.
In a sense, it's almsot like he's imagining what fear must feel like, and if his own life would be worthy of living if he took into account the human need for fear and vigilance towards the unknown, or harmful/dangerous situations. During my first reading, I felt like it was that very theory he was testing out a few moments later.
Translation : “I'm scared!”
In my opinion, this here has always felt incredibly performative. I always had this deep feeling that, while Martin's brain and body recognised the immediate danger and the usual fear that came with it, he forced himself to voice it out, if only to know how it would sound coming from him and if he would then understand what place it's supposed to hold in the natural course of things. The most logical response here would be to scream out for help, or just unintelligible cries. But Martin expresses a feeling, rather. Which has always rung a bit fake to me. But it seemed to have helped unleashed some frustrations, so good for him!
P. S. : This is my first long post about a character and it's so messy, uggggh.
You Could Build a World out of What-ifs | Masterlist
Caring for people is hard, when all you know is death and how it came to push people off the edge of that hauntingly blurry line between what is and what disappeared, but once existed. Especially in a context where hundreds of people fall ill due to a substance unknown to the public, the pharmacopeia, and the teams Esther is a part of.
What is even harder is realising the answer to all your questions is simply digging into the fresh mud you promised not to touch after burying the ugly, the unimaginable, the unspeakable. With dirt under your fingernails, all seem dull and all you touch is sullied. With rot in your head and chest, all seem dangerous, and people appear different, unreal.
Post-Ruhenheim AU. Not beta-read. Grimmer's alive.
Pairings :
Kenzō Tenma/Original Character
Wolfgang Grimmer/Original Character
Carmen/Original Character
Christof Sievernich/Original Character
Heinrich Lunge/Original Character
Character List :
Original Characters (heavily focused on) | Kenzō Tenma | Wolfgang Grimmer | Julius Reichwein | Heinrich Lunge | Nina Fortner | Dieter | Rudi Gillen | Christof Sievernich | Evan Heinemann | Martin (Boy on the roof) | Wim Knaup | Carmen | Klaus Poppe (Franz Bonaparta)
Chapter list :
Part One — The Substance, or A Lie out in the Open
01 — A full sink of mud — on AO3
02 — A square room — on AO3
03 — An empty booth — on AO3
04 — An eye in the stars — on AO3
05 — A night of sweat — on AO3
06 — A word of intrigue — on AO3
07 — A speck of ash — on AO3
08 — A flash of smoke — on AO3
09 — The Immediate — on AO3
10 — The Invicible — on AO3
11 — The Undying — on AO3
12 — The Suggestible — on AO3
13 — The Daring — on AO3
14 — The Caring — on AO3
15 — Good cop, bad cop — on AO3
16 — She believed, he lied — on AO3
17 — A stitch in time saves nine. — on AO3
18 — Birds of a feather flock together. — on AO3
To be continued.
Content Warnings : Rated E for Explicit
Graphic Depictions of Violence | Rape/Non-con | Underage Sex | Drug Abuse | Alcoholism | Mental Health Issues | Family Dynamics | Grief/Mourning | Misogyny | Period-Typical Racism | Period-Typical Homophobia | Murder Mystery | Self-Harm | Child Abuse | Eugenics | Falling in Love | Friendship/Love | Sexual Content | Codependency | Social Experiments | Incest | Childhood Trauma | Suicide | Child Death | Cults | Facism | Grooming | Blood and Gore | Body Horror | Cannibalism | Intergenerational Trauma | Heavy Angst | Complicated Relationships | Eventual Happy Ending
Additionally, the writer is not a Native English speaker.
Tags may vary with time. My story isn't entirely planned out.
